Reinventing Emma

"What happened?" I asked, once she calmed down enough to talk.

"Alex cheated on me," she said, her tears still falling.

"The bastard!" I cried, seriously angry for my friend. "Did you kick his ass?" This actually made Sophie laugh, if only momentarily. "I can do it for you, if you'd like?" I meant it too. I wasn't the same girl I was when we moved to the big city. I'd learned a lot in four years, not the least of which was to take care of myself. No one was ever going to ever force me to do something against my will again.

"How could he?" Sophie asked, her pain and confusion obvious. "Two weeks ago he was professing his undying love and today I learned he slept with some slut at college last weekend. How could he!"

"If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times," I sighed. "Guys are bad news." The sad part was that I really believed it. Maybe one day I'd meet a guy who made me feel different, but I wasn't holding my breath.

"At least he had the decency to tell me." It was obvious from her tone that she was fighting another bought of tears. "He said it was an accident. He got drunk and the next thing he knew he woke up with some girl sleeping next to him. He can't even remember what happened." I wanted to cry bullshit, but I didn't. It wasn't what Sophie needed to hear and maybe Alex was being honest. Yeah, right.

"What did you do when he told you?" I asked gently.

"Not much," she sighed. "He made a mistake, but at least he owned up to it. I was tempted to break up with him, but I couldn't throw our two years together away like that. He really does love me, at least I think he does, and God knows, I love him."

"Damn," I said, more to myself than her. I didn't like the way this was starting to sound. I had the feeling that Sophie was setting herself up for a lot more disappointment and pain, but it was her decision. All I could do was be there for her. "Just remember, you could have pretty much any guy you want on campus. You don't need Alex."

"Yeah, right," she said, wiping her eyes.

"I'm serious," I argued. "Hell, Ben would kill for a chance to go out with you." That made Sophie frown.

"There's something not quite right about him," she said with a shake of her head. "He refuses to give up."

"Maybe he thinks he's in love," I shrugged. Sophie actually snorted.

"It's not love that's on his mind."

"You want me to talk to him?" I offered in concern, making her laugh once more.

"Since when did you become my protector?"

"I care about you," I said without thought. "And I take care of the people I care about." Sophie stopped laughing, but continued to smile as she gave me a quick hug.

"Thanks," she said afterward. "But I can take care of myself."

"I never said you couldn't," I replied. "But just remember, you're not alone. I'm here for you." She looked at me oddly for a moment before shaking her head.

"You're something else, you know that?"

"I'm just being a good friend," I shrugged in embarrassment.

"Not a good friend," she disagreed. "A best friend." Two weeks and we were best friends? That sounded crazy to me. On the other hand, it's not like I didn't feel the same way.

"I still think you should let me kick Alex's ass," I sighed. "Or Ben's? Maybe both?"

"I thought your name was Emma, not Xena," she laughed. "My little warrior princess."

"Ugh," I sighed. "You're going to make me watch more episodes of that tonight, aren't you?" Sophie had switch off from Charmed to Xena: Warrior Princess a few days ago. She insisted I'd like it better.

"It feels like a marathon night to me," she replied, making my sigh turn into a groan, but I smiled afterward and started making the popcorn.

**********

"I still think we should have gone as Xena and Gabrielle," I joked as we reentered our room. It was Halloween and both of us had gone over our two drink limit when we went out because of the holiday, although neither of us was really drunk.

"Are you kidding?" Sophie snorted. "First of all, there was no way I was going to dress in leather and show that much skin to the guys at this school. We would have been fighting them off tooth and nail."

"You mean you would have been," I teased, sighing melodramatically. "I would have looked like a stick in a blond wig." Xena was a brunette, but her trusty sidekick was a blond.

"You Gabrielle? Please!" she laughed. "You're definitely more the warrior princess than me."

"Hey you're the tall, curvy, dark haired beautiful one," I retorted.

"But you have the blue eyes," she countered. "And the right attitude. Xena more about that then looks, not that you're not beautiful enough in your own right."

"Please!" I snorted, but by this point we were both laughing.

"I'm serious you know," she insisted afterward. "Although I can't picture me as a blond whereas you would probably look really good as one with those blue eyes."

"No thanks. I've never had the desire."

"So then maybe it's good we didn't get dressed up as them. It would have been too weird for Gabrielle to be a brunette."

"Anything would have been better than going dressed like this," I grumbled, looking down at my costume and shaking my head.

We were both dressed like mermaids. It sounded like a good idea when we picked it, but neither of us were willing to wear just a bikini top so we had spandex shirts instead which didn't really look bad, just weird. That wasn't so bad. What was were the tails. Mine made my legs feel trapped and I hated that.

"Trust me, being Xena and Gabrielle would have been worse."

"How can you say that?" I argued. "Do you really think your spandex top was that much better than leather? I mean, on me it was no big deal, but with your curves? You can't tell me you didn't notice the way the guys were staring. How could it have been any worse?"

"This was still better," she insisted. I didn't see it.

"Give me one good reason why?" I thought it was a fair question. Sophie paused before answering, which was odd because these days we pretty much said anything to each other. I mean, I still hadn't told her what I was like back in high school, but by this point it almost didn't matter. I was comfortable in my new skin. Emma was turning out to be everything I hoped for, although not quite what I planned.

"Emma, I'm not sure if you realize this, but a lot of people think that Xena and Gabrielle were lovers."

"Really?" I asked in surprise. "I mean sure, I guess I can see it. The show is starting to get pretty weird. But so what?" We still had two seasons left, but I was in no rush to finish it. There was only so much Xena: Warrior Princess I could take. Lately, we'd been mixing some Andromeda episodes. It was sci-fi, not fantasy and it made for a nice change of pace.

"Can you imagine what people would have said if we went dressed as Xena and Gabrielle?" I don't know why, but I didn't get her point until that moment.

"Oh," I said, shaking my head. "Maybe it's a good thing we went as mermaids after all. I'd prefer not to be the subject of this week's rumor mill on campus."

"People can be awfully mean," she said in knowing tone. I frowned as I realized that something must have happened to make her feel that way, but it didn't look like Sophie wanted to talk about it. I figured she'd let me know if and when she was ready. It wasn't like I didn't have my own bad experiences with rumor mills.

"I'm exhausted," I sighed, stripping off the bottom of the costume. I was wearing a pair of boxer shorts underneath. I turned my back when I slipped off the spandex top and put on my nightshirt.

"Me too," Sophie said, changing as well. She only turned partially away from me as she took off her top and put on a long tee-shirt of her own. The whole thing only took a few seconds, but I did catch a glimpse of her chest. I shook my head and looked away.

Sophie really was something else. It's a good thing she was my best friend because I could easily become jealous of her otherwise. She was the closest I'd ever seen to a ten in my life and that was with clothes. I had a feeling that without she was even better looking. Certainly the glimpse I saw lent itself toward that assumption.

"You know, Alex really doesn't deserve you." The words slipped out before I could stop them. I shouldn't have brought him up. Alex and Sophie had been fighting ever since she got back from Labor Day and the last thing she needed was to be reminded of him.

"You're right," she sighed. "But he was my first love and that was hard to walk away from."

"Past tense?" I asked, raising an eyebrow, looking at her carefully.

"Yeah," she admitted slowly. "We broke up with a couple of days ago. I didn't tell you because I wasn't ready to talk about it yet."

"I understand," I said, going to the small refrigerator we shared, pulling out two wine coolers and handing her one before opening the second for myself. "Are you okay?"

"Not really, but I will be." She sounded like she was working at convincing herself.

"I'm sure you will," I said confidently. "And all the guys on campus will be ecstatic to learn you're back on the market."

"Um, about that," she said. "I'm not ready for dating again. Do you mind if we keep Alex and my breakup our little secret?"

"Sure," I said, but then grinned and added, "Maybe you, Alex, John and I should go on a double date some time?" I'm not sure why, but suddenly we were both giggling. I did mention we weren't particularly sober, didn't I?

"Only you could make me laugh when I'm talking about Alex," she said afterward, giving me a hug. "I am so lucky to have you as a friend."

"Right back at you," I smiled, deciding it was time to change the subject. I went to my bed and sat on it, facing Sophie's bed. She did the same on her bed and faced me. I smiled and asked, "So, do you really think Xena and Gabrielle are lesbians?"

I figured it was a safe topic and she might find it amusing. Sophie and I had some of our best conversation at night after getting back from a party. We would sit like this and talk about anything and everything. We came from completely different backgrounds so it was interesting to hear her thoughts on most subjects. I'd always known my family was conservative, but I thought of myself as more moderate. Sophie wasn't quite a bleeding heart liberal, but she was a lot closer to it than me. It made for some interesting conversations.

"I don't know," she replied with a shrug. "There are worse things they could be."

"Not according to my parents," I laughed.

"They're homophobic?" She sounded a little surprised which was odd to me considering how much we'd talked about our parents.

"Most definitely," I replied, thinking about some of the conversations mom and dad used to have at the dinner table. "I'm mean, it's not like they marched in antigay parades or anything, but it's not something they understand."

"In that case, I can only imagine what your grandfather would say."

"You're probably be surprised," I smiled warmly as I remembered the old man. "Grandfather is more of a live and let live type of preacher. I'm not sure he condones that kind of a life style, but on the other hand I've never heard him condemn it either."

"You know, I think I'd like to meet him someday."

"You will," I promised, and then laughed and added, "Certainly at my wedding. He's definitely going to marry me and at this point you're a shoe in for the maid of honor."

"Gee thanks," she snorted. "Now all you need is a groom. Of course, you'd have to get over your dislike of men first."

"Wow, that's from left field," I said in surprise. "But you're wrong. I don't dislike guys. I just don't have the time for them right now."

"Are you sure?" Sophie asked me, giving me a strange look. "I mean, it's okay if you don't. I'm not homophobic or anything." I looked at her and realized she was serious. Oh my God! Sophie thought that I was a lesbian just because I wasn't dating.

"I can't believe you just asked me that!" I cried, throwing my pillow at her. "I am not gay!"

"Me thinks the lady doth protest too much," she said, teasing me with the quote from Hamlet of all things.

"You bitch!" I said, throwing my other pillow at her as well. She just laughed as she caught it. She waited for me to calm down before tossing both my pillows back to me.

"Does the idea of Xena and Grabrielle possibly being lesbians really bother you that much?" she asked a few moments later. I wasn't sure if she was talking about me or them anymore, but I decided to focus on them. It was easy to think about.

"You know, I'm not certain," I replied honestly. "I like to think I'm not like my parents and a part of me could care less about whether someone is gay or not, but other times it's just too weird for me to accept. I've never really thought of a girl in that way. I mean, sure I can appreciate beauty in and of itself, but that's not quite the same thing, now is it?"

"Let me ask you this," Sophie said as she took a sip from her bottle. "Let's say you were an actress and you had to kiss another girl. Would it gross you out?"

"A little bit," I replied. "But mostly, I think it would make me uncomfortable." I felt a little awkward admitting that so I decided it was time to turn the conversation on her. "What about you? Are you gay?"

"Um, I'm not the virgin here," she answered. "I'm also not the one who doesn't seem to like boys. I have a boyfriend, or at least had until recently."

"I like boys," I restated, just to be clear. Although this time I was laughing. "And you could have been using Alex as a beard. You know, hiding the real you from the world by being in a relationship with a guy you didn't really care about."

"That would explain a lot," she offered, trying to keep the joking going, but I could tell talking about Alex again was a mistake.

"Sophie," I sighed in apology. "I don't know a lot about relationships, but I do know that what you and Alex had was real. You loved him. I'm sorry it had to end, but don't worry. You'll find the right guy eventually."

"Thanks," she said, still sounding sad. I didn't want her to be down so I decided to tease her a little.

"Or girl," I added. "I mean, you're certainly weird enough already with your addiction to old television shows. I could see you being a lesbian. Not that there's anything wrong with it."

"You bitch!" she cried, throwing my own word back at me along with one of her pillows. I caught it and used it to block the next incoming missile. Sophie seldom only threw one at a time. She believed is carpet bombing the enemy.

I blocked the second pillow, but the third hit me square in the face. I pulled it away laughing, but not before I took a moment to enjoy the scent it carried. Sophie always smelled good and her pillow smelled just like her. I tossed all three back to her, but there was something in her expression that made me pause.

"You look seriously upset," I finally said, realizing the truth.

"I hate stereotyping," she sighed. "And that was wrong on so many levels. You act as if lesbians have to all be weird or something."

"Please!" I snorted. "It was just a joke. Besides, lesbians are weird, but then again everyone is in their own way. Why should they be any different?"

"You're too much," she said, finally relaxing and smiling again. I hoped it was because she realized I was kidding.

"And you're a bleeding heart liberal," I tossed back, trying to make her laugh. It was an old argument between us. It was pretty obvious that I was brought up far more conservatively than she was. At first we talked about it a lot, being careful not to offend each other, but as we got to know each other we started joking about it.

"Oh yeah? Well, I think you're a lot more like your parents than you're willing to admit."

"Ouch! Now that hurt," I cried, throwing my pillows at her again. This time she refused to give them back so I went over to get them.

We fought over them for a few minutes, laughing the whole time. Sophie was bigger than me, but I always won when we wrestled. Still, that didn't mean she gave up gracefully. She fought hard before I finally took my pillows from her. I had to pin her to the bed to do it. We were both panting by the time we were done.

Sophie was looking up at me, clearly frustrated that I'd won yet again. I was looking down at her and grinning in triumph. That's when it happened. For the first time in my life I saw a girl in a way that would make my parents very unhappy.

It's not like I planned it or anything. Seeing Sophie under me like that, panting with her perfect lips suddenly hit me in a completely unexpected way. I mean, I'd always known she was beautiful, but this was different. Frankly, it scared me half to death.

"I think we'd better call it a night before someone gets hurt," I said, quickly getting off of her and making my way back to my bed.

"You're probably right," she replied with a sigh as she got under her blankets. I couldn't even look at her and was relieved when she turned off the lights.

What the hell had just happened? I'd never wanted to kiss a girl before. I still didn't. Okay, I did wonder what Sophie's lips would taste like a few moments ago, but she wasn't just any girl. She was Sophie.

"Do you mind if I put on some music to go to sleep to?" she asked, thankfully interrupting my thoughts.

"Go ahead." Sophie typically needed some music to fall asleep by. At first, she wore her earbuds, but I figured they couldn't be comfortable to sleep in so I let her know after the first few days that the music usually didn't bother me. She still asked every night to be sure before putting it on.

Well, whatever had come over me a few minutes ago was probably related to our earlier conversation and the fact that I was drunk. I guess it was normal to wonder about stuff like that at some point in your life, but I knew myself well enough to know I wasn't gay. I may not be happy with the way I was exposed to sex with guys the first time, but it's not like I didn't like it in general. Okay, so I didn't need it all that often, but that didn't mean I didn't like the way it felt.

This was all just too weird. I'd finally remade myself into someone I actually liked. I had plenty of friends once more and there was no way I'd let myself do anything that would make everyone ostracize me again. So I felt an odd twinge of something with Sophie. I guess that made some sort of sense. She was my best friend and I did love her after all, but that didn't mean I was in love with her.

Bleeding heart liberal or not, I could only imagine how badly Sophie would freak out if I told her what I was feeling. Besides, she just broke up with her boyfriend. She didn't need any added drama to her life. I was certain that whatever I felt was a onetime thing. In fact, I was willing to bet that I'd forget it completely once I sobered up and had a good night sleep.

**********

"Okay," I said as I entered our room and dropped my book on my desk. "It's official. I hate calculous!"

"Tough test?" Sophie asked with a grin. I noticed how sexy her lips looked when she did that, but I didn't quite shake my head as I forced myself to move past it. I'd been getting good at doing that in the last few weeks.

"You have no idea," I grimaced, going to the refrigerator and grabbing two wine coolers without asking Sophie is you wanted one. "My brain feels like a pile of Jello."

"You know what that means, don't you?" she grinned, taking one of the wine coolers from me.

"Another Buffy Marathon?" I asked. We'd graduated to watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer episodes now that we'd finally finished all of the seasons of Xena. Sophie had tried to get me to watch Hercules instead, but it was too much like Xena. I needed a break from that kind of show.