Teacher's Pet

She looked towards the guy and laughed. "Who? Brad? Oh you beautiful confused man. He's... Wait a second." She turned and motioned for the big guy to come over. I was so busy wondering what was going on that I almost missed what she'd said.

"Beautiful? Me?" I didn't have any time to really consider her words before the big guy was there. He had an easy smile and I noticed his resemblance to her just before she said "Brad, this is Jace Bradshaw. Jace this is my cousin Brad."

Brad was a Marine home on leave for a month. The three of us talked for maybe half an hour. I liked Brad but hoped he'd move along so I could talk more with just Kathryn, but it wasn't to be. One of the people they'd been standing with came over and indicated they were ready to leave.

"Sorry Jace, we have to go. Greg is our ride." She kissed me on the cheek and headed for the gate.

Brad shook my hand and said: "Be good to her, she likes you." Before I could answer, he was gone. I then realized I didn't know her phone number. I had a couple more beers before I took my dejected ass home.

The words "beautiful man" would ring through my head most of the week. Had she really been attracted to me? By Wednesday I had pretty much written her off as a drunk, even though she'd seemed quite sober.

Thursday evening I was just finishing a frozen pizza when someone knocked on my door. Needless to say I was surprised to find none other than Kathryn Landers on my welcome mat. "Hi Jace. Lana told me where you live, and I was in the neighborhood so I figured..."

"Hi Kathy, would you like to come in?"

"I'll come in on one condition," she said.

"And that is?"

"Never call me Kathy again, I prefer Katie."

* * * * *

As Nancy and I chatted I noticed Sarah and Becky talking at the passenger door, so I expected to be hit up about a sleepover in the near future. Which was no problem, the girls swapped sleepovers quite often.

The girls finished their conversation and Becky got into the truck. She slid over and kissed me on the cheek as always and said, "OK Daddy. Let's go." I told Nancy that we'd be in touch about the barbeque and then headed for home.

The ride home was fairly routine. She told me all about her day, funny things that happened during the day, who was knocked up, and so forth. Meanwhile, I tried not to use too many four-letter words as I negotiated the usual Houston traffic.

We were about half way home when Becky made an observation: "I think mom's spring play must really suck this year."

"Huh? What makes you say that?"

"She hasn't given us "The Speech" and the play is next week."

She was right. For the past two years, we had been given "The Speech." "The Speech" stemmed from our attending the spring play three years ago. Mostly the play was what you could expect from a middle school production. Mumbled and tripped over lines, kids not facing the audience, and, at least, one student who was convinced that he or she was Broadway material.

"Hambone," as Becky and I had dubbed the kid was acting like he was King Lear in a professional production rather than farmer brown in a suburban Houston middle school. He boomed his lines even when the scene seemed to call for a more subdued approach.

When he asked his wife if she had milked the pigs and slopped the cows in that booming voice, Becky erupted. I admit I couldn't check my laughter either, but neither did half of the audience. From that point on we laughed every time he had a line.

When she got home that night Katie was furious. She read Becky and me the riot act for embarrassing her. It didn't help when Beck pointed out that very few people there knew who we were and that "Hambone" had been hilarious. I went for two weeks without sex.

The past two years as the spring play approached Katie would admonish Becky and me to get the childish crap out of our systems before the play. She did manage to tame "Hambone" the second year. Even after "Hambone" had gone on to fuck up high school productions we got the speech. But Becky was right. She hadn't said a word about this year's play. "Maybe she trusts us now?" I said.

Becky sniggered. "Yeah. Right. She's smarter than that."

When I turned into Mario's Pizza Palace Becky said: "Oh yeah, it's Tuesday."

Every Tuesday Katie stayed late at school to work with the drama club, leaving Becky and me to fend for ourselves for dinner. Usually, we had stuff that Katie wouldn't have okayed otherwise. And of course, since we were having pizza, Becky was allowed to have a coke.

We stopped at a convenience store and Becky admonished me to behave. I gave her ten bucks and a "who me?" look and she laughed.

Once when she had run into a store and I had waited in the truck I saw a woman coming out of the store with a really nice pair of breasts. Being a red blooded male I watched her all the way to her car. Just as she got into her car I said aloud to my empty truck: "You have nice tits." Then as if admonishing myself I said: "Yes I am a fucking pig."

Unfortunately, Becky heard the last part and it didn't take her long to put two and two together. "What would mom say?" she jokingly asked.

"Oh she'd agree with me," I said. I knew I was right because Katie often pointed out sexy women to me. She felt safe knowing I would never stray. I gave up pointing sexy guys out to her when she said I would make a shitty gay man. I guess I just don't know hot guys. Becky returned with her coke and I assume my change was in her pocket. Oh well.

We turned into our cul-de-sac to find not one, but several strange cars in my driveway. I knew two of the cars, though. One belonged to my father in law David, and the other was a Harris County Sheriff Deputy.

My mind went in a thousand directions at once. Had something happened to Katie? Was she lying dead somewhere or in a coma? Had we been implicated in a crime? I had four gallons of my home brewed mead fermenting but I was sure I was legally doing that. Where was Katie? I was close to a panic, but remembering that Becky was with me and would need my strength I held it together.

"Daddy?" she asked in a scared voice. "Why are all these cars here?"

Before I could answer my father in law came out of the house with my mother in law Grace just behind him. "I don't know sweetie, but I'm sure everything is all right. Here come your Nana and Papa." I had encouraged Becky to call them that because they hated it; "It just isn't dignified."

I got out and David approached. "Jace, something has happened. Kathryn is inside with Ben. Grace and I are going to take Rebecca to get a bite to eat so that you and Kathryn can talk." With that, they whisked Becky to their car, leaving me wondering why Ben Wise, David's attorney was there.

I went inside to find several people I didn't know milling about my living room. Katie was sitting on the couch dabbing at her eyes with a hankie, which I assumed was David's, while Ben was in conversation with a stern looking woman in a business suit and two Harris County Sheriff's deputies. There were a couple of Harris County Sherriff's detectives writing things down on notepads.

Katie looked up and saw me and practically leaped into my arms. "Oh Jace, I am so glad you are home," she bawled.

"What's going on here babe? Are you OK? Did you get hurt?"

"I've been accused of something," she said.

"Accused of something?" I asked. She was looking over at Ben as if she needed his approval to tell me her tale. I was fighting back my agitation. "Accused of theft? Rape? Murder?"

"This kid in one of my classes got angry because I gave him a D and he accused me of having sex with him."

"Accused you of what? Is he insane?" I was livid. I kept in mind that there were cops present and didn't mention taking the little bastard out into the country and making him a statistic, which was exactly what I wanted to really do. "Once you're cleared we'll sue him out of existence."

"The DA's office is pressing charges," she said. "I will surrender myself in the morning, but I have to stay at my parents' house until this is over."

"Why do you have to stay there?"

"If I stay here, CPS will put Becky into foster care."

"Why is CPS involved? What does Becky have to do with this?"

Katie burst into tears and was trying to explain, but I couldn't understand a word she was saying. Finally, Ben stepped in. "Jace, CPS got involved because Kathryn has been accused of a sexual crime on a minor. The DA is investigating but CPS likes to err on the side of caution." He threw a sarcastic look towards the severe looking woman in the pantsuit. "I have made it possible for Rebecca to stay here with you, but Kathryn has to temporarily move to her parents' home. I'll be working on getting any restrictions relaxed as soon as I can."

"What ever happened to due process? What about innocent until proven guilty? Is that just shit people spew to distract the general public? Anyone can see that this is a bullshit charge. When was she supposed to be fucking him? She's home every day at least half an hour after school lets out. Is she supposedly fucking him in front of the drama club?"

"I'm sure the DA's investigation will turn up nothing Jace," Ben said. "We'll just let this run its course and all will be back to normal very soon," he turned to Katie, "Keep your chin up, we're getting you the best attorney money can buy."

"Wait," I said suddenly confused. "Aren't you our attorney?" I asked Ben.

"I'm not a criminal defense attorney," he said. "You need an attorney who specializes in defending teachers in cases like this. There are two in Dallas that come highly recommended. You have an appointment with one of them tomorrow."

I must have stared at the card that Ben had handed me forever. "Linda Vaughn?' I mused. "Sounds like a pornstar from the seventies."

"She's the best there is in these cases," Ben told me. "If anyone can bring this to a quick conclusion she can."

"And then you can handle a lawsuit against this little fuckwit and his fuckhead parents?" I asked. Katy looked uncomfortable; I figured being a dedicated teacher she probably didn't like the little bastards being called "fuckwits."

He looked flummoxed for a moment then said: "Yes I can handle the civil suit that will follow."

I had many more questions for Ben and Katie, but I was pulled away by Ms. Business Suit, who introduced herself as Shirley Maxwell. She asked me a myriad of questions about my relationship with Becky, and my impressions of Katie's relationships with our daughter and her students. It wasn't long before I started getting pissed off about the questions she was asking me.

When she asked me if I ever had sexual feelings about my daughter, Ben stepped in before I could explode. "Mr. Bradshaw is not a subject of inquiry here Ms. Maxwell. Now I think you have enough information to conclude that Rebecca is in no danger while in her father's custody."

She gave him a dirty look but relented with her questions. I was still fuming and the deputies seemed to be amused. I spent a few minutes consoling Katy before Ben's phone went off and he told her that her dad said it was time for her to go.

"I don't want you to come to the courthouse tomorrow Jace. I can't stand the thought of you seeing me arrested. Daddy will get ahold of you when I am out so that we can go to Dallas to meet with Ms. Vaughn."

It suddenly dawned on me that Katy had said her dad would get ahold of me, and that David had called Ben instead of Katy. "Where's your cell phone babe?" I asked her.

She looked at me with tears rolling down her face, "They took it. They said it might contain evidence."

Just then a couple more detectives came out of our office with Katy's laptop in an evidence bag. I was relieved that they hadn't taken my desktop or Becky's laptop. The cops said a few things to each other and then they all left with Ms. Maxwell close behind.

Ben, Katy and I went out the front door. Katy turned and latched onto me like she was trying to keep me from floating away. "Oh Jace," she wailed. "I am so so sorry for all of this."

I hugged her tight to me. "Shhh. Come on babe, this isn't your fault. We'll get through this and then we'll make that little asshole sorry he ever stepped foot in your class."

"Oh he's just a mixed up kid," she said with little conviction. I wondered how she could feel any compassion toward a little fucker that would falsely report her for such a heinous crime. She held me a moment more, then Ben prodded her along.

"I love you baby," I told her as she got into her car. I noticed a few pieces of luggage in the back seat. "This will all be over soon."

"I love you too Jace. I hope you're right."

She started her car and drove away. She'd no more than turned the corner when David and Grace showed up. Becky ran up and hugged me as soon as they stopped in the driveway. She seemed to fairly upbeat considering the situation.

That evening while Becky did her homework in her room, I sat and watched TV. Well actually the TV was on but I couldn't tell you a single thing that was on. Becky came in after a while and kissed me good night.

I decided then to go move my truck into the garage. It had been sitting in front of our neighbor's house since I got home. I got into the truck and realized that the pizza we'd gotten for dinner had been in the truck all night. I took it inside and put it in the fridge, then went to bed.

I may as well have gone outside and mowed the lawn. I lay there staring into the darkness and wondering what Katie was going through. She was the last person I thought would be accused of something like this.

Even I was a stronger candidate. Often Becky would have her friends over to swim and I had seen countless teen girls in next to nothing. I had even had a couple of them come on to me. Her friend Cindy had been known to allow her top to come off in my presence, and once she "accidently" walked in on me in the bathroom. She didn't know I was only plunging the toilet, so she was disappointed.

I would have never done anything with any of those girls. They were under age, they were Becky's friends, and I was married and loved Katie with all of my being. Katie knows I would never hurt her.

From the moment I met her, Katie has been the most innocent person I have ever known, it was bad luck for her to fall for me. She was a college senior when I met her. I would have been a sophomore had I gone to college.

We dated all through her senior year with only one major bump in the road. I proposed the night of her graduation and we were married the following fall. She did her student teaching in Austin that next year and then she took a job in Houston.

She stayed with her parents while I finished my job and closed up our affairs in Austin. Within three weeks I had a job in Houston and we had an apartment in a month. It was during one of our first trips to the grocery store that I tested her innocence and introduced her to "the fart game."

* * * * *

The fart game was invented by my older brother Jerry when I was about ten. He would later regret inducting me because I would prove to be the consummate professional.

The way the game worked is we'd follow our parents through the store. It was inevitable that some person would put in reoccurring appearances in the aisles we were in. The object of the game was for one of us to catch the other off-guard and cut a fart near him and scurry a safe distance away. The victim would then walk through the cloud and blame the innocent victim.

I learned a couple of things playing the game. First I learned that I could fart on command. Second, I learned that choosing my sister Jeanie as the target rather than Jerry resulted in her kicking my ass. We quit playing the day our dad walked through the toxic cloud I had left behind Jerry. He beat our asses until we couldn't sit.

Now I don't know why I did it. I saw the same stuffy old lady on every aisle and the memory of the game came back to me. Katie was perusing the canned vegetables, and I let one rip a couple feet away. I quickly moved out of the vicinity and watched as the old bag hit the wall.

That old lady's tirade caught Katie completely unaware. She was lecturing her about proper manners in public and Katie was trying to figure out exactly what she was pissed off about. I quickly made my way up the neighboring aisle and approached facing the lecturer. Katie looked at me as if to say "help me."

My timing couldn't have been more perfect. I walked up just as the biddy said "A proper lady goes to the bathroom to pass wind, she doesn't do it in the aisles."

Not missing a beat I said "Yeah." And cut another fart and walked off. I could hear the women apologizing to each other, and wishing each other well while quickly removing themselves from the toxic cloud. One of them, the old woman I think, called me an immature asshole.

Katie was less than pleased when she caught up to me. Needless to say, after I explained the rules, she forbade me to ever involve her in my "sick little game" again, and I got to sleep in the guest room for a couple nights. Like it's my fault she couldn't compete. In later years, during a tickle fight, Becky would learn the hard way that her father could fart on command.

I revived the game with co-workers in the bar. The new guys at work were usually victims, but Sal was just too easy...or so I thought.

One Saturday night he and I were going fishing. We stopped at HEB to buy some beer and snacks. There weren't many people in the store that night so playing the game was pointless.

We had just got in the checkout line when I noticed Sal was looking at naked pictures on his phone. I had never known him to openly look at smut of any kind, let alone interracial midget porn. I was even more surprised when I realized it was a video and he had the sound up.

I heard someone come up behind me so I turned to see who it was. Two college aged ladies with some party food had joined us in line. When I turned back to tell Sal to hide his porn he thrust the phone into my hands and said, "Damn Jace, you are into some kinky shit."

I looked on in horror as the big black dude on the screen impaled the midget on his impossibly large cock. One of the girls said "Oh my God," and the other made a disgusted sound and walked off.

I learned two things that night. One was I needed to keep a better eye on Sal...the phone in my hand was my own. He'd pickpocketed it and downloaded a porno during the twenty minutes we were in the store.

The other thing I learned was most decent folk are offended by porn. The girl returned with the store manager and a security guard. The manager was reading me the riot act and Sal was laughing. When the guy threatened to call the cops Sal got serious.

"It was a fucking joke you fag," he told the red faced manager. "Are you really such a bitch that you gotta call the pigs?"

I was picturing having to call Katie to bail me out of jail when the manager just told us to get out of his store and to never return. His guard took our picture, and we were escorted to the door. I did fart three times making our exilers walk in a toxic cloud. Just as we got out side Sal looked at me and said as loud as he could, "And stay out of the Woolworth's!" He loved Oh Brother Where Art Thou?.

I heard the manager say "assholes" as we headed for my truck. Fortunately for me the HEB was nowhere near my neighborhood and Wal Mart was just down the road. Unfortunately for Sal, I could lock the passenger side window in my truck.

* * * * *

The previous morning I awakened with Katie's hair in my face and her breast in my hand. This morning, I awoke to my daughter's feet. I knew that Becky wasn't handling everything as well as she'd let on. I was glad I didn't have my typical morning wood.