All Comments on 'The Freedom of Slavery Ch. 02'

I'm really enjoying this so far - please keep on writing

Keep it coming.

Love it, more please !!

This is really different in a good way. I haven't read anything like it before. The world and natives you have created are very usual and interesting. I'm really looking forward to read chapter three which posted today along w/this chapter, so here I go!

Perhaps because it was shorter. Shes still being stupid. Giving head to the kitty on day one will obviously end badly. And for the love of god stop using the word cream. Thats not hot, its weird. Once can be okay. Not every word.

Also youre switching tenses periodically. Would love for that to stop.

You introduced some unexpected stuff here. Theres still the iasue that the exact fucking species of cat developed on a different planet. And then turned humanoid. That makes no sense. The addition of mental powers, gods, pure white cats making me think of the dahli lama, all that, was a fortunate change.

The story has a lot of potential, but I find it really confusing. First off, I would highly recommend finding an editor to help you sort through difficulties in spelling and grammar. Second, it feels as though there is a lot you have not considered when creating your characters, environment, and plot. I'm not trying to criticize in the way your favorite anonymous fan has done, but I think it would help your story to think things through, ask questions, and decide where you want to go with the story. So here are some things to think about if you rewrite/edit the piece:

~I still don't entirely understand why there are 6 males. I especially don't understand why they are different 'breeds' of cats and how (presumably) aggressive males are able to work together. (My understanding of large cats is that they stay together just enough to breed and find food and are otherwise fairly solitary, particularly the males, which seems contrary to your characters. Male lions will even eat the young of other male lions they have ousted.)

~Nancy/Alza is somewhat of a paradox. She's a little too calm in reacting to her situation, particularly given her past and that that she's prone to panic attacks. Considering she was suicidal in the past, has PTSD, and who knows what else, she's amazingly rational...especially when faced with lions and tigers. Even hyperventilating, locking muscles, and being unable to speak would be a far more realistic reaction to the situation she's in.

~Another problem: Nancy has no age. Quite frankly, I can't see her as being younger than 45. If we assume she was 20 when she began her relationship with Max, she managed to escape at 30. For argument's sake, let's say she had physical and psychological problems for five years before she managed to go to college for her psychologist's degree - a four year program plus another couple years for grad school - puts her at 41. A few years into her practice before the abduction, and voila: 45.

~Question - if Nancy is able to work as a psychologist to beaten and abused women, how has it not triggered her own panic attacks and PTSD? Just something to keep in mind.

~The way Gobin introduced Nancy/Alza to telepathy/empathy was awkward, and the 'comfort package' statement made no sense. More detail and a smoother transition would be helpful here.

~What does 'ama' mean? There were also, I think, a few other cat-planet words introduced that we never got the meaning to.

~Why are the 'tsarzans' considered mortals? Are the other cats immortal? Are the tsarzans some kind of gods-come-to-earth? Please explain.

That's all I've got for now. Keep writing!

The problem is, this story has been written already. And the first time around it was much better. You know what story I am talking about.