All Comments on 'The Amazon'

Pretty good. A little more lead-up to the sex would have helped. Editing and proofreading definitely would improve your effort. I had to chuckle at your spelling of "foul!" Keep trying! I'll round my 3.5 stars up to 4.

It was rather short, a bit too straight to the point, had a few grammar mistakes here and there, but in the end was it was cozy and entertaining enough to deserve 4*. Hope you decide to further the story as there is enough material and desire there to do so.

Seak out an editor. This story was cute, had a good plot idea, but there's some errors in spelling. The part of the plot about the girl's basketball team makes no sense. An exceptionally tall female that is athletic wouldn't have been cut due to eye sight. Coaches have been known to aid players in getting equipment to help offset wearing daily glasses. Her coach would have possibly forked out the money himself, so I'd find a different reason, perhaps injury would have been more plausible. At first I hated her. She comes off as a complete bitch. You needed to go more in depth with her change from liking her brother, to hating, to liking again. You somewhat have it, but the story is too condensed. Put more back story and flesh out a bit more. Erotica is like dating, make the reader work for their reward.

Good start. Keep it going, perhaps having the sister get pregnant.

Despite the details of her failed athletic career that are pretty much irrelevant and a bit lacking backstory it was a really cute story nonetheless. Maybe seek a bit of help from one of our editors as there were a few mistakes here and there, but most certainly do continue the story!

Gave it a good willed 4* in hope of future chapters with detailed plot and blossoming romance.

The characters seemed real but could have been much more sympathetic and believable. Instead of whining about having to sleep in the same room as her brother she should have been secretly, sexily excited by the prospect. She should have teased him more to seduce herself as her confidence built as well as him as his pent up frustration of losing his girlfriend turned toward Alex.

Too many things cluttered the story: the basketball team fiasco, the cold room, the rickety bed. Good premise and nice story about awkward young people grappling with hormones. This diamond needed more polishing.

Write more, and this time, give James' description. I imagine him with a bit of chest hair on that manly chest, something for Alex to taste, stroke, etc. during their lovemaking!

James & Alex need their own place to live. Alex then needs to be forever barefoot, naked, & pregnant. Alex needs to have at least 26 babies by her brother over the next 22 years.

>"James & Alex need their own place to live. Alex then needs to be forever barefoot, naked, & pregnant. Alex needs to have at least 26 babies by her brother over the next 22 years."

Listen to Anon. He clearly knows what's up.

More chapters!

Needs more chapters