by Spencerfiction
Don't buy the five years for simple assault when (a) no prior record and (b) where a broken marriage is involved. He woukd do no time in jail. Seriously. Some of the other stuff was creative but why play the hoax on his son? Complex.
Five years for simple assault? In Texas? If that were the case bar fights alone would fill the prisons. Simple assault is a misdemeanor carrying a maximum of 6 months. A first offense is not going to result in prison time or more than a suspended sentence and a fine. 5
This was a nice little story - clever, but you dropped the ball on the ending. Like you got bored with it.
This is probably happening everywhere, especially from our sainted politicians. Great story.
I've read a number of your stories now, mainly LW's, and I see real GENIUS in your story writing except for one issue. You assume the readers follow your logic or insights; you are not leading the readers in explaining the complexities of your characters. Hence, your readers are not connecting with your assumptions/logic/characters and the comments/ratings are suffering. Unless that is your own personal enjoyment as to see how far you can twist the readers, he he.
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My only suggesting is you define the depths of your characters to hand feed the readers. Thanks.
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5*, Hooyah, salute!
Not sure if the punishment fits the crime. One ass whipping is not enough!!!
I'm not sure that this is fantasy. Please finish off Kyle and Sandra soon.
Liked anyway
Good commentary on our prison system
Bitterness can take over
Revenge and move on
What is this? This is s great author who went off the rails on this one.
Sorry, even a quick read of the story takes much more time than the story is worth.
A little hard to decipher, you know, the language barrier between "English" and
"American ", but I got enough of it to enjoy the story. If nothing else, this story
should serve as a pretty good lesson to those who tend to trust what they
see and read on the "net". DON'T!!
But hey, it's all good fun, right?
Re-visit to the post. I must say it is very interesting. But what's the point. A little revenge on the ex-wife. A chance to meet his son. Okay, maybe this is some sort of story.
Interesting fact is as of this date, more than twice as many people have seen this post than your "Lucky Man" 15 page tour de force novel. It also has more than twice as many comments.
Last point, Spencerfiction you seem to have stopped posting. Hmm....
AMerryman
Excellent story. I am a fan of originality, and this was by far the most original piece I have seen up here.
O. K., this is new. A tech revenge for the betrayed & bruised.
I give you credit for creating this hair splitting tale of cyber entanglements. It took some effort to understand it. I'm sure it took a lot of your time to weave this.
I realize that this is also a satire on how stupid things can be on the social media.
However, I agree with Carvohi, it would be worthwhile only if he connected back with his children.
A web of 5*, to 'update' your FB status.
love it, love it, love it. The perfect satirical comment on the shallowness
of online communications and relationships. The author takes it to its
logical and demonic zenith. Very well done.
The story is written from the POV of a husband who learns that his wife has taken his kids to another country to live with another man. He snaps, gives up his life and stalks her and his kids online. This is clearly not healthy but if you accept the premise his story is not going to be a normal accounting. I gave the story 4 and look forward to more from him.
reasonable man
This was a very creative, venting by a character . But this is not a story!!
My ex- wife did this and that . Then she left for over there .
My oldest is confused and lonely. My little girl needs a couple of friends.
So I went on the internet and using social media I am everything to all three of them !! I am so clever,lol.
Why write this Spencerfiction ?? It is so disappointing I should have been paid for my comment!
Gave you 2*s for your track record. You have posted good material before . Hopefully you can find your groove soon.
Was this supposed to go in humor & satire ?
I don't know what to think as
AMerryMan
Outstanding! i can relate i do essentially the same thing in chat rooms. I have three female and two male personas. It is a hoot! Anyway nice if you have a part 2 here i mean, love to see your or mmmm the charactors wifes virtual face in another story.
this unhappy man can find a way to rescue his kids. Otherwise there just wasn't much there. I'm not sure I liked it so I didn't vote.
selected images of his naked mother and sister, some of which show them masticating for 'him'....REALLY???? They all sent images of themselves CHEWING????
Suggest getting a proofreader, or disabling autocorrection on your word processor.
On the whole, a pretty crappy excuse for a story
Need a mind map to tell the real people from the cyber ones conjured up by narrator. Love the author's nerve but this was a classic case of all condensed 'tell and no show'.
Way too many names and aliases for my simple mind to keep straight. Fun read anyway.
add powers of 10 multiplied with all the nuances. Wow. TK U MLJ LV NV
Interesting idea, but too many aliases to wrap my head around late at night.
I loved the plot, but by jumping through so many aliases, I found myself getting lost and having to reread passages. But, I really enjoyed the use of FB as a weapon to get back in a big way!
I'd really like to hear more about our hero. Or heroes, perhaps?
But, wouldn't it have just been easier to kill the wife and lover and regain custody of the children? A little more planning and cleverness needed, sure. But a much more efficient way to recoup his losses.
You get 5 stars. Great story. You write good. You write too good. I read one of those 100 year old school books, and the English was so hard a college graduate couldnt understand it. Most Enlish words had died out and foreign words has took over. Maybe writing is different, but I once heard that if a good speaker, if he cant be understood by his lofty words, what good is it. Back in the old days most were poor, and the rich had nothing to do but act big. Stephen Kingpurposely writes in a fourth grade level, too simple. This may be a British story, for an American much British stuff is hard to understand.
About the dangers of Facebook. And given the naivety and down right stupidity of people using social networks I guess this was mostly possible. The only thing I didn't like and it ruined the entire story for me was when she took off for the USA with his kids. Even in the wastelands of England that's kidnapping plain and simple. An idiot barrister in England gets her thrown in jail and the kids returned to him. At that point he still had a house, still had a job and still had money. And given the famous British cool and calm demeanor I don't see him taking off for the States ready to beat people up. I get the point of the story, but, even for fiction, this was too far fetched to make for a good read.
Rambling is a good word used to describe this tale. Ah, our friendly dearest bonnie thinks its a good story. Figures. Did you give it your usual five stars, perhaps more than once. Several times is okay too, since only one actually counts, but then I'll let you figure that out all by yourself. That is, if you have that capacity. You do know that obsessions can cloud ones mind. On to the next tale. Meet you there dear bonnie. Always good to run into you. I'm afraid I won't score this one, since I didn't really read it. Skimming doesn't count, does it? Sorry for the rambling. Didn't really mean anything by it..Bye bonnie. Have a great day.
The story does just ramble I was skimming by halfway through the first page. Whatever you were trying to convey it got lost! 2*
sick fuck bonnie taylor again with another great comment what a loser, your the reason bonnie people will not give information or their name we are all scared you will get it.
A bit hard to follow all the aliases but an entertaining read. Would really have loved to see Kyle in prison for child porn or something. Maybe embezzlement? See how he handled being a bitch.