All Comments on 'Semper Fidelis'

for dialog. Instead of having some narrator observing the actions from a third point of view and TELLING the story, have your characters tell their own story...<br><p>

Try it on for size: dialog is good!

It was a little impersonal. It needed more interaction between the characters to show how the relation was developing. Also, I agree with the previous comment when it was said that you needed dialogue. Dialogue gives you a communication between the two characters and expresses feelings. Next time you write, please consider what we suggested because you have the talent, just needs refining a little. Good effort, though!