The First Evil Ch. 10

I was just so confused. I just wanted to be able to think and decide without my body making the call without my input. I closed my eyes and wished I had the ability to think past my hormones. I just couldn't see beginning a permanent committed relationship with anyone I'd never even had a conversation with.

Just like that I could think. I still wanted to wrap someone around me like a blanket but I could move again, think again. It was like I had insulated myself from the sensations somewhat.

"It stopped," I laughed and used the hands I was still holding to pull myself up so I could jump up and down like a lunatic. "I can think, I did it," They both looked confused and a lot of other things I was too happy to even try and decipher.

"You stopped the mating?" they said in unison as they both climbed back onto the bed. Dominic reached out to touch the mark on my neck and when his fingers came within proximity of my skin I swear I actually heard a sizzle. I ducked back away from his hand.

"Not even a little bit, I gave myself some space to think without my hormones deciding for me," I was still elated, bouncing up and down on the bed, "God I think this is the first time I've really loved this magic thing. I didn't stop it, I actually didn't even try to, I just really wanted to be able to consider rationally. To discuss it with both of you," a grin split my face but their expressions were very careful.

"Did you submerge your Wolf to do this? Because generally females have a Mate after about twenty years with the Wolf. Do you know who you might like to choose?" again with the unison. The double speak could be really creepy but it gave me a thought that maybe after so long as one being they had to focus on individuality.

"I have no freaking idea, and that's the point, for all the comfort we feel with each other we don't know each other, not really. You two are fucking myths and I'm some impossible anomaly but there's more to us than that. I'm ok spending the rest of my life with you, both of you," warm amber eyes met cool red filled with vulnerability and uncertainty, I gentled my tone, "but if it's going to be like a marriage instead of simply a family I need to know you both," I didn't know how to make them understand that it wasn't about them being unappealing or unacceptable. It wasn't them it was me. Gee I wonder how well that would go over.

"I need to be able to choose, me, the Rory I've always been, not whatever I'm becoming. Can you understand that?" they both looked stricken but they nodded. A tentative knock on the door interrupted. I heard Rachel's voice through a crack she made in the door.

"Hey guys just wanted to let you know we're back from the store. Let us know if you need a tray brought up. Oh, and Juliette says that if you don't holler the moment Rory comes out of her coma she'll geld you while you sleep," that surprised a chuckle out of me as I pulled the door open and gave her a hug. She gaped at me briefly before hugging me back then leaning back to look me over. Her eyes seemed to get caught on my ears so I reached up and felt the new points at their tips.

"I don't know what's happening with me but I'd be your bestest best friend forever if you could run interference with Boots for at least an hour," she looked panicked so I jumped in before she could protest, "look I love her to death but I have questions and I need to get some answers and if she has questions you know I never will. At least not until she's rung every iota of information from the entire situation," I could still see an argument in her eyes so I rushed ahead, "Please I just need a little bit of time, an hour maybe two. Pretty pretty please with a cherry on top," I pouted up at her and saw her capitulate before she actually opened her mouth to agree and I threw my arms around her.

"I'm only agreeing because you've actually spontaneously touched me twice for the first time in pretty much ever, so either it's really important or these two are really good for you or both. That doesn't mean you don't owe the shit out of me because you know how pissed she'll be when she finds out. That's all I'm saying," she walked away still shaking her head and muttering to herself about not getting laid again in this century.

I knew she'd go right down and tell Juliette that I was awake but I also knew she'd stop her from coming up for at least an hour. I was so grateful they were in my life. The heavy wooden door made barely a thump as it closed. I turned back to the room and the twins and got the first good look at the space since I'd purchased the castle more than ten years ago.

Yes, it's an honest to god castle someone had had flown over from Europe and reassembled here. I'd seen it once while running away from one of my families and fallen instantly in lust. Lust, not love. I loved my house in the city. No, wanting this property hadn't been about feelings of comfort or connection. This had been covetous and greedy. I'd seen it and I wanted it, like I'd never wanted anything before or since. I saw it as a symbol of success and safety, when I had earned enough money I made the owner an offer they didn't refuse.

I'd only stayed in it a total of nineteen days, to fill it with furniture and some non-perishable food. But it hadn't felt right. Like the cute pair of shoes that pinches your toes, or in this case slides off your foot entirely. I'd never felt as lonely as I had those weeks, here by myself. With every sound echoing off of the cold stone walls even after I'd added tapestries and carpets.

The only thing I had loved unequivocally was the tower. It was two rooms one on top of the other, a sitting room on the first floor that you could now only access via a wrought iron staircase in the bedroom on the second floor. The last owners had taken the windows from other parts of the castle and widened the original defensible sized windows to something normally reserved for industrial style lofts in both rooms. The combination of old stone and diamond shaped panes was romantic and whimsical especially when the light made the stone sparkle.

There wasn't much light now but it still managed to look warm and cozy. The octagonal room was dominated by a curtained king sized bed on a small dais. There was a small chandelier that I'd hung down into the center of it, inspired by the room towards a little romance of my own. There was a fireplace on the opposite wall from the door with a cozy sitting area in front of it. The three back walls were mostly window with the original mullioned panes of glass, the same as downstairs.

I was doing it again. Focusing on the mundane to try and prolong the time before having to deal with a crisis. And this was a crisis. I had never openly discussed my life or myself with anyone. I guess no time like the present. Right?