That Was Then - This is Now Pt. 02

Sonja didn't think it was all that bad, just disorganized. Certainly not as bad as some she had seen. She sat at the kitchen table thinking about their relationship. On their first date he had come over to her apartment to pick her up. The girls fell in love with this huge Teddy Bear at first sight, especially when he got down on the floor to play with them.

They had been out several times and Sonja was thinking about taking it to the next level. What she didn't know is that Jim was having those exact same thoughts as he got ready. Maybe they'd talk about it tonight after the girls had gone to bed.

After burgers and cokes, they relaxed in Sonja's living room. The girls wanted Jim to try the latest video games, which he let them win. Sonja just looked on and smiled at the three of them. Eight o'clock came around and it was time for the girls to go to bed. Jim grabbed each one around the waist and carried them screaming and giggling into their bedroom, with Sonja following right behind. He left the three of them there as Sonja got them into bed.

"Jim, can you come in? Megan and Misty want you to help tuck them in. They also want a story, but I said no." Jim went into the bedroom and found the two girls already in bed. "They just want you to kiss them good night," said Sonja. He went and kissed each girl on the forehead, said good night to them, and he and Sonja retreated to the living room.

"Do you want something to drink? I mean other than coke? I've got some wine in the fridge, a nice merlot from the Okanagan."

"Okay, just a small glass. I really haven't done much drinking since..., well you know. Evan kind of got me hooked on iced tea," replied Jim. "With him you'd think there was no other cold beverage on the planet."

Sonja giggled as she poured two glasses of wine and returned to sit beside Jim on the couch. She handed one to Jim and raised her glass, "To friends."

He replied, "To friends," took a sip then placed his wine on the coffee table. He then took her glass from her and placed it beside his, leaned over and kissed her.

She responded by pulling him closer and kissing harder. "Damn, you. What took you so long?" she asked when they broke to come up for air.

"I didn't want to chase you away. We were friends and I didn't want to get in the way of that," Jim said. "I've wanted to do that for so long."

"Me too," she said, pulling him in for another long kiss. She took one hand and placed it on her breast.

They made out like a couple of teenagers when she pulled away, stood up and took him by the hand. "Please, be gentle. It's been a long time since I was with anyone who I cared for," she said softly as she led him into her bedroom. "We have to be quiet because of the girls."

"Oh baby. I've wanted you for so long." Jim kissed her and began unbuttoning her shirt...

Later on, lying cuddled together in bed Sonja asked, "What now? Do you think we have a chance?"

"Baby, I've wanted you since the first time I laid eyes on you. And those two little imps. I just don't think I'm good enough for you or them. You know, with my past and all. You don't know the whole story, nobody around here does."

Sonja leaned over and kissed him. "I know enough. You're the man I want, the man I need. The girls adore you, and so do I. I'm hoping we can become a real couple. Come on, get dressed and let's go finish our wine and talk."

She got out of bed and put on a robe. Jim did the bathroom thing, got dressed and walked out to find her in the living room sipping on her glass of merlot. "Baby, let me tell you what happened that got me sent to prison. After that you might change your mind. I really, really hope you don't. Here's what happened..."

* * * *

I woke up early Saturday morning. I must have been exhausted and slept for nearly twelve hours. It took a few moments before I began to remember the events of yesterday. Ten AM, maybe Erica is up. I found the card she had left me and punched the number into my cell phone. There was no answer, so I left her a message to call me on her answering machine and went to have a shower. I'd already put the coffee on. It would be ready when I finished my morning ablutions.

I had just poured my first coffee when the doorbell rang. I expected it to be one of my sisters, so just pushed the button to allow them into the building. To my utter surprise, Erica was standing there when I opened the door.

"Uh, Erica. I just called you. What are you doing here?" She was standing there in the doorway, a small figure with a scared look on her face.

"Evan, forgive me. I got your address from Barb. After yesterday I had to tell you what I'm thinking, what I'm feeling. All I ask is that you hear me out then I'll go if you want. Please, please."

She was almost begging, so unlike the Erica I knew from years ago. Of course, I had wanted to meet with her after discussing things with my therapist, but this certainly wasn't what I had in mind. I invited her in.

"Would you like a coffee? I just made it" I said as I put my coffee on the kitchen table and gestured her to sit down.

"Um, okay. I guess I could use a coffee."

"Cream, one sugar. Right?" I asked.

"You remembered," replied Erica.

"You'd be surprised at what I remember," I said as I put the mug in front of her then sat down across the table. She was still as lovely as ever, but she had changed. There was no spark of life in her eyes, and she looked sort of flat, almost unemotional. "I just called you to set up a meet somewhere. I really didn't expect you to be here."

"I know. But yesterday, after...well, yesterday I called Barb and talked to her for about two hours. She gave me your address and here I am. Evan, I know I can't undo what was done, but I have to tell you my side. After that, I'll go."

"Go on," I replied, stone faced. My guts were churning but I didn't want her to know that.

"This thing with Brad. He seduced me. I have no excuse for that. None whatsoever. I totally fucked up and I know that. Evan, with him it was just the sex. It was just raw sex. With you and me it was love. We never had sex, we made love. I was only with Brad four times, just four Monday mornings. You know, that after the first two times it almost seemed scripted. I don't know how you found out, but when I saw our picture with the black "X" through it, I knew that my life as I knew it was over, that I'd lost you. Then the next day when you ran away from me when I was trying to catch up to you...well, I..."

"And I wouldn't let you try and justify your actions," I couldn't keep the bitterness out of my voice. "I heard you telling him it was getting better every time meaning that wasn't the first. If it had been, I might have acted different, but it wasn't. As much as it tore my guts and heart out, I had to cut my losses. I couldn't live a lie pretending I didn't know. And now I hear you tell him he's getting better. What the hell was I SUPPOSED to think? You know, I still have that old cell phone. The video I took of you two, along with the pictures are the only thing on it. It's seared into my head, you telling him that you had never had it so good. It's all there! Want to see it?" I was really getting pissed at her, and at myself, for not being able to let her go.

"Please, just hear me out. After it all came out, all our old friends turned against me. Frances Brown really told me off, as did some of the others. I deserved it all. I basically became a hermit and finished the semester, then left the college. I didn't know about any of the rest of it until I met Barb in the lab. My Dad sent me to BCIT to finish my certification. I lived with my Aunt there. We talked about what I had done. She already knew. She'd talked to my Mom and your Mom. She never told me that you were in prison. Nobody did until Barb in the lab. We met again for coffee a couple of times and she told me the whole story. I still have trouble believing everything that I caused."

"Anyway, my Aunt told me that she had made the same mistake when she was young, and she's still alone to this day. The love of her life moved on when she moved in with this guy. It turned out to be a mistake, but for her it was too late. He fell in love with someone else and has a great family. My Aunt is even friends now, but she realizes that's all it will ever be. She told me not to make the same mistake. Not to make the same mistake and lose the man I love. Evan, that man is you." With that, Erica got up from the table and started towards the door. Her coffee was untouched.

"Can I say something before you go?" I asked. She stopped, turned around and stood beside the table. I could tell that she was just on the brink of tears. It wouldn't take much for them to fall.

"You know, when I found out it just tore the guts out of me. I'd lost my whole world. I have never felt so angry and betrayed in my life. You did the worst thing possible that I can think of; you broke a trust. I buried myself in my school work, my job and my tutoring. Brad even called to set up his next tutoring session. I guess he figured out that wasn't going to happen when I just hung up on him. Anyway, I had it all worked out. My pain was going to end, and I wouldn't have to worry anymore. Well, you know the rest. If Ed hadn't come through the door when he did..."

"Despite all this I never stopped loving you, never blamed you for what happened after. I'm the one who's supposed to be dead, not Brad. I thought you two were together. Nobody told me different, and I didn't ask. Yes, our friends turned against you, but I just avoided them. There was just too much pain, too much history, and the wounds wouldn't heal. Yes, even after all this time I still love you. I absolutely hate your cheating, that is inexcusable."

I stopped and took a huge breath. "I don't know what's going to happen now but I told my therapist and my real friends that I'd let you have your say. I don't know if I can get past your cheating; your breaking a trust."

"Evan, I don't know if I can ever regain your trust. I'd like for us to try and get together again, but I totally understand if you don't want to. I'm going now. You can think it over and call me, or not." Erica got up from the table and let herself out of the apartment before I could reply.

Damn, damn, damn. I didn't want her to go, but I couldn't wait till she was gone. My mind was whirling. My coffee got cold, I didn't even notice.

(Part 3 will follow shortly)