Stand Tall

"I don't know, Miguel. I'm not sure I'm ready to settle down, and I'm on the road a lot."

"I get it. You're young and footloose and fancy free."

"She is beautiful. I didn't really believe you about the modeling thing, and I guess I thought even if it was true, she'd probably gained a lot of weight and looked well...a lot older."

Lance smiled then said, "Don't tell I said this, but she's...hot."

Miguel laughed then said, "Yes, she is. I knew she was hot when she left here, but I hadn't seen her since. To tell you the truth, even I was a little surprised she still looks so good. Even after having been on road and without any makeup wearing jeans and a tee-shirt, she's still got it. And to me, she is still young!"

Lance laughed and said, "Yeah, she's very good looking. She's more attractive than most women my age so that's not the problem. And neither are the boys, for that matter. I mean, it'd be a helluva big change all at once, but they seem like good kids, you know?"

"So it all boils down to size, huh?" Miguel said with a chuckle. "I think you're making too much out of it, mi amigo."

"Maybe, but it's a moot point anyway. I've got the race of life coming up then we'll see. Not just about Olivia but everything could change. For better or for worse."

"Window Dressing isn't gonna finish last, my friend. So almost no matter what you do, it's gonna really pad the old resume. And if you win...the sky's the limit."

"We'll see," Lance told him. "I really don't have much else going on today so I think I'm gonna go see if those boys wanna throw a ball around."

"Good idea. Let 'em burn off some of that energy!"

The house was surprisingly quiet when he walked in. The only voice he heard was Peg's as he went through the living room toward the kitchen where they were talking. He stopped when he heard Olivia reply to something her mom said.

"Mom, please. I just got out of a disastrous marriage. I'm not really even out of it yet. And you're right, he is kind of...short. You're also right about him being cute, but think of how we'd look together. And if I wore heels..."

"Well, I just thought you might enjoy spending some time with a really good, decent man. My only concern was how young he is, but if you're still hung up on being tall..."

"It's not that I'm tall, Mom. I've made my peace with that years ago. In fact, it helped me get a lot of modeling gigs. And the age difference wouldn't matter too much if the guy was intelligent and thoughtful and kind. It's just that well, he's a jockey, and jockeys are, you know..."

"Short?" Peg said having no idea Lance was listening in.

"I was going to say 'on the road a lot', but...okay," Olivia replied with a bit of a laugh.

That old familiar sting hit home hard as Lance quietly backed away not wanting them to know he'd overheard their conversation. He'd almost made it back to the front door when the boys came running down the hall and into the living room.

"Lance! Hey, do you wanna do something with us?" Gavin asked.

He put his 'pity party' on hold, smiled, and said, "You know what? I was just thinking the same thing. You guys wanna toss a football around?"

"Sure!" Gavin said excitedly.

"I'm not very good," Connor said quietly.

"Neither am I," Lance told him. "I played in 8th and 9th grade, but I realized I wasn't built for football so I found something that...fit me."

Connor got it and laughed politely.

Lance didn't know that Olivia had heard them or that she'd immediately stopped talking and got up and moved closer so that she could hear them.

"Let me just go ask your mom if it's okay first."

Olivia walked around the corner like she'd been heading his way and said, "Ask me what?"

"Oh, hi. Um...I was wondering if you'd mind if we went out and threw a football around for a while."

"No. Not at all. That sounds like a great idea. Anything to wear these guys out," she said with a smile as she put her arms around her boys.

"Okay. Looks like we're 'cleared hot'!" Lance said.

"Huh?" Gavin asked.

"It means Mom said 'okay', doofus," his older brother explained.

"Let me just go out to the bunkhouse and grab the ball," Lance said.

"Can we come with you?" the boys asked.

"Sure. It's actually a penthouse, you know," he told them as they moved away from their mom and stood on either side of their favorite jockey.

Olivia got it and this time she laughed.

Lance put an arm on either shoulder then said, "Okay, guys. Let's blow this pop stand."

Olivia hadn't heard that in so many years it made her laugh again, and that caused Lance to look back over his shoulder.

"Have fun!" she called out as she waved at him.

For the next hour, the three of them took turns playing quarterback, receiver, and defender. Connor went from barely being able to throw the ball to tossing fairly decent spirals after Lance showed him how to throw it correctly.

"It's not like a baseball, okay? You can't throw it with your hand turned like that. Here. Watch," he said as he explained.

It took Connor a few tries but he caught on pretty fast and was throwing as well as his taller, younger brother in short order.

"I'm gonna run a post pattern. Hit me!" Lance said indicating he'd cut toward the imaginary goalpost; hence the name. Gavin covered him on the route, but he couldn't go very far because Connor couldn't throw more than about 15 yards yet. That didn't matter as they all had a blast no matter how bad they all were.

By the time they went back in for a drink, the boys were temporarily out of gas.

"Mom! We had SO much fun!" Connor said as soon as they saw her. "Lance showed me how to throw a spiral. Wanna see?"

"How about we get you sweaty boys something to drink first?" their mom said. "Then you can show me."

Lance agreed to have a glass of lemonade with them then excused himself.

"Oh, I hope we didn't run you off," Olivia said, flashing a beautiful smile at him.

"No, it isn't that. I just didn't want to monopolize everyone's time."

"You're not, Lance. If you need to leave, that's fine. I was hoping you'd come outside and watch me watch Connor throwing the ball," she said in a very friendly tone.

Lance wished he hadn't overheard her talking to her mom as it changed the way he felt about her which was ridiculous because he had no business feeling anyway about her. But that one area was still a sore spot with him, and he had heard her.

Even so, he smiled back and said, "Okay. Sure. I'd be happy to."

As Connor threw his first pass, Olivia was very surprised.

"Nice throw, honey!" she called.

"I don't know much about football, but I do know what a spiral is. You just now taught him that?" she asked Lance.

"He's a quick study," Lance said.

Gavin called out, "Watch me, Mom!" as he threw an even better pass back to his brother.

"Wow. Nice!" Olivia called back.

She looked over...and down...at Lance and said, "Thank you doing this. My boys are just so lost without their father. I mean, it's not like he ever really did anything with them, but he was usually around, at least. I know they understand at some level, but well, he is their dad."

"I can't imagine how hard this must be on them. And while it's none of my business, I have no doubt you did the right thing where their best interest is concerned."

"I sure hope so," she replied. "But I'm a firm believer in the old adage 'leopards don't change their spots'. I could have hung around the Seattle area waiting for Jess to do his time then tried again, but to me, this meth cooking thing was as bad or worse than having an affair. I...I just felt so...betrayed, you know?"

"It's funny, but Miguel was just saying earlier today he's sure you'll have no trouble finding someone whenever you're ready to start looking. For what it's worth, I agree wholeheartedly."

"That's so funny!" she said. "My mom was trying to set me up with you just before you went out to toss the ball around. And Miguel is one to talk. He's never even been married, so maybe he should try and find someone himself!"

"Oh. Huh. Wow. Yeah, that's pretty crazy, huh?" Lance said not sure what else to say.

"Well, she was right about you," Olivia said as the boys kept calling out for her to watch.

"Oh?" Lance said.

"She told me you were very kind and considerate, and that's already abundantly clear."

"Ah, okay. Well, I do try," he said.

"And she said you were very handsome which is also true," Olivia informed him with a polite smile.

"Yeah. The thing about that word is it usually only refers to the area from the chin to the eyebrows."

Not sure how to react, Olivia gave him a puzzled look.

"Well, if a guy has say...a really well-built body but he's got an average-looking face, his level of attractiveness is based on the one thing he can't control. The opposite is often true for a guy who may be very overweight but has a decent-looking face. So when it comes to attractiveness, sometimes just having a reasonably nice-looking face isn't enough."

Still confused, Olivia tried to respond.

"But if he's also really nice and considerate, why wouldn't a woman at least be willing to give him a chance?"

"Ah, well, that's the real question, isn't it?" Lance replied with a smile. "I suppose it depends on the individual woman, but if he has some other...deficiency...it could be a deal breaker for her."

Had she known he'd heard her comment about his height she'd have understood what he was saying. But because she didn't know, it made no sense to her.

"I'll admit that when I was young, I was like that. A guy had to be drop-dead gorgeous to even get my attention. But as time goes by we learn that looks aren't everything. Sure, the other person has to at least be someone we find minimally attractive, but I can assure you that what I find 'attractive' at 40 is very different than when I was 20. And for the record, you are very attractive, Lance."

Lance came very close to saying, "Unless he's a short shit, right?"

He knew he was just 'butt hurt' and also knew he'd deeply regret it as soon as he said it, so he didn't mention it.

Instead he told her, "I stand by my earlier comments, Olivia. You're a very beautiful woman, and one day, when you do find someone who's to your liking, he'll be a very lucky man."

"Oh, you see! That's what my mom was right about. You are a really nice guy! And again, thank you for taking an interest in my boys. That really means a lot to me."

"My pleasure," he told her just as Gavin said, "Mom! Come on. Throw the ball with us!"

"I hope I don't break too many nails," she said to Lance with a smile being calling back, "Okay, but just a couple of throws!"

Lance didn't go out of his way to avoid Olivia for the next several days, but he certainly didn't try and strike up any conversations with her, either.

The race was now just six days away, and Lance took Window Dressing for his last hard ride. They'd do a couple more half-speed runs with one of them being at the track the day before the race, but this was basically it to ensure he'd be well rested and ready to go.

Peg was very happy with his time and asked Lance what he thought.

"Be brutally honest with me. Will he win?"

"Peg, you know I can't tell you that. It's different with other horses around him. Does he have the potential? Oh, yeah. But will he? I honestly don't know. But I'm gonna ride the hell out him, that's for..."

"Mom?" they heard Olivia call out.

"Sorry, Lance."

"What is it, honey?" she called back.

"My car won't start."

Peg shook her head and said mostly to Lance or herself, "I'm surprised it made it back out here. It's got close to 150,000 miles on it, and Shithead rarely even changed the oil."

"I can go take a look if you'd like," he told her as he tried not to laugh at her latest moniker for her ex-son in law. "I'm pretty good with cars although most of it's computerized now. I'm happy to try and see what's going on."

"Well, if you don't mind," Peg said. "Come on. I'll walk over there with you."

As they walked, Peg said, "Lance? This is none of my business, but do you ever go out?"

"With women?" he asked not sure if that's what she meant.

"Unless you're gay—yes," she said, sporting another rare-but-now-infrequent smile.

Lance chuckled at the comment. "I go out. I just haven't really met anyone here, you know? Well, there's a girl at the gym, but she's not the dating kind."

"I'm not gonna ask what kind she is," Peg said, turning loose of one more smile.

"May I ask why you're asking?"

"Just curious. That's all."

"Hmmm. Something tells me that isn't really all. What's going on, Peg?"

"Well, I was just thinking that since Olivia is back and...single..."

"Oh. Okay," Lance said without emotion.

"I know the boys are a handful. I just thought maybe you and her could..."

"The boys are great, Peg. I really like both of them."

"It's the age difference, huh?" she asked as she kept probing.

"I don't care about that, either. I just don't think I've...got the right stuff for her."

"And how would you know that?" Peg asked without sounding indignant.

"Come on, Peg. You're a savvy business woman. All things considered I...don't exactly measure...up."

"Oh. Okay. You think that's the problem, huh?" she said as they were about a hundred feet away.

"No, I know it is," he told her directly without saying how he knew.

"You'll never know if you don't ask. And if you do, you might just be surprised."

Lance stopped and waited for Peg to stop, too.

"What is it?" she asked.

"I wasn't gonna say anything, but I overheard you talking with Olivia the other day. I heard what she said about me being short and..."

"Whoa! Hold on their, Skippy. She hasn't stopped talking about you since you played football with the boys. You made quite an impression on her. If you just don't want to get involved with her, well, that's your business. But I've kinda taken a shine to you, Lance. Not like that, of course. But you're a really great guy. A little young, but what you lack in years you more than make up for in a lot of other ways. So don't be so shy you miss out on what could be a really great opportunity."

She stopped talking, looked right at him then said, "I've been nosy enough for one day. How about we go take a look at that silver junk heap she's trying to limp by with?"

Five minutes later Lance said, "You're in luck. Relatively speaking, anyway. Your battery's dead."

"I guess that's better than a major repair. How much will that cost?"

"About a hundred dollars. Maybe a little more," Lance told her. "I can give you a ride into town if you want to pick up a new one."

"Do you have time to do that?" Olivia asked.

"Sure. I'm pretty much in 'wait mode' from now until the race."

"Well, if you don't mind, I'd be very grateful," she told him.

"I'll go get my keys and we'll be...off to the races."

Olivia laughed in spite of worrying about paying for another unplanned expense. It didn't really help that it was 'only' a battery. She was running low on cash and needed to find a job ASAP. But she was thankful this happened before getting hired and having to call in saying she'd be late the first week. She was hoping the store would sell, but until it did money was in short supply.

"I really appreciate this, Lance," Olivia said as they pulled onto the paved road that ran in front of the ranch.

"I'm happy to help out."

"So are you nervous?" she asked.

"A little. But in a good way," he replied. "I'm as ready as I'm going to get and Window Dressing is going to be well rested and ready to run."

"I can't tell you how happy my mom is to have you riding him."

Lance smiled then said, "I can't tell you how happy I am she took a chance on me."

"Well, you are kind of tall for a jockey," she said in the nicest way possible. "Mom was a little concerned about that, but all things considered, she thought you were the right guy for the job."

Lance's smile faded immediately, and he didn't reply.

"Did I say something wrong?" Olivia asked.

"No. It's fine," he told her trying not to let his one sensitivity show.

They rode along in silence for a couple of minutes before Olivia spoke again.

"Lance? When you were getting your car keys my mom mentioned that you overheard us talking the other day."

"She told you that?" he said, his voice filled with incredulity.

"Yes. But she wanted me to know because she wanted me to tell what you didn't hear me say."

Lance didn't reply.

"I did tell her you were...short. I didn't mean anything personal or disrespectful. I never say things to be mean. I want you to know that."

He still hadn't said a word as they drove along.

"But not long after that I said, 'That might be an issue for him, but it wouldn't matter to me.' I'm guessing you didn't hear that part."

"No. I didn't hear you say that," he finally told her. "I walked away right after that and that's when the boys asked me to do something with them."

"I truly didn't mean to hurt your feelings, Lance. If I did, I'm very sorry," she said with deep sincerity.

Lance sighed, ran a hand through his thick, dark hair then said, "Yeah, that's my Achilles Heel. I am overly sensitive about it, although I've come a long way in terms of not letting it eat at me like it used to."

"This won't help, but before I started modeling, where height is an asset, I was so tall I felt...freakish. Everywhere I went, people stared at me. I've been 5' 11" since my sophomore year in high school and I was also skinny and well, extremely self-conscious. I got called 'beanpole' and 'stick girl' and a whole bunch of other names. As you know, when you're a teenager, you don't have the coping skills to deal with that kind of thing. It got so bad I was severely depressed for quite a while."

"But then you found a place where you could use your height to your advantage," he offered.

"Exactly. And after that I learned to live with being much taller than average. I'm still a little self-conscious about it and rarely wear heels because of it. Then again, I don't really go anywhere where heels would be appropriate these days, but I probably wouldn't wear them anyway. You know. Just because."

Lance looked over at her and said, "I guess I never thought of it that way before. I've always been to busy feeling sorry for myself about being...shortchanged. I never stopped to think how a girl who's tall might feel."

She smiled pleasantly then said, "I don't think you you're lacking...in anything. You're such a kind person, and well, as I said, I think you're very handsome. And you were a big hit with my boys. In my book, that all goes on the plus side."

Lance finally smiled then told Olivia, "Your mom was trying to get me to ask you out this morning."

"That's my mom," Olivia said. She was smiling, too. "That's what we were talking about when you overheard us. She was telling me, 'I know he's a little bit younger than you, but...'"

"You told me your age and that—unlike my um...stature—isn't an issue. Well, to me, anyway," he told her.

"I don't care, either. I've never dated anyone younger than me before, but as long as the man is mature, intelligent, thoughtful, kind...you know, a decent guy, then it wouldn't matter."

"I hope I qualify as 'decent'," he said with another smile.

"Oh, most definitely," she told him. This time her smile was bright and happy and Lance smiled back at her before asking a question.

"But are you even ready to start dating again?"

"I am. Jess and I had serious problems for years. Lying to me about cooking and selling meth was the worst, but it's much more than that. I often wondered if he even cared about the boys, you know? I mean, he almost never did anything with them, and that tied into the other area that really bothered me. He was just downright lazy. But he was such a nice guy when I met him, and although I'm hesitant to say this, he was very handsome and well, very tall."