Rocks in Their Heads Pt. 02

"Yeah, sorry about that. Sorry if I was rude to you at the Christmas party the other week too. I was a dickhead, and I shouldn't have taken out my shit on you and others. I was just having some issues with something, that's all."

She looked at him and gave a little smile. "Hey, no worries, mate. But if you ever want to chat, I'm a good listener."

"Thanks, Jack. But nah, I'm all good now. Surfin with you the sarvo was the best medicine. I really needed that."

"No worries, Scotty, old mate. Anytime."

"Thanks, Jackie."

They drove back up the coast to Brisbane, chatting about this and that, everything and nothing in particular. Jacqueline didn't ask Scott about what was bothering him over the previous weeks and Scott didn't feel the need to share either. However, he couldn't help but feel a strong and uncontrollable connection between Jacqueline and himself. The thought of her gave him butterflies in his stomach, and deep in his chest. The feeling was unlike anything he'd experienced before with a girl. Even with those he thought he loved. Even with Evelyn.

Fuck, this is complicated!

Scott spent a great deal of time over the next few days thinking about what had transpired between Jacqueline and himself, and how it affected his feelings for Evelyn. He couldn't help but wonder if the situation would be any less complicated if Evelyn was closer to his own age. But it was not like he was going to leave her for Jacqueline. Sure, he strongly suspected Jacqueline held feelings for him, but as far as Scott was concerned, unless Evelyn decided she no longer wanted to have a relationship with him, he was committed to her. His feelings for her had grown into something he'd not expected, and any frustrations they experienced could have happened in any relationship.

He concluded that he and Jacqueline simply clicked. They were sharing a friendship, where mutual attraction had occurred, and was not unusual between friends of the opposite sex, and definitely nothing to act upon. He'd had plenty of female friends he was attracted to, and he wasn't often in the habit of acting upon those feelings, unless he was single and the feelings mutual. He wasn't about to jeopardise a potential future with Evelyn, which he believed was possible. Especially now he felt he'd fallen in love with her. Furthermore, he didn't want to ruin his friendship and work relationship with Jacqueline. Maybe it wasn't as complicated as he'd initially thought? He and Evelyn simply needed to work through a few issues and all would be fine.

~0~

Christmas arrived and Scott stayed at his parent's house for a couple of days. His brother Jake was coming up from Sydney with his new girlfriend, Pam, for a week, and Scott looked forward to catching up with them. Scott let Evelyn know he'd be spending Christmas at his parent's house and told her he'd happily sneak up the road to her place at night if she wanted. He made a joke of it, comparing them with teenagers sneaking out of their windows after bedtime, but Evelyn told him her brother invited her to spend Christmas with his family, and therefore she wouldn't be around.

So, when Scott noticed lights on at Evelyn's house as he drove past on Christmas Eve, he wondered if she'd see his car parked on the street and change her mind, and ask him over for some festive fucking fun. But she didn't, and he decided she wasn't as keen to see him as he was to see her. Subsequently, he didn't bother to text or phone her.

As it turned out, Scott's Christmas Eve night was preoccupied with big news from Jake and Pam, who announced Pam was almost four months pregnant. Scott was initially shocked, since Jake only began to mention Pam to him a month or so previously. He did, however, think Pam was beautiful, with long blond hair and large green eyes, and she was rather sweet. Though, he thought, she was a little on the dull side for his own tastes. Or, perhaps she was shy, or maybe it was because she was young, at nineteen, with little life experience. Nevertheless, Pam was truly lovely, and quite unlike most other women Jake usually dated.

Everyone congratulated them, but later, when Jake and Pam retreated to their room, Scott overheard his mother, Tammy, speaking to his father. "They're so young, and especially Pam. She's only a year out of school for crying out loud. What does she know about life?"

Harry Mackenzie's response was mostly muffled by his deep voice, but Scott picked up some of what his father said. "Jake's always been impulsive, you know that. But perhaps fatherhood will sort him out. He'll make a great dad, I'll put money on it."

"I thought Scott would give us our first grandkids, now he's set up in a good job and has his own apartment. It's a pity he broke up with Rachael. She was such a sweet lass, and she definitely wanted kids. Such a shame they didn't work out. I liked her, quite a lot." Tammy was careless how openly she spoke about both her sons, given they were both in the house and could easily overhear her.

Scott was surprised by his mother's attitude. He knew his mum liked his previous girlfriend, Rachael, and was a little upset when they'd broken up, but he'd never thought his mum would be prejudiced about who gave her grandkids. He understood her concern about Jake and Pam's age, but after thinking for a moment, he decided it shouldn't be that big a deal. Jake had a well-paid job as a software engineer, and even though Pam was young, her family lived close by to where they lived in Sydney, and thus, they'd not be without support.

On Christmas day, after lunch, when everyone else laydown for an afternoon nap, Scott and Jake played some one-on-one basketball in the driveway, using the old hoop their father put above the garage door, back when they were kids.

"Hey, mate, congrats about Pam and your future spawn! I'm very happy for you," Scott said, meaning it.

"Thanks bro! It's daunting. I'm shit-scared, you know. I've never even held a baby before, but we'll have to take it as it comes I guess."

"Can I ask, weren't you seeing Gemma up here when you..." He trailed off, leaving the rest of the sentence hanging in the air. His brother had a history of being a player when it came to girls.

"Aw, dude, yeah look, Gem and I were only fuck buddies, and you know how it is, people move on."

Scott knew his brother's excuse was dubious, since Jake was seeing Gemma for several years up until two months previously, but he chose not to pry anymore. He figured Jake cheated on Gemma before, at least once, when he randomly hooked up with Nicola. Despite his natural aversion to the idea of cheating on one's partner, Scott decided his brother's philandering wasn't his business. It didn't matter anyway, because Jake was having a baby with Pam, though Scott hoped his brother would remain faithful to her. With these thoughts smouldering in his mind, Scott pivoted on his foot and aggressively drove the ball past Jake, looping it up off the backboard and down through the hoop.

He couldn't be annoyed at his brother for long, and so his mind considered the term 'fuck buddies' for a moment, wondering if this was what he and Evelyn were. They'd only briefly discussed the intricacies of their situation, because every time he mentioned topic, Evelyn indicated she felt they should take it easy and not get too serious. He was irritated by the lack of certainty, and felt he should discuss it further with her and find out if they were completely exclusive to one another, once and for all.

The connection Jacqueline and he shared also played on his mind. He'd never cheat on Evelyn, but could he maintain their relationship in the face of uncertainty, when others may be waiting? Especially when he had an undeniably strong connection with that other person? Niggling doubts were surfacing.

Scott and Jake played basketball in silence until Jake stopped play, holding onto the ball, and asked in a serious tone, "Do you think Pam is too young? Or rather, do you think Pam and I are too young to have a kid?" Jake's expression was anguished, and Scott couldn't remember his easy-going brother ever being this worried before. Scott generally admired his little brother's stereotypical Australian attitude of 'she'll be right,' where he took life and all it could throw at him in his stride. But Jake's looming parenthood was new and potentially frightening territory, because he'd have a little human to look after.

"I dunno bro, what is too young?" Scott replied philosophically, deciding not to be completely honest with his brother on the issue. Indeed, he did consider them too young, especially Pam, but he felt there was nothing to be gained by mentioning it.

"Pam's nineteen and only recently finished her first year of uni, and I'm only starting my career. Maybe we are too young?" The doubt in Jake's voice was evident. "Last night, Mum was talking to Dad a bit too loud, about Pam and me. I overheard her saying we were too young. I think she's disappointed in me. I thought she'd be happy and I didn't think our ages would be an issue to her. I thought she'd be excited for us, bro. I suspect she doesn't think we'll know what we're doing. And to be honest, I don't know myself if we know what we're doing."

Scott couldn't help but wonder, would his mother also have a problem with Evelyn and he dating? Previously he'd thought she'd not mind, but now he was losing confidence. Furthermore, if his mother's conversation with his father was anything to go by, she was disappointed Scott wasn't settling down with a nice young lady who might give her grandkids. He never thought she'd be that type of mum.

"Look dude," Scott said. "Do you think Mum and Dad knew what they were doing when they had me? What did it matter they were like, thirty or whatever? Do you think their age gave them some magical knowledge of how to parent us? Mum will come around once she has a bundle of grandbaby joy to fuss over."

"I hope so, but Mum and Dad both had good jobs back when they had us, and much more life experience than Pam or I do. Still, they somehow managed to screw you up!" Jake's attempt to joke at Scott's expense fell flat, almost before it came from his mouth. "I'm just kidding bro. They think you're the sensible one and I'm the reckless one. Maybe they're right, that I'm not ready to be a dad."

"Don't think that way, mate. You'll make a great dad, I'm sure. Better than me anyway. And it's not like this baby raising thing is new. You'll have plenty of support, I'll almost guarantee it. You and Pam and your little one will be fine financially, too, with your job in the IT industry." Scott meant what he said. Despite his brother's faults, he was a big kid at heart, and Scott thought Jake would make a playful father, which he assumed would be highly important as far as fatherhood characteristics go. "Look, Mum's probably just a little bit put out by you two living down in Sydney and maybe she feels like she'll miss out on her grandkid. Perhaps she's a little jealous Pam's parents too, because they will get to spend most of the time with your bub. But I reckon she'll be okay with it in the long run."

"Thanks bro. I hope so. Anyway, what about you? Are you seeing anyone?"

Scott considered telling Jake about Evelyn, but he couldn't bring himself to on account of Evelyn's reluctance to tell their families and friends. "Nah, man, no one at the moment. I'm living the bachelor life. It's a hard job, but someone's got to do it."

"Sounds like the life. Just don't ruin it by getting some chick knocked up cos you forget to use protection in the heat of the moment."

"Mate, there's no chance of that happening right now," Scott said with absolute confidence.

~0~

Evelyn arrived at Scott's apartment early in the evening on New Year's Eve. Initially they'd planned to head into the city, which was Scott's preference, but Evelyn decided she wanted to stay in for the night, because she didn't want to battle crowds and drunken louts. Scott's balcony faced the river and provided them a reasonable view to where the fireworks display would occur, so he obliged. However, he felt frustrated, again, because he enjoyed the atmosphere of the crowds and music in the city on New Year's Eve. He was twenty-six and he wanted to party!

Nevertheless, he was happy to see Evelyn again and accepted the situation. Scott cooked a crispy pork belly on his balcony barbecue for their dinner, and then, deciding there was no better time to broach the subject, he decided to ask Evelyn about their status. "Eve, I'd like to ask you something."

"Sure. What's on your mind, honey?"

"Well, we've been seeing each other for six months. We go on dates, hang out here at my unit, we make love, I cook you yummy meals, and that's all great. But we're not really a proper couple are we? Like, we can't hang out together with our friends, or have people over, or do activities with other couples. Which has me wondering, are we simply having a bit of casual fun with each other or are we exclusive?"

"Casual fun? Exclusive?" She thought for a moment, then said, "We do fit well together, and I can't remember when I've enjoyed spending time with someone as much as I do with you. I certainly don't want to see anyone else, but is that what you want? To see others?"

"No, not at all. I simply want to know if we can be more serious now. I guess I missed you over the Christmas period and I wondered what it would be like if we didn't have to be sneaky. I think it's time we come out as boyfriend and girlfriend and not have to worry about what other's think. So we can do things with other couples, or have group outings."

"Scott, honey. I'm sorry, but it's not so easy for me. You know I have to consider Nicola. And don't you want to have children? You know I can't give you children."

"You keep bringing this old chestnut up. It's like you don't want me to commit. But since you mention it, I've thought about children quite a bit over the past six months, and I've decided I'd happily not have a family if it means I can be with you. I wouldn't be asking you to commit with me if I had even the slightest inclination to have kids of my own. Anyhow, and don't be too shocked by this, but Jake is going to be a father next year, and I'll be an uncle. His kid will share some of my DNA, even if it is the Jake part of my DNA, so it's not like I feel compelled to procreate and pass on the Mackenzie genes."

"Wow, I didn't know Jake was going to be a dad!" Evelyn said in surprise.

"Yep, their baby's due around May sometime."

"I bet your Mum's pleased." Evelyn looked down at her wine and thought for a moment, then looked up at Scott. "I don't think your Mum would be so pleased with us being together. She's mentioned to me in the past she looks forward to grandkids and I think she was certain you'd settle with Rachael and give her grandkids in the next five or so years."

Scott considered this for a moment. His mum's statements to his father about her disappointment regarding Scott's split with Rachael, who'd desperately wanted to have kids, confirmed what Evelyn told him, and thus, he agreed his mum would likely not be pleased by his relationship with Evelyn.

Seeing Scott couldn't respond, Evelyn continued. "When we started this, ah, relationship, I had no expectations. I was never in any doubt you were simply fulfilling a fantasy and you could also help me fulfil some of my desires, joining me as my companion for various activities. I guess it was an opportunity for me to jump out of the rut I was in." She sighed and said, "We are like old friends you and I. Or perhaps old acquaintances who have mutually agreed to use each other for mutual benefit, and we've grown increasingly fond of one another. I won't lie, I've certainly enjoyed spending time with you, immensely, and you've definitely grown on me a great deal. More than a lover and occasional companion that is."

"I've enjoyed spending time with you too. And that's what I'm talking about. If I didn't enjoy your company I wouldn't want to hang with you so often. It's not all about getting our sex on. Believe it or not, I do actually like you a lot. I'm ready to commit to more, but I need to know how you feel too." He wanted to tell her he was falling in love with her, but he still couldn't bring himself to say it.

It was Evelyn's turn to sigh. "Oh, Scotty, honey, I know you like me and I like you a great deal too. You've made me very happy, doing interesting things with me. And yes, the sex is the icing on the cake. I do like you more than a friend and more than a lover, and I know you're genuine about the way you feel about me. I suppose you should know, lately I've also been thinking a hell of a lot about us too, and I'm sorry if I've appeared indecisive. If we were closer in age I wouldn't have hesitated. But I'll tell you, Nicky is coming up to visit around Eastertime, and I know it's several months away, but do you think we could see how it goes? I will gently broach the subject with her and see how she takes it."

"You really do think Nic will have a problem with us, don't you?" Scott asked, a hint of frustration in his tone.

"I don't know, Scott. I've worked at maintaining my relationship with her, as tenuous as it can be at times, and I don't want to rock that boat too much. You may not truly understand, but Nicola is the most important thing to me in the whole wide world. It's a parent thing and she's my only child. I'm not having a go at you either, but unless you are a parent, you never truly understand."

"That's okay, Eve. Let's see what happens with Nicky and take it from there." Scott decided he didn't want to push Evelyn too hard, and so he quit with the issue while he was ahead. She'd given him hope, where potentially in a few months they could simply be together as a proper couple. And, if he'd understood her correctly, she was considering proper coupledom for the long term. Thus, it would be worth the wait.

If Nicola and his parent's didn't have issues with Evelyn and his relationship, there were further possibilities, including over-seas travel, which he'd regularly thought about doing with her. Or perhaps even moving in together. These ideas excited him, but were for the future. Consequently, Scott focused on the present, letting their serious discussion go for now. In a laidback tone, he asked, "Would you like another wine?"

"Did you even need to ask?"

After Scott refilled Evelyn's glass he put on a Spotify playlist he'd compiled, which included songs he liked and songs Evelyn liked. It was an eclectic mix, covering both their musical tastes. Because Evelyn once made an off-hand comment that some of the music he listened to, such as hip hop and electro, was not real music, Scott included a plethora of jazz and big-band swing music, which he felt they could both appreciate. When Ella Fitzgerald came on singing 'It don't mean a thing, if you ain't got that swing' he took Evelyn's glass from her, placed it on the coffee table and took her by the hand, pulling her vigorously into him while putting his arm around her waist.

"Ooh, Scott, you are full of surprises!" she said as he led her in dance, moving her to the beat.

"I've been thinking," he said, rocking her back and forward.

"You also spend a lot of time thinking."

"How would you like to take up dancing? Swing, like this, or maybe Latin, such as Salsa or something similar?" He spun her around.

"Oh, Scotty, yes please! But you already appear to know a thing or two about dancing."

"I'm okay. I haven't danced like this in years though. When I was in my first year at uni, my housemate was a dance instructor."

"Oh, this dance instructor was a female instructor then?"

"Yeah, she was. Why?"

"Did you date her?" Evelyn's mouth began to grow into a cheeky grin and there was a knowing twinkle in her eye.