All Comments on 'Roller Coaster Hookup'

You have an excellent premise for a story here - public, roller coaster, wet bodies. Try to develop the story with more details. Perhaps the two characters could meet in line at the first ride, and flirt until they reach the water coaster? A drawn-out story leaves your readers begging for its climax almost as much as your characters do. Sensuous descriptions and unbearable sexual tension are almost as sweet as the story's happy ending.

Keep writing! You have a good start.

If I could rate it lower than zero I would. Can you tell me the location of the amusement park where the girls walk around in thong bikinis? My advice: kill this story line and any others you are working on.

They would both have to have pretty fast triggers to get off on a coaster, but I thought it was a fun little story. Thanks for your effort.

Good to have a jacfoff on a roll coaster,but it have to be very fast because most don't last 5 min. Try one a the movies or shopping that will seam more real. But it is great you is tryiing keep it up.

Needs a lot of work to reach a suitable standard. Setting is wrong as can be gauged by comments from other writers. In saying all that look at the positives and find a volunteer editor to look at your work before submission. Practice makes perfect or at least acceptable

Technically pretty decent: no real distracting spelling or grammatical errors that usually is associated with "quickie" stories that are posted. Probably just a little more build up and tension would draw out the eroticism of a perfectly valid premise. Some earlier flirting? Catching each other's attention on other rides or other parts of the park? Rubbing against one another/stealing suggestive gropes in a very crowded line? Yeah, I've also never been to an amusement park with such a lax dress code (too bad). But possibly a few additional words would solve this: Spring Break in Fort Lauderdale? lol

I tend to write much longer pieces but I think quick stories are an art to themselves as well and difficult to do well. I think you've got something here.

Work on details. Keep expanding the ideas. But please keep writing.