All Comments on 'Sandra's Adventures Pt. 01'

Speak English much? Maybe an Editor that does?

A big hole in this story and in the wives plan: 1st - Wives plan: What if both women got pregnant with a baby girl? what then? How would Alisha's husband react? Would he want to give their child to adoption to the other couple, that instead of one girl would have two? 2nd - story plan: Really a society like the one Mike had would stay secret and strong all through the years, all wives having children from other men and no consequences ever happened? What if one of the wives couldn't have children? Was she excluded? How would she felt? The children born in the society, belong to the society? Really? Where does this happens? In a parallel world? In another planet of the galaxy? So this story has no legs to stand on, as believable, not even as a fantasy...Maybe better put it in "Sci-Fi" category...2*

There's a concept of "Walking Marriages" in the Mosuo tribe in China which is still successful. Just like welfare states there can be"welfare communities" which will have strong bonds due to inter-connectedness with everyone in the community. This may be the future.

The arrangement was only to improve the probability. The 2nd part will discuss this aspect. And this will be Sandra's argument to avoid going ahead with the original plan.

I am sorry to say this, but this was a very difficult read as English is clearly not your first language.

Sandra is thought to be conservative and hesitant, but in her mind she is excited and enthusiastic. So it reads like Sandra is not being open and honest about her feelings, especially with her husband Robert. That is an issue of trust and respect, and indicates a weak marriage that would suffer with swapping. Regardless of how you write this, swapping marriages usually fail. Once a marriage dissolves into a series of primary and secondary fuck buddies, the relationship lose its special status and mutual respect. Eventually people look for their soulmate, and will leave a mediocre marriage when they think they have truly found someone special. Swapping is the perfect opportunity to meet someone special to replace your boring mundane spouse. Not a smart move if you want to stay married.

Yes, this is my first attempt at writing a story. If you (or anyone) can help me with a few suggestions to improve, it would be an immense help.

In this story the prospective children are treated like commodities. Are you a Nazi that you would contemplate this kind of casual breeding?

for effort and content. Good job!!

for a good read.

bonnie/vastie/anon, you've been smoking the draino again! Broken English and epically stupid characters add up to a good read? Much of it didn't even make sense.

after she gave birth to your dog shit ass she cut her throat. 5 to offset your sad old fag comment.

If you are a pervert locked up in jail this might float your boat, orange is the new black, right bonnietaylor.

who does not like to complain about people who attempt to write but what i just read is garbage and have to say unless your retarded how could you like his piece of shit.

Bonnie/Vastie CAN'T Read thats why she thinks all uploads rate a 5

Enjoyed... and understood the premise since I was asked to impregnate a woman when younger because of how "beautiful" my kids were... reason not a 5 was some confusion in the thought pattern early on... Got better when you got to the meat of the story...

A divorce. Unlikeable characters make for a lousy story.

eat shit annony you old ugly fag!!

This was a thoughtful relationship story, where sex was secondary to the wellbeing of the marriages in play. We appreciated the fact that the couples were mature and responsible in exploring their sexuality.

My wife is a biologist and firmly believes that women should only mate with the strongest, smartest and healthiest male available. She explained this to me before our marriage. It eventually lead to her getting me a vasectomy, as stronger breeding candidates appeared. We now how three lovely children from three different men. She just had an IUD inserted so as to prevent further pregnancies from her various lovers.

Folks, lighten up. Human sexuality is a very personal thing and each couple needs to figure out what works for them. Married women who sleep around with their husbands’ encouragement are not necessarily irresponsible sluts. Extramarital sexual activity does not necessarily lead to divorce, if it is well thought out. A well fucked wife can be a happy mother and an exciting wife.

Very nice story. Your English is very good given the fact that you are not a native English speaker. Keep writing!

I certainly hope you are a Troll, and not a real man ! If you believe that line of shit your so called wife fed you, then you must be a Nazi ! That was the same program they set up. I guess your little Fraulin' met a big old SS' Strom trooper to breed little concentration camp guards !

Sounds kinda sick that way doesn't it, well it sounded sick the first time too !

There is a reason tribal systems or wife sharing or in this case wives having children by many other men..doesnt really work this way...interbreeding is not a good idea swinging is fine for those that can seperate sex and feelings the people in your story cant. You believe in these people so you will take the story to its conclusion which will probably be these woman all having many children by many men...i hear Mormens believe in this idea...

never breed. Can you imagine something like that giving birth. Gives me the shivers, just thinking about it. It almost makes me vomit.

Vote 1* for every story rated by THE FAT WHORE (that's what her clients call her) aka BONNIE/VASTIE aka ANON!

....it seemed as the story approached its concluding lines, that the odd verbal quirks and unusual turns of phrase increased in both frequency and severity.

It appears that while quite good for general verbal communication your writing suffers some difficulty with both vocabulary and colloquial usage.....leading me to believe that your first language was not English....probably one of the Indo-European languages, like one of the Baltic-Slavic class. I could be wrong, but the hints seem to be there in some of the phrasing and unusual use of certain words (for native English speakers).

Anyway, the story took so many turns and the mental gymnastics you had to resort to to make your case, left me feeling a bit used and abused. There were a lot of conflicts in character's positions on issues, then they would do a turnabout and be completely OK with something that would have angered them only days earlier. So without offering a good reason for such a dramatic change of attitude, you leave readers confused and frustrated, struggling to believe any of it.

Please get editorial help, or at the least put as much effort into editing as in writing to polish the story and make it shine as perfectly as you can.

Thank you.

I am making note of the flaws in my writing. This is my first attempt and hence quite possible the ideas may not have been expressed properly. I am very grateful for polite and valuable suggestions from readers. I very much appreciate your patience in going through the story and giving me the feedback.

I'm checking in almost on a daily basis to see if the next part of this story is up.

it's impossible to make everything perfect and satisfy everyone.

To me as long as the mistakes doesn't hurt the reading too much and the possibility to imagine the story then the rest is just formalities that can be corrected along the way. and you have gotten to that point :)

Sorry but I dislike this story,the first part got me so out of a sexual mood I couldnt make it through the rest ,not something relevant to be posted here in my opinion. Tim

Thank goodness someone woke you up to the absolute fact that you can't write a lick.