All Comments on 'Sister's Lap Dance'

Just a little fine tuning and you'll have yourself a Pulitzer candidate. lol Great story. Keep them coming.

for a good read and effort.

I think you did a good job for a first chapter, it was full of suspense, was arousing and was kinda fun to have a brother and sister act like it was taken slow, get warmed up and she kept says Oh we shouldn't, don't enter me but allowed her big brother to strip her, until they screwed slowly. Since she made the statement about doing it again, the next chapter should be when they are home alone and she starts the same routine but then they give in, she wants it more than he does and they screw each other long and hard. No more pretend talk. Thanks !

A terriffic story. Reminds me of my experiences with various dancer / strippers during lap dances. Very hot. A dance evolving into sex was a perfect ending, I hope the story can continue.

Excellent first chapter you've got alot of potential of writing good stories keep it up

To the dumb ass about the monkey comment lets see you do better

I'm talking about the story concept and pace. What others have said is true. The dialog is stiff in places, use contractions like 'isn't' instead of 'is not' and so on. There are places that need commas and places where articles (like 'the') are missing. Don't say 'black nylon pantyhose' when 'black pantyhose' will suffice. Sometimes too many adjectives just slow things down. Proofread or get a good editor. I'm just making suggestions because I think you have talent and your story can be improved. I agree the sister asking for tissues and wine for fucking him again was a little off the wall and unnecessary. It would have been better if he'd just picked her up and carried her to his bed. Her second thoughts after getting carried away and fucking her brother are believable. Above all - don't get discouraged by some negative comments from a few jerks. Keep at it and try to improve. Writing isn't easy. Keep at it!

It could have been much better if the writing had been cleaned up a little more. Even though the sister's actions weren't exactly a dance you put them in a believable situation and had them progress to the inevitable conclusion nicely. The dialogue could have been a little more erotic and flirty and I would have liked the sister to be a little more in control and make him squirm a little.

You need to let your story rest for a couple of days after you've finished it and come back and read it again from the perspective of someone who is reading it for the first time. You can catch a lot of stupid little errors that way like missing words and mixed tenses etc. A good proofreader should have caught these.

One of the better bro/sis stories

Good show...and all that...really liked this one!

Short and steamy.

This is not as good as the original version of the story. Any chance of that version being brought back ?

sooo naughty ! i wish mom would have caught them !

Five Stars.

Shouldn't strike a match if you don't want a fire and fires get out of control

Best Lap dance EVER

I am so hard

Hope you both continue

You are one of the best authors I have found. Don't stop writing

good one

This was so poorly written that I couldn't follow along. I'm surprised that I read both pages.You need an editor to help. Also, learn the difference between pantyhose and stockings or thigh highs.

Go take a few night classes in what should be your native language.

soooo hot

do not worry about comments from "anonymous critics. They do not have a bloody clue.

This was excellent and had me going for sure....would have been good for more too

Well, then your “editor” needs to learn English. Your writing was so bad I couldn’t make it much further than Nikkie’s alcohol-bubblegum breath. In English, we use articles. Definite and indefinite. Your lack of the former made this piece a difficult read. The stilted way in which your characters moved through the story made this more a stream of consciousness exercise and less a story. Stories should flow from beginning to end. Yours didn’t. Your characters are not believable. Your protagonist is a whiny little bitch who robs his father’s liquor cabinet for wine?!? Who the hell keeps wine in a liquor cabinet??? Liquor cabinets are for liquor. Wine cellars and *shudder* refrigerators are for wine.

fuck the grammar it was hot and had me so wet thank u 5*

Yes, these were the things on my mind as I read this super hot story, while imagining my babe of a sister giving me a lap dance like this. In the moment I thought that my cock was going to burst though my pants and explode, I suddenly thought, "Hmm, this could use an editor to help with the grammar."