All Comments on 'The Beach for Two'

Best story I have read in a while. A fantasy I would love to happen when we go to the beach this summer

This story arises some questions: 1st - The other couple, were they married? 2nd - Were they clean? 3rd - How a wife that says she loves her husband has this thought: "She took his hand and he lead her home, for the next week she would make love to him again and again, she wished they had been staying for a month."!!!! If these two couples were married, soon there will be two more divorced couples!!! 2*

I'm not sure I like the full week trade, but this was a damn sexy tale of a hot swap. Thanks!

There's nothing wrong with the quality of the writing in general.

Something confuses me about these types of stories, and it concerns the author's presence in the plot. Who can say precisely why anyone has the fantasy that they do? However, that 'why' - the driving motive behind the fantasy - is often just taken for granted. Anyone can see this if they read a genre story that doesn't turn them on. The story will do nothing erotically for them, and might drive a fan up the wall with excitement.

OK, what's the fantasy here, and who is having it? The story is told from the objective third person, but it is mostly about the wife's - Janice's - experience. In that sense, the story is indirectly from her point of view, since it is about her point of view.

However, Janice is utterly passive in the story. Her husband - Frank - is the one calling the shots, telling her what to do, making all the decisions - even about swapping for a week(!) - without consulting her. This is what makes the tale somewhat schizophrenic: on the surface about Janice, but deeper it really seems to be Frank's (the author's?) fantasy about what he wants Janice's fantasy to be. The author keeps getting in the way of me getting into the mind of what Janice might be thinking .. aside from being a passive passenger.

Always good to remember it is just a story. We must assume that in real life all the consequences would be considered.

Very well done.

...but the execution was not the best I've read. As another reviewer pointed out, motives were missing. It might have been better if written in first person narrative rather than third person.

Its a hot tale that I enjoyed, I saw some problems in its execution though, mostly in the confusion over homonyms. That is words that sound the same but are spelled differently such as brake, and break, there, their, site, sight. There were a couple of other misused words as well that sneaked in. But other than those errors I thought it was a fun fantasy.

In the biography, Omniv asks about his writing. His friends are kinda right. The Writing Mechanics really SUCK!

BUT ... the story is REALLY good! The pacing is fine. I would quibble a little about why Hubby is not identified as such until near the end, since there is no sense of the couple trying to evade a significant third party. The sex is well described ... starts out fairly vanilla except for Sweetie's tension about discovery. But (the guy we finally are told is) Hubby does a great job of pushing Sweetie's limits. Then the limits get kicked up another notch ... then again with a girl-girl kiss. Then WAY up with a quick switch and change of pace. And then another giant step with a temporary live-in partner trade! Good-bye vanilla! Maybe French Vanilla with vanilla bean and habanero chile. And sprinkles! In a chocolate-dipped waffle cone!

Given Sweetie's recognition that she needed to loosen up, I disagree with Impo. I think this marriage has the potential to really go into overdrive.

Omniv ... just apply for a Volunteer Editor to work with you, and pay him or her close attention, because your writing, right now, probably causes many readers to cast you as incompetent and turn to a different story after catching the second BIG goof in your FIRST paragraph.

5* (great first effort, despite terrible mechanics)

If she wanted the other guy for a month instead of a week, why not just switch until they get bored again? Then go find other couples on the beech to switch with. Maybe with enough switching the original couple will get rematched again, someday. Not that it matters. Its just animal fucking, not love. Kind of wrong category: there are no loving spouses in this story.

If she is, and hopefully it will be without physical harm, what combination of Infections and diseases will he leave in parting? And if her husband does come back at the end of the trade, what STDs will he bring back with him?

They have never met. They don't even know their names. No contact information is exchanged in case of emergency. And they could be a team operating as recruiters for . . . .

These flippant decisions were made with total disregard for the health and safety of the wives.

I would like to thank those of you who left constructive feedback, and those of you who took the time to send me a private message.

I see I have quite a bit of learning to do, and growing in the areas of proper mechanics and grammar. I have considered going back to the local college and taking some of the basic English courses. I unfortunately managed to squeak by school with the bare minimum grades in English to pass, and it clearly shows.

I have many more stories already written from all over the spectrum of things you find in literotica, but I feel I should not release them until I can at least improve my mechanics.

I will explore the possibility of using the editor system here to get some more of them up while I work to improve. Ha I could swamp a poor editor in stories in a heartbeat to be honest. I have been writing as many as three a day. I find erotic stories come very natural to me, and I have a desire to write more and more.

Again thank you all for your comments. I only posted this because my wife read a story I had written and insisted it was good and convinced me to put up just one and see what people thought. I had no idea people would actually like it.

I promise I will work on my core skills and improve my mechanics getting better and better in every story.

Thank you.

Fun story...and a little jealous!

You seemed to use the words break and brake interchangeably. They seemed to be opposites. Was this intentional?

Somehow I missed this one when it was originally written. Yeah, some grammar errors but the story, the fantasy was truly erotic.

Simply about the Hottest exhibitionist story I can imagine…THEN it morphs into Wife-swapping! What a turn-on!

Great story omnive you do need to work on your grammar quite a lot yet but despite all that the story was very interesting though. it would be a good idea to get someone to edit your story for you if you can do that that should help your writing quite a lot then.