The Descending of Jessica Ch. 11

"Okay, you can say two things. Then fuck off."

She dug into a pocket on her apron and pulled out a coin about the size of a half dollar, and handed it to me. It had a weird symbol on it, kind of like the symbol of the Deathly Hallows but without the wand, and the number "2" was in the middle. On the reverse it had the Serenity Prayer. I realized it was one of those things they give out at AA meetings.

"First, I've been sober since that night. No coke, no meth, no drinking, no weed, no anything. That night cost me the dearest thing I ever had. Since then, once I got out, I got a job and started an two year RN program at the community college. I graduated in August and took my boards yesterday in fact. Once my scores come back, I get my license and no more restaurant work or dancing or anything."

"Good for you. Too bad you didn't do that 18 years ago." I said with ice in my heart. I really wanted her to shut up and go away so I could find out what was wrong with Carolyn. I knew Steve must have done something as now she was holding the phone at her side with one hand while she covered her eyes and held her head off the table with the other.

"Second, I don't know how much you remember about that night, but it was about a week before you turned 16 and you had been watching that program on MTV about rich girls 16th birthday parties, and I had nothing to give you or throw a party with. The guy I was dating had taken all the money I had from dancing and pissed it a way, so I thought if I could just, maybe, get my girl a cake and a pretty dress to wear..." She said as she got choked up, then caught her breath and continued "but instead I lost everything that was important and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! Please forgive me!" she cried, just as Carolyn began crying as well.

I thought about her words and began to weep too. I had apparently been selfish and not even realized it. I remembered watching that show and hating those bitches for being whiny rich girls, but never thought about the effect it was having on my mother. I also had never known why she got arrested, I had always figured it was for drug money, but apparently I had figured wrong.

"Why didn't you come see me when you got out?" I asked. Although still worried about Carolyn I was about to cry myself and had to know.

"The lady from Children's Services told me you were doing so well, and how you were in school, and how much the Andersons, that's their name isn't it? Anderson? How much they adored you and were going to help you with college and I couldn't bring myself to mess that up. You had the life I couldn't give you, I wasn't going to take it away. I just wanted what was best for my Jessica. I always loved you so much. And look at you! You've turned out so well! I'm so proud of you! And before you ask, no I wouldn't let them adopt you. I mean, I would, but I would have had to surrender you and say you weren't mine anymore and I just couldn't do that. You understand?" She asked, and I did.

All this time I thought she had thrown me away, she was trying to throw me a party. And all this time I thought she had forgotten me, she was thinking of what was best for me. I began to blubber aloud and didn't care who saw me.

"Yes! I forgive you, but I want you in my life from now on, okay? No more fucking things up!"

"Okay, whatever you want Jessica, I can do anything, I will do anything, I can...."

"About that, most people call me Jessie now." I smiled through the tears.

"Most people call me Donna." she replied, still weeping but now from joy.

"I can't do that, you're 'mom' to me. Did you ever meet the Andersons?"

"No, I didn't think I could stand it. Were they good to you? Like the DCS lady said?

"Oh, they're wonderful. You've got to meet them, you will love them as much as I do."

"I don't know, that might be awkward., but we'll figure something out." she replied.

"Don't worry about it, they are great people. But I should probably talk to them first I guess. Hey, can we pause this a sec?" I asked, as Carolyn was now weeping openly and not from happiness at our reunion.

I turned my attention to Carolyn, but first felt obligated to introduce them. "Mom, this is my best friend Carolyn"

"Pleased to meet you Carolyn." she said.

"You too... oh god Jessie, I'm sorry, if I had known..." Carolyn blathered.

"You couldn't have known, I didn't even know where my mom worked and besides, we're past that, we've got a lot of time to make up for, and probably some issues to work through no doubt, but its good now, so why are you sorry? If you hadn't wanted to stop we wouldn't have reconnected! Don't be silly!" I said, still not understanding why she was upset.

"No, I mean, Steve. It was him and.. and.. he told me what happened. Said he didn't want me to find out from the other little sisters at the frat." She wept.

"You mean he cheated again? You've got to dump him Carolyn! Please!" I begged.

"If he's a cheater he won't stop, trust me." my mother added, and I was forced to bow to her experience on the subject.

"I did, I just told him I never wanted to see him again." Carolyn cried.

"Good for you! I know you're upset but its for the best." I said, then turned to my mother to explain "her boyfriend, she's crazy about him but he just uses her and cheats all the time. He even brought around the whore that's caused me to call off my wedding. Oh. Yeah, I was engaged to be married in December, I'll tell you about all that later. I'm still not sure if I'm going to take my boyfriend back..." was all I got out when Carolyn shouted.

"Jessie! You don't understand! He didn't cheat today, he cheated last Friday, with that whore Jennifer! She wasn't there to see Brent, she was there because she had slept with Steve!"

I was momentarily speechless. Surely there was something not right about this, after all I had seen her on her knees, wearing nothing but her panties, and Brent over her with his cell phone camera.

"I saw him Carolyn! I saw him in his stupid basketball shorts, and I saw her on her knees almost naked! I know what I saw!" I shouted back, with rage slowly rising with in me.

"Girls, we need to keep it down." my mother said, and I remembered we were in public.

"I know what I saw." I repeated, more quietly.

"What was Brent doing?" Carolyn asked softly, through her tears.

"Taking a picture of her with his cell phone like a fucking pervert." I replied, the memory shooting ice through my veins.

"Check your text messages from Friday. Steve and the frat boys have apparently spent the week laughing at you for thinking that." Carolyn replied.

I remembered that I had saved a bunch of texts from Brent because they weren't making irritating noises like the alert from his voice mails. I opened my text files and sure enough they were there. I scrolled down to the earliest one, which was about the time I caught them.

"Jessie, I can't wait to see you tonight. I hate being here with out you. I miss you so much. Steve is driving me crazy with this slutty bitch I have to tell you about, Love you, Miss you!" it read.

"That doesn't' prove anything. He could have sent that after I caught him to try to cover up somehow." I said.

"Jessie, don't be so dense." Carolyn said, still crying.

"I'm not, I know what I saw!" I said loudly, forgetting the need to be quiet in my impulsiveness.

"Which way was she facing?" Carolyn asked.

"Steve wasn't there!" I replied.

"No, he had left a few minutes before. He had to go to a class. He has an afternoon class on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. He just told me he walked passed you as you were parking your truck and waved but you acted like you didn't see him. Now which way was she facing, towards Brent or away? Never mind, I'll tell you, she was facing away from Brent and towards Steve's bed."

"Away. She was facing away from Brent" I thought.

"How did you know that?" I demanded.

"She was looking for her bra. Steve and her had just finished an early afternoon romp when Brent came in from taking a shower and Steve left. She was looking for her cloths. And by the way, she's apparently been laughing that she broke up you and Brent all week to anyone that would listen."

"Why would Steve tell you that?"

"Because he knew as soon as I got back to campus I would find out anyway. And he wants to pursue a relationship with.... her...." Carolyn finally broke down in tears and couldn't talk anymore.

I moved across the table, and though crying myself, did all I could to comfort Carolyn, which wasn't much. I exchanged numbers with my mother and told her I would call her the next day, then took Carolyn out and back to the truck.

"I don't want to go back to Tech tonight" she said.

"We're not, you're coming back home with me." I replied.

"You mean to your dorm? That's good, thanks."

"No. Home." I replied. I needed to talk to Brent. Even if he didn't cheat he had stepped over a line by being in a position to hurt me like that. We could fix things, but right now I had to take care of Carolyn.

There are certain things in life that don't mix. Teary eyed coeds who are driving okay, but not particularly at their best, and drunk drivers in SUV's that rush off the interstate and run red lights in an effort to get back on it are two of them. I had looked both ways, and had the light, but the ramp off the interstate crossed where I pulled out and as I glanced to see that Carolyn was alright, the other driver rammed me in the side at an angle just behind my door as he sought to do a U turn off the ramp and ran the light trying to get back on the interstate.

My truck rolled three times I would later learn, and the airbag deployed on the first, striking my face. The roof bent in slamming into my head. We ended up on the trucks top in the concrete drainage ditch beside the road, hanging upside down with the smell of gas filling the compartment. I could not move and began to fade out.

"Jessie are you okay?" I heard Carolyn ask, but the pain was so immense from my side, my face and my head that I couldn't answer. I blacked out, barely cognizant that I was still in my seat belt upside down.

I awoke briefly on a stretcher with Carolyn standing beside me. She was crying, and her face was covered in blood, but she was standing, saying "You're going to be okay, we're going to get you to the hospital, you're going to be okay." and as I fell into darkness I realized my period had finally started. What could be more embarrassing? "Don't you fucking die on me!" was the last thing I heard Carolyn cry.

I dreamed of horrible and wonderful things. I dreamed of Brent cheating, I dreamed of Brent proposing. I dreamed of the sixteen years I had spent with my mother, and the nearly three I had spent with my parents. I dreamed of Carolyn holding me, and of Carolyn covered in blood. I dreamed of Brat. I dreamed of her reading Harry Potter to me, and when I awoke the room was nearly dark, but Brat was seated beside me telling me of the Potter children and the Weasley children on platform 9 ¾ going off to Hogwarts 26 years after their parents adventures had begun.

"Wha..where" I mumbled. There was soreness in my side and my head ached incredibly. There was a tube in my arm and another in my nose and my mouth was dry. My throat burned.

"Sissy? Did you say something?" Brat asked.

"Brat." I whispered.

"Sissy! You're back!" she shouted.

"Water" I mumbled.

She ran to the door and shouted "Mom! Dad! Sissy's awake!

I realized that the room hadn't actually been that dark, although the lights were dim. It was that my eyes couldn't really see all that well. I saw figures entering the room, but couldn't identify Ron and Allison until they were beside the bed. The room fell back into darkness.

I should mention that the remaining events took place over the next several days as I came into and out of consciousness, but have been compressed for the reader's sake. .

"Hey Tiger, you've given us quite a scare." Ron said gently as he took my hand when I once again woke, hours or days later.

"Hey. Water." I rasped back.

He poured a glass from a small pitcher on the table beside the bed and held it to my lips to let me drink. It tasted like disinfectant and Styrofoam and was the most wonderful thing I had ever tasted. I tried to gulp it down, but he pulled it away.

"Just sip at first, go slow, okay?"

"Okay" I said, my voice now clearer, and he let me hold the cup then.

"Where am I?"

"Hospital, like I said, you've given us quite a scare. Do you remember anything?"

I thought for a moment.

"Truck hit us. And we rolled.... Carolyn!" I tried to shout her name.

"She's fine, right outside in the hall in fact. She walked away from the wreck, you were the only one seriously injured."

I exhaled a sigh of relief at hearing Carolyn was okay.

"She was covered in blood" I whispered.

"That was your blood silly." Brat said.

"Sarah!" Allison said.

"Its okay. She's okay." I said and I reached out with my only arm that didn't have an IV line in it towards her. Brat took the hint and snuggled up beside me on the bed and let me wrap my arm around her.

Pain erupted in my side, as some apparatus that surrounded my chest was pushed inward by the pressure of Brat's embrace.

"Careful Sarah honey, her ribs are still delicate." Ron said, then looked to me.

"Jessie, you had some broken ribs and that pierced and collapsed your lung. They got it re-inflated okay, but its going to take some time for your ribs to fully heal. Your nose got broken, and you've had surgery on that too. That is where most of the blood came from apparently. The real problem was all the blood loss from that and elsewhere, and you had a rather severe concussion and, well, we didn't know if you were going to make it. They had to put you on a breathing machine and intubate you, and then you had pneumonia, and we almost lost you again. That cleared up, but then you got septic and, well every day for a couple weeks we thought we were about to lose you. As it is, you've been in a coma for a while due to the swelling in your head. They say your responses have been good, but you're going to have some tests and some physical therapy probably. Can you move your fingers and toes?"

I wiggled both for him.

"Great! In a few minutes a doctor that doesn't just work on teeth is going to ask you to do the same thing, do it just like that, okay Tiger?"

"Okay dad." I smiled.

"Jessie, there's one other thing." Allison said, "Sarah would you excuse us for a minute, go tell everyone your Sissy's awake again, okay?"

"No, I don't want to leave her ever! "

"Please Sarah? They'll want to know that they can visit her too, you can come right back." she gently asked.

Brat made a show of her exasperation but slid from the bed and out the door. Despite the happiness on their faces, both Ron and Allison suddenly became serious.

"Jessie, I wish I didn't have to tell you this," Allison said, "but you lost the baby."

"Baby?" I stared.

"Yes. Its okay, we're not mad, you couldn't tell us because of the spat you and Brent were in, and you're going to be fine, you can try again down the road, but.. yes, you miscarried because of the wreck and your injuries." Ron said.

"Baby? I was pregnant?"

"You didn't know?" Ron asked.

"No, I mean, I was a few days late, but... shit." and I began crying uncontrollably. I didn't know I was pregnant, and didn't want to be pregnant, but somehow the loss made me hollow and to the very bottom of my being I cried out in anguish.

"It's okay darling, its okay" Allison said as her hand caressed my face. Other voices began consoling me as well, but I couldn't see them through my tears. Finally I recognized one.

"Carolyn?"

"Yes, I'm right here Jessie."

"You're all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine, and I coming to school with you as soon as you get out of here, so I can help you get around to class and stuff this spring. Your mom is here too, both mom's I mean. You're going to be fine, we're going to get you well."

My eyes cleared and I stopped sniffling after a while. Carolyn, Brat, Allison and Ron did all they could to comfort me and I slowly got my bearings back. I was heart broken to have lost a child I never knew I had, and with this news my mind had endured enough emotion and crawled back to the safety of its hiding place in the dark.

"What day is it?" I asked when I again awoke sometime later.

"You've been out for a while Jessie" Allison said.

"What day?" I said again, and then asked for water.

"Its Christmas Eve darling." Ron replied as he poured from a pitcher that was different than the one he had poured from before.

I had been out since the week of Halloween. Seven weeks. Shit.

I began to cry again.

"Honey! Don't cry, we're here for you and you're going to be fine!"

"My grades! I wasted the whole semester!" I cried.

"No you didn't." Ron said. "Carolyn printed out your papers and your roommate Trisha turned them in for you. Trisha has been here a lot too. You got four A's and a B. Your English professor is a bitch by the way. That's a 3.8. And you're accepted to Tech, if you still want to go."

"Tech. Why Tech?" I thought,

"Brent! Where's Brent?" I demanded.

"He and Miss Donna are right outside in the hall. He's only left to go to class and to shower, and we made him do that otherwise he's never left you the whole time." Brat said.

"Why isn't he in here now?"

"He didn't know if you wanted him to be."

"Brat, go get that idiot and tell him to get his ass in here." I commanded.

"You told me not to talk like that!" she grinned.

"No, I told you to save those words for when they're really needed. Like now. Please?"

"Okay, if you're going to say please!" She impishly replied.

"What day is it?" I asked Allison, and both she and Ron suddenly looked concerned.

"Uh, its Christmas Eve, we just talked about this." Ron said with a gravely worried voice.

"No, I mean, what day of the week?"

"Oh! Don't scare us like that. Its Thursday darling, Thursday!"

Before Brat could get back a young, very handsome, black doctor with a cute English accent came in and asked everyone to leave so he could do a few tests. Sure enough, I wiggled my toes and fingers, then he pushed and prodded me and had me push back. He shined a light in my eye and had me follow it, then said I probably wasn't brain damaged. "Well, I got that going for me." I thought.

Dr. Jones went over my medical problems with me, the tests he would schedule for the next couple days, and even explained that I had probably outgrown my dosage on birth control and he would increase it to something more appropriate to a woman of my age and weight. Finally he with the help of a nurse named Donna who sort of looked like me only older and blonder and happened to be available out in the hall, removed the feeding tube that ran up my nose and this was so gross I threw up, or tried to, when they finished. They also removed the thing around my rib cage, and that made life a lot more comfortable. The best part was I could start having all the soft food I wanted, drink pretty much anything and by tomorrow night I could have solid food again. If all went well and I did okay in physical therapy learning to walk again I would be out by New Years Day.

Dr. Jones mentioned that I was underweight from living off the feeding tube, and I asked him to tell Allison that before he left. She had once told me I would never have a doctor say that to me again. My family had been out for at least a half hour, but the doctor wouldn't remove my catheter unless I could prove I could walk to the bathroom, which I was able to with some assistance from Donna. It felt great to stand up, but I got really dizzy. Still, dizzy was an improvement over having a plastic tube up my urethra.