All Comments on 'Shifting Hearts Ch. 03'

He is such a jerk to her that I cannot fathom their living hea. Please write the next chapter soon.

Try using one point of view all throughout. You used first in the beginning (third part) and then shifted to third. It is getting harder and harder for me to read ever since the second chappy because of the errors that I am constantly editing in my head ^^ You also have an issue with tenses. Use one also and be consistent with it. But because I am really intrigued with your plot, I managed but I hope that before submitting, you could proof read. I know there is no such thing as perfect grammar but the errors are everywhere. Anyway, thanks for this ^-^

Just discovered your story and I like it. Though, as others stated, you need an editor it to at least proofread it. O.O I hope Sallie Mae ends up with the shifter. He doesn't seem to be the kind of man who smacks around a woman he wants to be with. Xavier is such a jerk. I hope he finds another mate elsewhere. >.> I can't wait for the next one.

I give up reading your story, you have problems with tense, first, third, make up your mind which one. Punctuation, grammar, spelling. Sentences being repeated right after each other, just with a few different words thrown in at the end. This is the only one of your stories I have tried to read and frankly it puts me off reading your others. I get the feeling you rush to write it, don't give a damn about editing and post it. Show some pride in your work. I love reading stories where it is clear the writers have shown some pride and edited, sometimes with a few editors/proof readers, clearly you don't care.

but its a bit choppy.

i wish you would finish your other stories.

Enjoyed reading this chapter.

it's a little choppy, but the story line is good, so i can read thru it without much interruption. I don't know why people complain so much when it's a free story. I for one thank u for taking your time to write it.

Never mind about it being choppy... I like to concept and can't wait to find our what happens next. Please hurry!

The grammar and use of punctuation was better in the chapter than with the others. Here is a suggestion: when switching from third to first POV, and vice versa, give the readers a signal before head. Perhaps, you can write thecharacter's name in italics before each upcoming passage? In regards to the grammar and the misspellings: before submitting your work in, proofread your work four times consecutively, each time, in it's entirety. You'll see the snafus. For me: I don't have any real "beef" with the misspellings and the grammar, because it's not distracting. But, can the next chapter have more than three pages please? The two-page business is like giving a kid an empty candy wrapper and telling them they cannot have the candy, but they can lick the wrapper. Also, am I the only one who sees Beyonce's "Foxy Cleopatra" role as the Jolenna character? And speaking of Jolenna, something tells me that she will have another blessing with love, with a certain demon-werewolf hybrid. It would served him right.

Hey readers, come read it on my blog. Maybe, you will see the difference. Just go to my twitter page and follow the link. And thanks for reading.

Thanks for another chapter. I have ben waiting for this story to pan out. Hopefully the chapters will come closer together. The wait is killing me and my Jimmy Choo's, lol. Please hurry with the next chapter.

I've read your blog's version. I've noticed the differences. Wondering what is going on with Literotica. ::shrugs shoulders:: I also noticed that important tidbit of info about Jolenna as well, off of your blog's post. So, she also practice the Dark Arts as well. How interesting.

On your blog was a lot better and I'd love to read more!!!!!

roger is such a loser. I can't believe he runway like a coward. even if he knew he couldn't take the guy on at least try. I think she should runaway and go back to where the umm.... that place where their were a lot witches? hahaha. I mean, it's not like they can force her to mate right? she still has the right to choose if she wants to be with him or not. And I hope you use that to your advantage on writing the future chapters. I just don't want it to be too cliche, since were on the cliche topic--PLEASE do not make that half-mutt guy fall in love with Sallie friend. That would be overrated! Thanks for updating.

Could tell your heart wasn't in this chapter.. Sorry you lost your first draft. However the gist of the story your trying to convey came through. Would be a good idea to seek out an editor to help with grammer and proof reading to clean the rough edges to give it flow. I found myself stumbling over bits and pieces and having to reread some lines again to get a better understanding of what you were trying to say. This story is very promising I can't wait to read how it all unfolds ..

Hmmmm.. I want to try to help more than just recommending an editor. I do recommend one though. Even the best authors have one and usually more than one. It's important to fix it up like the person before me said. I'm going to offer you some comments, well alot of comments, that I'd hope might help you a bit. I am not trying to knock you down. I think you could have an interesting story and cast of characters and just want to offer some advice from the reader point of view.

I get what the person before me meant about flow. It feels to me like you are racing through the story. I almost feel as I'm reading like I'm speed reading but I'm really only reading your words. You tend to have long sentences, esp. in conversations, that end up being too long and try to convey too much. Even if you're just putting a bunch of insults in, slow down. Break it up a bit. I'd say to read it outloud and if you feel like you can't get a breath in, it might help you feel where to put the breaks in.

As for your character development and story development, I feel like with your characters you are making them all seem very unstable. I don't know if that is intentional or not. Most importantly, please have her undo her half head of corn rows! LOL It's driving me nuts picturing the hot mess she'd be looking like :) lol. I thought she became possessed when she starts talking about killing him (and lets be honest, a damn heal won't kill some guy whose got supernatural powers). She has plenty of reason to hate him, but it just seemed like overkill and an out of control reaction. I like his demon cousin. He seems loyal, powerful, but in control.

I'd also like you to tell us more about these characters. Tell us more about the history that makes the hatred between these supernatural races so strong. Explain more about whether Russo is like this with everyone or if he saved his horrid behavior for her. Why is he still being an abusive prick who hits women if she is his mate? I can't really imagine you turning my opinion of him to accept it if you bring them together.

The story development is going okay. I would just slow down and maybe offer a bit more background so it grounds the story more. Right now it seems like this tornado of unstable characters who are filled with hatred and out of control with their powers/abilities and using them to physically hurt people.

I'm not trying to rip you apart by any means. I like the story. I just wanted to give you some feedback that I'd give if I were editing or beta reading for you. I think you have a good story in the raw form and I think that if you just slow down and do some of the other things, it might help make it even better. Keep writing.

To Mimirose, and Staggerdhearts. I did notice a difference between my blog version than my Lit version. It's cleaner and better on my blog. I don't know how things got wonky on here, but it did anyways. but thanks you guys.

I just found this story. please update soon.

looking for more real soon!!!!!

BUT, PLEEEEAAAAAASEEEEEE don't make Sallie Mae look so sissy just 'cause she is a newbie!!!

In the next chapter, will the readers be introduced to Morgana? Or perhaps Sallie Mae's mother? Or will the relationship between Xavier and his parents will be displayed?

Well, that was certainly exciting. I am looking forward to the next installment!

In the next chapter, will the readers be introduced to Morgana? Or perhaps Sallie Mae's mother? Or will the relationship between Xavier and his parents will be displayed?

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To Mimirose, and too everyone else that have that same question. Believe me when I say I tried so desperately hard to incorporate Sallie's mom into this chapter, I even had this chapter outlined, but my my fingers had a mind of its own (or I think people call it a Muse) and went into a different direction. But yes, Sallies mom will be in the next chapter (or at least I hope), and as for Morgana, she will show later on down the line.

Thanks for reading.

... For answering my questions! I was wondering if Sallie Mae's mom was going to be introduced. After all, it is quite evident that Sallie loves her mother very much because of the past three years of having to endure the mistreatment at the hands of her employer. I know too many, if in her situation, would've chucked up the deuces and scrape on by.

Speaking of Sallie Mae's employers: I feel conflicted. A part of me is eager and anticipating the moment when Dog Ass (it's my nickname for Xavier) and Sallie Mae begins to "court". Then, there's the part of me that wants you to "give the finger to the tradition" by not having the alpha and his mate hook up. A part of me (mainly, my brain) wants Sallie Mae and Roger to become all boo'ed up. Then, there's the other part of me (my heart and loins) wants to Xavier to prove to Sallie that he is her fated mate and for him to change into a better man. Besides... From reading different erotic fiction involving weres, the sex scenes are always smoldering hot, so I know SM and X's will be a barn-burner... And a page-turner.

I love this story so far. Part of me hopes Sallie doesn't respond positively to Xavier's frenzy because in all the werewolf stories I've read, the mate finds the person desirable from the start. It's very clear that Sallie wants nothing to do with his man due to years of abuse so it would make sense that she finds his frenzy to be absolutely repulsive... At least until she finds him irresistible which who knows how long it might take her to get over everything that happened.

I'm not crazy about Roger either so I hope the storyline comes more her distancing herself away from Xavier and him try to pull her in.

Umm excuse me mam dnt mean 2 bug u bt WHERE IS DAT NXT UPDATE?!?!?!? i really enjoy reading dis stry nd cnt wait 2 c watz nxt so if u dnt mind hurry plzz :)

love it, absolutely love it.

great writing, girl

If you are not a follower of Queen_Vicki on Twitter, then what I am about to tell you will make you feel disappointed. I, myself, had actually screamed into a throw pillow once I read the news. She ended up not saving the next chapter of "Shifting Hearts" on her laptop, y'all, which means that she has to start from scratch.

She didn't leave a message of when she'll finish the next chapter. I hope she'll take her time with her writing (takes more time with the story=less mistakes). I know there are some rabid SH fans who want to tar and feather me for saying that line. But, I know it will be a banger.

Can't wait to find out what happens next!!

That demon wolf has got to be her mate! That Alpha Wolf sucks arse in my opinion. Hope the witch binds his balls! Go well Queen Vicki! What a bummer you lost Chapter 4 unsaved, but we your adoring fans will await your next installment! :)

I think it would be too predictable and convient for Jolenna to have Ermanno. I will admit that I would enjoy reading a love scene between the both of them.

I think Jolenna comes from demonic lineage as well. Perhaps she is not familiar with it. Either way, I think she could be a formidable for Ermanno.

please for once let you be different let the other guy have her she should have a good guy not one that treats her like shit .

While I do agree with some of the critics that you could maybe use the help of an editor, that in no way takes away from my enjoyment of your story telling skills. I absolutely love the fact that this doesn't seem to play the same way as others and I hope she does find a way to kill him because she deserves better. I eagerly await your next chapter!!

Sooo...yeah. Chapter Four, will it be out soon?

this story could be better if you would reread the story before submitting. you are leaving out words that need to complete the sentence and writing some words over again. please get someone else to read your work (like a editor) even a person who is good in english. this is a crazy story to began with. good luck

To the asshole below me, I would really appreciate if you have the guts to disrespect my story like that, you would at least put a name, to the comment.Assholes like you were the reason why, I would not post stories in the past,because I knew they were so quick to critic, and say awful things behind a computer screen.

To all my readers, chapter four of shifting is almost done.All I have to do is tweak it a little bit, and I will post it soon. I just want to go over things before I post it.

I LOVE THIS STORY!!!!! SO PLEASE KEEP POSTING!!!!!!!!!

I really love your characters. I think your storytelling is really good. The only thing I would suggest is less is more. When characters go on tangents, sometimes you need to break up their speeches using imagery, or just have them say less.

Ex: ("Are you serious?" Have you lost your mind? You twisted sadistic fuck! I hate you!"

Rage coursed through her veins and she wondered why on earth she was in such a situation. She turned to him, her eyes betraying her inner thoughts.

"You have some nerve..." yadda yadda.

It helps you really appreciate every insult to the fullest. It also gives the reader a break from the tyrade, but allows them to still connect with the character. Keep up the good work.

Free forum. Open to critique. The anonymous reader below was not an "asshole" for drawing attention to areas you need to grow in as a writer. (A writer posting on this free, open, forum) The concept is strong, the characters are engaging (if you missed that, it was a compliment) Now the critique: Your flow is interrupted by simple, fixable, editing errors. This is something you should understand as a story-teller, a writer. Even some of the best, published, writers posting on this site use them. Thank you for sharing your talent, but all raw talents can benefit from some training, refining. He or she below wished you luck in your endeavors as well.

"I give up reading your story, you have problems with tense, first, third, make up your mind which one. Punctuation, grammar, spelling. Sentences being repeated right after each other, just with a few different words thrown in at the end. This is the only one of your stories I have tried to read and frankly it puts me off reading your others. I get the feeling you rush to write it, don't give a damn about editing and post it. Show some pride in your work. I love reading stories where it is clear the writers have shown some pride and edited, sometimes with a few editors/proof readers, clearly you don't care."

If you, as the author and I use that term loosely can't take the truth, YOU are the asshole! I am done trying to read your story when you can't show yourself enough respect and take pride in your work and EDIT I'm not going to take my PRECIOUS time and spend it on YOU! Your attitude stinks!

Wow the creatures you've conjured for this piece of work...kudos but please proofread