All Comments on 'Sensual Overload'

Great story, nice and hot. Hopefully it doesn't end here these two are hot

Good first effort.

More please!

Good Scene, well-written, well thought out, the niggling thought I have is ... "Why Inter-Racial?".

Sure they might both be black (she has skin like chocolate, which might mean foil-wrapped) He might,,or might not, be black also.

My point is that inter-racial i guess is where something is important about two *different* races co-joining.

Good Story, Mis-Assignrd.

Thanks

Kilroy

Great job. Really enjoyed it. I didn't understand the comment made about the interracial topic. Eh, whatever. lol. Great job :)

is not black... moving on.

You are off to a good start, but at times, your descriptions were redundant and there was an excessive use of adjectives. For example,"He sized her up, admiring her sexy curvy brown body". You don't have to fit them all into one sentence or even the same paragraph. Slowly paint your picture as your story builds.

Example of redundancy: twice you mentioned his "broad chest" and "smooth skin". Another example,"His dark gray eyes appeared to be as dark as coal". (Suggestions: His gray eyes appeared to be as dark as coal; or, His dark gray eyes appeared to be the color of coal). The word "dark" is used once and yet the description of his eyes still provides the reader with a vivid image. I think you get the picture. Pun intended. (0: Good luck with the next story.

i enjoyed your story very much.

If this was your first story, I don't think you need any improvement on your style. Perfect spelling and grammar is very rare these days and you NAILED IT. The story was well written and had a natural flow to it. Thank you for a great story. Keep it up. You are now in my favorites.

this was such a sweet and thought provoking story! Such romance and love that it just jumps off the screen at you, keep writing these beautiful stories :>)

This is my favorite story on here.

i need to find a guy like that for me.

Yawn. What else you got??