All Comments on 'The Collars Ch. 01'

Rubbish. Needs editing. Needs proofing, needs a plot that could be believed by anyone over ten and characters to match.

Nice story but badly in need of editing/spell check. It looks to me like some spell check choices produced the wrong word as well.

Not a bad first start. Kinda interested in where you're going with it.

Me thinks Anon. Thinks too much and needs a collar. any way onto the story liked the Beginning. Can't wait to see how he chose's for the other Collar's.

Keep going....

You need an editor, proofing, and better outlining.

Welcome to Literotica, dracone, and thank you for sharing your story with us; I would like to read more of it. I am hazarding a guess that English might not be your first language, and if that is the case, then very well done for writing so well. You could certainly benefit from the services of a good editor, but your story was very sound.

Four stars from me, and thanks again!

the idea is good but your character -32 year old virgin- has a girl put on a mind control collar, then when she suddenly naked she throws herself at him but he politely turns her down and says get dressed. No.

I like that idea with the collar but the main character needs a little work.

Couldn't finish reading the story because I got annoyed by the numerous spelling and grammar mistakes

It is a nice slow build up to want could be an interesting story, a nice touch about the collars themselves

Add a bit of realism (6'5" doesn't go unnoticed, 32-year old virgin just accepts that a woman gets naked and tells her to redress, ...) and please have someone proof read. English is obviously not your mother tongue (mine neither) so making errors is not the end of the world but proof reading would increase the readability.

Does need a proofreader and it'd be great. Btw love guys who spent time to type a view on a story they couldn't stand to read on this *Free* site as if they paid or are forced to read these amateur writer's tales & can't take it relaxed enough to take a grain of salt. Keep it up more you write better you'll get. Btw 5 strokes and spent years relearning to write myself so keep it up and don't get dragged down!

I love your story concept and I think there’s a lot of potential for where it can lead.

However, something about the writing seems flat, like watching bad acting through a screen instead of being there as a fly on the wall to the action.

If you can find a way to I’m prove the acting quality of your actors then the clever plot you’ve come up with can shine through much more clearly.

Will chapter 2 be arriving soon?