All Comments on 'Seated'

But you desperately need an editor. The story is also asking for a follow-up.

2 * for the attempt

BW66, all you need to become OKWriter77 is to NOT post immediately after you finish the last sentence. Instead, let it sit a few days, then re-read it carefully. For example, you have Sweetie fantasizing about Little Brother while giving up her cherry to ... Little Brother. Pretty sure you meant ‘Brad’ instead of the second ‘Bruce.’ There are several other odd-logic screw-ups. You also have a penchant for using the wrong homophones. The grammar is often off. Some of these issues, like the homophones, are tough to catch if you never won a spelling-bee. Thus, after catching the silly omissions and other goofs, let an experienced editor take a shot at it. Read that when it comes back, then read it again, next to your second draft. See which scans better, and try to figure out why! Make a list of your misspellings and word-misuse. Refer to that list on the continuation of this tale. (Just kidding! It is at a good ending, as is! But Hubby, as you have depicted him, KNOWS what he intends before they leave for the restaurant!)

All in all, the story was not bad. But using Superman-in-mufti is trite. Hubby can be good, but not THAT good. It is unrealistic. The photo scene was just plan overdone, partly because your everyday cocksman would NOT remember the news story in any great detail. Find a less elaborate way to confirm what the message the handshake initiated about reconsidering the nerd.

3*. Keep trying.

But it's not. Editing, editing, editing. And then some more editing. And maybe a little less Special Forces stuff. We've seen this premise a few times but you've got a different take that could be great. It's just not there yet.

"34 year old ex- Special Forces computer nerd with a doctorate in Computer sciences"

That right there is funny, I don't care who you are!

Definitely needs some editing, major grammar mistakes in every paragraph. Some pretty spectacular spelling errors, too. In spite of these, a very gripping story and well worth continuing.

Wow, where to begin. You need a good editor. The words that were messed up, the words that were misused, distracted from the story in a major way. I was not able to get past them.

Now to the GI Joe aspect. I'm beginning to think the Special Forces is the largest branch of the military! Get real. Look up the phrase "deus ex machina". That's what the special forces are for the hack writers. Then a miracle occurs. Really?

Oh and don't forget the super hacker who sends messages to others' secret email accounts. As your editor I would have run a big red line through those parts and told you not to be so lazy.

There are plenty of ways the story could have gone that didn't depend on magic.

No. #1. You are bad writer number 1. No one else comes close to your level.

You know this is a bad joke, right? Think about it for a minute. This is a series of bad clichés, strung together with writing so bad that is preposterous to imagine that it's accidental. I mean, come on, the guy is "claiming incense," and "pooching" wives. This is a parody, written to rattle the cage. Has that ever been done? Know of anyone who would do that?

first it is a better story then 99% of the garbage that is usually on this sight as you will find out the sickos try to tell you what and how to write. Their idea of a story is you have to fuck everybody even the family dog, then they give a fake name as if anybody with a brain would want to know the dirt bags.

Wife has crush on old boy friend.

Wife has unsatisfied sexual longing for old boy friend.

Wife goes through all the steps and progressions to fucking a predator and claims she wouldn't actually have fucked him. Really.

Husband is a military expert clandestine killer.

Husband is a surveillance computer wiz.

Husband has somehow filmed and recorded all the acts of seduction and cheating the wife has committed.

Husband brings in the predator's wife so she can slam him with the evidence and kick him to the curb.

Predator is told to leave town forever in ____ hours; pick a number.

Wife says she will do ANYTHING to save her marriage: "I will quit my job, I will stay home I will only go out with you anything." Wow, did she just claim that she will even stop dating other men? Now that's true remorse.

It is a good plot idea, but you murdered it. Keep practicing, and get the help overwhelmingly suggested by your fellow writers. Good luck with future efforts.

In addition to the spelling, grammer, name switch, and overused Delta Force issues there is a technical legal flaw. In no US jurisdiction I know of is a litigant allowed to serve original process to start a lawsuit in their own case. I have seen this mistake in other stories. The husband of July has not been served. Now, given that your Delta Force trucker has committed multiple felonies in front of at least one nonmarital witness, who cares? If he will have Brad killed in 12 hours if he doesn't leave the state the service is truely moot!

I wrote an entire laundry list but then realized I was getting carried away. His/her bio states that he/she is from the "West Cost". That pretty well tells us all we need to know.

At least wasn't cuck!

As has been said, very poorly written. Grammar, spelling, etc.

One HUGE plot hole - he obviously only became suspicious of this guy when he came to work for the wife's company. So how did he get evidence, including photos of PRIOR affairs? Does he have a time machine?

Only a page and a half and I couldn't finish it. Everyone makes a mistake now and then, leaves out a word or used the wrong spelling, but come on! I got to think English is not your first language. It it is or it isn't, either way get an editor.

As for the story itself-well I don't know how it ends but I stopped reading when it came to all the special forces crap again. Talk about cliche'.

You had a good start but your grammer and spelling are really bad. Then not using an editor was your fatal mistake. Try using Grammerly. Its free and will catch 95% of your ignorance.

Not gag, as in reflex, gag as in prank. Surely no one could write so dreadfully accidentally.

Yes, as many commentators have said the story needs spell checked, grammar checked and several editings. Possibly parts of it were cliché, however, the story unfolded nicely, was interesting, and expressed emotions. The couple clearly love each other and it will be interesting to see where a second installment will go.

The fact that the husband took these concrete actions to prevent the seduction of his wife speaks well of him. Liz was just another beautiful piece of fresh meat for Brad. She had no chance resisting this accomplished seducer. Brad was a serial killer of marriages and it was good to see him destroyed.

My wife first broke our wedding vows by being seduced by a man very much like Brad and she had a six-month affair with him. When I first found out, I hit the roof, asked for a divorce, and my wife was reduced to tears. She said she would do anything to make our marriage work, so I said “Well, since you enjoy him; keep fucking him!” (I knew that would put her in a double bind because sex with him would now become a requirement, instead of just at her whim.) She was shocked, but kept up with the affair until she found out what an asshole he was.

When she broke up with him, I told her that I would divorce her because her having a lover was a precondition for me staying in the marriage. I said, since she was already a slut she should find another lover or lovers. (I had never confessed to her that I had a cuckold fantasy and I never will.) I make her tell me everything she does with her lovers and even present me with an occasion video, as proof. I make her switch lovers every once in a while, we don´t want her getting attached to the men.

Now, years later, a kind of reverse 7-year itch is now setting in for her. She would actually would like to return to a normal, monogamous relationship with me. However, I tell her that she decided a long time ago she wanted to be a slut…and she better keep it up!

Keep writing, I´d like to see how Liz evolves!

Others have pointed out several editing, grammar and word choice issues, but the following line really needs to be corrected;

"Anyway, she had given up her cherry to Bruce after the senior prom, but confided that she was thinking of Bruce at the time."

I assume you meant Brad, else this makes no sense.

Little rough, but interesting. Like to see where it goes.

when dealing with ex military in their family, TK U MLJ LV NV

A bit cliched, but a good start. You needed more back story, should have been more "filled out" and more explanations. You assumed too much and what the others had to say about grammar, etc. Please try again, there's hope for you.

Your are a bad writer. But your malapropisms made me laugh out loud:

"Brad was attempting to claim incense..."

"we became closed, actually friends,"

"As I said earlier I can bland in almost any environment."

"He was a pro pussy hood, and he was targeting my wife."

"El sat stunned her eye gallisin with moisture."

OMG, so funny! English is definitely not your first language or you are just an idiot. Get an editor, especially one that is native English. Of course, they have their work cut out for them. But even with no malapropisms and good grammar, you are still a bad writer, Badwriter66.

That's because the story is tired old cliché, so old and so tired that you can't make it up, you can only scape it off of other old and tired BTB stories. It is like the textbook example of what NOT to do when you write one of these BTB stories. Such as making your protagonist a ninja or the ex-Special Forces leader of Delta Force 1. His name is Truck but they called him 18 Wheeler, (see what they did there?) and, Brad or Bruce, you better be scared because at 6 foot he can bland in, he really can!

Thanks for the laughs, but it is still 1*.

I don't want to pile on another scorching critical review. Slirpuff is inactive now , but us an easy peasy Hall of Fame author as can be verified " A Little Bit of Death" , "Big Mouth " ( and others ). Yet SP's early stories were very rough hewn and chock full of grammatical gaffes . He made himself over thru diligence and ignoring inveterate anon nay-sayers .

Can Badwriter66 duplicate SP's heartening, inspirational example ? My honest estimate is that the chances are, the chances are slim but have been proved wrong before . I hope to be in grievous error again because ' tomorrow never knows' and if this author can invoke the focus and work ethic of the Computer Sci doctoral degreed, ex-special forces narrator / entrepreneur , then most definitely ' tomorrow never knows'.

I'm a bit wary, for the author might be pulling our collective leg with an intentional parody of a Loving Wife tale replete with histrionic mishmash of cliches and tired tropes. To me , a man who so perfectly seems to know absolutely nothing of a fresh and original Literotica story, MIGHT actually know something about the same. Just a hunch.

FUCK ME, your user name says it ALL BADWRITER66 fits extremely well.

He is writing a Western, even as we speak. Well, probably sleeping as we speak, but definitely will be awake and writing, tomorrow. Would have written for the last Legends' Day, if we could have hooked up. Not inactive, just resting for a bit.

Not much to say about this story. Too suspicious. This is validation of the theory that someone will praise almost anything, so long as it has the outcome they desire.

I especially liked the "claim incense" stuff. That sounds like a religious ritual.

I missed some Cayman bank account, which, as we all know, is essential for a good LW story. I also would have prefered to be informed about the usual exact penis measurements.

great so far. waiting for the next part

There will be a part 2? I don't think so, if this was a parody of some LW's stories, using almost all the clichés available. Part 2 of any parody is never as good as part 1. As a parody is not bad...It has a lot of errors, but everyone already stated that. 3*

@sbrooks103x: this husband was a computer nerd and lover boy was stupid enough to keep all about his conquests in his computer and fone...So we know how the husband got all the evidence of past cheatings, as the cheated wife said it: "I have tapes, photographs and back-ups of all your account online and at home"...

This is a mess. The plot is thin, there is no action, the characters are stick figures and the grammar and syntax are atrocious! This is not a parody. It is just bad writing. Get an editor. Take a creative writing class. Bloody hell, take high school English! I'm usually not this critical, but this is just lazy. Bah! Just bah!

Sorry that was pathetic

I liked it.

... Really though, it was a pretty good story. Too bad that it was obviously written in your second language.

illiterate cuck shit.

I could follow it but it just stopped

I think you are continuing this story as you say d he will sought this out on his traveling assignment. Do these critics really read the story? It's so hard for a writer to come up with something new this has been writing about numerios times.

BUT Dude, you need an Editor. It appears that English is not your native language. Also some over used stereotypes, and there are errors that are not even English words. But this is a good beginning. Work with an Editor, and keep writing.

When recovered from the surprise will she come back at him for spying on her, this could continue very well. Don't worry about language, you should see the faces of my Spanish neighbours when i talk to them.

Keep writing but please get an editor. The story came through even with the struggle to figure out what words you wanted in some places.

Why not the pope??? He is an ex-seal??!! Thats a fantasy beyond all reliability!!!

First, get a spell checker and learn the English language. Second, have someone that does know English check and recheck for punctuation. Last, even if it is fantasy, it is tough to read when the wrong word(s) and syntax are used.

I’m sure that you’re a tough guy in your dreams, but you’re a poor writer, obviously appealing to all those want to be tough guys reading on this site.

Regardless of the other comments, I liked it but I’m a sucker for these types of stories. Needs a finish one way or the other. I don’t like to be left hanging and we have too many writers that like to do that. I like a compete story and this one has so many places that it can go. Please keep pulling the heart strings. Only makes it better

What a load of crap.written by a five year old.Sorry my niece is five and she tells far better stories and she can use a spell checker.Same old crap wife cheats husband is a secret agent or special forces.

Why do you bother when you don't have an original thought or story in your childish little head.Yes I'm being fucking hard you wasted my time on this drivel

Finish the story. Please.

get a fucking editor. or better, just quit.

First, if you edited your own story ... Don't

Next, if you used an editor, next time use one who speaks English not as a second language.

The story line is okay, but having had a past similar to the narrator's... his mind would already be made up before this scene occurred; so a follow up would not be necessary. He has no more facts to gather so his decision would be on the table (Envelope or no envelope) before the meeting ever took place... you can't have it both ways.

the author warns us with his user name.

What is it with these writers who can't finish a story!

Get a decent editor. Nearly EVERY paragraph had an error in it, particularly verb tense. Story a little trite, but acceptable. Having the protagonist leave without resolution is not a way to end a story.

Funny how somw commenters cannot read HUGE SIGNS

Such as calling yourself badwriter

Personally I believe this effort was farce using number of lw cliches

Oh, bet Slirpuff is overjoyed to read that the for pig farm resident lardslummydoo thinks he got better as a writer.

Sad to say, lsd has not improved his efforts

the mistakes are like one of those puzzles--you can read thru it. the unfinished story leaves food for thought: what does the honest, honorable man do? been wondering that myself for 40 years. I still have her and am still undecided.

It is a parody, isn't it?

I hope this Souper Hero lead character wiz done in umor. As was the grevus Lee horrible editing, when Brads wifi was introduced as July, I figured you meant Julie.

I do hope it was intentional parady.

I'm leaning towards the theory that we've all been punked, that this story was deliberately bad.

Maybe posted by swingerjoe or one of his disciples... or should I say sycophants?

First I would like to thank all those whom have provided feedback on my nonexistent writing skills. Although English is my native language, its’ proper use requires thought and that for me is far too much effort. I do plan on correcting many of the errors and omissions in this edition. I am not the brightest bubble as I did submit a draft copy, but reviewing the final draft it to contains several errors as well. I will strive to improve and actually enjoy the harsh, crude and rude comments. It is reassuring to know that even in this style of literature there are snobs and elitists.

re:

Hey, there is an audience for this stuff, the fucktard white knights who fundamentally believe that women aren't responsible for their actions because of the shiny pedestal.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Those and the ones who believe that women are not responsible because they are promiscuous by nature, like chimpanzees are.

That they cannot be held responsible due to their lack of mental ability.

...and they call us the 'misogynists'.

A bit cliched, but not too much so!

There are volunteer editors on Literotica, seek out their help, they'll be worth getting in touch with.

Liz realizes her mistakes and will make a great wife and mother

but I read it anyway. Well, most of it. I assume it is a parody.

I cannot believe how many people took this seriously. Well-played, Badwriter, well played!

Give it up PLEASE. At least you got the right username 1*

I NEVER log in to comment, I just score as honestly as I can, usually erring to positive reinforcement. But my god this piece was shite. It was so bad, I had to read the whole thing to see if there was a semblance of hope. The tragedy is, there's a decent story her wrapped in a quagmire of illiteracy. Stay away if you actually like to read.

If this is some sick form of parody, as some suggest, it's sick and immeasurably disrespectful to the reader. The amount of work that went into making this writing as bad as it was bibles the mind. Reading this is akin to watching a train wreck. You want to avert your eyes, but you can't. Respect goes both ways in this forum. I now officially feel disrespected and you owe me an apology.

Is there a way to tag an author with a radioactive warning symbol?

I tried to give this writer the time of day and got biffed as a result.

Rafe

Part 2 please? I was captivated.

First, congrats in having the balls to publish something on LW. We're a tough bunch on this site.

Now for the bad stuff; if you intend to continue writing get an editor, at least they should be able to help eliminate the mistakes. This is quite a common plot & that's not a bad thing but the way the writer handles the characters & fleshes out the storyline is what "makes" the tale & here you failed.. I see where some commentators think you wrote this as a parody, hmmm, perhaps, but I think not. Deserved a higher score but just too many errors to make easy reading. 1 *

... or stop writing!

Not a bad concept but get an editor, one with a lot of sympathy. Your grammar is atrocious.

But perhaps English is not your first language? If so, you get a pass but still find an editor.

Your hero comes across as insecure. I'm not sure you intended for it to be that way. But, to get all worked up over a bit of hand holding, is over the top.

You need to reread. He did NOT get worked up by a "little hand-holding,"

There were was a shift in her behavior, she's now working with her old crush and had been seen with him being inappropriate, and now she's going to a "meeting" in a near-slutty dress.

She hasn't told her husband about lunches with the guy, and while SHE may not know it her husband knows to guy has rented a hotel room.

Plenty to get worked up about!

Everyone needs an editor.

I thought it a was refreshing new view.

It was a good view into a life. admittedly with the Navy Seal emerging to strike the other fellow.

Someone no doubt will cry 'unfinished'. Too bad. Make your own ending. "At the end of the week he is away, . . ." fill in your own dots.

And yes the writing was not the best technically, but again, "who cares?" I venture that it was not written by 'voice recognition', which these days is a plus.

Score of 4.

Cheers..

He punishes his wife, by talking her to death. Probably a skill he picked up, during his time in Special Forces. Too boring to get past the first page.

category : loving wife

Tags : loving wife

synopsis : A loving wife story

(no imagination for an author?)

@Badwriter66, Perhaps should you read that before going further =>

https://www.literotica.com/s/story-tags

You are a bad writer.

Sentences that don't flow or make sense.spelling is atrocious and story so unoriginal it's childish.Please if you cannot be bothered to check your work at least then don't bother you wasted my time.You lost me when he became Mr Hardass America.Really what a joke.One of the worst I've read and forcthis site that's really something

Yes, you name fits well, bad writer, is in serious need of an editor, but so is the anon below me.

Big mistake, even worse this time round. Do yourself, the story & us, readers, a favour, get an editor or at least use spell check before submitting your work. Learn to spell your character's names, you flip flop between Elizabeth & Elisabeth -- really. 1 *

Oh, Badwriter. Truth in advertising.

Seriously, when I have to stop and figure out what the right word was SUPPOSED to be, it kills the momentum and rhythm.

Not a bad story but these things kill it.

JimC

The story isn't bad. Don't listen to these nitwits. Keep trying.

You picked an interesting, but not original, scenario but you need a lot of help. First, your spelling is terrible, even if written by an 8th grader. My best suggestion is to take a course in creative writing or a fundamental English course.

Practice, practice, practice.

Tiny Tim

. . . are so plentiful and careless, that they distract from paying attention to the story. I suspect that all you had to do was to proof-read it once to catch most of the blatant spelling and grammatical errors. I you are able to write, you must be able to read! So, read it before you publish.

The gross errors of elemental grammer and syntax should have mostly been caught by a normal spell/grammer check program. That they weren't means the author either deliberately turned the check program off or ignored the resulting alerts. Both cases show a fundamental disrespect for readers and the act of writing. The name the author chose for himself is neither ironic nor humerous. In the context of this very poor effort it is malignant.

Sure, free hobby writing on a genre porn site cannot be expected to be of a professional caliber. But if the author doesn't care why should we?

All of the comments about the quality of the writing apply again.

The story is not original nor inventive so the presentation has to be really good. The presentation of this story was not good to the point it detracted from the story.

Don’t give up. Get an editor or if that fails, proof read. Get a good WP package that can help find some of the basic errors.

You’ve collected the usual gaggle of comments by those who didn’t share your idea of a story plot. A few commented that your story telling needed much improvement (at least that’s what I think they were trying to say) but even these neglected to spell out what you did wrong.

Personally, I think you have the making of a great story, BUT… You need a lot of work.

#1 Learn how to handle dialogue. All dialogue is enclosed in quotes and EVERY time a new character speaks you MUST start a new paragraph. BTW this makes for a much better story. Before I finished this comment I read another of your stories; you did a bit better with dialogue there, but still needs improvement.

#2 Try to make the characters believable. Hubby as superman will be taken with a grain of salt every time.

# 3 This is to other commenters—please name just one original plot, either here or on another site—in the last ten years. The world waits breathlessly.

Good luck with your writing. You have good stories within you—you just need to learn to tell them. cd

Get an editor!

Badwriter was the perfect name choice for you. Horrible, horrible writing, you need to go back to school.

Give me a break: "I am a 34 year old ex- Special Forces computer nerd with a doctorate in Computer sciences." Special Forces computer nerd? Why do you military wannabes always invent trash such as the BS line above? Do you know anything about the US military? I think not.

He talks to much...he should have served the divorce papers to her...that would have scared the crap out of her...then he should have made her craw...she new she was going to sleep with that guy.....LOL...........

Not all bad, but spelling and grammar are awful. Try again, a lot.

That was a pretty tough read for a straightforward scenario.

With the username, I can't help but feel I'm being trolled a bit.

I've known less than five men who shortened their wives' common names (El for Elizabeth, Di for Diane, etc.). It's just silly, but most of the MCs in these stories do that. I suspect that it's usually the writer just being lazy.

Terrible writing...Special Forces computer nerd, get real.

Well, Badwriter66, you certainly live up to your name.