The Graduate

"I need some space." Chris mumbled, pulling away from True's hold and disappearing in to the crowd of people.

Panic fuelled adrenaline pumped through True's body. She wasn't sure what she had done wrong, or why Chris had walked away, but the memory of a similar event with a redheaded physio, burned in to the fore of her mind.

The panic and worry evaporated, replaced by hurt and anger of being stupid enough to open her heart once more. Gritting her teeth, True pushed her way through the crowds, the only thing she wanted to do was to find Chris and demand an explanation of why she had been treated so coldly.

As she emerged from the crowded market, True scanned the slightly less busy streets. Her ability to spot an individual in a crowd, was restored in a flash, as if it was only a few days since she had been shadowing terror suspects in streets no different to the one she was in now.

A rapidly moving shape drew her eye, and she set off, closing the gap between them. The training that had become second nature returning, and she slipped between knots of people like a ghost.

As she closed on the retreating form of Chris, more of her training flooded back. She noted Chris's body language was more distressed than indifferent, and she slowed her pace as doubt clouded her mind, diluting the anger and softening the pain she felt. The more she watched Chris move away from the populated streets and towards the park that lay ahead, the more she was beginning to think Chris's rebuttal was not what she thought.

A few meters ahead of her Chris stepped off the footpath and True's breath caught in her throat as an approaching bus blared its horn, something that was blithely ignored by the fleeing Chris. The last remnants of anger dissipated, replaced by fear for Chris as the bus obscured her view.

When True edge around the vehicle Chris had vanished.

Normally, True would have been part of a four-person team when following a suspect, usually two ahead and two behind, creating a mobile box around the target, that could rotate around so that one person was suspiciously close for too long. Sadly, this time True was on her own and had to fall back to instinct. Chris had obviously been heading towards the park. She remembered the spoken comment on how Chris had thought it a nice relaxing spot when they had passed through on their first trip to the town. Logic dictated that Chris had entered the park.

True crossed the road and past the large wrought iron gates that would secure the park in the hours of darkness. She paused for a second, visualising the layout and analysing how Chris had been behaving. She suspected Chris had suffered an attack of agoraphobia, which had most likely been brought on by the crowded market. This didn't quiet stack as they had passed through earlier in the week with no detrimental effect.

Had it actually been her proximity that had caused the problem?

She passed that thought over. Now she was thinking with her head and not her heart, she was fairly sure that whatever had caused Chris to push her away, was already happening before she declared her love, and the embrace had just made things worse.

Every conversation they had had over the week replayed in her head. Looking for clues to what had triggered the event, and hopefully where Chris would have gone to.

One word lit up her brain like a wildfire. Dysphoria.

True mentally kicked herself. Partly for her being angry at Chris, but mainly for not being more aware of Chris's difficulties and remembering that a bout of dysphoria could spring out of the blue. As soon as Chris had mentioned it, she should had got advice immediately of what to do if the need arose. As it was she would have to tread very softly to ensure she didn't cause more harm. From her limited knowledge, she knew how devastating dysphoria could be, especially if the sufferer was pushed in to an distressing situation.

First things first. She had to find Chris.

True dredged her memory, trying desperately to recall any details she could on how people reacted whilst experiencing dysphoria. The one thing that stood out in her mind was the need to be alone.

With that thought in mind, True headed for what should be the quietest area of the park, a short path that wound through the decorative flower beds to a spot that overlooked the sea. It was a favoured spot of her own when she needed to be alone.

As True neared the few wooden benches, she could see a lone figure sat staring in to nothing, arms wrapped around themselves. True slowed, approaching as quietly as she could, wanting to be there if needed and not to blunder in, as she had already done. She took a seat on the bench as far from Chris as she could, but still close enough to offer comfort if needed. Chris's eyes were focused on an unseen distant object, phone clenched in one hand and a pair of earbuds relaying music.

True breathed a sigh of relief. For one the earbuds explained why Chris hadn't noticed the bus, and for another, this seemed to be Chris's chosen method for dealing with a dysphoria attack. She hoped she was doing the right thing by keeping her distance and not forcing the issue. With a little luck, Chris would work through the moment and become aware that True was nearby. When that happened True would make it a priority to check if there was anything else she could have done.

She hoped she would get the chance to be there for Chris in the future, but at the same time realised she wasn't the only one who had scars that hadn't healed, and resolved that she wouldn't force any decisions on to the one person that had cared for her.

True had sat for some time, just how long she wasn't sure, but she noticed Chris's focus shift from the horizon to the ground, glance over to True, then back to the horizon. Very slowly Chris's hand dropped and reached out towards True.

There was a tearing sensation in True's chest as if her heart had been torn from her body, tears welled in her eyes as she gratefully moved over to sit next to Chris. She took hold of the offered hand loosely, ensuring she wasn't too close. The subtle movement had hinted to her that gradual contact was required, and True had all the time in the world to wait for Chris. For now, she would sit happily looking out to the horizon and wait for Chris to make the next move.

The tinny sound of music indicated that Chris had removed the earbuds, then even that noise ended as the phone vanished in to a jacket pocket. True felt the grip on her hand tighten, and she returned the squeeze, happy to give Chris one of their mini hugs, then smiled as Chris shuffled closer and nuzzled in to True's neck.

"Sorry True." Chris whispered. "I have no control over my dysphoria when it happens, I just need to be away from people when it does, and I am so sorry you were one of them."

"No Chris. It is me who is sorry." True comforted, squeezing Chris's arm. "I should have asked more about your dysphoria, but I was too caught up in my own pleasure."

Chris pulled True a little closer. "Well I can only thank you for coming after me, but for not getting too close to freak me out. I can't explain how I feel when I have a bout of dysphoria, it is just so overwhelming I can't focus, and I just need to get away and find myself."

Breathing a sigh of relief, True wrapped her free arm around Chris, wanting to offer as much support as Chris had offered her. "I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing, and I want you to tell me if there was anything I could have done better."

"You were perfect True." Chris said softly. "Better than perfect. You have been so good to me all week I don't think I want to leave."

True's heart stopped beating for moment, then hammered away in her chest. "Do you mean that Chris?" She asked, hoping so with every fibre of her being.

"When you asked me to marry you yesterday I wanted to say yes immediately." Chris confessed. "Then when you said it was a joke, I felt like a fool for thinking someone as beautiful as you, could fall in love for someone as young and inexperienced as me."

True's world spun upside down. The words she just heard had been so much more than she wanted to hear, but at the same time so painful.

"Chris, I have spent the last few days convincing myself that someone as young and caring as you would never fall in love with me." She confessed.

Their lips met in a kiss that spoke more words than either of them could do verbally.

When they parted they stood to start their way back to the car, and True shivered slightly, the evening breeze cutting through her thin blouse.

"Are you cold?" Chris asked concerned for True.

"Only a little, I will warm up as we walk." She replied not wanting to loosen her grip on Chris.

"Here, allow me." Chris offered, wrapping True in the dark grey suit jacket.

True pulled the garment around her shoulders, breathing in the neutral scent and her body quivered at the memory of her fantasy.

"That's so nice." She told Chris. "It reminds me of the dream I had yesterday."

"Was it a nice dream?" Chris asked, wrapping a protective arm around True's shoulder.

"Very." She replied. "I can't wait to tell you about it."

***

Epilogue.

True handed her passport over, smiling at the international arrivals clerk.

"I see you have been here before Miss Martin." The female clerk stated. "Business or pleasure?"

"Business last time, purely pleasure this time." True replied politely.

The passport was handed back. "I hope you have a pleasant stay Miss Martin, and can I just say, I love your necklace. Is that a gold padlock?"

True grinned in reply, her cheeks flushing slightly. "Yes, it was a gift from a very special person."

La fin.