All Comments on 'Starlight Lovers'

This combination first- and second-person point of view in the present tense might work better in the context of describing a dream sequence or such from one character to another. Both second-person and present tense are relatively difficult for prose. Combined, they are usually used for instructions/directions, e.g., recipes. I suggest rewriting this in first-person, past-tense for Erotic Couplings. Keep writing!