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~*~*~*~
With a plea like that Romulus couldn't refuse his inner animal. He rolled Julian back over. That reassurance was all he needed and Julian willingly wiggled into place. He felt the Vampire push against his groin, rubbing and teasing him with long denied friction of flesh on flesh.
"Relax love it will go in easier if you relax" Rom flexed his arm that was encircling Julian exposing a vein for him to nurse on in case the pain was too bad. He wasn't sure how much this was going to hurt and wanted to give Julian something to keep his mind off the pain and on the pleasure. His left hand once again found Julian's cock and slowly pumped. Rom lubricated his shaft with his own saliva and pushed against Julian's entrance.
He felt the Vampire's tight body yield to him and Rom had to stop or risk ending their first time prematurely. Julian's ass felt as though it were choking his dick and it felt so fucking good. Julian was every bit as tight and warm as he could have hoped. Once he was all the way in Rom nuzzled Julian silently apologizing for the pain he was sure he must be causing. He worked on Julian's dick allowing him to adjust to the feeling of Rom inside him. Rom was quivering and every muscle was clenched he was so insanely turned on. "Are you alright?" He asked realizing he was sincerely concerned for the Vampire.
~*~*~*~
Julian's body clenched causing Rom to moan loudly in his ear. "Satisfied that I am alright?" Julian took Rom's wrist into his mouth, making a small cut on him. Rom's taste exploded in his mouth causing his body to warm up further. Rom seemed to appreciate the new warmth because he began to rock his hips. Light flashed in Julian's eyes as he felt Rom's crown graze his prostate. In all his life nothing had ever felt so completely wonderful.
"Harder, Rom, harder" Julian demanded to which Rom obliged. Julian felt his wolf thrust deeply into him. The both moaned and the bed creaked under their combined power.
~*~*~*~
Rom began to thrust harder and deeper unable to control himself. All he could feel was warmth and pleasure running like fire through his entire being. His hand continued on Julian's large cock. Rom started to get more passionate more rough and way more loud. He fucked Julian and pulled on his hair bit him here and there wondering for the first time in his life what Vampires got out of blood drinking. Rom was panting and shaking uncontrollably, sweat rolling off his body.
"I love you inside me, Rom." Julian whispered. He followed the movement Rom did in the other direction so their bodies slammed together even deeper. He loved to hear the love sounds Rom was making and he moaned his response. "Rom, Rom...Deeper, deeper. God that feels so fucking good." Tiny electric shocks of pleasure ran through Julian when Rom pulled his hair. The combination of pleasure inside of him and pain on him was intoxicating. Julian realize that he liked it rough, he liked being with someone who could actually push him around.
Julian loved everything Rom did to him, something he never would have imagined only a few short hours ago. His body shivered with searing pain and blissful pleasure. Rom's world was new to Julian, the few bedroom partners had taken had all been with soft women. Those times didn't even compare to what Rom did. The entire bar had to hear that, Julian didn't care. All he cared about the big cock that took him higher up then he ever been.
Rom pounded into Julian until he exploded in his hand and with that Rom's entire body quivered as he pumped his orgasm into Julian. When he was finished his dick still inside Julian was pulsing
"I'm coming..." Julian gagged himself in the pillow when his body arching back and his cum shoot over Rom's hand. Julian had never been overcome by such a powerful orgasm. He didn't think the ropes would ever stop. The air was heavy with the scent of love and sweat.
He could feel Rom coming inside of him and he shoots his last out when Rom's cock pulsating against his walls. "Good, god..." he panted heavily and his body jumped for every heartbeat from Rom. It was mouth-watering to hear the sign of life and pleasure deep inside Rom.
Still out of breath Rom lightly massaged Julian's balls, thighs ass, and his rippling abs. He wasn't the after sex cuddle type but he felt so close to Julian that he didn't want to pull out or let go of him.
"Oh my god... that was, wow" Rom pulled Julian further into his chest. If he could have Rom would have made their bodies melt together.
Julian heard Rom comment, smiled and answers panting. "Wow is a too thin word for that. It was exploding." Julian curled in to Rom's chest licking his hand to taste himself. Julian had always wondered what a male would taste like. He tasted bitter sweet, and Julian wrinkled his nose before allowing Rom to lick his own hand clean. He didn't want Rom to pull out. He wanted him inside of him forever. It felt like they were connected.
"Is it always like this with men? Or are you special?"
Julian voice was low and sleepy, he kissed Rom's knuckles with the wolf answered "I'm only special for you." It summed up the entire evening. Rom was perfect for him and they had been two moths drawn to an intense flame of passion. It was only fitting they fall asleep together in their afterglow.
((This is the wolf vampire story I told you guys about at the end of AU please let me know what you think. I am using a different editor so thank you to my friend Last for editing this. Last has inspired a lot of the writing I haven't posted yet. This story was inspired by my first role play with Swede. This story is long and I have a lot of chapters done that I can post fast as long as my editors work fast as well. Well if you are interested in more. Thank you all for reading and feedback.))
- COMMENTS
AkshunLoveabout 12 years agoI like the story and the premise and the characters are intriguing, however, there were and awful lot of spelling and grammar errors that detracted from the power of the story. One thing that chaps my hide on here is the mixing up of terms. An editor is someone who (among many other responsibilities) corrects things like grammar and spelling, and applies the principles of writing when giving feedback—character and world development, consistency, plot, narrative flow, point of view, pacing, style, crafting, etc—making sure the work is correct from a technical standpoint, that the writing is as good as it is going to get and making sure that the prose is clear, understandable and the author's intentions come through to the reader with as little effort on the reader's part as possible. If improvements, changes or corrections need to made, an editor will indicate where and what and give it back to the author to change. A beta reader, on the other hand, reads the story from a reader's point of view and assesses its enjoyability. It's become common practice now on Literotica to call a beta reader an 'editor', when in actual fact, the resposibities of the roles a vastly different. No disrespect to whomever reviewed your story, but the amount of errors that slipped through really distracted from the power and emotion of your story and that suggests to me that the 'editor' was really a beta reader.
See, if a reader is working too hard going back and re-reading sentences trying to understand what the author intended to say, they will completely missed the power and emotion of a story; there is no point in reading a story if every few sentences the reader loses the flow because they must stop work out what is going on in the scene. The point of spelling and grammar is to make prose as easy and effortless to read as possible and to indicate to the reader precisely how the story is meant to be told. The less effort a writer puts into grammar and spelling, the more effort a reader must put in trying to understand. Inversely, the *more* effort a writer puts in, the *easier* it is for the reader.
A few times it was very difficult for me to figure out who was doing what in the scenes. This is a challenge for homoerotica in general because writer's cannot take advantage of the switching of genders to indicate who's doing the talking (he vs. she). In gay stories, it is he vs. he. Therefore, writers must be extra careful with POV and using pronouns. I would suggest that you use a combination of techniques to indicate who's doing what—referring to characters by name, nickname, last name, by distinguishing features (the taller man, the bigger man, the older man, the blue-eyed beauty, etc).
Lastly, when Rom first sat down, he immediately laid everything out on the table, almost blurting out the mystery of him in one long speech. It's okay to leave some things until later, to slowly unfold a character's story. In real life, people never sit down and immediately launch into their life stories; information is revealed bit by bit over time in a natural way. Now, I am taking into consideration that the characters are acting under a compulsion—their destiny—but still, I think the details could have been revealed in a more calculated manner, over several chapters perhaps. This increases the level of intrigue and hooks readers into wanting to know more.
My advice would be:
- to brush up on your basic grammar and never rely solely on spellcheck
- to make it very clear who is doing the speaking and acting in every scene
- plan out your story first and then outline each chapter, ending each part on a cliffhanger of sorts or on a note that leads them into the next chapter
- always, always, always read your story to yourself aloud; you will be shocked to see how many mistakes there are and changes that need to be made when you hear the story out loud
- take care that dialogue is not too cheesy; keep all the writing—dialogue and otherwise—natural and conversational, and don't change your language simply because you are writing down rather than speaking.
Taking this on board, I would be very surprised if your writing didn't improve significantly. Good luck though! You have a very nice idea going, good characters, a build up to a unique plot that certainly seems intriguing and the sex scenes will be hot, hot, hot once the spelling/grammar thing is sorted out. Keep going, it's definitely worth it :D
WittePietover 12 years ago...to improve your punctuation. The lack of commas made it really difficult to follow the story in places. Pity, because it is an excellent story. The sex descriptions are really hot.
canndover 12 years agoHey,
I like these two characters and the world they are in is an interesting one. I think to make it be the best it can, you'll have to go into detail about who 'they' are who are the puppetmasters. I also would like a flashback from Rom to understand how the people are being controlled. I'd like to see how others around him were treated as well as him. I hope that we'll come to understand more about why these two would be drawn to each other for this role they feel they are to play, as in how it could happen. I guess they may not know. How do they control others minds? I wonder why he hasn't gotten that ring off? Also, how did no other vamps in the place realize he was there?
I look forward to this story and am excited alot is written!
