All Comments on 'Second Chances Retribution'

Thanks I think??? If you are going to write a flashback to a story please let us know what the name of the story!!!

First things first: Chytown, this story IS named after the original; "Second Chances" has been revisited several times on this site, but they've all been in the Loving Wives category, while this one was posted in Non-Erotic.

As for our author, I have some feedback I'd like to share. First, PLEASE get an editor! This site has the tools in place for authors to find an editor, and you desperately need one. Here are a few reasons why:

1.) Your efforts to write conversations are disjointed at best. It almost seems as if there's an attempt to blend a court transcript with a screenplay. Sadly, this does not work for fiction; an author needs to be able to **clearly** paint a picture for anyone who reads what he or she has written, and this takes time (and space) to make happen.

2.) Keeping to the conversations at the moment, this is very important: Each time someone says something, give it its own paragraph. There are, of course, situations where this rule does not need to be followed, but if you revisit any of the best-selling authors (or, better yet, some of the classics from years gone by), you will see how a conversation is intended to be written.

3.) Back story is important, especially if you're not going to be spending any real time fleshing out the scenes for the reader. At this point, you might be asking yourself what this means. It's a fair question, so here's the answer: an author has a duty to give his or her readers a world they can inhabit while they read what was written. This is fiction, remember, and fiction requires that anyone who reads it is able to temporarily forget that the words they read aren't actually factual. This is called "Suspension of Disbelief," and is a vital element of ALL forms of fiction. The more effort put into giving the reader something they can actually imagine, the easier it becomes for that reader to immerse himself or herself into the made-up situation the author has penned. For a story such as this - which is picking up where another tale left off - it would normally be advisable to start with some sort of explanatory segment right at the beginning, so that the reader has the opportunity to be given some (or all) of the information that you, as the author, remembered from reading the original tale.

I'm guessing that you opted for Non-Erotic for two reasons: first (and foremost), because the Loving Wives comments can be utterly brutal; second, because Non-Erotic seemed a suitable description for the tale. I'm only going to say that, while brutal, you are likely to see far more constructive feedback on that page than you might anywhere else...no offense intended to those who comment on the Non-Erotic page!

Keep writing. Writing is one of those skills which takes time (and lots of it) to improve. A good editor will make WORLDS of difference, and can speed up your progress immensely.

You need an editor one that not only will help you with grammar but the structure of your story. One of the hardest stories to follow I have ever read. The section separation made no sense. The punctuation for conversations was confusing. Hard to determine who was talking to whom about what. The prose was awkward. Plot and character seemed to have promise but was sabotaged by the weaknesses mentioned.

Editorial rework is necessary.

Really, just unreadable.

This is okay as an outline for a story, but it is not a story yet.

It is barely readable, hard to follow.

Ideas are introduced then dropped with no explanation or ignored.

The confrontations are left mostly unexplored or ignored.

All is forgiven ?

Yes his new love has healed his heart, but these are still the same greedy selfish people that threw him away for a rich man.

Better than your first efforts.

Also, I believe that you're the only writer to express one of my own thoughts: Why couldn't the other kids or their mother donate?

I really like what you started here. Please write more.

I like this one best, I'm sorry but they deserve no consideration at all. Not even the little one, they hid her shes his by DNA no relationship at all. Let them deal with the results of THEIR choices. They are not one bit sympathetic at all and deserve no compassion. I'm sorry but the whole taking the high road, being the better person. I Don't buy, they fuck you over and YOU are supposed to be the bigger person so to speak? Nope you did something shitty now you and those you care about deal with the aftermath of those choices when its something like what this story had them do to him. id like to see another chapter from you to see how this plays out. This kind of betrayal ive seen what it did to a close friend of mine, and when it was told to him to be the bigger person by his former brother in law, he knocked him out with one punch. So that's where the harshness comes from

I like your idea for a different ending to Huedogg2's "Second Chances". But, the execution left something to be desired. The structure and punctuation were not done well. There was no introduction regarding Wallace and Diane's romance, it was just thrown out at the end. If James did not divorce Diane and he married Marion, then he is guilty of bigamy. Diane can have James charged with that crime.

-

I see you have not authored anything since March 2014. I encourage you, if you are still interested, to continue writing. One can not get better without practice. One thing you can do, if you have not done so already, is learn about how to do an essay. The structure of an essay is the same structure that are used in boos, movies, news articles, etc.

-

Good Luck

-

Pasqual

***Thanks for the read.

One, it is unfinished like your other story.

Two, she had the business when she tracked down Wally, so he didn't help her start it.

Three, he is being too forgiving to his first batch kids. They don't deserve any of that.

Leave it here. There were several better sequels to read.