All Comments on 'Simple Math Ch. 02'

This is my very first comment here in literotica. I've never really had the urge to make a comment in the past. Even if I love the story a whole lot. I just didn't have it in me to put effort into my virtual appreciation.

But this. Damn! I can't even begin to say how much I love this one. I love the characters, especially the main protagonist. I actually know someone who fits this man's personality to a tee. So goddamn damage by the world, but still so goddamn strong.

I love the inner monologues. I love the pool analogy. I love the description about the transformation of an innocent flirting into full blown affair. I love the dialogue between the dead father and the main character. A lot of people do that you know. They find solace in talking to an indomitable imaginary presence, in order to gain some form of clarity. I know I do that from time to time as well.

I love that the main protagonist was exceptionally consistent. He was cold and firm from start to finish. Simple math. Damn! I wish I could reason with myself as good as he does.

I do sincerely hope though that the final scene with Sally and saying goodbye to his dead father will not leave a negative impact on his life.

I think it was a living well as the best revenge, no wimps ending, but it was hard to tell. Kept skimming through the verbage, couldn't help it.

Surveys have said people need to grieve anywhere from one half to one third of the time spent in a sundered, significent relationship before they're emotionally healthy enough to start again. The two year-plus sojourn the narrator spent healing isn't out of line in the real world. For my personal taste, the author chose to linger on the negative and skim over the positive milestones that this lead character ticked off.

He finally ended up in a good place, Better job, imminent prospects of a relationship with healthier woman and dysfunctional family no longer bogging him in their mire. This was a story of a stolid soul who stays the course. He was initially too trusting, but it all ended in a valid and credible place. I'm somewhat dismissive of pseudo-wolf prank resulting in inadvertent fratracide. It felt artificial and hokey by my lights.

In the end, the best passages of this installment were nigh pro-quality. As for the rest ? I will leave it to my fellow commentators who take much more pains ( and pleasure ) in detailing exact faults and shortcomings. The first installment was totally gripping and I would argue very nearly stands on its own, in terms of being a complete Loving Wives story of the first rank.

Regardless its clear, this author has talent and worked VERY hard in presenting this opus. I would be estatic if I could do half as well were I to submit a story in the LW genre. TheUnoriginalist has both my envy and thanks for this story.

each write a chapter? I don't think this one quite synched up with the first, tonally. Well, parts of it did. It seemed a mish-mash of scenes that didn't fit all that well together, though each was pretty well written. The confrontation between the brothers was brilliant and a fine follow-up to the excellent first chapter. He's a better man than me. That was powerful stuff.

The rest, I'm sorry to say, did not seem up to your previous standards. That ending...what was that about? It felt entirely tacked on - unneeded and unwelcome. Maybe if there'd been a twist that he'd actually framed his brother for the crime, or something along those lines, such a reveal would have been more fitting. Instead, fate seems to have taken care of his revenge for him, his life is looking up, and then, "Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that when I was a kid I dressed up as a wolf to scare my dad and ended up causing his death. Thought you might want to know. The end." Interesting, I suppose, but it felt superfluous. An odd note to end on.

I still have no clue what happened with the wife. I suppose he just married an evil woman, and his dad happened to think highly of her for whatever reason.

I hope you don't find these observations discouraging. I found this conclusion uneven, but still WELL above the average story around here. There were bright spots, to be sure - and the previous chapter was fantastic, and almost stood on its own. I will always look forward to any future stories you contribute.

Cog

Now, this is the Unoriginalist that I remember from Boilerplate, soooo much better than Ch 1. Not so fluffy or boring & the few twists you added for Mickey & at the end about his Dad, really 1st class. However I can't help feeling this 2 chapter tale was like a close game of basketball where the losers came off the court feeling they'd left something still out there on it. Not quite Boilerplate but close. 4 + ****

JUST WOW HOLY FUCKING CHRIST, THAT WAS WORTH READING.

Pretty damn original if you ask me! Great writing with a lot of truth permeating it. I particularly like the wife's reasons for cheating - simple and dead on real. My guess is that most people cheat simply because they feel like it. They don't care about the consequences, they just care about the moment. When they get caught the lying starts. I liked the theme about family, and where the line is drawn. Blood is just blood, who cares? Friends mean much more than family. Love is love, and it trumps blood every hour of every day. The final bit of guilt in this story is interesting and a little confusing. Was that necessary? Don't we all carry our parents with us after they are gone? I will have this on my mind for a while.

For me chapter two rose well above chapter one, your determination to keep it down and dirty, avoid lightness at all costs paid dividends for me. Not an easy read but probably the first story in many months to keep me riveted to the end. 5* and I wish I could give more.

The only small distraction was something LSD put his finger on. Your story was at its best when the characters were grating against each other, the verbal sparring was delicious. However some of the monologues inbetween...I don't know exactly...preachy, maybe on the verge of showing off? Of course I could just be jealous your talent.

... you chose the name Unoriginalist, because you have a very original and engaging style. A great way of telling a simple, dark and gritty tale with an almost M. Night Shyamalan'ish twist.

Well done Sir. Top marks from me.

Did'nt see it coming!

Wen't through the last bit with a queasy feeling. Took some time for the shock to subside. Waiting in anticipation for your next effort!

again, thanks 5

This one I gave five stars. A damned fine piece of work.

'Indulgent internal monologues'. LSD has a skill with the perfect description at times.

This chapter flowed so much nicer.

There were points of irritation. Our protagonist is incredibly insightful and detailed about life and observation when he is whining...um...monologuing that we go into second gear. However, the other characters are cyphers. I found the discussion with Sally extremely dissatisfying. She essentially muttered a few clichés and exited, stage hobo. We know nothing about this woman and we don't care about her. In fact, all we feel for her is a visceral sense of hatred because that is the character you gave us. So, here is where it hurts the story, we are NOT interested in his conflict and pain because all we see is a manipulative deceitful cunt. (and I use that term seldom) 'Why are you crying man? She is AWFUL!' That is how we feel because that is all you showed us. It diminishes the emotional impact you are trying to set up.

Now, Karen from 'Boilerplate Rendering'...we didn't know anything about her either. But we had a chance to learn. We saw her good points and her bad. We saw her manfully try to reestablish a relationship. We saw her suffer and humiliate herself and get fat and we saw her as a person. Frankly, despite the awful things she'd done, I liked HER more than John at the end of that story. Grace wasn't part of his soul. This woman here is a cypher and all I see is a bad person.

This was also about 50 times better than most stuff put on the site. It was, particularly in the first chapter, lachrymose to the extreme and we've already discussed the pacing. You had the same flaw in Boilerplate. You tend to start VERY slow and VERY emotional. Every scene is not an excuse to have another emotional outburst.

But I loved it. I loved this story for what it was. I absolutely loved the second and third chapter of Boilerplate as well. Every story doesn't have to be an action adventure novel. But a bit more than we got in the first chapter of this.

And yes, I thought the twist at the end was totally inconsistent with the rest of the story. No real foreshadowing that I caught.

wonderful and intriguing story. thanks.

Part 1 was a 3, this is a 5.

good story with a somewhat sad ending to his life from before but seems like now he is moving on with his own life and trying make things alot better

The husband/hero was just as fucked up as his family in the most twisted of ways. He couldn't even begin to forgive his betrayer for he never forgave himself.

No need to really know why the ex did what she did, for it always comes down to two things: excitement and she could. Trying to have the best of both worlds. Very boilerplate for we men don't know the minds of women. What would have been more interesting is if the brother was turning her into a drug addict during the affair. But again, her actions were less important to me than his reaction.

Everyone was mad he wasn't fighting not knowing why he wouldn't. Very nice twist. Well done.

It was worth it, to go through zillions of idiot stories in this site, suffer all the crap produced by authors and commenters, just to find a gem like that. Bravo!!

This author's skill with words is unparalleled. This story had the potential to be boring, but his word play is so spectacular that it makes is worth it. Kind of like Eminem, but of stories. Great job.

I'll be the first one in line at the first showing. "5"

That's what you call it when you write a story with no likeable characters, but still it it's a compelling read.

What was missing was a reason why the brother did what he did. Being a junkie, is not enough. He worked on taking his brother's wife while he was clean. The first part of the story left us thinking that maybe it was jealousy thing, but we never got to find out why.

Like I say, no likeable characters, even the hero turns out to be self centred person who would let a child go malnourished rather than give way on a principle.Considering the amount of guilt he is carrying around, that seemed unbelievable.

However, the writing carried it, which is why I say it's a triumph. Well done.

and I think your story showed that. It was a bit hard to read at times, like hearing some ugly truth about yourself, but that just made it a better story. Please keep writing, I look forward to reading more of you works.

As I told in part 1...all of them had to pay...his brother, his wife, his mother, and even the child. No forgiveness for the cheaters and thoose who support them.

Five stars for dialogue. Five Stars for bringing out the passion within your characters. It was 3:45am when I started this story having enjoyed TheUnoriginalist's prior work and had to make a cup of coffee to sit back and enjoy reading a tale with no wartime exploits, or 2nd degree black belts (although those are fun to read); nothing but what can happen in real life to real people with real feelings. Truly impressive writing and style - a tried and true plot, yes - but with such believable characters it is like a breath of fresh air after a rain storm, sweet and cool and absolutely wonderful.

This thing is being over analysed. The message is that some people are shits who will never stop trying to screw you while they draw breath. Do not weaken. Get them out of your life.

Good story.

but ultimately gave it a 4. Hard to connect with the characters, esp the wife even after her explanation of her point of view. I would say all is well that ends well. He is in a new lving relationship, going to have kids, free of the low character ex wife and Mom, this should be a celebration.

The surprise at the end where he is tangentially responsible for his Dad getting hit by a drunk driver, really made no sense to the whole story. It was interesting, but I couldnt put together how that had an impact on what happened with his ex, brother and Mom.

Thx for writing and look forward to your next effort.

While well written, the story felt like it was fed to me wrapped around plastic dolls with preprogrammed responses and cliches. I was left with a feeling that this was staged to elicit a specified response.

Writing style (mechanics) 5*

Character connect 3*

Still, a good read.

The ending--does it really fit? Lots of questions and doubts about this that others have noted. BUT--all that is at an extremely high level. Obviously a 5. You have a spectacular originalist talent.

And the secrets are everywhere.

A great read for the most part but the confession regarding his farther at the end, was neither needed or added anything to the existing story.

Couldn't keep track as to where this story was going or where it came from. Next time try not to think you a Hemmingway, your not ' Keep it simple.

Just read both installments. Loved how you wove the dead father into the story. The story was brought to a clean cut end. Thanks for the effort.

Great story but when the wife or mother talked to him neither of them acknowledge the fact that he walked in on the wife in bed with brother and they showed no remorse.

It's hard to really like this story. I mean it's fairly well written, albeit a bit meandering and unrealistic at times. The main value of reading this story is taken from the narrator's point about blood being nothing more than something that soaks into the ground. God ain't that the truth. A family, much like a marriage, is only as good as what you put into it. That's why I don't bother with my family any more. None of them are worth the time and energy and heartbreak. They've already ruined me, and all I can do is pray that I've still got something left to offer when I try to start a family of my own. Of course with my luck, I'll just end up with some bitch like Sally or Joey's mother or my own mother. The way Joey put an end to his relationship with his mother, shit, I wish had the stomach to do the same and get rid of that albatross around my neck. But as much as I resent her, I also pity her, and that will probably be my downfall in the end, but I don't have it in me to abandon someone, even after they've abandoned me. So there's my little sob story contribution to this fine piece of 'literature'. Thanks for the catharsis.

Great story, well written and utterly original. I do hope you're at least half way through another one.

... I did not see that end coming. I wish that somehow the child Linda would've been saved from what obviously is going to be a torturous life. But that's not really a flaw in the story. It's more of a wish that my heart makes for all the unfortunate. Panther fan.

And all the more beautiful for it. Thanks for this.

I could have stood another 200 chapters of your excellent writing. But, you got in, told your story, and got out. That is all you can ask from one of the best authors on Literotica. Thanks again for your submission.

I don't understand how people can dismiss the final revelation as unnecessary when it is the crux of the brothers' relationship and their characters - especially that of the much younger Michael, whose impressionable early years were tortured by grief.

blithering idiotic morons when it comes to their worthless child, which theshare responsibility for the worthless child.

sometimes u have to dis own it and cut ur loses.

3 stars

I thought it was good.

I do think that the conversations with the father were awkward. Somehow it just never seemed comfortable. That is a hard relationship to write about anyway. A ghost doesn't have to make sense.

I don't have a comment on the story because if a person can write well what that person chooses to write is that person's decision. You write well. Sentences flow. The jarring parts worked because they became more sensible over time and thus, by the 2nd part, felt more as a reader that you'd walked into a life in progress.

I sniffed a hint or two of Jim Thompson in this, which I liked.

The character is inconsistent.

Is he a cold hearted bastard or a sensitive milksop? A man who can turn away a malnourished baby away, and refuse to care for said infant would not also guard the feelings of his POS brother at his lowest. He would have no problem grinding his heels on the fingers of his brother as he desperately clings to hope.

A cold hearted bastard would not spend 2 years crying at home over his loss. He would instead read like a JPB hero: "I loved her and would have given my life for her up until I saw her cheat. Now she was dead to me." Because while he may have TREATED her like she was dead to him, she certainly figured very highly in his inward ruminations. Wasn't she the 'stiff winter breeze' constantly in his life?

A stiff winter breeze doesn't affect an already frozen heart. So that is why the end doesn't work for me.

With that much baggage and a complete inability to forgive anyone, let alone himself, Michael's future sucess as a husband and father seem pretty dim to me.

Michael is unaware of one of the main benefit of forgiveness: the freedom granted to the forgiver. Losing the hate and resentment allows the forgiver a chance to enjoy the rest of his/her life.

For me this story would have been much more interesting if Michael's brother had turned his life around and created a happy and solid family with Michael's ex-wife. That would have been a much more interesting dilemma to resolve. Having the brother screw up and ruin his life just to prove that Michael was completely right, perfect and blameless seemed just too trite.

I only comment on stories on stories that I care about. Please continue.

I wonder how much of the story , that I really enjoyed "good luck Michael" anon actually read? the cheating druggie brother was michael, the protagonist was joe or joey. Im glad he could put it all behind him including the incredibly dense mom

FD45 is an irritating pontificating SOB. He-she can be depended on to make some kind of asinine comment on a regular basis. The next time I write a story, I'll erase his comment automatically.

Or not to be.

Your male heroes' soliloquies become tiresome after awhile.

Even Hamlet finally recognized that there's a time to shut the fuck up and act

You have the ability to write anything--so why don't you write something. Get out from between your characters' ears and get into the world. Get dirty, get mad, get smelly, get wet, get hot, get something. Dad is not the only ghost in this story. They're all ghosts, pale skinny wraiths in gauzy film drifting through cold scenes without blood or warmth.

Get hard and stick your dick in something. Get pissed.

Go down like a man, like that crazy bastard, Captain Ahab (aka Khan in Star Trek):

"To the last, I grapple with thee; From Hell's heart, I stab at thee; For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee."

Your reward will be adrenaline and you might even electrify the hardened heart of that desiccated old corpse known as HarryinVA.

Keep writing. Stretch yourself. For someone with your talent, playing it safe is a tragedy.

While I agree that all the characters except Joe are poorly fleshed out, I'm not sure that it matters. This story is not really about people, even Joe. It's about the nature of forgiveness.

Who deserves forgiveness? What are the limits of forgiveness? Are some things unforgiveable? Should family always be forgiven? Can forgiveness be demanded? How do you go about forgiving yourself?

Joe (and his father) represent the limited scope of forgiveness. Recognize that this is not about Joe getting even or burning his brother or Sally. He just wants a divorce and nothing further to do with them.

Do Michael and Sally deserve forgiveness? They are unrepentant. Michael's actions when they are discovered and Sally's action later prove they are not regretful at all. They even try to foist the blame for all their bad decisions on Joe. Should someone who is unrepentant be forgiven?

Joe's Mom represents the "You always forgive family" view. Should you always forgive? When a person repeatedly shows his bad character and drags everyone around him down, should you have anything to do with that person, family or not? If you do, you will eventually be dragged down with them.

Maybe they cannot help themselves. Michael, after killing the cop, seemed broken. Maybe he just couldn't help himself? Does that mean that Joe should step in even when he knows that Michael will destroy anyone around him? Go down with Michael, like Sally and his mother chose to do? Isn't that a form of suicide, to make choices that you know will destroy you?

Is it a healthier to distance yourself from destructive people? Is it hate to make a choice to distance yourself from those people or is it self preservation? Sally and Joe's mom are circling the drain because they stood with Michael. Was that a good choice? Sally was being abused by Michael. Should an abused person forgive their abuser, stay with them, and continue to be abused? Is it hate if they choose not to or self preservation?

Joe's mom demanded that he forgive Michael and Sally. Can someone do that, demand forgiveness for themselves or others? Isn't forgiveness a gift from the person who forgives? Should you continue to associate with people who make unreasonable demands of you, demands that lead to self destruction? Is It hate to distance yourself from people who would harm you in this way or self preservation?

How can Joe forgive himself for causing his father's death? Isn't causing a death far worse than adultery? If Sally and Michael cannot be forgiven, how can Joe? Is the intent of the doer a factor? Did Joe intend that his father be hurt? Was Joe's action as a child something that most people would recognize as something dangerous? Have you ever popped out and scared someone? Could it have gone badly wrong? If an innocuous action does go wrong, is guilt deserved? Do we sometimes carry undeserved guilt? If there is no real guilt, is forgiveness required?

These questions are very deep and people need to reflect on their own answers. It's a great story because these questions are mulled over by the characters and cause the reader to reflect as well. It's clear that some readers are dissatisfied by the resolution because they have different views of the nature of forgiveness.

actually... in TUO's first story... Harryin VA get this author the best review he has ever given anyone or any story

Your first story published on this site was one of my all time favorites. So much character development and relationship complexities. This story--not so much. Can't wait for your next effort.

You know the expression "fool me once, shame on you. But fool me twice, shame on me." Against his better judgment, he let Mikey into his home and life and he paid a dear price. He could not help the child Linda without bringing Sally back into his life, and that would be getting fooled twice. He has a right to protect himself and his future.

you could add a part 3 . to see what else happens in there lives.. his ex wife is a stupid women to have an affair with that loser even if the husband was working and neglecting her. look how her life turned out. she could have confronted him instead of fucking the druggy brother. now she is in a living hell , no family no friends ,no money.. food stamps and welfare what a life for her and her daughter

In my first comment about this story I made in chapter 1... I made two points. FIRST that Joey is a loser who is a weak man. 2ND that at some point down the road the ex wife ... Michael and the Mother are all going to show up suddenly ... with yet another " family crisis" and will demand that Joey get if involved or pay attention or reconnect or doing ' something and invariably Joey will do just that. And like everything else Joey does it will be a disaster. It will be poorly handled and Joe will end up looking like the loser and schmuck that he always is

Joey is a difficult man to like because he is so weak. He didnt kill his father but he THINKS he did and he wont talk about it. He thinks holding it inside him makes him strong. The implication is clear... that Joey is cold hearted man driven by a deep dark secret... that spends 2 years crying in his beer over a cheating wife??

yeah .... FD45 is correct. This makes no sense.

The opening conversation between his Mother and Joey reveals much and shows WHY joey is a serious loser and really a weak man . At no point in the story does joey even ATTEMPT to explain to his mother how they hurt HIM. He never gets into it. He never attempts to get his mother to recognize what their actions MEAN.

It gets worse .."while I don't think I did anything wrong, I also don't think anybody ever thinks they were the bad guy."

in the immortal word of john McEnroe ...you cannot be fucking serious

or this ....

"My identity has been stolen. My future assumed. It was all supposed to be mine: the big news, the hug. All of it. I spent...God, years waiting for it. Waiting for her to be ready. What did he ever wait for? What did he do to earn that right?"

Maybe it was because Michael could shut the fuck up for 5 minutes and DID something ..... like fuck ... as opposed to going through these long agonizing soliloquies.

as painful as going through one. I don't do deep, incisive critiques. I just go by what I feel as I read. I got pretty tired of the guy whining about his shitty life for a couple pages. Don't divorced guys do other things, like watch football, take trips, learn a new hobby... anything but sit home and whine? This just didn't make my reading pleasure meter jump very high at all. It may well be brilliant. I'm not qualified to determine that. I just know that reading this did not leave me feeling much of anything. It could be me. I'm not a sensitive guy, or especially bright.

Inconsistencies or as I would prefer to describe them, intricacies, are what make the characters human. If you like your characters flat and predictable then stick to the comics.

CharlieB4: You know what? I can see that. One can rationalize all his actions. It is a matter of 'how much work do you need to do to rationalize his actions'. It was more charity than I was willing to grant. My suspension of disbelief on that 'hard ass' line was broken by the 4 prior pages of his internal conflict. I find it a bit rude that while you are happy to be charitable to the story, you are less charitable to the commenters, particularly over an easily debatable point.

Speaking of Rude: Anony-ass who consistently calls me out. Do you knuckle your way through all these stories just looking for MY comments? You must. Because even a low grade intelligence like yours might note that the comments I made about pacing and consistency were mirrored by many more people than just me. And yet you call ME out. Quite the hard on you have for me, sport. But I don't swing that way.

You are a gifted writer, I appreciate this offering...and look forward to more.

5 stars.

Thanks 4 sharing

You write well, develop characters just enough, master introspection. His unrelenting anger, even to the end, was sad but oh so realistic. Good stuff.

But hard to read,the main characters thoughts reminded me of a 1950's angry man screeds,it could be irritating.Worse is that Joey is hurt and you want to sympathize,but he seems just as clueless as Sally,some of his emotions are real,but big things are missing,we just don't see him.

And both he and Sally are ciphers,her motives are just too cookie cutter,and to be honest make no sense.Okay,she boinks the brother,but does she really think Michael is going to support her?Cmon women are deluded,can be,but she is out there...and her actions after Joey finds them makes no sense for a woman who wanted him to fight for her,when she didn't even attempt to reconcile.He says,himself she changed,but that much? Something happened beyond boredom,Michael must have done something...and his anger also is puzzling towards joey,even he cannot say way he did it,but grief about dad might add up to self destruction,but this? There are missing pieces that make this a bit of a miss,needed more work.

The part about blood and family is dead spot on,far too many people claim that,and it is bs.priests and such love to tell you that god made blood thicker than water,they will tell a child abused by a parent that they should pray for the parent and forgive them,and later will tell them to support their parent,that is their duty...the one thing the character did right was breaking it off,and to protect himself.He could of offered to try and find help.for sally and the child,to look at a,stsrving child and not try and help was a bit callous,but he also needed to protect his own family.

I gave it a 5 because it had sone power to.it and was well crafted

Really good read, thanks for writing!

I agree, it's about the nature of forgiveness. It's also about the nature of sorrow, and good and evil. At one point the main character considers that everyone thinks they are "the good guy" (can't recall the exact phrasing), but that's not true. It's not possible to truly forgive yourself without first acknowledging the damage that you did. I think that the main character's past lying over him did shape him - and it turns out to be in a good way. I can sort of see his "carrying" his father as an act of love and of remembrance and sort of as a penance (though I don't think that was deliberate or conscious).

As for the wife - well any addict (and I think she was/became one) is skilled at lying, especially to themselves - for fun, go look up 'confabulation' first in the context of dementia, then in the context of evolutionary psychology.

Wonderful, skillful writing - and I had to have some of this hit me weird way 'round, as after the fact I could recognize the skillfulness of the portrayal of the codependent manipulative mass of muck that was the mother - it takes a skilled author to get me to despise someone that much that fast.

My one critique (and here we can all chant the theme to MST3K "just repeat to yourself it's just a show / I should really just relax") but I would have liked to see child protection called. I also admit I can't see any way of doing so without detracting from the story. But then the author is fabulous so who knows?

Great writing

I am not sure that I agree with all the comments about how high quality the writing is. To me, this is kind of a "Fear of Flying" narcissistic stream-of-consciousness that has been popular but is akin to "modern" art (which usually leaves me underwhelmed). To me Erica Jong was pure bull shit that separated a bunch of iq-deprived folks from their money. Of course, PT Barnum did note that there is a sucker born every minute. I went through a painful divorce and understand the angst and will concede that TUO captured pieces of the angst well, but had to wade though a bunch of stuff to get there. I like the way the dead father was handled much better in Rehnquist's "Going Back Home Again." And HDK I don't perceive you as insensitive - you are a modern nineties kind of sensitive and cool guy. Am also reminded of the Smothers Brothers' "mom always liked you best" line. All that said, I did find the plot interesting.

Great job, thanks for your effort, please keep writing.

after taking what you have to say on board, I still wanna rate this 5 stars.

It is still well above the dross that is published here most of the time.

It is also, in my lowly opinion, a fresh expression of the human condition, especially for this site.

And for what it's worth, he kept his dignity and self respect in pristine shape, against what would have been overwhelming pressure.

The only victim here was the baby girl, as she had no control over circumstances that she would grow up in; regardless, I agree 100% with the protagonist's decision. After all, Sally was just using her as a pawn, and if she really did care for the welfare of the child, she should have surrendered her to social services and then gone somewhere and OD'd.

Instead Sally did just what terrorists try to do... use our own sense of decency against us. Even if Joe had fallen for it hook, line and sinker, the child would never really have been out of danger, be it physical or emotional.

Joe himself was not a victim, because he chose not to be from the outset.

And as far as the death of the father... well, I hope the character, Joe, came to realize that it was unintentional circumstances, and it was a tragedy, but a drunk on the road will cause damage at some point, so the young Joe was not solely to blame, he was young, and all-in-all it cannot be undone.

Well done, Unoriginalist. Your work will always find an audience with me.

the Masked Anony.

I have to disagree with people who say that the final revelation was unnecessary. It was COMPLETELY necessary. If you remember. he gave a couple of hints of it that happened at pretty important points. The first was when his father asked him why did he give in so easily when the mother said, "It's what you father would have wanted". His guilt is the entire reason why this story happened in the first place. If he didn't have the guilt, he wouldn't have let his brother stay.

The second is when the mother is talking about forgiveness. He mentioned that he could very easily test her ability to forgive. That was another hint that showed how much of a hypocrite he thought she really was. She is spouting off about forgiveness, but the protagonist knew that there was no way she was going to be able to forgive that.

Like I said, that bit of information was the final puzzle piece that put it all in place.

I think in terms of character development and style it is the stronger of TUO's stories. In fact, second time around it reads very well. Both stories are thought-provoking, though, which is good.

and just when you think there is one sane person in the story, you find out he is just as bad, if not worse. a little light and hope would be nice.

and get his own answer, TK U MLJ LV NV

Hell of a tale. Turned out the wife was just a cunt thinking about the brothers available cock. He turned out to be a druggie all along then became a murderer and a coward. The mother was bananas. Actually Joey was quite nuts himself but now he has a wife and wants a family. You could continue this tale but to what end? Everything that needed to be said was, and very well. Continue the great work.

Five Stars

...better offerings in recent history.

I especially appreciated that last dialogue with Sally.

It eloquently puts paid to all the "family first, last and always" crap they lay on you while jerking you around, using you, or stabbing you in the back.

Truth is, shit is still shit, no matter how you dress it up. It's what they choose.

And if you, like me, don't like wallowing in it, best get away from it.

Stick with real people. They're much harder to find, but ever so much more enjoyable company!

Looking forward to something of this caliber from you again.

Thanks for sharing.

One of the truest lines ever written. And one of the best stories. Probably would have been most appropriately posted in the "non-erotic" section, but then I never would have seen it, so I'm glad you posted it in LW. Great story, and please post again soon.

This is a very deep and intriguing story!

It was a little confusing to read and I did't really understand "why Dad" until the end, but then - wow!!! His family sounds as bad as mine! GREAT STORY

The author seems to one of the more skilled wordsmiths on the board. Anything he writes in the future I will read. One reason is because he gets us thinking and paints wonderful word pictures.

The Boiler plate masterpiece still awes me. I will read anything this author writes. Loved this one too. A bit wordy and drawn out but excellent all the same.

A dark story and a man who stands by his morals ond convictions

Good story

Oh come on, there's a difference between being a 'wordsmith' and ambling...

Truly one of those writers that will do far better once they purchase a compass.

In the words of the immortal, Samuel Johnson, "His conversation does not show the minute-hand, but he strikes the hour very correctly."

Scary dark inside that life! I've known mothers like that.

Pity Hubby couldn't reconsider the idea that he killed his Dad...he did NOT. Forgiving yourself is last on the list (and the list is rarely completed.)

5*

Oh I gave the thing a five but here's what I sort of saw.

The whole thing could have just have easily been told inside the walls of a mental institution. Joey could have been in a padded cell wearing a straight jacket.

Allow me to digress. Joey never recovered from his father's death and his sense of guilt. He'd become an isolate. Marriage is about a lot of things, but it is mostly about talking. Two people marry and they talk. They talk all the time; about the weather, about what's on TV, about church, about the kids, about each other, about everything. Married people communicate-with each other.

This whole story was about Joey talking to his dead father. Of course, I talk to my dead dad. When he was alive I'd talk and he'd listen, but he seldom offered an answer or opinion. He knew I was only talking to him while I worked through something, and he knew I'd always reach the right solution because he'd raised me right. Joey's dad had left too soon; he never finished the teaching part. Remember raising kids is about teaching, teaching, and more teaching. We teach our kids; this is the one big thing that separates us from all other animals.

More about Joey. Joey was an incomplete person. He probably selected Sally because she was as emotionally crippled as he was. I pity any woman who marries Joey; he's just not all there. He's not inconsistent, he's a cripple. Like a vinyl record with a scratch; he just goes on and on and on... Why wouldn't he reach out to Sally at the end. Why wouldn't he help the little girl. He just couldn't. He just didn't have it in him.

Michael; it sounds like he'd been raised like he was some kind of pet, never wrong, never punished, never held accountable. These types become incredibly manipulative. They never see themselves as responsible or guilty for their misdeeds. They are totally self absorbed. They don't deliberately break the law or set out to hurt people; they just aspire to work to their own ends, the law, morality, they're just inconvenient obstacles. We call these people sociopaths. Sally was weak. Joey was incapable of any meaningful outreach and burdened with inconsolable guilt. Mom was the classic enabler; the treat giver, the excuse finder. Michael had it all; the ring master at a sick circus.

This wasn't a Loving wives story; this was a case study on sick behavior. I loved it.

a dark corner in a life of a 'normal' man. great job!

Voice in the character's head is not a good sign. However, I don't see that Joey's guilt had anything to do with what happened to his marriage. Sally chose not to discuss her problems with him and chose to whore herself to his brother, and his mother chose to side with his brother and cheating wife. He still did the right thing by divorcing his entire family and moving on. But he should probably see a professional to talk about his guilt over his dad. And screw the drunk, the accident was still his fault, because if he'd been sober he'd have had the presence of mind to know that a wolf is no danger to a pickup truck!

subtract those fucked up people from your life.

Prime reading ! Like everything, rare stuff. So well crafted we have to wait anxiously,

until you post again.

Thank You for a finely wrought story.

AMerryMan

I'm feeling privileged to have just read a well-written LW tale that doesn't fit the template. Thank you so much.

Very enjoyable read

Even if he doesn't consider that little girl family, she's clearly undernourished in the care of her mother, and didn't do anything to deserve that.

He should have called Child Protective Services and reported his ex-wife for neglecting her daughter.

Most of what I saw in this piece have been mentioned in the later comments - Jasonnh chatted fairly well, but I was of the opinion that it was more about guilt than forgiveness... as some later noted. Guilt, as the theme, makes the last twist the resolution.

The protagonist was supposed to be the antithesis of the protagonist in "Boilerplate" - the protagonist here chose to live and thrive, by giving up his guilt and refusing to allow other people to guilt him into self destructive behavior. In essence, he saved himself for his children, whereas the protagonist in "Boilerplate" destroyed himself for his children.

There was also a point made here that I think has political merit - if the protagonist had tried to "save" any of the people in the piece, he would have been dragged down by them. He saw that as wrong, by "simple math" - why does making more damaged people seem like the more moral thing to do? Where is the virtue in being the perpetual martyr? If, on the other hand, there were publicly funded support available for the neglected child, then the situation could be improved without requiring a person to destroy their own future. Sort of risk management by pooling risk. Thus... AFDC could have helped here.

If there is the political will to do something for the children of the unbalanced and disadvantaged.

YMMV

Green-something

(a very good piece in my opinion - I don't see most of the flaws pointed out by others, and I am okay with a think piece rather than a rousing tale - again, YMMV.)

You keep reverting to present tense - bad story telling.

have to say this prob deserved a 5. When I originally read this didnt understand his guilt at his fathers death, and how that impacted his relationship with his mother & brother. After reading the comments, and seeing what other really sharp folks have to say (FD45, Cloacas, Green...,etc) I see where my confusion misses the whole point of the story, whereby his guilt leads him to the life he has, and only in overcoming that and absolving himself in the end can he truly move forward.

Complex stuff, mucho look fwd to your next work.

Not my cup of tea, however it was well written but not at all enjoyable. Thanks for your effort.

Great writing again, regardless of minor errors that don't interrupt the flow except for some nitpickers. Too dark for my taste, but it was a slow moving car wreck I couldn't turn away from, and that is a credit to the story. Even when Joey has moved on and has a lovely wife and future it still felt empty, sort of like the dull monologue of a film noire thing. I did want to see remorse in Sally, but she has the talent most people have of not assigning too much blame to herself- as the author predicted earlier. I feel sorry for her and want there to be some minor assistance thrown her way in spite of all of it. I empathize with pitiful wrecks even if they deserve what comes to them.

Well done. Dark and absolutely not happy. But not all stories need to be nor should be fun and games. Life isn't like that and this is another side of life.

Good work. Please keep it up.

That ending.......

a worthy 5 stars

xxxhugsxxx

TwistedOliver.

will the defenses hold. TK U MLJ LV NV

and in its narrative format, extraordinary. Accidentally killing Dad and dealing with the guilt late on is a bit melodramatic because the role of accidence in the destruction of his marriage and his birth family hasn't been invoked. Nevertheless, in a Literotica genre laced with cliches or -- shall we call them -- conventions -- this is an original piece of work! Remarkable! Keep at it!

Simply excellent! Simply wonderful!

I could go...and I hope you do go on...writing more stories like this.

Parts of the story dragged a bit, but otherwise it was a good read with an interesting conclusion. Thanks.