Stargazing - Complete Novella

In terms of pure results, the best that could be said about the first group was that they didn't miss the targets by so much that we couldn't find the arrows again. That hardly mattered. What mattered was that, by the end, Violet could knock her arrows without my help, Tanasha's shoulders weren't hunched over, Rachel wasn't using her whole fist to grip the string, and Lilian was consistently pulling back to a consistent anchor point.

"Great job, all of you. Remember what that form felt like, and keep doing it next round. Now, let's get the arrows."

Somehow, one of Lilian's arrows had gotten so lodged in the wooden target frame that we needed a pair of pliers to get it out. I'd been more than a little disgusted by the crap arrows the camp had given us to use, but seeing the abuse they'd be put through, I had to admit the wisdom. Probably better to have tons of three-dollar arrows instead of fewer quality ones.

Tabby was an interesting one. When I gave the word, she sprinted to the bow rack and planted herself at the far left target, loudly declaring, "I got the best spot!" She wasn't bad. Easily the best of this group. Of all the kids, she was the only one to hit the target with all five arrows. Still, she stamped a foot, radiating frustration. "I suck now."

"Your bow arm is flying off to the side," Lilian said from the bench.

"What?" Her tone should have been a warning sign, but Lilian didn't notice.

"It's why all your arrows are going left," she explained. "Your left arm is going that way after your release--"

"Who asked you?" Tabby asked, glaring daggers at Lilian.

For a second, Lilian looked surprised, but if Tabby was used to people backing down from her, she'd picked the wrong person to make an example of. Lilian met her gaze evenly, her lips slowly curling into that smile that kept unnerving me.

"She's right, Tabby," I jumped in, feeling like it was already too late. "You've got a decent grouping going on the left there, that means you're doing most things right. You just need to work on keeping your bow arm steady."

Quickly, seeming relieved to have an excuse to turn away from Lilian, Tabby turned and aimed her words at me. "Oh. Thanks."

Another group swap.

Tabby sat down heavily on the bench, which tipped over backwards and dumped her on the ground. Laughter burst from every direction, except Tabby herself, who was beat red as she got back up. Something grabbed my attention from the corner of my eye, and for just a second, Lilian and I shared a look. There was that smile again, evil, except now looking distinctly self-satisfied. Just a second, and then Lilian ducked her head and pretended to be very interested in her shoes. As usual, she completely failed to look innocent in the slightest.

I was supposed to say something to her, right? Reprimand her for extracting vengeance? But I couldn't prove she'd done anything. It was just a guess. A guess I'd be completely shocked if I was wrong about, but a guess all the same. Besides, she'd just been trying to be helpful before Tabby jumped down her throat. Could I really blame her?

Still, I couldn't just say nothing. Right? That would be like implicitly telling her that it was perfectly fine to set booby traps for anybody who annoyed her.

But I still had an activity period to run and seven other campers who needed my attention, so I put off thinking about it. The rest of the morning passed comparatively uneventfully, and at the end of the period, I walked the girls up to the office so they could go off to their next activities.

And then rugby with Jess made me forget all about it.

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Chapter 4

It was late. The mess hall was noisy with counselors enjoying some adult socialization time after putting the kids to bed, and I sat in front of my laptop trying to figure out how to describe everything in an email to Sarah that didn't go rambling on for fifty pages. The words just wouldn't flow right. I'd wanted to do this for ages, but now I finally got the chance, typing into a cold and unfeeling gmail screen just wasn't the same as actually talking to her. I wanted to hear Sarah laugh, see her smile, feel her warm presence beside me...

Stop it! Stop thinking that way!

I sighed inwardly and forced my mind back to the email. A few paragraphs on training week, a few more on my campers, a few anecdotes about funny camp norms. Things like calling the lake "WF" for Water Front, and how everybody sounded like they were barking when they talked about going for a swim. How the hell did it add up to eight pages? I hadn't even gotten to the good stuff yet!

How to describe the morning's rugby period without coming off like a horny lesbian gushing over her new crush? Not that Sarah would be deceived by any amount of downplaying. She knew my type well enough to pick up on it instantly. Not anything specific physically, my type is basically any woman who make me go WOW! YOU'RE AMAZING!

Sarah had that YOU'RE AMAZING factor in fucking spades. On top of everything else I loved about my best friend, she was the most brilliant programmer in our year, and it was incredibly sexy.

And Jess had it too. Again, it wasn't the way she looked -- though she did have a lot going for her there. It was the way she'd managed to create an environment that felt exciting and competitive, but that came with a strong feeling of comradery. The way she'd taken the more shy girls and, in two short hours, had them running and tackling, and then smiling ear to ear as they helped each other up. The way everybody had come away absolutely covered in sweat, mud, and more than a few bruises, and nobody could wait to do it again.

Even having been there the whole time, I'd no idea how she'd done it. One moment, we'd been boiling and biting into mouth guards to fit them, and the next we were all laughing and cheering our way through learning to tackle without killing each other. It was like Jess's enthusiasm and positivity were both infectious, like she were the rugby version of the Pied Piper, and we were all the town's children dancing along behind her.

How do you tell the straight girl you're in love with about the rugby badass you're suddenly finding yourself attracted to? I grinned, in spite of myself. Oh, the absurdity that is my life.

Ten pages. Sarah would just have to live with a ton of rambling, because that's what she was getting.

When I got back to the cabin, the day had caught up to me, and I felt tired enough to pass out instantly. To my surprise, there was a light on inside. Somebody with a flashlight. Odd. Everybody had been quiet when I'd left, and Alexis was obviously asleep from the snores audible from the porch.

It was Lilian. She lay in her bunk with a book in front of her, looking up at me in the doorway like she'd been caught trying to rob a bank.

Why? Was I missing something? Was there some kind of rule against this?

Actually, come to think of it, they had mentioned we needed to make sure our kids were getting enough sleep, and we should confiscate flashlights after a certain time.

This place had a damn rule for everything.

Well, I wasn't about to become the kind of person who gives children crap for reading books. She was being quiet, not bothering anybody. Everybody else was already asleep, so clearly the light was fine. Let her do her thing.

So I gave Lilian a quiet "Good night" and tucked myself into bed.

Lilian eyed me, almost suspiciously. Like she half expected me to spring out of bed and shout SURPRISE! And take her flashlight away from her.

Was that the kind of thing she'd learned to expect from adults?

But, before I could wonder much more about it, I was asleep.

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Chapter 5

The next few days passed in a blur of camp activities, quick conversations and meaningful looks.

If I had one major take-away, it was that camp people are fucking insane. Seriously! Take a regular, down-to-earth person and drop them into a summer camp, and they'll have lost their mind within a week. It happened to me. For just one example, I got into cheering.

For the uninitiated, cheers not a quick an easy "huzzah", nor something with skirts and pom-poms. Cheers are full body, full audience participation ritualistic singing, chanting, yelling, screaming, table banging and stand up dancing affairs. They transform the Mess Hall into a madhouse, and they take place at every single meal. And, despite being a lifelong quiet introvert, I found myself loving it! Even at breakfast, once I got some coffee down and let myself give in to the hive mind, it was a lot of fun.

Jess was the craziest of them all. She was often the instigator, riling everybody up and inspiring them to new heights of volume. She swept between tables like a tornado, sweeping people up into her storm until the building shook. It was hard to believe the voice I'd found so peacefully soothing by night could produce so much sound the next morning.

At least all that didn't get started until everybody was finished eating. I had more than enough to keep me occupied during meal times between making sure my homesick campers ate enough, my overeager campers didn't stuff themselves with nothing but sugar, and nobody spilled anything too messy. And, of course, stealing glances at Jess from across the room.

Being the center of attention that she was, it was impossible not to take notice. She was cute in a way that set my incredibly unreliable gaydar hopefully buzzing. Her hair came down to just above her shoulders, and it apparently rebelled at being tied back in a ponytail as a few errant strands kept falling across her face. Even from a distance, her eyes were striking in their green tinged sharpness. She had a medium build overall, and honestly wouldn't stick out in a crowd too much if not for one thing -- her tattoo.

Jess had a nearly full sleeve tattoo down her left arm that really drew the eye. Multiple interwoven patterns of trees, branches, leaves, flowers and birds cascaded from her shoulder down nearly to her wrist. It seemed to naturally flow across her arm from one angle, and then she'd shift slightly, and I'd find myself following a different pattern back up the other direction. It was beautiful, like a work of art across her skin. Once it drew me in, it held my attention and made it hard to look away.

The more I looked at her, the more I saw that seemed appealing to me. Her close-cut nails and rough hands that spoke of an active lifestyle outside of camp -- her firm jawline and the way it softened ever so slightly whenever she smiled -- her cute earlobes that seemed to have been designed specifically to be nibbled on... It all combined with the comfortable and friendly way she'd made me feel that night on the porch, and the way she'd impressed me at rugby, to send little butterflies of warmth fluttering inside me.

Of course, she eventually caught me staring.

I glowed red in embarrassment, and I've no idea what she saw in my face, but she smiled wide and let her intense eyes have their way with me. It's hard to describe -- like she was stripping me down and looking into me, and she clearly liked what she saw. Her eyes met mine, then she slowly let them wander over my body, lingering on my lips and chest, her expression subtly shifting to convey hungry desire. My own eyes went wide as the seconds ticked by and she didn't look away, and I realized this wasn't the kind of look straight women give each other. It was hard, but I forced myself not to get completely overwhelmed by her attention and the rush of heat it evoked in me. Deliberately, I brushed my hair to the side and smiled playfully, letting her see my eyes wandering over her body, appreciating the erotic swell of her breasts and her oh so kissable ears.

Unfortunately, I was called back down to earth by instinct and a flash of danger in the corner of my vision. I spun just in time to rescue Kim from spilling milk all over the table. Kim, our smallest camper by at least ten pounds, desperately wanted to be self-sufficient and not look like she was being babied in front of anybody else. At the same time, she didn't quite have the strength yet to do things like pour milk from a full gallon without losing a bit of it. Alexis and I needed to keep a constant eye on her at meals.

Kim glared at me. She needed our help, but she resented it when we gave it to her. Damn! Was this what I'd put my parents through constantly for years?

Upon reflection, I was probably worse. At least Kim could make a case for being cute. That definitely wasn't me at her age.

The moment was long gone by the time I looked back. Was it a moment? Was I reading too far into it? Did one nice evening's conversation suddenly make me enough of an expert on all things Jess to tell? I mean, after all, it was only a look. A hot, erotic look... but just a look!

She was surrounded by people again now. I sighed, feeling the heat seep away. It was the way I was used to seeing her -- in the middle of a group. Crowds just seemed to materialize around her out of nowhere, which was part of why I'd been too shy to approach her before.

It was almost surprising to find myself wanting to do it now. But even if I did, what would I say? Hey, you totally caught me gawking at your ink and I thought we shared a look, and by the way, wanna cuddle?

I sighed inwardly. You'd think, coming off the heels of my enormous unrequitable crush on my best friend, I'd have learned to find out for sure if somebody likes women before becoming attracted to her. What I wouldn't give for that kind of control over my emotions...

How much was I actually attracted in Jess versus simply being attracted to the first hot woman here to seem even slightly interested in me? I didn't want to think about that -- didn't want to feel even more desperate for a connection with somebody than I already did. On top of that, how stupid was it that I also felt slightly guilty? Like hoping for something with Jess was somehow being disloyal to Sarah. I shoved that thought down too. Just once, it would be nice to be able to do something nice without overthinking the hell out of it.

Maybe something would happen, or maybe I was imagining the whole thing. Either way, I resolved to just go with it and enjoy everything as much as I could. I was off from school being paid to be out in the sun playing sports and shooting arrows all day. If I couldn't manage to put my problems away and have fun here, there really was no hope for me.

And, over the next few days, I did exactly that. It was wonderful and carefree, throwing frisbees, shooting arrows and bonding with my campers, but despite that, Jess stayed on my mind. We'd run into each other between activities and exchange a joke here, a compliment there, and sometimes the occasional innocently flirtatious quip. Even in the middle of a crowd, she had a way of focusing on whoever she was talking to that made me feel special and noticed whenever we were together. I thought I caught her looking at me a few times, but I was never quite certain. The more we brushed together like that, the more I found myself liking her. And the more I liked her, the more determined I was not to get my hopes up. I wanted to be sure first, but the opportunity to get her alone and ask just didn't present itself.

But, as it turned out, I didn't have to wonder about Jess's sexuality for very long.

We had a canoeing activity period together with the seniors, which was an absolute luxury afternoon assignment. It was a 92 degree scorcher of a day, and an afternoon on the water after all morning baking in the sun was exactly what I wanted. Of course, I spent most of the morning fretting about what to say to Jess, wanting something cool and funny to catch her attention, but I should have known better. Awkwardness isn't really a thing that happens around Jess. It's one of her super powers.

The lake was beautiful. The camp owned all the land surrounding it for miles in every direction, so we had it all to ourselves. There was a beach area and dock structure, along with a small campsite on the opposite side, but other than that it was surrounded by forest. It felt like something out of a Bob Ross painting -- the kind of picturesque water, trees and sky natural setting that felt too perfect to be real until you got out into it and realized it was.

Everybody flew into canoes and immediately started pirating each other. It was anarchy on the water, just like some ancient sea battle. They treated their boats like bumper cars and flipped each other into the water with savage war cries and high-pitched laughter. Jess and I were probably supposed to be keeping order, but we were no better than any of them. We did direct T-rescue operations to get the capsized canoes back upright, but we flipped our share as well. Everybody spent more time swimming than actually canoeing, and we were all thoroughly soaked when it was time to climb the steep hill back up to camp.

Jess and I lagged a little behind the campers, herding them ahead of us while we chatted. Being relatively alone with her felt just as comfortable as it had the first night on the porch. Indeed, despite the tension I'd created in myself surrounding her, I'd found myself drawn into her friendly relaxed aura as soon as the activity period started.

"You got any good Spanner nominations?" She asked.

"Any what now?"

"Nobody's told you about The Golden Spanner yet!?"

"Nope. What's that?"

"It's a wrench we spray painted gold, and it gets presented as an award for the biggest fuckup of every week."

"No way!" I laughed.

"Yes way! After the staff meeting Sunday night, we all get together and tell stories. If you've seen somebody messing up in a goofy, funny way, you can nominate them. It's a good way to blow off steam and laugh at ourselves. We just have to be sure to keep it upbeat so nobody feels bullied."

I wished we had something like that at my campus job. "Tell me about some of these stories."

"Sure, but feel free to shut me up if you get tired of hearing about people you've never met."

"Don't worry, I like your stories!" I playfully pushed her shoulder, "Besides, you can't tease something as ridiculous as that and then get shy on me."

She smiled warmly, making me melt a little inside. "I'm happy you do. Well, I once had a co-counselor named Erin who won The Spanner because of my nomination. She offered to let the campers watch a movie on her laptop if they won cabin inspection for the week."

"We can do that? I thought the camp was against electronics." Maybe I should bribe my campers like that to keep up with cleaning.

"You have to clear it with the head counselors, but they're usually fine with it for special rewards every once in a while. So, I was on an off night, and Erin set up Avatar for them after lights out and then went down to chill with the other counselors in the Mess Hall. It turns out that they got bored of Avatar and went to see what else was on her laptop."

"Oh no," I groaned.

"Yeah, it turns out, Erin had quite the porn stash. She'd downloaded a bunch to get her through two months here with no internet, and our campers found it."

"Was it at least good porn?

Jess laughed and leaned into me, her touch lingering a second or two past casual and into intimate. "That's what you want to know!?"

"It's an important detail for the story!"

"Yeah, riiight," she rolled her eyes. "Since you ask, it was a sensual gay men's scene that I was told afterwards was quite hot. Anyway, if we can return to the plot--"

"Certainly."

"--Lake George was really boring that night and I got back to the cabin early before Erin. All their faces when I walked in must have been the guiltiest I've ever seen in my life! They were all crowded around the screen, most had blankets over themselves to try to hide their hands down their panties, looking like a bunch of deer all caught in the headlights. I couldn't see what was on the screen, so I just kind of stood there confused until this sexual groan came from the porn and it all made sense."