All Comments on 'Sherry's Great Mistake!'

This was very, very poorly written. Putting aside the ridiculous sized dick, seriously take a look at what 12 inches are really like rather than just imagining it in your head, the present tense narrative was very stifling, the dialogue was poorly acted out, like they were obviously reading from a script, not to mention the whole thing of stupidity of the women involved, as well as Terry's acceptance of his wife's betrayal.

Not gonna bother with rating this one.

Couldn't get past the foot long dong. The awkward present tense was bad enough, but the foot long business just ruined it. Do you even know any women? That's some kind of adolescent male fantasy, not a woman's. Trust me on this, I'm a woman.

Who cares about the size. He didnt stay a cuckold. Btb great story. Stop being petty. Or go read Matt Morneau, the cuckold king.

And believed their wives were none the wiser, I don't feel sorry for anyone. Then there was the focus on Michaels strength, like that makes a good husband and then Drake being presumably murdered, all this adds up to a pile of excrement so foul, it stinks up the whole site.

After all, if Michael loved Angela, he wouldn't have fucked Angela. As for Sherry cheating with Drake and Jason? Too coincidental and too cliche. Then there sex between Sherry and Angela, I'm completely confused at her protests of fidelity and why not rent a fucking hotel room anyway? Seriously, why not?

A well deserved 1star

Could have been great. The stupid cunt actually told her husband that the big dick affair would only be a smile on her face when they were older. And so far the instigating cheating cunt has no retribution. This tale needs a redux to make it right.

no rating

Okay , Michael did what he had to do, but how did he know about Drake ? And how did he know about the pictures ? None of this was clear.

Why do these seemingly rational women lose their minds when it comes to a big cock ? Seriously , big tits that are overly huge are actually a turnoff for me , so I really have nothing to measure this so called mystique to. There are certainly just plain sexy women , who have an "it" factor , but I don't think its from just one certain body part that causes "it" ! Its more of everything appropriately symmetrical , for lack of a better term.

But I digress, the story was kind of formulaic , its not one that will stick in my head very long. Maybe the following chapters will be better. I will hold off voting until the conclusion.

I agree with most of the comments regarding the plot. It is kind of silly and weak. Sherry was cheating with Angela long before she was fucking Drake and Jason. This is a weird thing that seemed to go unmentioned. They swapped wives and that did not bother them, another weird thing. Then Sherry goes off and fucks two big dicks and that it seems, is a problem? Here's the thing: Not one person in this story even has the morals of an alley cat. So why the consternation? Why the divorce? The characters are completely out of sink with the plot. Additionally the writing was confused and disjointed. Editing would help with that.

Would suggest getting an editor, first typo only four words into the story. An editor will also tighten the plot up and polish what could be an outstanding story. Keep writing and we will keep reading! Cheers

Why is it so difficult to grasp that stories should almost never be written in present tense?

Some people commented on the swapping as if that justified the cheating!

There is a BIG difference between swapping and cheating, even if the wives supposedly didn't know that their husbands swapped, although we know the y DID know.

Swapping is just that, an even trade if you will, that BOTH the husband and the wife get a little strange, where in cheating only one does.

As to the story itself, it was a very poor read, I had to skim much of it to get to the meat (pun intended!) of the matter.

I stopped at the 12" dick and from the comments I'm glad I did. 12" dick stories need to go in Sci-fy.

Women were lining up around the block to fuck a 13 year old with a 14 inch cock? You must have lived in a really bad neighborhood! Filled with freaks and sex offenders. No woman wants a 12, 14, or even 9 inch cock. Maybe a few pain sluts. Most women just think pain is painful. Some people are saying that the bitch was burnt, so it's a great story. So no matter how badly it's written and that the women all sound five years old and the men are cheaters, too (remember they thought the wives didn't know who fucked them, non-consent, by the way), the bitch was burnt so it's all good. Just a train wreck of a story that made no sense. One big star.

I really think that a new category should be introduced by literotica for people like this. People who really don't love but just want to express the hurt that has been "inflicted" on their lives and how they would react to it. This new category could also be for those who see marriage in only the traditional way because let's face it, there are NO OTHER ACCEPTABLE "MARRIAGE" ALTERNATIVES. In case some don't realize it, I'm being sarcastic. Open your minds people. There are all kinds of different people in this world and all the preaching and bible thumping will never change that. A new category would help those of us who don't live for revenge or retribution to just read erotica. As for this story, the title told Me almost everything I needed to know. I read the first 3 pages and pretty much knew the rest. The reading was hard with all the errors so, yes, having someone edit for you might be a good idea for any future submissions.

Only 2 stars, this time.

I regret the time I wasted reading this crap..

He has an open marriage with Terry and Angela d whore.

Yet he complains to Amy that he could never have that type of a relationship.

Plus he didn't even do anything about his wife cheating on him.

Because the cheating was meaningless, since they were both already fucking diff ppl.

I think his main problem was not lack of love or trust. It was that he could not compare to either Jason or Drake in the penis department.

I also feel sorry for Terry( but not much) for having an utter whore for a wife.

But he seems okay with that, since he was swinging with Michael.

As for the writing itself, it was bad. Way too many errors and lack of any depth in all characters.

It was like reading about robots following predefined actions. Also there was no actual ending.

A writer can do whatever he wants, but for me I'll be ignoring all your submissions from now on.

It has nothing new. And the revenge was with the wrong party. The wife wanted to try some giant cocks. The men were willing participants. So really you only had a grip with sherry and her whore friend.

stars from me , Great LW story

Stick with "romance" you'll do better

to help your score

Word choice issues, misspellings, tense problems, storytelling narrative, etc. kept this from reading easily. What I did appreciate, and I hope you did this with purpose, is show how a person can make a decision to do something wrong once but by getting away with it the next time the opportunity rises they will choose unwisely again and again until it finally becomes a self-accepted behavior. Due to her own personal perspective Angie didn't notice how easily she had slipped from a one time experience to easily slipping into the bed of a "big dick" (multiple interpretations of that is intended). You showed how she never had a clue how far she had strayed from her original intent. Shery didn't accept the level of ease it had become either which was important to show that she had already decided subconsciously to commit adultery. She encouraged her friend not for the enjoyable memory but more likely to ease her own personal guilt. It was the most real part of the story. What I don't like is that the bigger slut of the two friends kept her marriage, at least for now.

Why would someone in a relationship, that both Angie and Sherry strongly claim to have, want to own a personal memory that didn't involve their partner, worse yet, a memory that involved breaking a trust with that partner so they could smirk on the side? Answer that bt2 and/or vs between fake 5* postings. Say what you will but that is not love or respect.

If MIchael didn't already have Amy lined up, Sherry probably would be given another chance. That's the bottom line with divorce, what are your options? Michael was open and loyal with Sherry for as long as he thought she was the same. When Michael discovered that Sherry did not respect her marriage, her husband, nor even herself, he immediately weighed his alternatives. And there was Amy, a better woman who already loved Michael. Once Sherry gave Michael an out of their marriage, his hooking up with Amy made perfect sense. Sherry will of course remarry, and be a loyal loving wife, until she gets complacent and another exciting fuck opportunity comes along, maybe several years into her second marriage. Sherry has yet to taste BBC, an MFM threesome, anal, and of course DP. Yeah, Sherry is a lying slut and will continue regardless of who she marries next. Michael should thank Jason and Drake for fucking her before they had children. Until she grows up and gets some character and ethics, or maybe marries a cuckold wannabe, Sherry is incompetent to be any man's wife. No harm in wishing her well.

Thanks for your time and effort with this story.

Considering how much this site is plagued by fetish cuck rubbish it really takes a lot for a non cucky tale to get a low score from me but this story was both so badly written and badly plotted it gets a 2.

I hate grammar nazi's but god damm this story has issues with its choice of vocabulary, spelling and to then have story elements bouncing all over the place, all your left with is a total mess.

...all the readers who took the time to add a comment, I take them all to heart. The best advice I can see is from the Anonymous writer who asked me to stick to romance stories. This person is right, and i will do that!

I got so tired of reading stories where the husband is forced to watch his wife with another man (or men) while cowering in a corner waiting to be the clean-up man. I tried to construct a strong husband who would turn his back on an unfaithful wife ... even one he loved, and punish her lover. BTW, there is nothing in this story that says that the Drake character was murdered, but leaves the possibility that he was simply shown the errors of his ways, making him a better citizen.

In real life, I would likely do as Michael did, and turn my back on an unfaithful wife.There is really no need to punish her, but I would not be kind to the so-called 'lover.'

I did have an editor who quit because of her full-time editing gig. I contacted perhaps a dozen prospective editors and only received a response from one of them. I sent her a story to edit, and never heard from her again. So I try to edit my own stories. If there are any editors out there interested in working with a writer who does not put any pressure on you, please contact me.

Thanks to all my readers,

Michael142

This is just a bad story from the gitgo. Plot had no realism. Dialogue was poor and unrealistic. Details provided that didn't provide any substance to the story. Parts left out. How the hell did he know about drake? When did he see her cell phone? He was so concerned about her being unfaithful with Jason asshole that they swapped partners with their friends. He knew that angie was a bad influence but didn't stop her influence on sherry. He tells Michael that he thinks Angie is fucking Jason asshole? Why would he think that? From what evidence? If he had suspicions why didn't he tell Michael before.

Just poorly put together and thought out. Read more like an outline for a story than a story itself. Not that I could do any better but this just wasn't well executed.

However, the author did put the effort into it and can probably improve to become a good author so I would encourage you to keep trying.

Since i am careful with misspellings, I re-checked my story in MS-Word with spell-check on.

There are no misspellings in my story, other than those in the dialogue purposefully misspelled to 'colloquialize' the conversations where I though it was needed.

People talk in contractions, and they often say "comin' instead of coming and 'wanna' instead of want to, or perhaps 'nuthin' instead of nothing.

Anyone who has read "Huckleberry FInn" is aware of using colloquial speech for effect.

Again, thank you all for your comments.

Michael142

I am glad I read this story although I am not going to say I wholeheartedly enjoyed it. Why, because I was left with a strong feeling of sadness at the end. Sad because Angie felt it necessary to corrupt Sherry and make her as bad. Sad because Sherry allowed herself to be seduced into looking for more than the good/close relationship with Michael, Sad because Sherry was stupid enough to behave in a way that would ensure that she got found out sooner or later. And, finally, sad because of the destruction of what had previously been a good relationship. I don't see the swap incident the same as another reader that mentioned it. Yes, this was infidelity but it was not cheating because it was done openly with the full consent of everyone involved. This incident, in my mind, did seem a little out of step with the relationship that Sherry and Michael apparently enjoyed but it did serve to indicate that neither was uptight or prudish.

I know the author tried to lighten the sadness by saying that Sherry would fall on her feet and everyone else except Jason & Drake seemed to come out of it OK. Because Drake's confrontation happened the same evening that Michael was wondering what he could do to him it must be the assumption that whatever did happen to him was at the hands of some other aggrieved husband.

I am not going to get into the technicalities of the writing or style except to say that I had no difficulty in reading the story to the end and I found it compelling reading.

Finally, all I can say is that, if it left me with a strong emotional response to the story, then it is better than the vast majority of stories I read. Other than constructive criticism, please take no notice of the haters - they don't have to read your stories but, speaking for myself, I will certainly read more of your work.

I did not like it, nor did I find the characters or dialogue interesting. The only surprise was the easy addition of tall dark and handsome.

As a sometime writer on here I hate to be critical but this was a really hard read.

There was the basis of a fairly good story here but the dialogue and pacing of the tale was extremely difficult to take at times.

Plus you portray our "hero" Michael as a strait laced one woman man yet have him happily wife swapping with his mate, Terry.

Too many mixed metaphors for me.

Sorry.

Thank goodness you didn't split it into 3 separate chapters.

The bigger mistake was in the reading of so much nothing..

I doubt that many people speak like that. The dialogue seemed contrived and

unnatural.

For instance your "guess" bedroom in one paragraph morphs into a "guest" bedroom in the next. Autocomplete is a nasty bitch at times!

I found it dragged at times and the plot is pretty basic. Not bad for a first effort. 3*

Did the husband do the right thing? Yes, he did...she cheated not once but twice...and sure would be cheating a lot more times as her friend did...But the husband forgot that he tricked her (and didn't had a frank talk, before they did it...) into swapping with their friends...That made his position weaker...It would be nice to read what happened in their friend's marriage...In that marriage one thing was sure: She would keep on cheating...2*

"he will be nothing but smile on my face" the "a" is missing

"Fuck you wife, Terry!" should be "your"

"Hoe" is a garden implement vs "ho" a hooker! I doubt if they were discussing the garden in their conversation.

No story is perfect and I would never claim there are no mispells. PS that was the first couple of pages only!

....at telling a story.

I appreciated how you pulled out of the story to a third party narrator, advancing the story quickly, with quick narrative that detailed enough that we got the setting, the changes and the new issues.

There were a number of conflicts and reversals that you might have edited out, had you taken the time and put in the effort to carefully consider and edit/rewrite problematic parts.

In my case, I must spend nearly twice as much time in editing as I spend on the original writing to get it ready for public consumption. You might find that ratio helpful. Especially take care to proofread more slowly to catch spelling errors, issues with syntax and grammar and to catch bad punctuation. I know, it is a very annoying part of writing, but a necessary part of keeping the "punctuation police" off your back.

But I am also critical of careless writing in general. So maybe I'm a self-declared "prose police", as well.

Don't like that? Sue me.

The offerings are here for entertainment and scrutiny. Most honest writers want to improve their craft, while some are just killing time until old man death comes to call.

And there are the well meaning, the careful, the willing and helpful, as well as the inevitable pud-pounders, troglodytes and the ever self-righteous ne'er do wells and others....that all combine to make up your audience.

Knowing this, you'd best grow a thick skin, but keep an attitude that makes improvement possible. Most important, please don't become cynical. That ruins more good writers than anything else I see here.

And make no mistake....you have the roughing of a very good writer and a capable storyteller. You need to work on characterization a bit, you might read some of your character's statements out loud to see how they sound to your ear.....unnatural? Then work on it until it sounds like what you hear every day. Mirror how people talk and you have instant credibility in your story.

Check your facts to ensure you are correctly representing physical attributes, scenes that take place in settings in the real world, and environments.

Keep it rational, keep it as close to reality as you can. If you must go to a situation or event that exists beyond credulity, it is your responsibility to offer a device, a mechanism...either literary or physical to make the thing, the situation or whatever...believable. Many writers lose all but the most juvenile readers by continuously escalating sexual events where all the men (except the hapless husbands) have 12" cocks the diameter of a Fosters beer magnum and capable of twenty flooding orgasms a night, and where all women want nothing more than hot sex with continuous big-cock orgasms for days on end.....all with no consequences.

As I said...keep it real or make unreal plausible. And never, ever resort to the phrase, "deeply jealous, but strangely aroused", or anything similar to it. That is generally seen in serious circles as a universal cop-out for writers with no imagination.

Thanks for your willingness to risk. As I said, it was a bit rough and tumble (not in a good way), showing a lack of process discipline, but also showed interesting talent. I hope you will try again and take a more disciplined approach, providing us a stunning, well delivered story. I think you're capable of it.

That is....if you are looking to improve and continue....

Best wishes.

Terry needs to know what a cum dump his wife is and she needs to pay for all the trouble she caused.

There is SOME dialogue, where the characters actually TALK to each other, but MOST of the story is advanced by the narration ... including their private thoughts, and even the eventual intents that THEY themselves were not yet aware of! Talk about excessive fore-shadowing the direction of future events!

The 'swapping' section is, IMHO, a BIG mistake by the author. It drastically undercuts Hubby's righteous indignation regarding Jason! After all, Hubby thought he and Terry were tricking their Sweeties during that episode. Not a perfect reversal, but it makes Hubby's 'medieval' reaction pretty hypocritical!

3*

This is so bad in so many ways that I won't waste time pointing them all out. I had to quit halfway. Author must be a dumb kid.

This is one of the worst attempts I have ever read. Your grade is a D-

The cast of characters was way too complex, and the story was never able to really generate any sympathy for any of the characters.

A reasonable read though I tjought the plot somewhat predictable.

I was waiting to read the twist in the story which never came.

favored this story. Dreaming of a 12" cock will do it every time. Good luck with that, you got a better chance finding a horse. lol

You turned what started out to be a very good story into a total piece of fetish crap

...and 14 are from Bonnie/Vastie and/or the folks who insist upon engaging her every single day. I've been seeing this back-and-forth every day for months now. Will these people ever grow tired of it? It doesn't seem likely.

I didn't read the story, so no comment there. I read the comments first, and it didn't seem like my kind of story. That, the sheer volume of explanation points (even in the title!), and the editorial error ("Oh, Angie, I can't that!") in the very first sentence, turned me away. If it were a page or two, I might have given it a chance, regardless.

It seems this author's "Great Mistake!" was posting in the Loving Wives section. Tough crowd, Michael142, tough crowd.

(Oh, and please do us all a favor and remove all the bonnie/vastie comments and anyone who responds to her. Think of it as picking up trash along the highway.)

Delete the all the idiots' comments, including those posted by swingerjoe, who is nothing but a CUMSUCKER, even if he thinks he is so much better than everyone...

Can anybody read JonasMac's contribution to the commentary here and still believe that there is any relationship between how good a Loving Wives story is and the score it receives?

L

Look at the stories in the hall of fame section. They're well written, well edited, have great plots and some of them are very hot. They have good scores, too, or they wouldn't be in the hall of fame. Sometimes a good story doesn't get a lot of respect in the scoring because the characters are despicable, but the plot and writing are compelling. Neither are the case with this story. It's full of mistakes and the plot is contradictory. Some writers get better scores based on their reputation. Their stories don't deserve it sometimes, but they've earned the credit.

You and swingerjoe go on about scores all the time. The fact is, if you write a good story it usually gets a good score. If you write poorly, it usually doesn't. Sure there are a few asses out there that always give a five or always give a one based on that five. Out of a thousand votes, which good stories will eventually get, those ass votes don't mean a thing. The only people that don't like the voting are those whose stories are pretty well written, but their characters actions are so despised by the voters that they get low scores. Put one character in your stories for people to root for and you'll get good scores, too. If all your characters are despicable, what do you expect voters to do?

The fact is, most people reject those ideas about relationships that are "alternative lifestyles." They won't give a story a good score if they hate all the characters in it. There is a connection between scores and quality. Look down the page at the hall of fame and you'll see it. If you don't, it's because the kinds of stories you like, very few others do. That's a matter of taste, not irrelevance.

The Loving Wives Hall Of Fame may well contain excellent stories, and is most unlikely to contain poor stories.

But I will guarantee you that there are many equally excellent LW stories that received scores in the 1 to 3 star range. The clue to achieving a high score is to not piss anybody off.

A story about a wandering wife who enjoys what she is doing and who suffers no ill effects from her behaviour may be brilliantly written, but it will be one-bombed by people who wish to show that her behaviour is wrong. Their vote has nothing to do with the quality of the story.

This doesn't happen with other categories. For example; readers who don't like gay male behaviour don't read stories in that category, so they don't vote. Good stories get high scores and bad stories don't.

But readers who don't like adulterous wife behaviour (perversely) do read stories in which that kind of behaviour occurs and then one-bomb them. How can that be a valid score?

D

The story is ridiculous - women go crazy over an impossibly long penis et cetera et cetera ad nauseam

I got to the third page, saw no hope, skipped to the end, and what did I see but

"They seem to each have a length of lead pipe in their meaty hands." Who among us has ever handled lead pipe? It went out of use - except as a term of speech - a hundred years ago. The author deserves a single star for the simple reason that he uses cliches to make up a piece which is a cliche in itself.

Finally - the author wants to do great bodily harm to Drake, but can't be bothered to come up with a plausible method, so his hero just happens to have connections with the mob. Convenient, no?

It had hot moments, then contradicts itself with a super moral husband, who previously swapped wives with a friend and fondles and kisses other women at a party.

He can't be both.

Then in the last chapter the dialog became ridiculously trite.

I appreciate the effort and that you were willing to share your creation with us. I mean that.

Yet this story needs some work.

PS: I don't think I've ever written such a critical comment on here before. The last page was a big disappointment.

I want to weigh in on scores related to LW stories. I do not comment very often and have not for months because If I don't think I can make a productive comment I try not to blather. I actually choose the LW stories I read partly by their score, because a high LW score usually means well written and realistic. A high score also usually means it is anti-willing cuckold and anti-swapping/sharing. A couple of things I am not generally interested in. Apparently the strong majority of LW readers agree with this view as well. The highest scores almost always reflect this. I believe that readers who like willing cuckolding and swapping and sharing and any other fetish should have a category for their own tastes. I do understand that the creators/administration of Literotica describes Loving Wives as women ( or men?) who like to lovingly share themselves sexually with more than one person or someone other than their spouse. The problem is that they continue to either ignore the fact as proved by the highest and lowest scores that the vast majority of LW readers disagree with their category description OR the creators/administrators of Literotica like the conflict that continuing to force two very different types of readers to share a category creates. This certainly drums up interest, comments and even arguments. Sometimes the comments are more interesting than the stories. The conflict (welcome or not) and the war over scoring will continue until one of these two types of readers gets a new category. I really don't care which one of us moves, but as someone who fits in with the high score majority, I kind of think the willing cuckold/sharing/swapping bunch deserves to have their own category where their kind of authorship can earn higher scores. Just a thought process that I hope will be productive.

Note: I rarely agree with SwingerJoe, but in this case, kudos to him for his comment about the ongoing BonnyVastie and Anon fight. It is tedious and infintile. Authors, "please "put a stop to it.

How many of the top fifty highest rated stories in LW history involve a wife who has extra marital sex and doesn't end up dead, divorced, and/or humiliated?

'Nuff said?

I do not think that the administrators should change the LW category or have multiple categories. I actually think that would diminish readership. Obviously those people who comment with over the top obnoxious comments enjoy what they are doing despite the fact that they attack the author and the the story and make dire threats. This is what they get off on. If the ahole commentary bombers didn't get off on giving low scores and going nuts in their comments they simply would not read the stories or bother. Ergo, they enjoy getting emotional and being able lambaste a story or its writer. Thereby giving it low scores.

I have not done a study but I would bet that reconcile stories may not have as high a score as btb stories often do but I believe they have as many or more favorites.

I do not like total debasing cuck stories personally but nevertheless I like to read stories by xleg, matt moreau, ohio (a particular favorite), britease, ukresearcher, rehngquist, witerfox, francis mcomber, harddaysknight, danieleqsteele, jpb, jezzaz, and many others whose names I can't remember. Some of these writers would be cross overs between suggested new categories. When I vote on a story I try to vote on the writing style and technique and not merely on if I personally like the ending point of the story. Just my thoughts.

anon.1

I liked the overall story...but often the dialog was kind of weak. Several spelling mistakes (hey..I know I am not perfect at it either but some were really simple). It felt to me that the author hurried the story instead of taking his time to go back over the plot and wording. The wife swap thing threw me a little...didn't seem to mesh with the husband's morals...IDK. However I did read the entire story and it kept my interest to see how it would end...a solid 3 for me.

Thanks for the story!

"Buckeye Fan"

On the other hand, how many of the stories you're an advocate for don't have the husband dead, divorced, relegated to a freak or humiliated? The readers are overwhelmingly male. So are the writers. Are they supposed to enjoy stories of male humiliation? Most people feel like characters who cheat deserve the humiliation they receive. I share that feeling. You don't. Fine, that's your taste. Others have a right to their opinion as well. Those stories aren't in the hall of fame because most people don't enjoy them. You have absolutely no credibility. Everyone knows your agenda. You have no authority to speak until you allow voting on your own stories. Until you do, you're just a troll like bonnie/vastie and those who wrangle with her comments.

The truth is, there are no stories on this site that have a rating between one and two. The moderators discard all one votes and possibly twos after the story leaves the front page. I've never seen a story in the archives with a score less than three. They may exist, but I've never seen one. If anything, the scores are skewed to be artificially high. Does anyone really believe that there are zero stories that are rated less than two by the readers? Where are they? The site skews the scores to be artificially high. Everyone gets the same treatment, so it isn't unfair, but don't complain about stories getting low scores. They do in the first few days, but then they get corrected.and they're higher than any real voting system would allow, not lower.

You say "The moderators discard all one votes and possibly twos after the story leaves the front page."

Where is the proof of that assertion? You are suggesting corruption of the voting procedure.

As an author, I see the number of voters to my stories and I can plot the progress of each story's scores. What I would dearly love to see is the distribution of the scores. I suspect that there would be a lot of 1s and 5s with few in between -- a U-shaped distribution. With LW stories, readers tend to hate or love a story, if the comments are any guide.

If the 1 scores were removed as you assert, there would be a very noticeable rise in scores when it happened. I haven't noticed any such rise.

L

is not so much in catching spelling and catching grammatical errors but in massaging and suggesting cuts, revision and reorganization of the story arc, consistency in the characters throughout the story, and readability.

This particular tale is probably twice as long as it should be to get the story told and maintain reader interest. Remember that the real hero in all stories is the READER. Once you've lost the reader's interest even the most delightful turns of phrase will be lost either by the reader skimming large chunks of of the narrative, losing the thread of the story, or quitting all together.

I would suggest putting it aside for a week or more and then reading it aloud to yourself and someone else. The places that seem cumbersome or tedious to you as you try to read it will be even more so to the reader. Make your corrections as repeat the process.

Spelling and grammar can be caught by a copyreader if you want to go to that extreme. For the most part errors are part of the game and you are not writing to please an English teacher.

I don't care for your characters or story arc but that doesn't mean that the writing is bad, it's just not my cup of tea.

I don't know what type of stories you think I advocate, but it seems as though you believe I only enjoy stories of a specific genre. I've said it before, but I'll repeat it again: I hate stories about humiliation. I understand that it's a fetish, but it's just not my fetish. I appreciate any story that is entertaining and/or is well-written and/or makes me think and/or makes me excited.

I prefer stories that are erotic, that have a plot and some character development, and that make you think. If I read a story that meets any of those requirements I would leave a high score (if I voted on LW stories.) That's the criteria I use in every other category. This one is different.

In this writers minds are all men and woman that are married this shallow.

I agree with his response to his wife's cheating. However, I don't think a guy who swaps wives would have such a complete negative reaction to her cheating. You blunted his response to her infidelity. As a character, you've made him ambiguous and inconsistent.

Even though there are a lot of mistakes in the story doesn't make it a bad one. It would have helped to have had it edited before publishing it. A lot of the comments are about the 12" cock although Drake was only 9". I'm 5'7" an 135lb and would love to be able to take 12 inches. Shit, if I could get that in me I'd probably want to try a donkey or a stallion.

Seriously....

Just try and make the story as realistic as possible, get them edited and you'll do OK.

thank you for sharing. i look forward to more.

The wife swapping didn't fit with Michael's character at all. He can't do that then be so self righteous. He sent his wife a message that fidelity was not that important t him. Take that out and the story works much better.

what happened to terry and angela?

what they did with their friends was a shared experience, drake and jason was behind their husbands back. BREECH OF TRUST and betrayal.

Michael lost a shit load of the moral high ground when the couples decided to swap. He's not necessarily the character you've built him up to be. The wives are just fucking hoes.

cuck shit.

He still finds her attractive with another man leaving and his juices mixed with hers running out of her obviously widely stretched vagina

Are you sure you aren't missingy our calling.

There are a lot of creative willing happy cuckold authors. Why take the round about route?

I hate when you get a girl or boy before the rest of the story is anyway over!,

Man, are you writing a novel? This is a site for sex stories, not someone wanting to submit a novel for publication

Generally enjoyed your story. The biggest problem was the language and story telling. You need to have your language smoothed so it flows better and your plot bumps along like trying to start a car in second gear.

First, why do so many authors write these stories as if women were the same as men? Women generally do not cheat on their husbands because they want to "experience" something different. That's what men do. Men have sex just because. Women cheat for emotional reasons. so the actions of this wife character are completely unrealistic. Second, the dialogue needs work. I would suggest going out and listening to people having conversations. You need to develop an ear for dialogue. Third, the story is in great need of editing, There is a lot here that could be cut..

She'd just take a shower and then be his loving wife again...?

Ok, so let's try that logic on...

She'd just fuck some more guys for various reasons and then go back to being his trustworthy wife again....

Yeah, sounds pretty stupid to me too - but how does it really differ...?

None of this story made any real sense!

Yeah...Michael is mad as hell at Sherry, when he walks into their bedroom and finds her begging Jason to fuck her with his big cock, deep deeper and harder! Sure, that'd curl any real mans hair, and enrage them to killing jealousy and anger!

But, WTF?

Just a page or two back, towards the start of the story, didn't Sherry and Angie cunt lick and fuck each other, and their husbands both knew they'd been doing that together, for years?

A little later in the story, Angie and Terry visiting Michael and Sherry and they are all drunk on wine and Sherry fucks Terry and Angie fucks Micheal, all of them sitting together in their living room? Later, the women let the men know, they knew what was happening and then a little later, all of them agreeing to fuck each other, essentially wife swapping, as they had done a few times already previously, all agreeing to do this more often, or some such?

So, what is Michael's problem catching Sherry with Jason, if not the big cock he had?

It's okay for Sherry to fuck Terry, Angie's husband, when Angie can fuck Michael; but its not okay that Sherry fucks other men, that Micheal at least knows well enough, to know they are both womanizing, seducing, marriage wrecking total ASSHOLES? Terry is not the same kind of worthless vermin?

Micheal himself, is not the same kind of human trash? They're all a bunch of useless human trash, vermin cheaters...period!

At the story end, it is clear Micheal had found Sherry's smartphone and the vids of her fucking the other big dick asshole, Drake. This, well before catching her in bed with Jason!

If Michael can hire his military team of vet buddy's to meet Jason, or the other big cock Drake, both marriage-wrecking, wife stealing, total assholes, out in a dark club parking lot and they kick shit out of each big dorked guy and abscond with them both to take them way out of town and off them both, for wrecking Michael's marriage; then why doesn't Micheal shoot Jason and Sherry while they are fucking in his marriage bed?

I mean...this part just doesn't make any sense! It's out-of-character, for Michael! There are so many things from this story, that make no sense, at all.

This just prove my point, that I've made over-and-over again on this site, in story comments: writers, if you're going to plot a story out in current modern day time and life as it is lived, in either USA, or GB, or the rest of Western Europe, you have to make the fucking story believable! True to modern day life as we live it, within at least the basic the law structure and what the police would do, of the countries the story is set in!

Do a careful plot sketch, know where your story is going, what your characters are doing and WHY! Check it out, do your research and know what your characters are doing, in the country that story is set and happening in, is true to real life there! Do character sketches of each character, particularly the main characters, so you know them before you start writing and know what they can and cannot, or will and won't do, in extreme situations like these, depicted in this story!

I'm sorry, but I just couldn't give this story over a 3 star rating and that's high, for all the problems I set-out above and others I haven't mentioned, about this story, as written!

this was easy to read and overall written very well . i just can't understand the insane rage that a lot of anons have by reading a story, when all they have to do is walk away . thank you for the fine story .lonerider10

This is horribly written. I won't score it because I just couldn't finish it.

another cocksucking wimp posting dumb cuck SHIT.

Bill,

I like that he didn't go along with her cheating and that he didn't kill the guy. I kinda wish that you had let Terry burn his skank wife for what she got started. Keep writing.

Ending seemed rushed. We don't know what happens to Angela and Terry. He tells Terry about Angela and then... nothing happens. You didn't even write anything about it. Like I said was good (besides the spelling errors) until the end.

What a lazy ending. What is it about Lit authors that they produce a great story then ruin it with a piss poor ending.

2* because the ending was abysmal.

I'm with others, a very good build up BUT a wimpy ending.

The ending left a lot of unanswered issues.

Keep the build - ups, but work on your endings.

stupid women, I know its just a story and then again its more true than not, I liked it.

This is meant only as constructive criticism- this was a very enjoyable story, but just ended too quickly. It has a lot more potential. Another chapter, perhaps? Thanks.

The author has the most stilted writing style of anyone on lit. The story is also linear and predictable.

that was bad. Long and bad ! I kept thinking it might improve, but it just got worse. Misspelled words, missing words, incomplete sentences, wrong names, wrong gender, I could go on, but why? I gave it a generous 2. I cannot even imagine anyone giving it a 4. Re-read the fucking story before submitting it. Get a good editor ! Sheesh ! This is not rocket science !

As to why Angie would be all gushy about taking drake's 9 when she had repeatedly taken jason's 12

I have a twelve inch dick, and it's not what it's cracked up to be.

This was bad and never improved, I regret wasting my time continuing to read it hopping that it would improve. I should have known better by the lead character's name. I am glad that you no loner submit stories; this is the only one of your stories that Have read and will not attempt tp read another. ES&D

First, the story was way too “wordy”, and that made it too long. At least two pages too long. No way this should have been over three pages long. Second, “Jason” should have lost about six inches of his dick. That’s exactly what he deserved. But no, Jason got off scott-free, except for losing his wife and daughter. That’s not enough. Michael should have chopped his dick off. THAT is what he deserved. And no less.

If the cuck doesnt mind wife swapping and letting his wife get fondle in public why would he care if she got even more of what he was already letting her get?

That was absolute shite.

This won't go in my favorites. After the drunken swapping, he lost his moral high ground. She was just a cheating slut.

The main character loses his moral high ground when he swings with his friend "Terry" (whose character is unexplained). Why was that part even needed?

The little lady character "Amy" is truly ridiculous, it seems it appears out of nowhere just to make a rebound romance for the main character. Somehow the main character, after catching his wife in bed with "Jason", gets the phone with his wife's sex movie, no explanation given how he got to that phone movie. Nor did we get to know how did the woman make that movie so that both her and the lover would be identifiable. The main character talks like there are the only two instances of his wife's infidelity (wouldn't a real guy assume there is more?) and somehow on the 5th page he knows immediately the name of the guy in the phone movie ("Drake") without any explanation how he learned about it.

Abruptly "Drake" is also taken care of though we have no idea how did that happen.

All in all, the plot is made like dumping one mindless paragraph on another without any intelligent design. The story itself is quite a cliche so one would assume that any good writer would be able to manage to tell it in a more organized way. Well, my conclusion is that Michael142 is a not a good writer, far away from it.

I have no sympathy for Michael, you imply that he is not too bright and believes in the best of people, yet has built up a good business in a very competitive field. It looks like him and Sherry were made for each other, except Sherry forgot that Mike is his own boss and can come home any time he likes. As for casually sharing Sherry with his friend Terry, another character with shit for brains? Well, nobody gets that drunk that they don’t know that this is a slippery slope for his marriage and still able to get it up. Even the next day they all have breakfast, try and pretend it never happened and, when that clearly doesn’t work, just laugh about it as if nothing happened. So, naturally, Sherry thinks there is no moral compass here and she can basically do whatever she thinks she can get away with, bang Drake, then Jason, do the rounds with them again a few times and then look for some more strange as well as munch Angela's carpet, etc, etc. Just a couple of stars from me.

This is a good story and could use an editor to smooth over some rough spots and inconsistencies. You might consider a Michael-Amy follow up story, perhaps with further participation of Sherry, Angie and Terry.

This is a basically a good story and could use an editor to smooth over some rough spots and inconsistencies. You might consider a Michael-Amy follow up story, perhaps with further participation of Sherry, Angie and Terry.

NOT REAL, OLD PUSSY LOOKING FOR YOUNG PUSSY. OOD MAN AND YOUNG PUSSY STORY; WITH SLUT WIFE AND PUSSY HOUND HUBBY. CRAP 💩💩💩💩💩 STORY.

the diolouge on the last to pages was verbose and overly formal, no one talks that way

also

"I know more about Jason than certain people think I know! I would not put up for one second, seeing Sherry with another man. The marriage would be over instantaneously, and the offending asshole might accidentally get hurt!"

cucks who swap wives dont care if their wife, who is fucking other men, fucks other men

This could have been a good story. It’s done in by ridiculous dialog, and conflicting plot lines. The characters speak without sincerity, as though each has a negative IQ. Then we have Michael: he’s okay taking a friend on dates, and doing a wife swap, but has a monstrous belief in marital monogamy?

The wives are cliche: ‘cheating doesn’t take anything away from the marriage’. Really? Apparently trust and loyalty are nothing. ‘You weren’t supposed to know’... well using her own house wasn’t a great way to keep him in the dark; it’s not his fault that she’s stupid. Then after she uses the dumbest excuses, he calls her ‘smart’? How dumb is this guy?

...is an understatement.

The story is OK, I guess, but the writing leaves a lot to be desired. Using present tense is not a good idea unless you have a very specific reason for doing so.

The characters are all one-dimensional, and though I don't feel like I got to know them very well, I also don't particularly want to. I didn't like most of them. Most of them seem like selfish simpletons without any redeeming features, including the main character.

The dialogue was poorly written, stilted, and unnatural.

All in all it felt more like reading an outline than an actual story, but even so I give it 2/5, because it could have been a lot worse. At least there was a story.

Have the combined IQ of a frost bitten tomato plant! "Her timing was about right to return to work, but she was returning as an unfaithful little slut for the first time in her life. Thoughts about what she has just done to Michael overwhelm her, and she cries sitting in the car for half an hour, before returning to work." An unfaithful slut for the first time? WTF? She and Angela have been doing it forever, that doesn't count? Swapping partners doesn't count? Secret lunches, flirting doesn't count, the photos from Angela don't count?

"Sherry, you are such a dirty, slutty, little cunt!" she was crying and feeling sorry for herself. "Michael should throw you out on your scuzzy little ass!" Why, he's just about as bad, he swapped too didn't he? She felt so bad after fucking Derek she did it with Jason in their marital bed. After she's caught she swears she'll be faithful forever and he hugs her. Definitely not your best effort, in fact a terrible story about thoroughly disgusting people. Signed: BTW

The MC had an option other than getting to live happily ever after with the slut that betrayed.