Sunrise Sunset Ch. 05

She didn't look up. "I've been with him several times for the past few months. I can't tell you anything more. He's married. He has a wife and kids."

"Oh that's just fucking great!" Keith said angrily. "HE has a wife, and HE has kids. What about me Jennifer? I have kids. I have a wife; or at least I thought I did. How serious is this? Am I NOT going to have a wife anymore? Maybe I don't even want my fucking wife anymore."

"Please Keith," she said crying. "I know you hate me right now, but I couldn't live if you walked out." She pleaded, wiping tears from her face, "Think about what you're saying."

"Why should I stay here, Jennifer? Why should I?" he demanded. "How could you do this to me? This isn't you. You have kids; a decent home. I don't understand how you could sneak around and do something like this," he said with disgust.

"Oh I don't know Keith," she said sobbing quietly. "I think maybe you do know how it could happen. As I remember, maybe you should understand very well."

"Ohhhh, now I see it. Were going back there?" he railed sarcastically. "That's it isn't it? Were going back to that? That was a stupid one-time thing over six years ago. I thought we put that behind us, but I see that you really can't do that."

"NO!" she shouted sobbing. "I can do that! I HAVE done that! I have done my very best to put it behind us. You say it was just a one-shot deal, but that's maybe because my friend overheard about you from some loose-lipped gossips at your company. I called you out before it could get to be more shots. How many shots would it have been if you hadn't been called on it? You were too indiscreet; or too stupid; or too egotistical to hide your little fling over there, and everybody knew about it. It was almost like you were proud of it. Keith the hot shot stud hooking up with one of the chicks in accounts payable. How cool is he? How long would it have been, and how many shots would it have been if I hadn't found out?"

"Jennifer, you know damned well that was nothing, but apparently you still think it was. Is that what this is all about? Evening the score? Leveling the playing field?"

"Oh Jesus, Keith," she sighed. "Think about it. If I had wanted to 'even the score' or 'level the playing field', I had dozens of opportunities to do that back in Denver. You can't be that naïve. I had guys at work flirting with me and playing little innuendo games with me all the time. All I would have had to do was give any one of them just a hint of a positive response, and I could have had any one of them. But I didn't. I didn't because I loved you. I still love you more than I know you probably realize at this minute. Whatever I did, it wasn't because I don't love you. I love you so fucking much that this is squeezing the life out of me right now."

She went for a tissue to wipe her eyes and blow her nose. "I left your little fling behind me long ago. No, I never forgot about it. I never will; but I forgave you for having common human weakness. Nobody is immune to human weakness, Keith; nobody. Sometimes the people who love you the most, and who you love the most have the biggest weaknesses."

"So what is it then? What was your so called 'human weakness'? Is this guy some hot stud with a super dick and a turbo tongue? What could he do for you that I couldn't? You have a husband."

"Oh shit!" she exclaimed angrily with tears streaking her face. "Are all men this fucking stupid? It wasn't about the sex Keith, it was about the fact that I don't really feel like I have a goddamned husband anymore. I lost him to a fucking job, a position of responsibility, a big ass office. I didn't lose you to some other woman. Shit, I knew back in Denver I wouldn't lose you to some other woman because of sex. Some little horny kid who thought she was something because she could get on her knees or spread her legs for one of the managers. You have to know all too well that there is no fucking woman on this planet that could out-sex me. There is no woman alive that can out-fuck me or out-suck me. But I can't out-fuck a corporate meeting or out-suck a computer. It's not a fair fight, and I lost."

He was silent as she blew her nose again. "You stopped being my husband years ago Keith. Shit, you're out of town almost every week for two, three, sometimes four days at a time. Even when you were in town, you were either working weekends or sitting in your fucking den working on that goddamned laptop or playing with that dog-leash of a phone. You're some guy who stops by to eat, sleep, and drop off your dirty laundry. I'm just the cook and housekeeper. If I'm occasionally lucky enough, and you condescend to giving me some sex, I get a five-minute poke-and-pump like some $50 hooker off the street. Then you roll over and snore, or get up and go to that fucking computer. I think you get your rocks off more with that computer more than with me."

"Look Jenny," he countered. "You knew that this job was going to take up a lot of my time till I got settled in."

"Settled in?" she interrupted. "It's been almost two years of 'settling in' since we got here. How long does it take to settle in? That's not to mention the year you were doing the same thing in Denver once you knew this position here was going to open up and you wanted it. All you used to do was apologize about how you had to work your ass off, but that this position back east was so great. How we'd be back where we grew up. We'd be near our parents and family so we could see them more often. I'd hear about how much more money there would be and how it would make our lives so much better. I hardly saw you for a year, but I figured that once we got here (if we got here), it would be back to normal. But it isn't. If anything, it's worse. Oh yeah, I have a nice fancy house and a hot car, but I don't have a husband anymore. I'm alone here. I gave up my job. I gave up my friends that I had for the past dozen years. I don't have anybody back here anymore, Keith. I didn't have any connection, and I didn't have you. You had your job and your staff. You didn't need me anymore. I needed to be needed. All you needed was your fucking meetings, and airports, and spreadsheets, and laptop."

There was silence except for her sobbing that she tried but failed to stifle. Keith stared into his lap and didn't look up. Jennifer sat helplessly feeling like Keith was thinking that she was the biggest slut, whore, piece of shit on the face of the earth. She wanted desperately for him to say, "Oh God Jennifer, I understand, and I'm so sorry." She yearned for him to take her into his arms; to cry with her; to tell her that he understood; to tell her that he forgave her as she had forgiven him back in Denver. But he didn't. He just stared silently into his lap. The only sound in the room was Jennifer's sniffling and the hum of the refrigerator motor.

"Keith," she said quietly. "Do you remember how it used to be when we first got married and had that little apartment? We didn't even have decent furniture. We had that old bedroom set from your parents and the beat-up dining room stuff that my parents had stored in the back of their basement. We spent weeks refinishing it. We went to that second hand store and got that old sofa and coffee table. We even had wooden boxes for end tables till we bought the ones those people at my job were getting rid of. We used to have great times then. We were crazy together. You couldn't wait to get home, pull my clothes off and fuck me right on the floor. We'd have these noisy marathon sex sessions and we'd laugh about how the people in the apartment next door were probably listening at the walls and jerking off. We even broke the springs out of the bottom of that old sofa doing it one day. When's the last time you ever wanted to fuck me on the floor, Keith? That's what I need, Keith. I don't need some fancy house or expensive car. I want somebody who needs me so much he can't wait to get to the bedroom and so he fucks me on the floor."

"So is that what he did for you," Keith said icily, "fuck you on the floor?"

His words sliced through into heart her heart quicker than a sword. She got up from the table, and went to get another tissue to dry her tear-streaked and mucus-soaked face. "Listen, Keith," she said quietly and controlled. "I get it. I know that right how you hate me more than any person could hate anything, or anybody anywhere. You should understand that I do know exactly what you are feeling right now. I've sat in your place at this moment thinking the same things and feeling the same way. But I also know that crying and feel sorry for what I did while you brood and hate me isn't getting us anywhere right now. I need to just get out of the house for a little while."

Keith looked up. "Are you going to see him? Are you leaving me and the kids?"

"Jesus no," she said resolutely. "I never for one second ever, ever thought about leaving you or the kids. It was never, ever about that. I know you can't understand that right now. I can't know what's going through your head right now, but for me, leaving you is not one of my options, and never was. I love you so much Keith. Please, somehow try to remember that."

He didn't respond.

Walking over to the door to the garage and retrieving her handbag and coat, she turned to Keith saying, "Look, I know that you aren't about to talk this through right now. You've crawled into your cave, and rolled the rock in front of the opening. Unfortunately that's your way of handling stuff like this, but that's who you are. I need to talk this out with somebody so I'm going over to my Aunt Ellen's."

"Your aunt," Keith questioned, "why the hell would you go there?"

"Where the hell else can I go. I need some woman-to-woman time on this. I sure as hell can't go to my mother. She'd tell my dad, and that would kill him, literally kill him. Aunt Ellen is level headed. She isn't going to over react, jump all over me and judge me. We can talk more like sister to sister, woman to woman."

"Jesus I hate for anybody in the family to hear about this. Why not go see your friend Kathy?" Keith offered. "You're close to her, aren't you?"

Jennifer just laughed quietly to herself. "No," she responded. "That's not an option, trust me. Kathy's probably the last person I want to talk to about this. Ellen can keep a secret."

Jenny pulled her keys from her handbag and paused at the door. "Keith, look at me. I need you to look at me when I tell you this because I have to know it's not just sliding through your head without you hearing it. I know that right now you think that I'm a piece of garbage, but please just know that I love you as much as anybody can love anyone. Whatever I did wasn't because I don't love you. I don't know what will happen with us, but all I can hope and pray for is that somehow you can forgive me as I've tried to show you that I forgave you. I promise that I'll be back before the kids get home. Please promise me that you'll be here when I get back. Please?"

Keith said nothing, but gave her a slight nod before he turned back to staring into his lap.

Jenny pulled her car out of the garage and drove down the street. She began sobbing uncontrollably again. Trying to use her hand to clear the tears from her eyes so that she could see, she searched franticly for a pay phone, cursing the fact that with everybody now having cell phones, virtually all of the pay phones that used to dot street corners were gone. She also cursed the fact that at some point, she would have to retrieve her own cell phone that now rested in the hands of the manager of the damned 'River View Motel'. She would have to go there and face him to claim her property, knowing that the whole time that he leered at her his dirty little mind was imagining every sexual act that she would have been doing in that motel room. What had Keith told him when he called?

It was just about 11 AM, and I was in the middle of a meeting with one of my technicians reviewing a request for a proposal for a lighting system for an art gallery renovation. The secretary came in, "Mike, I hate to interrupt but there's a woman on the phone who says that it is absolutely imperative that she speak to you immediately. She says she's your niece. I hope it's now something really serious."

I dismissed my tech and reached for the phone asking him to shut the door on the way out. I was getting a sick feeling already about this call. "Jenny?" I asked.

Before I could say anything else, she sobbed into the phone, "Mike, I have to see you right now. For the love of God don't tell me you have some stupid meeting or report due or any of that crap. I have to see you right now."

"Jesus, what's wrong?" I asked starting to get really nervous. "What's going on?"

"I can't talk here. I'm on some pay phone on the wall of a convenience store. Meet me at the mall as soon as you can. I'll be at the end where that big sporting store is. I'll be parked across the street from that Italian restaurant.

"I'll be there in ten minutes, I said, but I had to ask again, "What is it Jenny? Tell me something."

"Just meet me at the mall," She repeated, and hung up.

Grabbing my coat and walking double time passed the secretary I told her that there was a minor emergency that I had to look into, but that I probably wouldn't be that long. As I reached the mall parking lot, I saw Jenny's car already parked where she had told me. She had seen me coming, and was out of her car trying to open the passenger door before I even had the engine shut off. I could see that her face was a mess of tears and smeared make up. "My God Jenny, What's going on?" I pleaded as she climbed in.

"He knows, Mike. He knows I've been having an affair."

Her words hit my ears like a gun shot. My stomach felt queasy and my bowels flipped. For an instant I thought I'd vomit. "How? What? You mean he knows about us? About me?" I questioned in a panic.

"Not about you. He just knows I've been with another man. My cell phone must have fallen out of my handbag yesterday. The housekeeper found it, and they called my home number. Any other day, I would have gotten the call or the message, but Keith was home this morning about to head to the airport. God, Mike, it was horrible."

She fell into my arms and sobbed hysterically. I was too frightened to even ask her anything for several moments. My mind raced in fast forward. Ellen would find out. It would be horrible. Oh God, it would be bad enough with some stranger, but Jenny. Oh shit! Jenny gained her composure and told me the entire morning's events, virtually word for word like it was a horrible afternoon soap opera, only this was real.

"He doesn't know who you've been with or any of the details?" I asked.

"No, and don't worry. Believe me. I'd rather die than tell him about you. I'd never in a million years want to hurt you, or Aunt Ellen, or my parents, or the kids. Oh God, this is such a fucked up mess."

"What are you going to do, Jenny?" I asked now crying myself. "I can't let you take this all on yourself. I have to tell Ellen."

"NO!" she screamed. "No matter what, you can't tell her! You have to take this to your grave! You have to promise me! PLEASE! Don't tell her." She started sobbing again, and I pulled some tissues from the console of the car.

"Listen," she said. "I don't know what's going to happen next. I needed to see you and tell you. I left Keith at the house and asked him to please wait for me to get back because I was going over to Aunt Ellen's to talk this out, and try to get my head back on straight. That's where I'm going next."

"Holy shit! Are you serious?" I questioned.

"Don't panic. I'm not going to tell her about you, but I just need a woman's ear on this thing. I need to talk to someone who's calm and insightful to help me think straight. I've always trusted Aunt Ellen and respected what she has to say about anything."

She seemed to be calming down a little, but I had to add, "Jenny, I feel like a total shit for getting you into this, and I can't stand seeing you take all the heat. I'm willing to try to explain it all to Ellen and take the hit. I once told you that I would never hurt you and would die before I let anyone hurt you, and I meant it."

"Uncle Mike, please stop trying to be a damned white knight. You didn't get me into anything. What I did was totally my decision, and I have to work through it in whatever way I can. All I can do is pray that Keith calms down, and somehow forgives me. He's not stupid and has to look back at himself as well. Right now, I need you to just understand, and let Keith and I work through this. Don't take this the wrong way because you mean so much to me, but the best thing you can do for me right now is give me some space. I needed to give you a heads up because I didn't want you getting blindsided by Ellen if she tells you later that I was there and what's going on. She may just decide to keep it between us. I don't know. Please just let me work through this. I'll call you at some point to let you know what's going on. If you want to do something, just pray that Keith can look at himself in the mirror, and then look into his own heart. I've tried to make him understand that I love him, the old him. It's this fucking new job that's blinded him as well as me. If anything, I'm the one that dragged you into this. Please don't blame yourself. I have to go. Remember, promise me, just play dumb with Aunt Ellen, and let me do what I have to do with Keith. I love you guys very much, and I couldn't live with myself if this backfires both of you."

We hugged again, told her again that I was so sorry, and told her that I would say a little prayer for her. As she drove away, I began to cry again. It was at least five minutes before I got out my cell and dialed Paul's number. When he answered, all I could say was, "You fucking son of a cock-sucking-bitch bastard piece of dog shit!"

"Holy shit, Mike?" he said surprised. "What the hell is that for?"

"He knows you bastard. Jenny's husband knows that she was having an affair. Her cell phone was found on the floor of the fucking motel room. Three guesses who took the call from the manager to report that they had found it?"

"Oh shit! Are you telling me he knows about you; about me?"

"He doesn't know those details and Jenny swears that she's not going to name names. That poor sweet kid is in the fucking quicksand, and we're letting her get sucked down. If you hadn't talked me into this or hadn't asked use to go to that fucking motel, this would never have happened."

"Hold on Mike," he exclaimed. "I feel bad as hell about this, and frankly scared as hell too. She could easily change her mind or get pressured or beat into giving names. Is her husband the kind of guy that would do that?"

"No, I don't think so," I said. "I think he's pretty level headed and from what Jenny tells me, there are apparently a lot of reasons why he might realize that he should work through this with her."

"Ok, so hopefully they'll both calm down and things can get fixed. You don't think he'll divorce her do you?"

"Hopefully not," I said, "but who knows what will happen. I don't know what you want to do about Kathy. You may want to give her a heads-up, but you have to get her to swear she won't call Jennifer. Jenny doesn't want the world to know and she probably would be really pissed at me for even calling you. She made me promise to stay away till she works through this mess, and I swear, Paul, if you or Kathy get in her way, I'll go postal on both of you. I mean it. I'm about ready to lose it already."

"I get it Mike. I do," he responded resolutely. "We'll keep our distance. Listen, I am really sorry that she has to have this shit on her head. She's a sweet lady, and from what little I know of her, she's pretty smart and strong. She'll work it out. I know it."