All Comments on 'The Freedom of Slavery Ch. 04'

Please continue!! I'm hooked!

wait wait.. where's more D: need more story :( I love it so far. I'm definitely more into novel stories, then the normal quick fix so finding gems like yours makes me happy :)

As others mentioned this is very obviously a different take on another well-known story here.

I'm not opposed to that itself, but it sets the bar pretty high and this story can't measure up.

It reads very clinically, missing emotion. No matter how much brutality the character suffered, you can't feel for her - there is no empathy, the reader feels detached.

Also all the numbers, percentages, "levels" make this a very emotionless read.

This is not meant to dissuade you, but helps you improve your style.

missed the "hopefully" as in "hopefully helps you improve your style" ;)

best of luck

This story definitely takes elements from Slave to Servants. Just like music, if your going to sample other people's work, your product needs to be better. This story is okay. You've definitely got talent. But it doesn't even touch Slave to Servants. You couldn't really use an editor, not for grammar, but to edit content. I hope you finish since you've started. I'll continue to read and I'm eager to see improvements.

Also, the main character isn't relatable to me because in the very beginning, she wasn't acting in ways that made sense. She should have been majorly tripping out to be thrust back into a situation that caused her years of pain and the loss of several children. The content of what's been written so far should have been stretched into more chapters to give her time to adjust.

Take your time, keep writing, and get a better content editor. No great writer is without an editor.

Best wishes

Love it and can't wait to read more!

I'm really loving this story and can not wait to read more. I enjoy the cat theme :)

I just read through from the beginning and this is an amazing story! I can't wait for another chapter! Please hurry!

You've been given some excellent advice to improve your writing and you've steadfastly ignored it. You need to learn how to write to make your reader feel something, anything other than annoyance. Outta here for good now.

I really did try and read your story - I find your lead male characters quite patronising and inconstant. Your lead female is too complicated and annoying (it's the first time ever I have wanted the lead female to be killed off after the second chapter.)

You want to make her seem strong but the circumstances she came from just got worse as your story progressed; from being physically and sexually abused by her 'boyfriend' to gang rapes and 5 'brutal' terminations - after 10 years of that she would be in therapy (if not a padded cell) for at least the same length of time or life. I'm not surprised she tried to kill herself - if she really wanted to she would have succeeded btw (but good on her for wanting to heal - but doesn't quite succed she puts on a show of living and healing after her ordeal.)

The title needs changing too because she's not being treated like a 'slave' but more like a princess. She's lucky she got brought by a race who look after their females and have the technology who can wipe her horrid past, instead of a race where they would use her for her purpose as a sex slave!! And since when would a sex slave be allowed to breed - they would be useless for their purpose. I have read DoctorWolf's 'Slave to the Servants' and it's far superior to this story but I was hoping to find a similar story with yours... shame because the idea was there but not followed through

You don't even try to hide the fact that you are ripping off ideas from other stories! And let's be clear - everyone knows you are deleting comments you don't like just to make it look like you have a fan base. Learn to write, get some original ideas, and come back when you can stop ripping off other's hard work. Shame on you!!!!

I like it. I have no problems with sex slaves not being treated like dirty cum rags and thrown away... After all, why treat it like crap if you paid for it. I have also read Slave to the Servents. While i quite enjoyed that story I don't see that this is a rip off. How many vampire mate stories have you read that don't walk along similar lines. Or werewolf?