The Hive of Asgard

The audience looked on in stunned silence at the struggling wanger that once belonged to its highest priest, many of them shedding tears uncontrollably (although the acolyte named Lorena Bobbitt had a wry smirk upon her face).

Then, most strangely, the hexagon doors were flung open, and in traipsed a long line of nubile acolytes with white gowns. Each one sported Chantilly lace and a pretty face, with a pony tail hanging down and wiggled while they walked. Each one carried a bough of daisies.

In silence, these maidens formed a perfect circle around the severed member of their former priest. One of them made a circle of her thumb and index finger, and flicked the detached Holy Sepulture with all her might, spinning it like the bottle in a tweener game of Spin the Bottle.

It came to rest pointing at a Goth woman with blue-streaked jet black hair. She shook her head, fearing the transformation to come. "But, hey Goth, isn't this what you signed up for?" Golden thought. Golden could not believe her cowardice.

Then the audience began to chant: "Afi, Afi, Afi. Afikomen, Afikomen, Afikomen."

Someone threw the golden robe of Afikomenocity around the Goth girl's shoulders and began to lead her out of the hexagon in true James Brown fashion, with the assembled throng called out her name.

"What will become of her?" Golden asked Kayoko, as several acolytes began to untie their bonds.

"First they will feed her the royal jelly," Kayoko said. Golden remembered the Afikomen's taunt: "You ain't ready for this jelly."

"Then they will treat her residual femininity using the forced watching of taped football games, sex reassignment surgery, modern psychopharmacology, and a wide range of behavioral therapies, including the use of bondage and torture devices and other sadomasochistic equipment discovered, but prematurely abandoned by, the short-sighted Spanish Inquisition. However this equipment lives on in the Hive's surprisingly complete Reliquary of Artifacts just down the road. Just take a left as you go out the door and walk a half-mile up Pope Gregory IX Boulevard. You can't miss it."

"I do not envy her," Golden said, although he secretly did. Envy her, that is.

"What about me?" Golden asked. "Did I not receive the Royal Jelly through your kind services as my Straw? I thought I was going to become the Afikomen."

"No you received the High Jelly. You are destined for a much grander fate. You will soon become One with the All-Mind. You will become a God, whereas I am an unworthy mortal creature.

In silence, they watched as the janitorial crew quickly partitioned the corpse of the late Afikomen using chain saws, pushing the pieces around with floor brooms and depositing them into large black bags. In the meantime, the hosing crew washed the Afikomen's blood off the hexagon floor, which was pretty much standard practice after any bout in the hallowed hexagon.

So much for the kindness of strangers, Golden thought.

SUPERORGANISM = SUPERORGASM

"Here is where we must go our separate ways, my Viking hero, Lord of the Hook and Ladder Play, Chucker of the Hail Mary, Coldcocker of Seal Pups, Glorious Offensive Pilot of the Screaming Beavers, and the envy of Cornshuckers everywhere. My glorious Savior, I am sorry to report that I must exit through the blue corner door and you through the red. Your way leads to a higher realm, while I am fated to return the mean streets that we so recently left."

"Could we not play one last game of Bury the Meat? Our parting brings me infinite sadness. Not even one little donkey-style boinking?"

"No, no my love. Parting is such sweet sorrow. Love means never having to say you're sorry."

She hooked her arm around his. "I can at least walk you to the door, my Love. Infinity could not begrudge us that. Together they strolled to the red corner, still redolent with the blood of Cain Velasquez, Junior dos Santos and other martyrs of MMA, not to mention the late Afikomen.

There was a Latin inscription above the red corner door: "Omnem dimittite spem, o vos intrantes."

"What the fuck does that mean?" Golden asked Kayoko, his semi-Japanese Beatrice.

"Abandon all hope ye who enter here," she replied.

"Wait a minute. Isn't that the inscription written above the gates of Hell?"

"Don't fret, my golden-armed boy, my love. It is a mistranslation of the original Venusian Diamond Sutra, boiled away by the Sun, billions of years ago. The correct translation is 'Abandon all Earthly desires, ye who enter here.'

"Of course, it originally read 'Abandon all Venusian desires...' but nobody has those any more," she added.

"You got that right," Golden said. Somehow he knew that the average temperature on Venus was 863 degrees Fahrenheit, a temperature that the Earth would not reach until the year 2159, which was decades away. Don't sweat the small stuff, Golden thought. Leave that for the Eco-Whiners and the vast Left-Wing Science conspiracy, although the possible warm front just beyond the red corner door made the inscription somehow more appropriate. He gulped as he reached for the handle and threw the door open.

There was nothing but impenetrable Darkness. It was as though the universe came to an end outside of the hexagon.

He felt Kayoko's hands on his balls as he extended his own tremulous hands into the blackness that lay beyond this world. "Bye, bye my love," she whispered as she reluctantly relinquished his throbbing orbs.

Suddenly, he felt two gargantuan breasts pressing against his back. "Guess who?" a soft voice whispered, as she covered his eyes (an unnecessary maneuver in the lightless region of the multiverse which he now inhabited).

"Not sure," he whispered into the Darkness.

"I am so hurt. Have you forgotten these mega-hooters so soon, my precious bouncing boy? Surely you have not forgotten this," she said, as she slid her hands down the side of the footballer's torso to grab his still revved-up genitalia. She smothered Golden's mouth with her mega-tit, which spurted a ruby potion that tasted of licorice and almonds and penetrated Golden to the core.

She took his balls in one hand and his Viking shaft with the other. Without warning, she performed a reverse Guccione double-twist on the aforementioned 'nads.

"Do you remember me now, motherfucker?" she asked.

"O Freya baby, is that you?"

"Damn right it is, I'm your prospective mother-in-law, you fucking ingrate. I have given you my only child to use as your cum bucket from now until forever, and you have forgotten my name?"

"Sorry about that, Freya. I didn't forget your name. The nip rings you put on your gazongas threw me off."

"That's OK, my Viking warrior. I forgive you. I only exist to please you, my boy. Of course, you exist only to please me, my son. It works both ways here in the Darkness." She put him in a double Hefner with a Lovelace twist, just to let him know the seriousness of her love and devotion. Golden cried in pain. But the ecstasy soon returned as she undid the double-Hefner through a Black Lotus reverse spin.

It was the greatest release Golden had ever known, and this includes his prolonged dalliance with the entire Screaming Beaver cheerleading squad on homecoming weekend. Oh, many were the beavers that screamed that night.

They were not alone in the blackness. Golden could now hear gasps and cries of ecstasy in the Darkness that surrounded them. He thought he recognized one orgasmic scream in particular, namely that of one Lolita Jezebel Delilah Odinsson. "Oh Mama honey, is that you?"

"Come on in Skjoldie. Mama needs you so much. It's so lonely in here. Come to me, my lost baby. Come to me and we will do our secret thing that I made you promise never to tell anyone about."

Once again channeling his inner Big Bopper, Golden said, "Oh Mama, you know what Ah like." His shaft was rock hard now, and his balls throbbed in Oedipal delight. He stepped all the way into the Darkness that lay beyond the door to the hexagon.

The screams of pain, delight and longing filled Golden's ears now, unmuffled by the cage of the hexagon.

"Mama, how did you escape from the Presidential Suite at KECIP?"

"Honey, once you have mastered the martial arts of Guccione-Getcha, the world is literally at your fingertips, not to mention your mouth and coochie. "Come to me and we will do the thing of which we may never speak."

"I hate to tell you Mama, but I don't think we are exactly alone here. Soon they all will be screaming about the thing of which we must never speak. Soon they will partner up and be doing the thing of which we may never speak while hanging from the rafters, if in this strange realm rafters there be. Soon the thing of which we dare not speak will be all over the Internet, never mind Oily Luigi's blog over at puke.com."

"Not to worry, my bouncing bonered baby boy. No information in this realm can leak back into the realm that we have so recently left behind us. It is very much like a black hole in that respect. Many of us even think it is a black hole.

Golden's eyes had now adjusted to the dim light and he could dimly make out other shapes in the Darkness.

Lolita Jezebel Delilah Odinsson straddled her son, taking the full length of his shaft inside her being. She grabbed onto his balls, using them a saddle horn as she posted up and down on her son's pike. She felt a pair of titties against her back as Freya Lokisdottir mounted her future son-in-law's body right behind her. Freya's hands reached right through Golden's mother's body to massage her clit, and the fingers of her other hand began sliding up and down her slit.

At this point Golden's increased mathematical perspicacity, as well as his common sense, told him that two macrophysical objects such as the torso of his sainted mom and the arms of his prospective mother-in-law could not occupy the same space at the same time. That would entail a violation of the Pauli Exclusion Principle of quantum physics. He realized he must be directly witnessing a state of quantum superpostioning, in which he was experiencing two alternative histories of the universe at once. He was seeing directly into the multiverse of Hilbert space, in which all possible futures and all possible worlds exist simultaneously, as proposed in the Hugh Everett's "Many Worlds" interpretation of quantum mechanics.

But back to more pressing matters. Freya's body began to tremble violently, and she exploded all over Golden's massive thighs, drenching Golden's nymphomaniac mother's hands with the sea of cum that flowed from both their gashes. Oh, it had been so long since Delilah fucked her virile Viking son and she could no longer control herself. She aligned her body with Freya's body, which fitted her like a glove. Their interpenetrating bodies felt another wave of orgasmic release coming, and once again she and Freya poured their juices all over her eldest's crotch and balls, while Golden for his part spewed an avalanche of hot jizz up his sainted mother's desperately sucking birth canal.

The interpenetrating trio collapsed onto the canvas floor of the hexagon, seemingly spent (at least for the moment).

But ever the nymphomaniac, Golden's mom was not satisfied, and she trifurcated the universe. Golden watched as the three versions of his dear old mom emerged from the haven of Freya's body in a state of quantum superposition. He knew their names all too well: Lolita, Jezebel, and Delilah. Not only did Golden's dear old materfamilias have a wicked case of nymphomania, she also suffered from Multiple Personality Disorder, which was a source of endless confusion for her suitors, not to mention her johns and creditors.

Lolita Odinsson, who felt the most deprived during the frolic with Freya and Golden, virtually vaulted onto her son's celebrated shaft, sheathing it deeply within her yoni. Jezebel Odinsson sat in Lolita's lap and managed to engulf Golden's rod in her frantically sucking ass.

The astute reader will object that even a Viking's shaft cannot plumb the depths of one woman's ass and another woman's va-jay-jay at the same time. Remember however, that these events are not taking place in the Euclidean space of classical physics, but in the Hilbert space of uncollapsed quantum state vectors.

Delilah graciously conceded her son's boner to her sisters in crime and sat down on Golden's face. She grabbed his hair and began to ride his mouth with wild abandon. Her cooz took in his nose and Golden's well-trained lips clamped down on her clit. His strong Viking arms encircled his dam's thighs, forcing her engulfing, hot wet cooter hard against his face. He ran his strong tongue over the lips of her cunt and then plunged it in and out of her fiery tunnel. He went back to nursing on the nipple of her clit as she mashed her quim hard against his mouth. He reached up to take her hooters in his skillful quarterback's hands, and proceeded to maul them as her excitement reached a fevered pitch.

He became aware once again that he was also fucking Lolita and cornholing Jezebel at the same time that Delilah was raping his face. He continued to pound his way in and out of Lolita's and Jezebel's hot tunnels, as both of them grabbed his aching balls, squeezing them harder and harder as they tried to force him to cum.

All five members of this incestuous orgy exploded in orgasm, Golden spraying his hot jism deeply within Jezebel's colon and Lolita's love canal. Golden's face was drenched in an ocean of Delilah's juices that surpassed the gallons of Gatorade poured over coach Bill "Granite Jaw" Rockface after his Primordial Chaos won the Cornshucker championship for the second straight year.

All five of our contestants collapsed into a post-orgasmic stupor. For those of who want to try these antics at home, don't even think about it. For one thing, the Lolita, Jezebel, and Delilah personages resulted from a state of quantum superposition. Thus each of them was only about 33% real, which decreases the intensity of the experience somewhat. However, if your heart is set on it, please call us at 1-Black Lotus, and ask for Jimmy. Have a credit card ready.

Suddenly Golden was roused from his sexually-induced stupor by a strong hand on the back of his neck, forcing his face into the mat. A wet tongue made its rounds up and down his ass crack. Said lingual apparatus circled his anus, making frequent stops to flick in and out of his throbbing anus. Golden knew that tongue's owner well, none other than the misandrous MAA fighter Bronco Browsey, currently attending Wastewater University on a martial arts scholarship. She was also a fellow sufferer in Imnotanazi's Diffeomorphic Transformations course. He knew her sexual proclivities well from many an orgy over at the Upsolong Omigod Gramma Sorority House and Institute of Pornographic Photography.

He was thus well prepared for the cornholing he was about to receive. The highly-touted Bronco Browsey forced his body hard upon down the strange, living surface of the Dark as she pounded into him with a large two-way dildo, temporarily knocking the wind out of him. He could have stopped her. It wasn't as though she were Logjammer Brongoonski, the middle linebacker for the Fightin' Seal Pups, who had been named to All Cornshucker team for seven straight years, despite perfunctory resistance from the higher-ups regarding years of eligibility. But he kind of dug Bronco's passion and the fire of her desire. He let her plow him with wild abandon, sharing her pleasure with each thrust, through some sort of telepathic connection that he had been feeling since stepping into the Darkness beyond the hexagon. He figured it must caused by the All-Mind that Kayoko said he would enter after the Afikomen deposited the High Jelly in Golden's upper colon using Kayoko's body as a Divinely-offered Straw. He knew he had received the High Jelly, rather than the mere Royal Jelly that would make him the Queen of the colony. The High Jelly meant that he would become a god.

As his eyes adjusted , he could make out other figures throbbing and moving in the Darkness. One such object was the head of Prudence Bangmenow, Counselor and Moral Protector of the Upsolong Omigod Gramma Sorority House. Her neck was attached to a giant pulsating blob of pink protoplasm that resembled an immense bloated caterpillar. Her head was the only portion of the matron's voluptuous body that he could make out. It was desperately sucking the empty air, in search of a cock, mouth, clit or tit that would allow her to escape this thirst, this nothingness.

But soft! What tit through yonder Darkness crawls? Golden would know that hooter anywhere. It was the dextral mammary of the voluptuous Upsolong Omigod Gramma Sorority's Housemother, and it was slowly making a beeline for Golden's celebrated shaft.

Golden could make out other shapes moving in the Darkness: mouths, hands, hooters, pre-fluffed schlongs, cojones, buttocks, wazoos, all roaming free from their bodies of origin. As his eyes further adjusted to the Dark, he could make out the desiccated husks of the males who had preceded him. One was none other than the Hall of Fame cager Wilt "The Stilt" Chamberlain himself, who had nailed over 2000 women before his ticker finally gave out on him at the tender age of 63. Wilt himself was now reduced to a dried-out husk in the Dark, his 7'1" body still feeding more orifices than there are stars in the sky. His vampirish hosts were also violating Wilt's own orifices with every means at their disposal (and there were a lot of means at their disposal).

And there was Hef himself, looking like nothing so much as the dried-out pupa of a gypsy moth caterpillar still rakishly wearing Hef's signature boat captain's hat, as if he were Popeye the Sailor Man himself. (However it must be admitted that Hef's present form was no less attractive than the wrinkled flesh he had worn in his earthly life).

Golden knew what he was seeing. The Hive of the Black Lotus was nothing more than a giant quasi-insect colony, and the males were worthless drones attempting to copulate with the Queen. He remembered what Kayoko told him about E. O. Wilson's theory that ant and bee colonies function as superorganisms. Each animal essentially functioned as a cell in the body of the community, carrying out its ordained task, which in many instances involved suicide for the good of the colony. Humans were a colonial animal, the same as bees and naked mole rats. He knew that spider and praying mantis dads often offered their body to nourish their brides.

What Golden was viewing now was the ultimate act of self-sacrifice, as the Queen slowly drank the life from the desiccated carcasses of her would-be suitors, whose mummified but somehow still-living bodies remained affixed to her numerous mouths, quims, and asses. When the Queen's victims attempted to yank their hardened schlongs from one the aforementioned orifices, they were stuck even harder, like a child's booger remover caught in a Chinese finger trap. Success could only be won by giving up, by the relinquishing of desire, as the Asian sages had taught for centuries.

Even gayness did not provide an avenue of escape. Golden watched, as the cocks formerly owned by Lacy Lou Diamond and Tony "Shaftrider" Jones , the two head male cheerleaders for the Screaming Beavers, drifted by him, carried by the otherworldly currents flowing in the sea of protoplasm that was the Black Lotus Queen's body. Their mouths raced after each other's shafts, each orifice sucking the cock of the other, refusing to let go. How did he recognize them? A silly question to ask, in view of the fact that he had taken over a thousand team showers with them.

He also saw the mouths of Easy Mary Kumdrinker and Little Swallow Redbud, two of the Beavers' most enthusiastic and willing groupies making a beeline through the Queen's protoplasm, headed right toward him. He remembered the time that Kumdrinker had performed a reverse Larry Flynt on him while at the same time Little Swallow did a triple Anthony Weiner on him from the pike position. Golden's rod was throbbing at the thought. He longed to see what they could do given his newfound mastery of quantum superpositioning. He began swimming toward their delectable throats as fast as he could. But then he realized that he must master this temptation if he didn't want to wind up as a dried out pupa hanging on the bloated protoplasm of the Queen, like the others that had preceded him into this realm.