All Comments on 'Summoning the Succubi Pt. 10'

ok this is a great story and i hope you continue it

a synopsis. This is written like a synopsis or even a story board for a movie. It has the characters, a plot, scenes and events, but no depth. As a synopsis, the plan would be to fill in the highlights with character development, transitions, leadups, etc; writing.

As a story board, the intent would the visual images would fill in some of what's missing, and the script would fill in the rest.

At the end of ten chapters, as a reader, I have no emotional investment in the characters. Your protagonist is smug and arrogant; he's had no challenges, everything has been too easy for him. He has no purpose or emotion.

Something else you need to be cautious about is gimmicks becoming overused. The most glaring is the Japanese meow from Neko. When you introduced Neko as a character, it would been a good time to explain to your readers what 'Nyaa~' meant. Explain why Neko seemingly spoke English, (or what ever the native language is they are speaking), but meows in Japanese. THAT is character development. Information, background, motivations, desires, insecurities, history; all of these are what makes readers care about, and more importantly, be INTERESTED in your characters, and what makes your characters INTERESTING.

Someone asked you early on in a comment if English was not you native language. I never saw a response. If it isn't, then your work will be looked at in a different way than if English is your native language. No constructive criticism or help can truly be relevant until this is known.

In one circumstance, something you write might need help because you don't fully understand the language. In the other circumstance, the same passage might need help because you need to learn more about writing.

You have the motivation to write, the guts to throw it in front of the Lit 'pack of wolves', (who can be very brutal) and risk humiliation, and you have a brilliant imagination; but that is not enough. Writing is a technical skill, which can be learned. Whether you have what it takes to be an author, though, is if you can put all of the above together with talent and artistry.

Not with talent and artistry as additive components, but with them as the creative hands shaping the spinning clay of your tale.

To do that, you must learn the mechanics/skill of telling a story in words, and keep writing.

Good luck, keep at it, and read some of the great 'How To's…' here on Literotica. You can find 'How To's…' on virtually every aspect and type of writing, and plenty of them on grammatical/word use mistakes NOT to make. They would serve you well.

GeoD