All Comments on 'Summer Paradise Ch. 01'

This is obviously written by a guy with so much emphasis placed on breasts. I don't think this intro was long enough to get a feel for the story or the characters except the fact what you've basically done is written 'perfect' characters as far as looks are concerned and I detest that immensely. Gabriella so far is a bitch and the main male character is bit wishy washy.

I like the style and the detail and think it could be something good. However, my personal pet peeve on this site is slow stories that are 1 page long. I'm perfectly fine reading multiple pages of build up and intro, but if you're going to have a story slowly build you should at least have multiple pages written in each chapter so we're not ready a slow store split over multiple days too, ruins the flow.

Thanks for your comments, I'll take your feedback on board for chapter 3 as I've now submitted chapter 2.

In regards to the story being 1 page long, I didn't realise it would be that short as the typed version in Word is 4 pages long, as is chapter 2.

In regards to the characters being 'perfect' physically, I based the 3 girls of 3 girls who are all in a 'group' together and I personally know them and are close to them. I merely described them the way I see them and if they appear perfect then so be it. As for Gabriella being a bit of a bitch so far, she's like that in real life, so good to see I got that trait of hers portrayed accurately in the story.

Unfinished stories are immediately a 1*.