All Comments on 'Shawna's Surprise'

You really need an editor. Short of having one, please don't post again.

A bazaar is like a flea market. Bizarre Is weird or odd. 12 yrs in High school? Seriously? Not a bad story otherwise. Get an editor IF you decide to try another. 2 stars

All fathers and daughters should experience such uninhibited love

Since she doesn't have his last name I thought they might marry

Those who can do. Those who cannot, critique and edit. Write my friend. Write without worry. Ignore the bastards. Their bizarre obsession has made them trolls in the bazaar of of wanna be writers.

for writing

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It's a pretty good idea for a story but the writing was badly done. As has been mentioned, a good editing is required. Odd words such as "enshrouded" don't help but only make the reader think WTF?

Find an editor.

Yes , a pubic comment is appropriate here. WW

I don't like to discourage new writers, but... do you talk like this?

If they could do better those who are anon ... would use their real name or have a real profile and yes I have a profile. Alpha1one

I was liking the story up until she brought Tracy home with her. I lost interest and quit reading right after that.