All Comments on 'Reconnecting the Dots'

It was pretty good. I liked the writing style, though I don’t mind wordiness. I didn’t feel like the plot advanced much, though. Ashley joined a supportive family. The ex was just a bad person. I mean, it just didn’t go anywhere.

You certainly are the writer you said you were back in your youth. You have not lost your touch. I enjoyed your story, but if it were more concise, that would be better for my tastes.

Please keep on writing.

Really enjoyable. It's a shame that the author never continued.

Thanks for sharing...

This is the second time I’ve read this story & l am not going to nitpick around it, I just want to say that I think it’s a Damn shame that you don’t write more often.. Thanks again for a great read.

Damn great story! Wish you would write more.

Relative to other stories on the site, well done. I thought it was too long. Something about it though points out how paper-cut-out some basics of these stories are. The good characters are just, well, all good. Claire, for example, has no mixed feelings that would be natural about Ashley's appearance, such as that she partly isn't happy about this new set of obligations, even if she is basically helpful. Jake is just pretty perfect too, no mixed feelings about Ashley (when any number of mixed reactions are possible). The good are all good, and the bad (kevin, the mother) are pretty much bad (with a little possible reservation about Ashley's mother). Stories really feature these women and men taking on other people's children with complete, unmixed benevolent spirit and reactions. These stories are fantasies, to be sure, but certain fetishistic tropes get a little tiresome sometimes.

Amazing story that stirred up a great deal of emotion. I have always felt the true mark of a great story teller iß how much it can change your emotional level up or down. I was angry at times and in tears at times. I really look forward to seeing what happens next. Thañk you for the journey so far.

Good start. Really need part 2 and a meeting with Gina, Ashley's mom. A few errors, like when did Ashley graduate High School and arrive at Jake's Bar?

Heart breaking and heart warming at the same time.

A little more would have been nice. Hearing about Jake & Ashley's debut performance in public would've been great. Also would have liked to see how Jake and Ashley reacted to the information that SHE did what she did because she thought Jake cheated on her.

Really good story but where arę you Jake ?

Are any new stories ?

Not finished

Great story, Jake, thanks for sharing. Like others have said, I would liked either a little more story or at least an epilogue. But it’s been six years since the author had anything new here, I’m not holding my breath. Still though, a great story, in my opinion. 5⭐️s.

A little saccharine in spots and the ending was rather abrupt, this definitely needed an epilogue, but I really enjoyed it. It's a lovely story. I have read this several times and if there ever was a ftds that I ever wanted to write, it's this one. Maybe I will ask... I see Ashley getting married and she is having a conversation with her father before the ceremony. That is the perfect denouement in my opinion.

Yeah, I am going to ask.

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thankyou Thankyou. My eyes are still wet. You have made my day no YEAR. Thanks once again.

Very well written and, all things considered, an easy read as the story progresses. But like other commenters, the story could use a part 2. As it has been more than five years since it was posted and the author has not published another story on this site, maybe FTDS or another fine author can pick it up from the current end. The story is complete, but Ashley achieving her potential in life would be another welcome addition.

I disagree with the comment that the story is too long. If anything it could have used a couple more pages to tie up a few loose ends. I’m pretty sure this is a first for me, a first for saying a story is too short. It’s usually the other way around. Either way it’s still a Five Star story. Thanks, Kage1234. Do it again, ok?.

Great story, I read it at once stroke but I also feel that something misses at the end. it feels incomplet...

I enjoyed the story greatly but the ending feels incomplete. Maybe you were planning another chapter and just never had time to write it. Hopefully you will consider expanding on this.

The ending left me wanting but all in all a great tale well told

One of those heart-strings tuggers. Well done.

It just went on and on and on. Way to long.

I enjoyed the story a lot, my only down side is it just ended. There is so much story. I would have preferred to hear about the night at the bar. The performance. What of telling the husband about the call to the ex? University acceptance. Calling Clair mom. So many things could be wrapped up by the end of the night. Still 5 stars

Wondering why you haven't written any more?

Also, Jake is wrong; Kevin needs a serious beat-down, just on general principles...

Only one problem, you stopped writing. You got a talent for story telling. Five Stars.

I haven't read writing this good on here In forever. Amazing story 5 stars

Good ridance.

What SithLord said!

Great disappointment

Not the story. This is one of my 5 most favorite stories on here. No the disappointment is that you never wrote another story! Please come back to us, your talent needs to shared and enjoyed.

Kept me reading, and I got involved in the characters. Yes, please keep writing. Maybe a sequel, where they send an AGM-65 rocket on the ex-wife. Sorry, I can't be as decent an individual as Claire was .8 stars, the Bear approves.

The BEAR

Jake you are a good writer and story teller. I hope you continue to write and post. Next time, please be careful of which category you pick to post your story. This story belongs in non-erotic, never in Loving Wives. Putting it in LW cost you a lot of points in reader voting.

DOS

What as this got to do with cheating wives?.

I waited for the other shoe to drop, hoping it wouldn’t. Glad it didn’t. Please know that “reverie” has a positive connotation that doesn’t fit your use of it.

a Hallmark movie. A bit too saccharine.

The family situation appeared somewhat idealised. One thinks of Donna Reed. It lacks the normal emotional stresses of a family with adolescents. It does create a clear division between jake’s and his ex wife’s family. A grenade thrown into this comfortable situation would be if Jake admitted an affair. Liked it none the less and gave it 5 stars.

This author is somewhere creating another 5 star story, we'll look forward to it.

Please return and write more, great story. Not many authors of this quality on lit. I really enjoyed it. Thank you very much!

Great story, great characters and development. Quite a few spelling and grammatical errors. Only detracted from the story a little. Even a casual reading made these errors evident!! Still a great story!!

It dragged during the asides about guitars and singers, but I gave it a 5 anyway because it was too well done otherwise.

Sweet, bittersweet and just a solid read. Thank you very much, Randi.

Excellent story. You really capture the characters! I could feel the hurts, and the happiness. One comment above was that this was too long, not at all. You could make this into a short novel.

Well done.

A little long, but we'll worth the time to read.

very enjoyable read. Great feel good, should be a TV story, maybe on Hallmark.

A very good read. Thanks bepop3 for the posting of it on your story. Like the rest of you I would really like more in the line of Jake and family.

Enjoyed your story. As others have said I would like to know more about Jake and his family. Please return to posting on Literotica. There are not enough good authors right now.

Thanks for your hard work.

Woodmanone

I'd like to hear more about Jake and his family.

Thanks for this story.

This story reached through the Internets and kicked me in the feels.

Kudos to the author. I wish I could write that well.

Enjoyed this....Thank You for your time writing it...

Loved the story resembles a.piece of something I went thru..

When i divorced my ex my daughter was 3yo during our journey thru single parenting together. I learned a very valuable lesson. Every parent "loves" their child not all of them "like" them. Its that second part that governs how we treat our kids in our daily lives. The most touching moment I had when my daughter was about 5 or 6 it was a typical morning routine getting ready for pre school and work. As I brushed out her hair and ponytailed it. I told her how much daddy loved her but just as much as I loved her I really liked her.. she burst into tears.. from that moment on we was bestest buds. Even after she decided to go live with her mom 8 years later.

Very well thought out and wonderfully compelling story. It hit very close to home for me, as I've struggled with a similar set of dynamics myself.

Very well written. We can always use a few more happy endings in LW. Thanks!

I enjoyed this, a great take on what love really means. I do think that the ex wife needs a little more work, she kept the letters, suggesting she cared a bit,, although she did not pass them on. Why did Kevin leave her, did he have another affair? If so wouldn't/t she have started doubting Kevin about Jake? Did she really know she'd made a dreadful mistake, and was not prepared to admit it to herself? I found leaving the situation relating her as you did a bit unsatisfactory.

The description of the Ashley and her struggles to come to terms with the situation was excellent and very believable, as was your description and of Jake and his journey. I would like to see more from you.

The story could be in a number of categories but to fits in loving wives as well as anywhere, after al itt is about a cheating wife and the consequences.

I enjoyed reading, for a first story verry good.

Hope to find something new soon.

She's a pathetic cliche. What woman believes that her husband is cheating on her without any evidence except the say so of the creep who's trying to get into her pants?

Quality writing and hope to see more. Definitely the wrong category. This was lacking any real conflict. Having two people talk about the conflict that happened in the past is not high conflict, which I think LW readers come to expect.

Hopefully you will post more stories for our enjoyment.

Hope you will come up with more offerings - with practice - who knows, maybe there's a novel hiding somewhere??

19PVC44

Very impressive for your first offering to this cite. Your story plot was well thought out and well written. I hope to see other stories from you in the future.

I enjoyed reading it. Please write some more stories. I gave it a 5 stars.

Very well written story, with more attention to the emotional side of family life, and none of the usual over-concentration on sex. In fact there is no sex in the story, but that doesn't distract at all ... A sequal could be interesting, with Ashley's mother returning and putting a huge spanner in the works. She could become another character who needs to learn how to come to terms with her past, someone for the whole family to work on ... but after a tremendous amount of stress, which 'could' hurt Ashley even more if not handled correctly.

Very well written. One of my favourites on this site.

Great offering!!!! Would love to see SHE who shall not be named get what's coming to her....

Good story, I like Claire and Jake's talk "well", "well what". What did she say?..... my wife and I have had conversations like that. I wasn't sure why you needed the ex to close Ashley's part I would keep my distance.

Nice story. Brought tears to my eyes.

That you'll be posting a few more? …. Hopefully!

I'm amazed at the people (mostly anons, the bravest of readers...) who complain that you could have condensed things down a lot. If I wanted to read a resume, I'd go to HR. Time too precious for them? Too many words to read? Jeez. I find the whole story very touching and the basic point is that trust and love is not achieved in one day. Flash to the montage, people, and voila! Instant happy well-adjusted family! This is an excellent positive LV story- 5 stars of course.

I gave you 5 starts. Really nice work my friend.

I hope yo write more,just dont go away like some of good writers did.

All we read now is about cuckolds and people who share their spouses. Such a shame

a two page story

This story ranks with some of the best even if there is no BTB or blood letting revenge. It was touching in parts and reflects an actual loving wife and what role she can play in a family, especially one that had been damaged.

Some parts were longer than necessary but most importantly is that there was no real ending or even an epilogue to show the "end results".

We hope to read more from you.

Keep on trucking,

Tiny Tim

but does has issues. This may just be me, but I didn't really like the dialogue. Felt some of the jokes were kinda forced and used too often to show a happy enviroment. Maybe just tone down on that a bit.

Also, she is just living with them now with the mother totally gone? I'd think she would at least want to confront her mother. Ashley and her dad should have confronted her, not Claire. What about her half-brother, Kevin's son? Did Kevin take him or leave him with the mom? If he's with the mom Ashley would probably want to stay in touch with him.

However, the biggest gripe I have with this story is this one line said by Carter: "And it's pretty rad she's a muscision, too". It's "rad"?! Who the heck says rad?! What is this the 90s? Don't use that.

ten pages was too long.

I don't mind long stories. I have written long stories.

But they have to GO somewhere. Everyone else said it already: no conflict, no drama, no tension. Hugs and Trust Funds for EVERYONE! (How nice that he has $150,000 to just toss around like nothing)

Just an ineffective villain we never see so the crowd can boo and hiss at her.

Going to the mall is not 'things happening'.

Posting your first story in Loving Wives is a definite test of your writing skills. You are being circled by a school of sharks looking for a little blood in the water. There are some excellent writers on here that you are being compared to. You did a great job. You got 5* from me. I hope to see more of your contributions in the future.

This is just a wonderful creation. It's sensitive, open...

Good character development.Best LW story I have EVER read.

Sheesh! 100 * if I could. Keep writing!

Thank you so much for that wonderful story. I never read the first version - but this one was truly beautiful. And Cactus Tree by Joni Mitchell has always been one of my favorites . . . after that, the tears came too easily. Beautifully done.

Ending with a secondary character basically shrugging her shoulders is lazy and lame, and that's being kind. Writing a story without a legitimate ending is like a road crew laying asphalt for a new highway and calling it quits in the middle of a field. Yes, you've accomplished something, but why bother? It's still a road to nowhere, just like this story.

5 for you and to tell dear annony, the asshole of LIT to eat shit!!

Jake you have great potential ! It actually takes some Brass Balls to post in the LW category for one's first stories , but when you possess talent and the ability to spin a great yarn, then the rewards that you can garner from the most passionate fan base on Lit are rewards in their self.

I am not a writer, nor do I know very much about the technical side of writing , but I do have an ability to discern writing talent from horseshit when I see it ! In my opinion the ability to be a Good Story Teller is the most important and also the most lacking trait of authors who's works I enjoy the best , and I'm pretty sure you are one of the few who have this most important trait. If you write in this category , you will have to learn to develop the ability to not let all the negativity get to you because lord knows their are some assholes and trolls who prowl these comment sections ! But there are also some very astute people who will try to actually help you to hone your craft as well, it won't take you very long to recognize the difference between the two.

As for the story its self , I really enjoyed it. But there are a few things I will comment on. First I realize that sometimes life happens and time slips away, but its best in my opinion not to post chapters so far apart chronologically as your readers (as in my case) will forget the plotlines and have to go back and reread the original post or they will be lost. Second point, I didn't understand why you placed all of the original in the second chapter. Had I known that, I wouldn't have read the first , maybe drop a hint in the pre story comments.

And the last thing I'll comment on is this , a few of the commentators were saying that the story was in the wrong category , and I can see why they Could say that, but it was close enough in my opinion. As I've mentioned several different times to various authors who have much more posting experience than you and should know better, I'll suggest that you search and read Tx Tall Tales " Love your Readers ; categories ". It lays out all the Rules and unwritten rules that everyone posting on Lit really should read and heed .

Good story, could have been cut down a couple of pages. 4 *'s

Cpprcrk

If Kevin wanted to be a dad to Ash, why did he not do so after Jake left? Will Claire want Jake to help Gina and her son with some cash? You should double back and note that Jake's child care payments were ended once Gina remarried and Kevin adopted Ashley. Otherwise, with his financial success, Gina would not have been so needy once Kevin left her.

A well written one , I must say. You could definately extend the story or maybe bring it to a more enticing closure

A fine beginning. I mean you writing. This story is done.

You will receive a lot of constructive criticism from the comments, that's all good. So the only point I'm going to make is ,it is always better to describe important plot points as they occur. Much better than having a character tell the reader about it. Whether you use different character p. o.v. or flashback sequences. The reader is drawn into the story by the experience. Sure, some will criticize story length can become extreme. That's why there are editors and test-readers. Anyway once you hit double-digits in page quantity, length is beside the point.

Good luck Kaje1234, I eagerly await your next post.

AMerryman

I'm glad I didn't read version 1. Very well written, 'Dots re-connected" should be your follow-up

She probably saved them so she could pull them out from time to time, reread them and gloat about how much pain she had caused Jake by turning his daughter against him. Jake saw that the letters had been opened, but nobody ever said it was Ashley who had opened them.

I don't mind things ending here.

It does feel like Ashley has abandoned her little brother though. And even if Gina is a bitch now, she did save the letters and he did love her before she lost faith and turned on him.

I think I would enjoy having this loving family help yet another set of victims. But that would be another story.

Thanks for this one!

Thanks to Claire's call to Gina, the mystery of what happened has been solved. Everything else is closure, and in life closure doesn't always happen and isn't always for the best.

There's really nothing to be gained by Jake talking to Gina or by trying to bring Ashley and Gina back in contact; Gina is such a hateful monster that the best thing for both Jake and Ashley is probably for neither of them to ever have anything to do with her again.

But a little flash story about Kevin's son being taken by Child Protective Services as Gina descends into a life on the streets might be a fun read...

I gave you a three because of "The End." I really liked the story, you would have gotten a five if "The End" were a "to be continued."

this is a story that seems to be like real life of a divorce couple that ended badly. you to many times how one parent lies about what the other one did to get their way in the divorce and keeps on lying to keep from saying the real truth. it does affect the kids in the long run. to many times the kids never find out the truth for one reason or another. hope you see to finish the story in how it all turns out.

I love this, just need to see how it works out, does Jake get angry when Claire calls his ex-wife, do Ashley and Jake really become father and daughter, do Ashley and her Mom finally get together? More please

I agree with anonymous re: FTDS. 10 pages and it just stops. Too many loose ends and no ending is sight. It needs a part two.

like fine wine. You appreciate the burst of taste at the beginning then savor it as you sense the plethora of differences as it floats over your tongue stimulating all the taste buds till all sensation evaporates. This story has easily readable prose. Great character development. A plot that makes sense based on the characters. Just a great read. A 10.

10 pages wihout proper ending. Too many loose ends

In the wrong category? I don't think so. The arc of Loving Wives cheating stories is the Intro-Build Up-Discovery, the Confrontation, and Recovery-Revenge. Different stories use different parts and place the focus on different pieces. This one is all Recovery-Revenge with a reach back confrontation. The whole story is about the repercussions of his ex wife cheating on him. You even have a mental confrontation with the jerk she was cheating with. All the pieces and focus are there. It's also a "living well is the best revenge" story.

Sappy? Yeah, OK. But on the other side, some stories are ultra violent, selling cheating wives into prostitution, mutilating, or killing them. Those don't seem real either but I am sure that such things have happened. Some seem bothered that there are REALLY GOOD people in the world and that someone would bother to write a story about them. Yes, the conflict, in a way, is muted. But there is enormous struggle with trying to break through to his daughter. A recent story "finished" a long hanging unended series and ALL of it was about reclaiming his kids from his cheating ex.

Editor? Sure. But I was able to read most of it without any jarring disconnects in language so I am OK with it.

For the kind of story it is, Recovery, I liked it a lot. It made me smile a lot. Nice job.

Thanks for the good read!

I'm glad you came back to work on your story. There are way too many Pt. 01s that are never finished.

I have to say the timeline was a bit jumbled.

Ashley is upstairs napping and we are told there will be a big family conference during dinner, but she sleeps 14 hours and we have no idea what happened till there is a flash back.

Jake and his daughter go across the hall to the music room and I was expecting to learn a bit about her ability to play, but instead the next paragraph is Claire in the kitchen after a shopping trip.

Later 6 months disappear without any explanation.

And then, instead of knowing if she takes the SAT's to get into college, at 18 she is a full time bartender for her dad.

the end?

I didn't think this belonged in Loving wives. His ex-wife causes th.e problems but they have no interaction in the story. His talks with his second wife are really about his daughter. The story glosses over how Jake found and married Claire and the issues that Claire had and the acceptance by her children of a new man in their lives was ignored. The story constantly covers and recovers the same ground. I think an editor could have tightened up the story and gotten it posted into another (non-erotic?) category. Good try, but just too long winded and not interesting enough for a high score.

One of the best stories on this site!

Welcome back and so glad to have a finished story by the AUTHOR!. OK to be honest I just remember the story leaving me going "huh!" were is the rest but it never came. I scanned the comments I am amazed so many of the Anonymous were positive. Not sure I have seen so many good comments from that elk in any story I can remember. To me it show you are doing right. In my opinion you are doing fine writing. LW is harsh area to write in but it has the best environment to improve your writing, I believe it has the best written stories because authors know they have to put more effort (at least learn real quickly too). I read for a good story / plot and entertainment, the sex is plus but not necessary to for my enjoyment. Why I read mostly in LW to find good authors and then check out what else they have written with my limited time. So please continue writing what you like and I will be sure to read your work. Again Welcome back and Thank you for a better story and ending.

I did give it a 5!

....it was an excellent story about the aftermath and recovery of decent people in indecent circumstances and the people that put them there.

I relate to Jake, having been on the receiving end of a machinaceous bitch with no conscious or morays to prevent doing anything at all to do as much harm as possible.

The best revenge ever, is to recover and do so well that all they can do is stew in their own filth.

Glad how things came to a close, but methinks though shouldst continue, perhaps from wher this one ended and continuing on to the point where the kids graduate and fly the coop. Of course you'll have to add some drama, but it would be in gentlemanly of me to suggest what or how that might be included.

Please think about it......don't make me contact FTDS (well half of it, anyway....rest easy buddy, you earned it).

And thank you.

Fuck that limp wrist pantywaist de-nutted pacifism shit. Claire should tell him to hunt down and utterly destroy both of the rotten motherfuckers ... letting them know that HE is doing it and it's VENGEANCE for what they did to him and to his daughter.

Thank you! I read your first entry and waited for days for the rest of it then finally gave up. So I'm very happy that you have returned and concluded this amazing story. Hopefully we will see alot from you in the future. Thank you.

part 2?

Thank you.