All Comments on 'The First Ch. 01'

Needs A LOT of editing.

please submit more i would like to read them

I was looking for some background. Who are these characters? What is their relationship with one another? Where does the story start? Who knocked on the door and what happened then?

I agree with Mel. Needs lots of editing. Commas and periods are not bad things. It feels rushed, but the basics are there. Would be interested in reading a rewrite.

Grammer etc is a skill and can be learnt and improved and with help from an editor make it easier for a reader. Imagination and then the courage to share that imagination is to be respected. Keep going and future stories will keep getting more honed and professional. I think the more you share the more you will learn, getting your obvious story telling skills to flow smoothly

Punctuation, grammar and spelling are much improved in the re-submitted version. Thanks for making a good story easier to read!

Please wright more I'm dripping wet. I will be fantasizing this happening ;)

When did the drink appear ?...he'd just pushed her against the wall as they entered the room .Details matter and this would have been better if it had a little background and thought put in to it .