All Comments on 'Sue The Reluctant Porn Star Ch. 02'

by If_U_Seek_Amy

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12 Comments

Anonymousabout 7 years ago

Far fetched

I'm struggling to stay in the story here. You have an extremely vanilla and naive (damn near virginal) woman who's not only willing to do porn (I don't think you sold the desperation and "This is my absolute last hope" as well as you could have - it came across as more of a "Well, I don't really like the idea, but this should work"), but she's also willing to take abuse and (what she considers) filthy acts and yet barely bats an eye. There'd have to be some rebellion and second thoughts in there somewhere - but it barely comes across as reluctant, let alone nonconsent.

Secondly, if you're doing a reluctant woman doing humiliating things, then play up the humiliation. He makes her strip, makes her suck on her own tits, makes her turn around and spread herself, and the MOST we get is "(humiliating)". That's IT!?

You're writing this from an omniscient perspective, so really get into her head:

"Sue turns around and points her ass at the camera. Her stomach is almost quivering from humiliation - picturing men of all shapes, sizes, and ages sitting at home watching her expose herself like a common whore - but the thought of that money and, oddly, her wet slit, help her continue. She lays her head down on the couch as she reaches back with both hands behind her. With her cheek laying on the couch, she can smell a mixture of ass and sweat, and she notices some stains on the fabric just inches from her face. She wonders how many other sluts - "other sluts?" did she just group herself in with those other women? Well, was she that different at the moment? - how many other sluts have been in this position. She grasps her ass and with barely a half a second pause, gathering a moment's strength before, almost literally, letting the world inside, she spreads herself. The moment her lips part, a quick gasp of air slips inside her, causing a similar effect at her mouth as the cool air reaches deep inside her and causes her pussy to momentary spasm - a reward for her slutty behavior. And she suddenly feels another pang of guilt and looks off toward the wall to escape herself, only to stare into the lust-filled eyes of a woman in a poster - in a similar position, eyes rolling back into her head as she is being filled with a large cock from behind. Sue closes her eyes as she realizes she wants to feel such a cock at that moment - and it terrifies her how badly."

Anonymousabout 7 years ago

Well done!

Enjoyed it, looking forward to the next one!