All Comments on 'Simple Math Ch. 02'

Maravillosa saga

Hopefully family services will come and take the kid away from the delusional cheating skank slut and she'll have 1/2 a chance at an OK life. Would be nice if mom and Sally had the decency to find some rope too.

A skilfully-worked look inside the mind of a man tortured by a stupid mistake he made as a child.

A fabulous story, following the narrator adrift in the world, not able to control events, scarred by something he did when he was too young to know better, ripped by family, including his wife, possibly getting to have a new wife and children. Every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. Well, we certainly find out abut the unhappiness of this one. Readers want to happy, conclusive ending. Some do. Well, screw them. Lives don't work like that.

A hard story to follow psychologically. The guilt he carried from his childhood is not revealed until too late in the story to explain the reality for their failed marriage and his family failing him.

I thought that it was an interesting concept: a man accidentally kills his own father and allows that guilt to follow him in his head and heart for decades. It allowing for an ultimate betrayal makes it a nice template.

But, it’s ultimately not a great story. The structure made the story feel disjointed. It would have been better if it were more structured. It just didn’t have a good flow to the story. I liked your other series, but I think the messiness of the story takes away from a very interesting meditation on a fascinating concept.

More true to life than we probably want. Wish you hadn't stopped writing. Maybe you didn't. Good work.

No true storyline worth reading here. What a downer, literally all the characters must have mental issues, Seriously all the characters are presented with IQs less than 50 score. Lots of mental health issues are also being presented.

A really good writer this one. Have read all, wish there were more.

Please share more

Yup, this is good. Better than good. Hope you've gone on to do more of the same...

Look into my eyes. Must. Write. More. Don’t get sleepy, write!

Is there really a story here? Or is a talented writer practicing a specific technique of storytelling with only a hint of a storyline about several unsavory family members? And why should I care?

Excellent writer ... sad stories.

interesting, odd, sad. Toss up about who is sadder!

I hope you start writing again. Your writing is simply too good. Feels too real, painful at times, and ends on a hopeful note- both your stories.

These writers contributed some unique qualities to the work here, and some really fine stories. I certainly regret it if some of the negative comments discouraged them. I wish they had kept writing.

The story keeps me thinking so it's a good one, even though I don't like it.

The whole ending came out of the blue. He killed his father but was the only one who grew normal?

"When do women ever admit to guilt?"

In my many years of experience......NO, they don't

This is a masterpiece of english literature. Descriptive and very well written, but very tedious because of the continued tangents you subjected readers to constantly instead of getting on with the story or to the point. I think if you keep away from writing for the sake of putting words forward and think more of the stories flow you will be awesome in your future stories and I hope you will produce some....JZK

Good story. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Im always intrigued with how cheaters shift blame to justify their story.

Yes, it's not rainbows and unicorns. Yes, it's way dark. What else is true is that this is one of the best written stories on Lit, regardless of category.

Wasn't sure how to rate this. A depressing messy story with an odd ending but it wasn't boring by any stretch. Wound up giving it a 4. Its too bad the author is long gone I might have liked another chapter to this story.

Dunno what to say. This one's not good. The other story was great. A puzzle. D

Wow, read both stories by this author and both are train wrecks.

1 star - horrid story - sorry I read most of it.

That ending...it left me speachless, the way it is delivered, the contemplation it brings, great story, sordid? Definetly. Sad? Obviously...just perfect in the making.

Incredibly composed prose. It was a privilege to read.

I gave this part 5 stars simply because the MC told the miscreant LW to F right the F off and take her brat with her! Bravo!

Horrible

Exceptional story telling. Powerful and disturbing.

LA

This is a dark story about a depressed MC and his fucked-up family, but I loved it. 5 stars.

Why have you stopped writing? Both stories are great!

Whoever the fuck you are I hope you quit writing and I've read your last story. My soul can't take much more of your gut wrenching shit. You're as fucked up as I am and that's not a good thing.

Fantastic. So we'll done. Boilerplate is such a masterpiece. This is not too far behind. TC Ireland

Great follow up chapter. After starts and stops, Joe shed himself of those negative parts of the past that he realized were toxic to him; the guilt surrounding the death of his father, the clinging mother that psychologically sought a replacement for her dead husband in Joe, the fatally traumatized brother, and the ex wife. Hopefully, he will now be able to build/rebuild his life into a healthy family.

As I suspected, and commented after the first chapter. Joe exhibited schizophrenic cognition in his dialogues with his father. TheUnoriginalist provided the causative trauma at the very end.

Superb story telling. Dark and disturbing, complex characters, dubious morality and a shocking but surprisingly logical end.

LA

full of nastiness and mixed up conversations.

Well played. Life is dark. Horrible things happen. I like to believe that we all come to a point in our lives where we decide. Our trama leads us or we harness it and ride. It may seem like a simplification, and it is, but it holds truth about the strength of your character.

Damn, this is a dark story. Not feel good at all. Still gave it 5 stars.

Not my cup of tea but losers gotta lose and there are those who like to wallow in their misery.

Probably didn’t deserve my 2 ⭐️ rating, but it is what it is.

Bill

yeah so now what, more heart ache, more love, pretty macabre as some of these stories go

"But it's someone even better...someone so remarkable, and so impeccably pure, that I'll not defile her by putting her in a story as sordid as this one."

Damn, that's a great line. And pretty apt, this was a powerful ugly story populated by very damaged people. Feel bad for Linda, but sometimes a bleeding heart isn't enough.

Screwed up. Words, words, words.

...that he goes onmeandering all over the fucking place ...for Einstein maybe would have the ability to keep up...but most of us folks on literotica want some easier stuff to enjoy...

Please publish for your high falutin cronies and your Uber readers on a publishing house...

Not for us ur unoriginal all over the place stories!

Interesting but not my style of storytelling.

Michael saved him. He should be grateful. His failure as the protector of his (future) children started with marrying Sally. How could any careful discerning intelligent man not discover her shallowness, her selfishness, her lack of morals and ethics, her lack of a soul? If we discount Martian Slut Ray, she was always flawed and immature. And very very stupid. What other kind of woman would throw herself and her marriage away on a worthless piece of dog shit like Michael? And She Was Happy having done so, for as long as it lasted.

Michael saved him from the biggest mistake he had made since causing his father's death. Too bad that reality and gratitude didn't get acknowledged.

Thanks for the effort.

This story was just much hard work, sorry not my style of story telling⭐️⭐️

Another great, but very sad story. This author was good at this type story, just didn't write enough.

It was a good plot but sometimes hard to follow. Nice twist at the end

Good ending but way to much navel gazing in the first 2/3 of the story.

What a tale, impressed. It is so deep at so many levels. Not all the LW readers will like it and pick it apart but that is due to they didn't get to wack-off reading it. I could see you writing eNovels/Books if they all have this type of depth. 6*, Hooyah, salute!

The author is good with words, but this story was way to convoluted. Half the time I had no clue what or who he was talking about. I found myself skipping whole paragraphs just to get to something I could identify. I did read the whole thing hoping it would get better. It didn't. Incredibly dark story! Not entertaining in the least. Where's the satisfaction in writing or reading such a story, if there's no enjoyment ?

Sorry, only a 2. It wasn't enjoyable on any level.

There is some nugget of a good story, and I am glad that it worked for other readers/commentators. But I did not care for the writing.

It was just hard reading trying to keep all the pieces together and too drawn out for the content.

I also do not see the ending is having any real connection with the rest of the story.

I think I have read this 5 times and still think you are one of the best writers on this site, and I have read nearly all the Loving Wives section. I love both your stories to date and solely wish you had writen more. Superb story. Loved the Father bit and the ending. How anyone could call it “pretentious”, an earlier comment from a numpty, is beyond me. Well done.

This story was written by a master. Powerful, emotive, moving. Thank you for sharing your gift with us mortals. Wow.

I have it 4*s first, I would change that to five if I could

I anticipated the ex would be using, but not the wolf.

I've known some addicts and you nailed them perfectly. They blame, make excuses, and avoid consequences until it all catches up with them. I'll bet she was using when she left him.

I fall into the mistake of criticizing the choices made by characters when it's a story about flawed people. These are deeply flawed and I suspect he should do something for his niece even though the effort will fail.

Good writing! Unique story.

Your plot twist in the end is what sets your story apart from most of the other stories in the loving wives action but those long monologues and internal dialogues are unnecessary. They come off as pretentious and take the fun out of an otherwise nice story.

This feels real. Thanks for writing it.

At the risk of sounding harsh, it's clear that you fancy yourself as a deep and intense sort of writer (and you are good), but you don't really accomplish that either with the plot or with the unfolding of it. I can't pinpoint what was missing but something certainly was.

Dampen the long boring internal dialog.

At the end coming, never in a million years.

"I guess it's possible that she lost her side of the spark, somewhere along the line. I can understand how that can happen. But that only justifies the leaving. Not the betrayal. Not the cruelty. Or the lies, or the indifference. Nothing can justify that."

"So you were happier after leaving." "Yes, dammit. I was." So leave and be happy again.

"Ahh, family. The last ugly weapon of all truly manipulative people. "Sorry," I tell her, "but she isn't. 'Family' is a word that exists only in my future...not my past."

"Blood is just something that soaks into the ground."

I thought Chapter 2 was a story written in a clearer manner to understand. You've expressed thoughts in a way I haven't read before, certainly not on Lit, certainly not in LW. Now we know how the part-time bartender was going to support 'his' family. Seems everyone got what they deserved except Linda and his father. A very well done dark, dark story with a serious twist at the end. He made the correct decision not to keep his old family in his life, they would be toxic to his new life. Time to let them go. Fight for her indeed, why should he have to fight his brother for his wife, she was happier after she left after all, right? Signed: BTW

....to be very enjoyable and that's the only reason I read such stories. This one was a real downer. Two stars is my top mark for such a dirge

Niece didn't deserve treatment

Not her fault shit for parents

How to fix?

Still one of the best wrap ups that I've ever seen in LW. Everyone got exactly what they deserved, except the poor little girl. You have to feel for her. The twist about his dad was brutal. Great stuff.

My God that was good. The twist at the end came out of nowhere.

As for the main characters, yes, all are flawed, some more than others. I’ve, unfortunately, seen a woman like the mother.....so enabling of the worst traits in a child that she becomes immune to anything that child does.....and insists that her other children enable the slacker even more. The result is always a dysfunctional family that, ultimately rips itself apart. This author caught that dynamic perfectly.

I’d love to see more from this author. He has a gift of creating very realistic stories that are full of tension.

Helluva story. Far above the usual fare on here. Until the wolf story, I figured he owed Michael an annual thank you card for getting that useless loser of a woman out of his life. By the end, I realized everyone was damaged. I guess we all are to some extent.

Excellent story....

Genuinely engaging story, I admire your ability to convey the emotions of the characters. Love this story and boilerplate, hopefully one day you'll write more.

Thanks

Wow! You get 10 stars ⭐️ for this o e and especially that ending. He treated that bitch just like sowing and reaping required for her wicked ass...

Superb story, but it’s a reading IQ test, and beyond the Ken of many.

Chilleywilley

Dion't stop writing. You have a gift. Let the caged bird sing,

So much this story evokes, but the ending was so powerful that I can't help to think how much that little thing he did, the wolf surprise, changed the future course for the whole family. Would Michael have turned out the way he did if his father lived? Would the cops' families not suffered the pain of their losses if he turned out differently? His mom wouldn't have clung on to Michael the way she did ending up ruining him, in her own pain.

Sally accused him of being cold and distant. Was that due to this guilt and pain he carried in being the cause of his father's death? The thing that worries me about my wife and son is not if I or my wife make a mistake knowingly. It's that thoughtless moment where you call your wife while she is driving and she looks down, or my son walking home from school distracted by his friends and gets hit by a car. Just that thoughtless little things we do that most of the time we get away with ("simple math" or simple the odds) and the one in a thousand time that changes everything.

True masterpiece like your last one.

WoW!

did not see that. Great Job.

This is a clear example when a good plot is destroyed by moronic "modernist" writing. Instead of focusing on plot the writer is putting whole emphasis on trying to look as a "writer." This garbage is difficult to read because of the way it is written.

Now if this were something new and ingenious I would admit. But it isn't, it is just a cliche style.

The story is good though.

Sooo painful and yet so good...

Loved the technique of the dad chiming-in, as a memory in Joe’s head. It works well, ties the story together. Didn’t expect the closing of Joe causing his dad’s death. Joe didn’t seem to live under a burden of guilt, none of his actions would have been different.... and seriously, if he was on good terms with his father, why wouldn’t he consider how his dad handled fatherhood when faced with similar parenting issues?

that you stopped writing, or at least you don't post stories here anymore.

One of the best wrap ups I've seen in a LW story. Bye Sally, don't let the door hit you. Much deserved karma for all involved.

Great story, again. Love your thought processes and the ending is excellent. I wish you would add to your collection. Very talented.

Chur bro awesome story

All I can say is thanks.

Not the easiest story to follow and digest but well worth the effort. The Unorginalist has a very original take on the Loving Wives genre. Pity he hasn't published more than the two stories presented here.

LA

It could use a good editing all all the boring thoughts that makes the story really slow.

A good of insight is good. A lot of insight turns your story into the architect explaining the Matrix. Sorry You had a good tale but you rant too much. You need to show more and explain less.

I did not like it at all! gave it 2-stars because apparently they delete one star. The save at the end where he explains why his father's voice always were with him was exactly that. Trying to save a weak story! a Total waste of time - and I'm usually not this critical!

Nevertheless, I gave it a 4 for the quality of the writing and imagination the story showed plus the emotions it evokes. Joey was a real Shit. Kills his father, destroys his brother and mother and wife and doesn't even have enough sense of morality (or guilt) to try to help his niece, who he created indirectly. The death of the father was not Joey's intentional fault but his actions caused it and he should have had the decency to try to clean it up the messes he caused for other people even to the point of sacrificing his own life to do it. I wonder how his niece turned out?

anon.1

Both of your stories are great. I know I'm a greedy bastard, but I really hope someday you'll come back with more of your awesome writings.

Perhaps the best I’ve read here on Literotica. Hell, maybe one of the best short stories I’ve ever read. Certainly in top 50, and I’m including things by the biggies, like Mark Twain, Thurber, Heinlein, etc.

It was one of the first 20 or so stories I’d read here last year, and got me sucked into Literotica. Finally got back to reread it and commenting. Everyone else had a high bar to match. Forgot just how good it was in the intervening months. Have to bookmark it to my Safari app.

God, what a brilliant read.

I have some of those feelings about my father although I had nothing to do with his death. I just had some of those feelings about what our relationship was and how he did his best but he didn't love me. That affected how I grew up and am today.

Great writing skills and strong characters make this, for me, one of the best ever.

I look forward to reading more of your stories.

Thanks

Pretty realistic in a way. Worthless little drugged up brother stealing his older brother's wife. Face it, we all know that addicts care about nothing but themselves. Sally was a lowlife to succumb to the little creep. Happens everyday somewhere I suspect. The provider husband loses out to another male providing his wife the attention she wants... Same old same old. I read both stories, and found both just sad. Every character in the story were miserable and sad in their own way.

well written, not under or over explained. and after all that he cuts the toxic waste out of his life with no guilt trip taken 5stars

This story should have ended when he got “no-billed” for shooting and killing his brother when he caught him raping his wife. Would have been a lot better story.

To the vapid prating of the unwashed. This is clearly the most original and complex tale I have read on this forum, and probably miscategorized considering the bleatings of the Great American Unwashed. I think you might be following in the wake of Pinter and Stoppard after a bit of polishing and editing. I havent been effected this much since "The Homecoming"! GOOD ON YA!

you used some big words in this one hoss, got those clueless little closet cuckies confused!

great writing, 5 stars

Well written! Hopefully you'll continue this story line

Why do you even attempt to write stories such as these? They jump all over the place. What gets me is that you give crappy reviews of other authors here who write excellent stories.

Also any story that HarryinVA likes has to be a baddy written story!