All Comments on 'Roomers Ch. 02'

Is it still the same guy writing this? Now you read like William Gibson's Neuromancer..... The first story was well written and very clear.... This one not so clear. The main character went from being very well spoken to "Like totaly incoherient man".

Try to get back to the old ways.

MM

The first section contained some brilliant, inventive word play. The narrator's diction (word choices, style of expression) fit perfectly with the slacker persona.

But now the slacker's lack of foresight becomes a real problem for the reader. Heck, there's a girl (kinda)...really good sex, man...then there's another girl...some good sex...gee, man if I weren't such a slacker, my life might look like it had a plot...but that's too much work, dude...so why don't all you folks just chill...and there's another girl, man...

Having said all that, I wish I could be one tenth as inventive with language as you are -- that was almost enough to carry the whole show.

MoliereJBP

A fine piece of writing. Loved the dialog -- so rare on this site.