by itsme93
Your spelling and grammar suck. Also, how is he her little brother if he's three years older than her?? Lmao, what a moron .
Hannah has both "toned abs" and "32E breasts"? Do you know how breasts work? Or have you ever worked out? Anyone with toned abs wouldn't have enough fat on their entire body to have "huge tits". I understand this is a fantasy but stuff like that breaks immersion and comes off as juvenile.
Story built well, characters developed well, could have been a little hotter, but all in all, a good story.
When will we see another chapter?
Title of the story... "Sis Helps Lil Bro Feel Better", indicating he's the younger sibling.
Yet, he's 25 and she is 22... hmm, somewhere, somehow, somebody got it wrong.
Other than that, good story. I can suspend my disbelief for artistic license, not for stupid mistakes.
How is it that in these stories the guy always seems to have a 7" cock?
Good story tho thanks
Your story flows pretty well, however it really does help to proofread everything before submitting anything. Waste of time, not waiste of time. Another thing, you are 25 and just noticed your sister's amazing body? E cup breasts don't blend into the background. They call attention to themselves without any extra effort. Re-write the story and clean up the mistakes.
badly executed
So she's completely naked"Except"she had a red lace thong on!
he goes to watch the movie naked except for dressing gown #WHY
etc etc
but what really was stupid he's in bed naked wanking she comes in crying then get under covers with him!
She has No Issue with him being nude but what really fucked the story she Starts wanking him,He asks you got no problem with this,She says no,finishes tugging him shows her tits get out of bed goes to her room
The End
Well-written. Some spelling glitches but a very solid effort. 5 stars.
It was fairly easy to follow. Good simple story with plot to get bogged down with. Please double check words of similar sounds but different spelling and meaning. Eg waist, waste.
I have never googled a real body, only on the internet. Cute use of the word but I thought he would already know what boobs are.
Gave 4star for a lovely first story.
Clearly you have a gift for writing. Not too bad for your first attempt but you need to follow this up with a sequel.
A superb and fuzzy-feeling inducing story such as this one simply has to go on, at least until the brother is fit enough to repay his sitter for her care.
Loved it, sexy with a realistic scenario. Enjoyed your easy writing style and I note it's your first, though I suspect you've written before. Hope there's a sequel. Five stars.