All Comments on 'The Cherry Dare'

Good little story. Maybe a bit predictable, but it was never absolutely sure. Thanks, I really enjoyed it.

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</span><o:p>The plot was absolutely predictable, both so far as Dorothy getting deflowered and then the girls agreeing that Sven would be commissioned to do the same to Wendy. </o:p>

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</span><o:p>It might have been a surprise that Sven was the eavesdropper, but you identified him as Dorothy’s boyfriend in the fifth paragraph; if it had been some other guy putting his key in Dorothy’s lock I imagine he would have felt outrage, or at least jealousy, as he heard the story.</o:p>

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</span><o:p>The dialog is unrealistic to say the very least. People simply do not talk the way your characters do.</o:p>

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</span><o:p>I suggest that you re-write the dialog from the beginning and after you’ve done that read it out loud to yourself to see whether it sounds like somebody would talk that way in a conversation. </o:p>

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</span><o:p>I also suggest that the eavesdropper NOT be Dorothy’s seducer, but (1) her cuckolded boyfriend who has been waiting faithfully to pluck her cherry, and now somebody beat him to it, and (2) the eavesdropper (who DID NOT pop Dorothy's cherry) learns that Dorothy’s seducer is going to get Wendy’s cherry next Saturday night – and Wendy’s boyfriend, who will likewise be cuckolded, is the eavesdropper’s best mate. </o:p>

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</span>Will the eavesdropper tell his mate, and if so, the circumstances under which he learned of Wendy's plan?<o:p></o:p>

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it's all about fucking. some emotions would have been good.

A bit predictable -- it was either going to be Sven or Lester, but not bad.

The sex was good but your dialog was weak. Would have been better as a narative.

love your story and the rest can go pound sand. yes its this and that but it was just two friend talking about a bet. cant wait to read more later. nice story even no other people has a little trouble with it.

It's highly irritating to have to read so many LW stories where the author hasn't used contractions as the characters would in ordinary life. It makes the story frustrating to read; as if written by a junior high student. Do better.

Total fucking rubbish written by a total wanker

Try growing up