by Poisonkitten
I really like this concept, so I’m going to stick with it. I hope your remaining chapters can have some more length! But remember, anything with speech requires quotations! It makes it very hard for the reader to figure out what is a description and when someone starts talking. In a positive note, your use of punctuation is very good. For example, your last bit should look like this...
The man who opened the door leered at me and grabbed my arm.
“You're next bitch,” he spat. “I like a girl with something to hold on to, and I'm sure I'm going to love fucking you till you're raw.”
I screamed.
I like the storyline so far, and your descriptive text is good. I felt like I could picture the locatons in my head. But I do agree rhat quotations are necessary for speech.
I look forward to reading more.
chapters are way too short. 2-3 Lit pages would be better.
"I'm sure I'm going to love fucking you till you're raw."
I'm not liking the direction this is going.
Congratulations! It’s amazing! I’m glad that I found such good stories here. Keep up the good work! 😍
Just as a helpful tip, it's good to use quotation marks for dialogue. It can ruin the readers immersion to not have them in place. It makes reading the story a bit harder since we have to struggle to understand what is spoken and not spoken.