by MCLS
I like your style and subject a lot but I don't think it is a good idea to publish something like that without at least some sex in it. To be bluntly honest with you, I was jerking off to this but it's way too short to flame my kinks enough and it's quite cruel to leave a guy with blue balls... publish more next time. I will definitively verify the lenght before next time! (but I do hope you continue)
You needed to have some sort of sexual contact to give at least a preview. If you are going to drag it out make it at least 2 pages
This means nothing and is no where near being ready for publishing.
I hope you find an editor. Falling back on spellcheck won't work. YOU have to read each and every word and know the difference between than and then.
Green hair--red hair? No, I don't think the Deer is running.