All Comments on 'Sharing Shelly Pt. 01'

Shelley, you've excelled yourself this time! Superb! xx

Maybe I've just had a shitty day but I didn't think it worked. Too much information I think, no mystery, no tension.

This is a well-written and erotic story that fits perfectly into the description of this category...so, naturally, it has a low rating. Just further proof that the ratings on this site -- especially this section of the site -- are meaningless.

I enjoyed this story for the hot little fantasy piece that it is. However, I also have some criticism to offer. First, I feel that what makes a first-time sharing story hot is the tension over "will they/won't they?" There was no tension in this story. Shelly simply told hubby she needed to be fucked, he said "okie-dokie", and then they headed over to their friends' house to get fucked. There wasn't even any debate or discussion with the friends; it was just assumed that they would all be open and willing to fuck each other.

Another critique is your use of dialog. I found it off-putting at times, as it pulled me out of the story. "Fill her cunt with your cum, darlin', she's ready and needs to be full of your sweet juices" just doesn't sound like something anyone would say in real life. (And if you know anyone in real life who actually does speak that way, please contact me immediately!)

And finally, you tend to use some words far too often. For example, I lost count of the number of times you used the word "bulge." Change it up by varying the descriptive words you use. Instead of "bulge", try substituting "swelling" or "rapidly growing member" or "fully engorged cock."

You're a talented writer, and I appreciate reading about your fantasies. Keep them cumming.

Good fantasy and maybe a good reality...

Story is good but could be a lot better. Just a few things I noticed you might want to consider. In the first page I think you had the characters looking over at themselves. You also need to remember to start a new paragraph every time a new character starts to talk, even if the last one only said one word. Keep things believable; it may be possible for three bodies to do a fourth as you described, but I suspect they would be found in a circus. Finally, and I find this the hardest thing to do, the dialog should sound like something a person from that backround, in that situation, would say.

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Please take these comments in the spirit they are offered. In most cases I'm simply passing along comments others have made on my stories; comments that have made me a better writer. (Notice I didn't say a good writer.) Anyway, I did enjoy the read, thanks for the effort. I'm looking forward to seeing more of your worfk.

Letting you know that here. 5 *'s on the erection meter.

I'll be writing more to the other account.

Thank you all for the comments thus far - I really appreciate the constructive criticism, especially since I'm very very green at all this. When I get ready to write my next installment, I will try very hard to follow your excellent suggestions and, heh, make it less circus-act-y, as well as more believable. Can't fault a girl for having a wild imagination, right? Oh and swingerjoe? *raises hand* that phrase has passed my lips before... *evil grin*

Thanks again for reading my stories - I'll hopefully only improve from here! :)

xoxo Shelly

This is the kind of story Literotica needs more of, certainly in the Loving Wives section: a story where everyone is in on the fun and no one (in particular, no husband) is left out or humiliated.

Looking forward to the next chapter.