Role Over: A BDSM Odyssey

7 - DARKNESS AND LIGHT

We gathered in front of the fire and sipped hot cider until we were thoroughly warmed, both inside and out. We all had large towels wrapped around us, and Katy and Misha had smaller ones around their hair. It would have felt quite cozy but for the undercurrent of tension in the room. I had after all just tried to kill myself. The small talk soon waned until finally the only sound in the room was the crackling of the fire. I knew they were waiting for me to begin.

"How did you find me?" I asked, finally breaking the silence.

Katy explained that she was still awake and heard the lock click as I slipped out. She searched the house, discovered I was missing, and woke up Misha.

Misha continued the story. "I remembered your clothes hadn't been dried yet. When I checked and saw they were still here, along with your shoes, panicked. Katy kept her head though. She's the one who suggested we try the lake."

"It wasn't hard to put it together," Katy explained, "Misha had already told me a little about your mental state," Katy said, "I figured we had an irrational and possibly suicidal man running loose in the neighborhood, clad only in a woman's bathrobe. Now who could resist the temptation to go after that?" Katy's smile was difficult to read. I got the impression she was mocking me.

"You saved my life by getting there when you did," I said somberly.

"It was a close thing," Misha said. "If we hadn't heard the splash--"

"My 'death-roll' into the lake."

"You gave us a hell of a scare, Alex," Misha admonished.

"Sorry. I didn't want you to be involved. It was a stupid idea. Virginia Woolf killed herself by drowning. It was pretty presumptuous for a failed writer like me to try and copy her." I paused, searching for words. "I guess I'm glad you found me."

Misha's eyebrows shot up. "You guess?" I didn't answer.

"Hey, I just wanted my robe back," Katy said, breaking the awkward silence.

"I'm sorry about that, Katy. I'll have it dry-cleaned for you." I swept my eyes down the exposed curve of her neck and shoulder. "If it's any consolation, I think you look better without one."

Katy returned my look with a cool gaze. "Careful Alex. Didn't Misha warn you that I don't like men?"

"That makes two of us." It just slipped out. I instantly regretted it.

"What do you mean by that?" Katy asked.

"Oh I don't know. Nothing. Everything, I guess. Fucking bastards. Sorry." Katy's eyes lit up with curiosity. "No, please go on. I'd like to know more, Alex. I assume you're not speaking in sexual terms; it's obvious you're heterosexual. You don't like men Alex as a group, is that right?

"What's to like? You've seen the shit men do. And there's things you haven't seen--" I stopped. I had promised myself that the stories wouldn't come back with me. I stared at the flames, trying to regain my composure.

Katy and Misha watched my face and waited. They knew I had more to say. Something awful. Something felt deeply yet unseen. Minutes passed. A log broke in half and settled deeper into the embers.

Misha knelt before me, her voice as soft as ash. "Alex? Please tell us."

Katy laid a hand on my shoulder, her touch feather-light yet charged with electricity. "You must, Alex. This thing won't go away on its own. You have to face it. If you don't, it will eat you alive. Look at what happened tonight."

They were right of course. I had come too close to the edge and there was no stepping back. The flames were now a watery orange blur. I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out.

Misha grasped my hands and held them tightly in her own. Firelight glimmered in her eyes. The dam I had so carefully constructed began to crack. I tried one last time to stop myself ... Then, somehow, it didn't matter.

"Ohhh... God--" I sobbed and fell forward.

Misha caught me in her arms. Katy moved in to support both of us. Soft, warm arms guided me down to the rug. I was still fighting it. My sobs came out as wracking convulsions.

"Let it go Alex. Just let go." It was Katy -- the therapist, the healer. "Scream. It's okay, the neighbors are all at work. Come on scream!"

It ripped up through me like a hot spear, carrying all the momentum my tortured soul could put into it. It exploded out of me with primal force, striking the walls and echoing back as individual notes; broken bits of anger and sorrow. Finally it reached a fearsome crescendo, and then faded to a soft keening. I was completely spent.

"Good scream Alex," said Katy. "That was real primal."

"My God, Alex. Are you okay?" Misha stroked my forehead.

"He'll be alright, just let him come down slowly."

I'm don't know how long I lay there. I felt empty inside, like a vessel that had been turned over and shaken out. Katy and Misha were talking quietly, and though my brain didn't process their words, their voices filled the awful void. Something had died within me, something else had been born. There was hope now, and light.

Eventually my breathing returned to normal, and I became aware again of my surroundings. Katy had stoked up the fire until it roared. The room was stifling.

Misha noticed I was sweating. She pulled my towel aside. I was naked, but I didn't care. The women dropped their own towels and sat with me like it was the most natural thing in the world. Light from the fire reflected off our bodies like in an old painting. A Rembrandt perhaps, or a Vermeer.

When at last we began to talk again, the words came more easily than I expected.

Misha got right to the point, "You lied to me didn't you Alex?" I nodded.

"It was not about being an unsuccessful writer. It was about the war, wasn't it?"

I started to nod again but Misha's eyes told me more was needed. "Yes," I said, "but it's not what you think. I didn't slaughter any villagers or anything like that." I stopped and stared into the flames. It seemed to help. "It was a bad month," I continued. "The road mines had chewed us up pretty bad."

"You lost some friends." Katy's voice was flat, without sympathy. I could almost hear her say the words: 'warmonger.' 'babykiller.'

"Yes, but not on this day." That got her interest. "We were escorting some trucks. There was a delay as we got to a village, but I was at the end of the convoy so I couldn't see what happened. After we got finally got moving again I saw all these villagers lined up along the road. They were just standing there, staring at us as we passed."

I paused as the familiar images took shape in my mind's eye, "It was surreal. Nobody was waving or moving, or anything. They looked like fucking statues. Except-" My voice broke. "-except this one woman."

Katy gently prompted, "What about the woman, Alex?"

I stalled. "There was this blister bag lying next to the road. It-"

"Blister bag?" Katy asked.

"A big rubber bladder-for fuel. You can sling them under a chopper or put them on a truck. They weigh several tons when they're full."

"And this one was on the ground?" "Yeah. Rolled off a truck. Chains must have busted."

Misha nodded. Katy shook her head, as if she knew what was coming.

I used Katy's eyes to help pull the words out. "There were these kids. You'd see them everywhere. They'd line the roads whenever a convoy came through. We used to throw them gum, candy, rations-whatever we had. So they were always there." "So there was a child under the fuel bladder?" Katy asked.

I nodded. "The woman was the child's mother. She was wailing and sobbing like there was no tomorrow. Then, as we passed her, she looked up at me. Something-" I paused, really struggling now. "Something there," I choked, "something in her eyes." I shook my head to ward off the ghosts, and then stared into the flames. No one spoke. Now I was angry. I had to finish this.

"You asked me why I don't like men? It's because we're all killers. Either through intention or just by stupid accidents, we destroy life. Women create life and men destroy it. It's as simple as that."

8 - THE GIFT

Katy was the first one to break the long silence. "Lay back Alex. I want to show you something." I lay back on the rug, hands behind my head.

Katy moved up behind me with her legs spread. "Now lift your head and rest it in my lap. Don't be shy. Here." She draped my arms over with her thighs and placed the back of my head against her bare crotch. Once we were arranged, she placed a hand over each of my breasts and gently squeezed. I immediately began getting aroused.

"Now look down Alex," she commanded, "What do you see."

"The world's most comfortable armchair?"

"No silly, Look at yourself. What is it?"

"I would say it's an erection, or at least the beginnings of one."

"And I would say you're correct. Now watch this." She gestured to Misha,

Misha, who'd been watching with a great deal of interest, got up and retrieved a bottle from the mantle. Then she knelt next to me and poured some of its contents into her palm.

"Relax, Alex. It's just oil."

Misha placed her hand over the end of my penis, which almost instantly became thoroughly erect. She pulled downward, slowly. I sucked in a breath as her oiled fingers stroked the length of my shaft from tip to base.

"Are you watching Alex?" Katy asked, "don't close your eyes...just keep watching."

"Ah...ummm." Both women had my full attention.

Misha continued stroking her hand up and down, within moments I felt my climax rushing towards the surface, as unstoppable as any volcano. Intense waves of joy rippled through my entire body, and warm jets of milky cum shot up through my cock and spewed out between Misha's fingers to land on my stomach and chest.

I lay there gasping as Misha stroked my pulsing cock to milk out the last drops.

Katy reached down and gathered a white mass of my seed onto her fingers. She brought her hand up to my face and held it there.

"Do you see this Alex?"

"Yeah, pretty hard to miss."

"What is it?"

"It's cum."

"Yes, but what is it really?"

Recalling that Katy was a nurse, I gave her the technical term. "Sperm?" "Right. And what is sperm?"

"Uh, dangerous?" Wrong answer, smartass.

Katy thrust her dripping fingers into my mouth before I could react. Then she quickly pressed her mouth over mine, grasped my head from behind, and held it there, our lips locked in a wet, sticky embrace.

I struggled for a few seconds, but Katy was exceptionally strong, and I suddenly felt weak in her arms. We lay there for a long moment while my own sperm trailed down my throat. Only when she was certain that I'd swallowed some did she finally release me. As she pulled away I could see remnants of it glistening on her still-parted lips.

"Umm.." She licked her lips. It doesn't taste dangerous, does it?"

"I guess not," I whispered, still stunned.

"Of course not. That's because it's life, Alex!" Katy pressed my head between her hands, trying to emphasize the truth she wanted me to see. "You said women create life and men destroy it. You are so wrong there. You can taste the truth now, can't you?" I nodded, yes.

"Okay!" she exclaimed, rising up from the floor, "Now that we've straightened out that little misconception of yours, let's see what Misha and I can do to help turn your life around."

"How," I asked, already knowing what their answer would be.

"You'll change roles, like Misha suggested.

"But I can't do that. I-"

"Alex!" It was Misha now. She was ran her oily hands over my stomach and chest. "What have you possibly got to lose?"

I couldn't think. So much had happened in one night. I had no idea how much more would happen before another night passed. I had been weak and hurting, but now there was a glimmer of hope. Crazy as it seemed, maybe this role-change was what I needed. I looked up at Katy and Misha, and saw my surrender reflected in their smiles

"You really think it will help?"

Katy and Misha exchanged glances. Without a word they arose, grasped my hands, and pulled me to my feet. They led me into their bedroom, and I watched as they both donned light silk robes. Now I was the only remaining unclothed person in the room, and I was feeling a bit self conscious about it. I should have known what would follow.

Katy rummaged around in a dresser drawer, and then turned to face me. She had something cupped in her hands but I couldn't see what it was.

"Close your eyes and hold out your hands," she ordered.

I closed my eyes. Something fell into my hands. It was soft and extremely light. Panties, I thought, forgetting to breathe.

"Okay, now open."

I opened my eyes. They were panties alright; white silky ones with narrow bands of silvery stretch-lace around the waist and leg openings.

"They're yours darling," Katy declared. "I'm about your size in the butt. Later we can get more stuff, just for you, but a girl has to start somewhere." She stared at me and raised her eyebrows expectantly.

"You want me to put these on?" "It's a start, Alex," Misha said. "You have to change...to begin a renewal...so you don't lose yourself in the past." I hesitated. So much about this felt right. But still, wasn't it wrong, somehow?

Seeing my indecision, Katy smirked and whispered to Misha, loud enough so that I could hear, "Just like a man, no guts, no glory." She turned to me with a mocking smile, "If you ever decide to join the rest of us women we'll be in the kitchen." She grabbed Misha's hand and they both ran from the room. As there laughter faded into the distance I realized they were not only challenging me, but they had also given me the space and privacy to make my decision-my commitment-alone.

I held the panties out in front of me, studying the delicate white folds and lacy trim. Soft light from the stained glass night-table lamp shone through the almost sheer material. Wearing these would be practically like wearing nothing at all. I looked down at myself and suddenly realized that I'd been naked in front of these women for at least an hour or more. And it had felt natural.

No guts Katy had said. Hah! How hard could it be? I could always drop the charade whenever I felt like it. Anyway, I'd already worn a pair the night before, though it had been an emergency. Oh well, I thought, chuckling inwardly, I've been trying to get into women's panties all my adult life, just not quite this way.

Slowly, deliberately, I bent over, placed my bare feet through the leg-holes, and slid them up my legs. Something about the way Katy had set this up made me intensely aware how much it differed from the night before. This time it was for real, and I was suddenly afraid I might be getting into something that could never be undone.

I pulled the panties up into place, then looked down to see the effect. God knows I was already feeling it. It was so erotic! The panties hugged my buttocks in a smooth sensuous curve like no BVDs ever had. And they were so light-almost like nothing!

Yet it most certainly was something, as my penis-bulging obscenely behind the lacy front panel-attested. Even the room felt different to me. It was like I'd gotten inside some forbidden boudoir and found myself surrounded by women, women's things, and the smell of women. Feeling strangely and utterly transformed, I walked from the room.

As I left the bedroom I caught my own reflection in the door mirror. I paused and marveled at the curious image there. Was that merely a man posing in women's underwear? Or was there something more, something deeper and more profound. Feeling strangely off-balance, and more than a little embarrassed, I walked down the hallway toward the kitchen. For some reason I thought of that old saw about going "out of the frying pan and into the fire."

Misha squealed as she saw me come into the kitchen. "Oh! God, you're so cute!" Katy obviously agreed. She walked over and ran her hand across my silk-sheathed buttocks as if she owned them. "Some women would die for an ass like that," she murmured in my ear. She finished off with a pinch and a slap on my bottom, and moved back over to the sink.

I blushed beet-red and tried my best to hide a serious erection. Fortunately I was starving, and the breakfast that Katy and Misha laid out provided the necessary distraction. I quickly forgot myself-and my odd state of undress-as we sat down and laughed and ate together like dormitory chums.

After breakfast, I got up and collected the dirty dishes. As I stood rinsing them at the sink, I felt the conversation behind me lag. I turned to see both women staring at my backside admiringly. I had almost forgotten how sheer the panties were. The women were obviously enjoying the show. I flushed and started getting erect again.

"Turn around cutie," Katy teased. I turned to face them, my engorged penis threatening to escape its fragile silk cocoon. Both women raised their eyebrows and smiled.

"That's no way for a lady to behave," Katy playfully admonished. She turned to Misha. "I need to turn in. I'm due back on-shift at four." She kissed Misha and whispered something in her ear. Then she turned and hugged me.

"Relax and enjoy yourself, Alex," Katy whispered. She gave my ass a hard squeeze. "You're our responsibility now." She kissed me fully on the mouth, and before I could ask what she meant, she turned and left the room.

Misha got up and came over to me, wearing a mischievous smile. Her robe had fallen open just enough for me to get a glimpse of her breasts. Naturally, she caught me looking.

"Now, now, young lady. Behave." Misha grabbed my hands playfully. "I think you had better come with me." She dragged me from the kitchen toward a doorway that I suspected led down to the basement. I followed dutifully along, content in the knowledge that I had just found paradise, albeit a rather strange version.

10 - THE BASEMENT

Misha led me down the stairs and into a windowless basement room. It was nearly empty except for a padded table in the center, lit brightly by small heat lamps suspended high above. A sheet covered the table, draping down to the floor and hiding whatever was underneath. The rest of the room was softly bathed by indirect light from several wall sconces. It felt like a cross between an operating theater and a dungeon. A small chest of drawers sat against one wall, and on top of it an array of bottles and folded towels. A light, flowery scent in the air suggested the bottles contained oils and lotions.

Misha walked over to the table and glanced demurely over her shoulder at me. "By now, I shouldn't even have to ask if you're shy. I'll go first." She slipped out of her robe, climbed up on the table, and lay facedown.

I stood there, transfixed by the side of her smooth supine form. The pale twin globes of her ass glowed under heat lamps like some exotic buffet.

"Ahem..." Misha pointed to the bottles. "The oil is over there. You do give backrubs don't you?"

"Oh, uh yes. I do," I replied. "And the front too. That is, uh, if you-"

"In time, my sweet. All in good time."

A serious massage was out of the question. My hands had a mind of their own, and tonight's mission was to explore and worship. Fortunately, Misha didn't mind my lack of finesse. She didn't even complain when my greasy fingers fumbled the bottle and created a major oil spill on her back.

"You can just spread the excess down lower," Misha said, pulling the towel aside.

"Okay, sure." I ran my slick hands down over her firm ivory buttocks and kept going, down the smooth shaven expanse of her legs to her ankles. The journey back up was even better, moving along the insides of her legs, pushing wavelets of excess oil with my hands. Uncertain about how much I could get away with, I stopped near the top of her thighs and went to work on her back again.

"All the way down my spine now, please," Misha whispered.

All the way? I didn't know whether she wanted me to stop at the small of her back or to go further, below the belt so to speak.