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Jolenna cuffed her hand with Sallie, helping her get through. She felt her friend's anxiety and panic the moment they touched hands.
When Sallie was halfway the mirror she screamed at the top of her lungs. She looked up inside the mirror to see a pissed off werewolf shifting forms, and a scary looking man coming towards her. Before she could say anything Sallie knocked her down on her ass, pushing her down trying to escape.
She looked back up to see the man charging at them with glowing amber eyes, and a vicious look on his face. When she thought he would eventually break through, his image shattered into pieces and fell to the floor followed behind her six inch Jimmy Choo heels. She raised her hand to her chest, trying to calm her pounding heart.
With her drop open in shock she looked up to see Sallie breathing hard, and all sweaty. Sallie turned her gaze to her friend after witnessing what happened.
"Oh. My. God," she began.
Sallie turned to her friend, giving her a look filled with emotions.
"You, broke my damn mirror, and fucked up my Jimmy Choo's."
Sallie rolled her eyes "Whatever, I"ll buy you another one. Now help me figure out a way to kill, an alpha werewolf without getting caught."
- COMMENTS
AMHJ89over 10 years agoWow the creatures you've conjured for this piece of work...kudos but please proofread
Anonymousover 10 years ago"I give up reading your story, you have problems with tense, first, third, make up your mind which one. Punctuation, grammar, spelling. Sentences being repeated right after each other, just with a few different words thrown in at the end. This is the only one of your stories I have tried to read and frankly it puts me off reading your others. I get the feeling you rush to write it, don't give a damn about editing and post it. Show some pride in your work. I love reading stories where it is clear the writers have shown some pride and edited, sometimes with a few editors/proof readers, clearly you don't care."
If you, as the author and I use that term loosely can't take the truth, YOU are the asshole! I am done trying to read your story when you can't show yourself enough respect and take pride in your work and EDIT I'm not going to take my PRECIOUS time and spend it on YOU! Your attitude stinks!
Anonymousover 11 years agoFree forum. Open to critique. The anonymous reader below was not an "asshole" for drawing attention to areas you need to grow in as a writer. (A writer posting on this free, open, forum) The concept is strong, the characters are engaging (if you missed that, it was a compliment) Now the critique: Your flow is interrupted by simple, fixable, editing errors. This is something you should understand as a story-teller, a writer. Even some of the best, published, writers posting on this site use them. Thank you for sharing your talent, but all raw talents can benefit from some training, refining. He or she below wished you luck in your endeavors as well.
stubborn_dreamerover 11 years agoI really love your characters. I think your storytelling is really good. The only thing I would suggest is less is more. When characters go on tangents, sometimes you need to break up their speeches using imagery, or just have them say less.
Ex: ("Are you serious?" Have you lost your mind? You twisted sadistic fuck! I hate you!"
Rage coursed through her veins and she wondered why on earth she was in such a situation. She turned to him, her eyes betraying her inner thoughts.
"You have some nerve..." yadda yadda.
It helps you really appreciate every insult to the fullest. It also gives the reader a break from the tyrade, but allows them to still connect with the character. Keep up the good work.
