All Comments on 'Saturday's Serendipty'

For the read.

An excellent flow of events, a little suspense, some really human elements as he is noticed to be watching, and it all leads to an encounter that is a classic case of "Wham, Bam, Thank you , Ma'am." Only this case leads to expectations. Then to be tagged by the milf on the way out gave him an overabundance of riches. No wonder he couldn't sleep. I doubt that I could either.

Seriously, this is good character development in few words, a difficult task indeed. My only complaint, and it is minor, is that the beginning seems to be a bit muddled. There have to be several threads that haven't been followed up, and the relationships are a little vague for me to follow. But since I don't think the rest of the story will include the initial set of family characters, the vagueness just adds another foundation level .

If you continue,and I hope you will, develop his background a bit more.

All in all, a very well done one pager.