The House of Teenage Tyranny Ch. 01

"Davey! You here?" It was Eric, and by the time David opened his eyes and retracted the footrest on his recliner, Eric was standing in front of him in the living room. The ballsy kid hadn't even knocked! He just let himself in the back door and waltzed right in.

"Hey, there you are. Hey listen. I need you to take me over to pick up Katie. Her mom won't bring her over, but said she can come over if she can get a ride."

"Ummmmm ... what?"

"Katie needs a ride over. Her mom won't bring her."

"Uhhhhh ... Katie doesn't live here in the neighborhood?"

"No, she lives over in Bellwood."

"Oh. Uhhh, so ... you want me to take you over to get her?"

"Yeah."

"Ummmm ... OK. Then how is she getting home later?"

"We'll have to take her back."

"Well ... um, OK."

Bellwood was the name of another neighborhood about a 10-minute drive away. David and Eric rode over, and thanks to their cell phones, Katie was ready to come out of the house when David pulled up. But at that point Eric jumped out of the front passenger seat, and the two teens got in the back. David could see them kissing in his rear view mirror as he chauffeured them back to his house.

When they stopped in David's driveway, Eric said, "Hey Davey bring some sodas out back and our towels and everything", and the teens jumped out and went around the side of the house to enter the back yard through the gate. As they walked away from him, David said, "Ummm. OK."

For the next couple of hours the teens enjoyed themselves in the pool and on the patio, occasionally coming into the kitchen to avail themselves of the many snacks David had stocked. Aside from that, they didn't interact with David, who sat in the living room watching TV.

As it started to get dark, it occurred to David that they had never been at the house this late before. He wondered if they would be ready to go soon. He heard Eric's voice through the glass door in back, calling for him: "Daveeeeyy!!" He went to the back door and slid it open. He found the teens on the patio, Katie sitting in Eric's lap.

"Hey! You don't have any cigarettes, do you?"

"Ummmm. No. I don't smoke."

Katie spoke up. "We need some cigarettes."

"Yeah," said Eric. "It'd be great to have a smoke out here on the patio."

At first, David thought they were just thinking out loud, wishing that David had just happened to have some cigarettes on hand. He didn't realize that they were actually making another request, er, demand.

Katie made it clear. "Get me some menthols."

"Ew, you like menthols?" said Eric. "I didn't know that. Well, I don't want menthols. Get me regular ones, Davey."

"Ummmm," said David, "you want me ... to ... buy you cigarettes? Now?"

"Of course now," said Katie. "Duhh!"

"Ummmm ... well ... I mean ... I don't really ... I mean ... do you have to smoke here? I ... I'd really rather-"

"Well, we can't smoke them at home," said Eric. "I mean, my mom won't let me smoke them at my house, and I know you can't smoke at home, right, Katie?"

"Nope," she said.

"So it would have to be here."

David really didn't like this idea. It was one thing to provide sodas and snacks for them, and pick up after them when they left their wet towels lying around, but letting them smoke cigarettes on his patio?

"But ... ummm ... I mean ... I don't really want ashes around on the patio, and ... and ... by the way, do you have money for cigarettes?"

"I don't," said Eric. "Do you?" he asked Katie.

"Nope."

"But," continued David, "Um ... what about the law? I mean ... um ... isn't it illegal to buy cigarettes for minors, or something?"

"We're not minors," said Eric. "We're both 18." David wasn't sure he believed that, but it was true. They were high school seniors and would be graduating in a few months.

"Well ... um ... so ... you're both 18, but neither one of you has a car?"

"Pffff, hahaha," said Eric. "How the hell would either one of us buy a car? Both our moms are poor, dude. And our dads are both splitsville. And drunks, too, her dad and mine. They're worthless."

"Well, but ... I mean ... what about a car you can use?"

Katie answered, "They need their cars for work and stuff."

"And you have a curfew even though you're 18?" David asked her.

"Yeah. Hey, we don't have our cigarettes yet. Go get 'em, then we can talk about this stuff."

"Yeah," agreed Eric, "We need smokes, dude."

"Well ... I mean," continued David, with his clumsy objection, "I guess I don't mind buying soda for you and all ... but ... well ... I mean ..."

Up until this point Katie struck David as pretty softspoken, even if she was ultimately as pushy as Eric. But now she almost startled him when she rolled her eyes, laid her head back on Eric's shoulder and said, "Uuuughh! Gawwwd!! Listen to this little bitch! Just go and get us some cigarettes already!"

David continued to stammer around for a moment saying "um" and "well", until Katie fully extended her arm and pointed in the general direction of the kitchen, or the car, or some store somewhere. "Go!" she demanded.

"OK, OK," said David, finally jarred into motion by some vague fear of what Katie might do if he hesitated any longer.

As he slipped his keys into his pocket and walked toward the front door, David wondered, What the hell am I doing? I'm about to allow a couple of kids to hang around my house smoking cigarettes and flicking their ashes all over my patio? Not only that, I'm going to BUY those very cigarettes for them? Two packs, even, so they can each enjoy their own kind?

David stopped at a gas station and said he wanted a pack of menthol and a pack of regular. He had no idea that this was very limited information. There were 100s and shorts and "box" and "soft pack" and "blue". David had no idea what all this meant. "Um, well ... I just need one menthol and one regular, so any kind is fine." Naturally, the clerk selected the costliest brands. David was shocked at the total.

"Ummm ... do you have any less expensive brands?"

The clerk rolled her eyes, having already rung up the purchase. She voided it, put back the major brands and produced two generic brands. The total cost was still more than David expected. How in the world do people afford to smoke these things daily? he wondered.

When he returned and handed the packs to the teens, Katie said, "What the hell? What brand is THIS? I never even heard of these." She opened the pack, slipped one into her mouth, and said to David, "Got a light?"

"Ummmm. No. You don't have lighters?"

"You didn't think to get us a lighter?" Eric said.

"Uhhhh. No ... no, I'm sorry ... I didn't."

"Got any matches?"

"Ummmm. Yes. Yes, I do." David went into the house and found a box of stick matches he used occasionally for pilot lights. The teens both laughed when he put them on the patio table.

David decided to sit down in one of the patio chairs to watch them smoke. He was a bit worried about what they would do with their ashes or how they would put the cigarettes out when they finished. He didn't have any ashtrays, and he wondered if that was something else they expected him to think of purchasing.

"I'm getting hungry," said Katie.

"Mmm, me too," Eric said. "What have you got to eat, Davey? I mean, like, for a meal. We haven't had supper."

"Well ... ummm ... it's almost 8:00. Were you ... um, I mean ... were you planning to maybe head back soon anyway?"

"What? No," said Eric, "it's Friday night. We got plenty of time. What time did your mom tell you to be back?" he asked Katie.

"She didn't say."

"I think we should just stay here until she calls you."

"Sounds good to me."

It didn't sound so good to David. And it didn't smell so good on his patio, either. He wasn't used to being around cigarette smoke, let alone two people smoking at once, and even though it was outside, he found himself waving ambient smoke away from his nose. Just then he saw Katie flick her still-lit butt out into the grass. David reflexively objected, "Ohhh ... um, hey ... um ... I really don't want cigarette butts out in the yard."

Katie was still sitting in Eric's lap with her head reclined against his shoulder. She didn't budge from her relaxed position as she responded to David's complaint with, "So go get it."

"Um ... OK." As David walked over to retrieve the butt, Katie continued, "So what are you gonna fix us to eat?"

David replied from a stooped-over position on the lawn. "Uhhhh..." He hadn't seen exactly where the butt landed, and in the dark, he couldn't see enough smoke still rising to give him a clue.

"Can't you find it?" Katie asked.

"Ummm. Not yet."

"Why don't you get on your hands and knees so you can see better." Katie then chuckled, and then David also thought he heard her say, "Oh wait, wait" to Eric.

"Davey! Get on your hands and knees," said Katie.

"Ummm ... that's OK. I'll find it."

"No. Get on your hands and knees. Do it!"

"But I don't need to, I ... I mean, I'll ..."

"DO IT!!"

"OK, OK." Just about the time David finally complied with her capricious (and unnecessary) demand, David spotted the smoldering butt. "Oh here it is."

"OK, wait," said Katie. "Let's play fetch. Pick it up in your mouth and bring it here to us like a dog. Hahahaha!" Eric joined in the laughter at that point, saying, "Hey yeah, hahaha. Fetch, doggy. Bring it here, Davey. C'mon, boy!"

"What?" said David.

They repeated their commands for David to fetch the cigarette butt. When they saw him reach for it with his hand, Katie said, "No, no! No hands! I mean, no paws, hahaha. Grab it with your mouth."

"But ... it's still burning."

"Well, you better hurry up, then, hahaha. The shorter it gets, the harder it will be to pick up."

David put his face down into the grass and tried carefully to purse his lips around the very tip of the filter end so he wouldn't burn his mouth. When he finally managed to grasp it, he raised his head up, and the next time he inhaled, smoke from the lit end rushed right up his nose. Reflexively, he coughed, ejecting the butt back on the ground.

"Uh oh, you dropped it, doggy. Get it. Bring it here," said Katie.

On his second attempt David managed to keep the butt in his mouth and of course started to stand before bringing it back to the patio, not really believing that the teens expected him to crawl back. But of course they did, ordering him to the ground to return on his hands and knees.

They both patted his head when he reached them. "Good doggy! Oh, you're such a good boy!"

Eric had held onto his butt during this time, but suddenly he flicked it into the yard as Katie directed David to drop the one he'd just retrieved. "Fetch, boy!" said Eric. David had missed where this butt had gone, so he turned to look but did not yet start crawling. As his eyes scanned the yard, Katie's foot suddenly slammed against his ass, nearly knocking him over. "Fetch!" she said.

After David crawled out into the grass, he became aware of soreness in his right buttock. He realized Katie had just bruised him, she had kicked so hard. The teens kept calling after him and talking to him like a dog while he searched for the butt, and the ridiculousness of the whole scene suddenly swept over his consciousness. "You guuuyyyyss," he whined.

"C'mon doggy, you can do it," said Eric. "Find the other butt, bring it here."

"Hurry up!" said Katie. "I'm starving. You're supposed to be makin' us somethin' to eat."

Once he found the second butt and brought it back, Katie used her flip flop to make sure both were extinguished on the patio. Then she said, "OK, doggy, take them in the house and put them in the trash. Then you can stop being a doggy and fix us some food." She made David pick up both of the stamped-out butts with his mouth, which he tried to do with just his lips, without getting them actually in his mouth. But he couldn't get the second one picked up until he got the first one past his lips, where it rested on his tongue. It tasted so awful, he thought he would vomit before he could get them inside. Katie made matters worse by insisting he open the kitchen door with "no paws", so David had to push his nose against the glass to slide the heavy door open. She also made him close it again in the same way before crawling to the trash can, where he could finally spit the disgusting butts out. He coughed and wretched and gargled some mouthwash before he was ready to begin dinner.

The teens came inside for dinner and the three ate at the dining room table. Eric and Katie constantly received or placed calls to their other friends on their cell phones, sent and read texts, or talked to each other, pretty much ignoring David. They finished eating before he did and left their plates and glasses on the table, going right into the living room to settle together on the couch. Eric found the cable remote, they turned the TV on, and made themselves at home. When David finished his meal, he gathered up all the dishes and took them into the kitchen. He wiped off the dining room table, then went back into the kitchen to clean up. By now it was getting to be almost 10:00, and David was really hoping Katie's mother would call and tell her it was time to come home. He couldn't wait to get the teens out of his house. He had looked forward to a restful Friday evening, but Eric and Katie had pretty much taken up the whole thing.

"Hey! Davey!" Eric called from the living room. "Bring us our cigarettes!"

"Oh, is it time to go?" David responded, a little too anxiously. He hoped Katie's mother had just called and the teens were thinking of possessions they needed to gather before leaving.

"What?"

"Um ... I said ... is it time to take Katie home?"

"No, her mom hasn't called. We're gonna wait until then, remember? Bring our cigarettes in here. They're on the patio."

"Ummmmm ... how come?"

"'Cause we want 'em."

"Well ... but ... um, I mean ... why do you need them in here?"

"Because we're in here!" shouted Katie. "Duhhhh!!"

"No but I mean ... ummmm ..." Surely they didn't mean they intended to smoke cigarettes in his living room??

"Oh my god!! Davey!!" Katie shouted. "What ... the ... FUCK is wrong with you!? Go get our fucking cigarettes!! Gawd! Are you retarded or what!?"

David hesitated for only a second longer before saying, "OK ... OK."

David was really worried about this development. He didn't have an ashtray. How did they intend to smoke inside? He gathered up the cigarette packs, and the box of matchsticks, and brought them into the living room to the two teens who didn't move a muscle from their cuddled-up position.

"Umm... how ... um, how are you ... gonna do this? Without an ashtray, I mean."

Katie replied, "Better find us something to use as an ashtray." Not waiting for any such improvised device, she lit up, shook the match out, and extended her hand for David to take it from her. She never took her eyes off the TV.

Eric was a little more helpful: "Some kind of bowl would work. Any kind of bowl that won't burn."

"Ummm ... OK."

David fetched a bowl from the kitchen and brought it to them.

"This'll do for now," Eric said. "Can you get us an ashtray tomorrow?"

"Better get two or three," Katie added, her eyes still glued to the TV. "One for the patio, one for in here, and ... one for ... wherever else. Never know, we might need it."

"Yeah, that's true. Get three, Davey."

This time David was putting his foot down. "Well ... ummmm ... but ... I ... I really wish ... you guys wouldn't smoke in the house."

"Aw, come on," Eric said. "Don't be like that. It's no big deal."

"Well ... but ... I ... I mean ..."

"Shh!" said Katie. "Shut up! I can't hear the TV."

Now David continued his stammering, but it was silent, consisting of him standing awkwardly, shifting, and wearing stupid expressions on his face, each one the precursor of a verbal line of objection that never made it as far as actual utterance.

The longer he hesitated, the more he became aware of the risk of pissing Katie off further if he made another sound. Finally, he turned around and went back into the kitchen to finish the dishes.

Alone with his thoughts as he stood at the sink, he reflected on how much he'd learned about Katie that day. At first she thought Eric was the rude, inconsiderate one; Katie just seemed to be his sidekick, certainly willing to enjoy any benefits of his pushy, freeloading ways, but not particularly demanding, herself. But now he realized that Eric could probably be reasoned with, while Katie wouldn't tolerate argument. Besides that, she had quite a little mean streak. It was her idea to have David crawling around the yard acting like a dog, it was she who almost made him vomit by making him put cigarette butts in his mouth, it was she who had slammed her heel into his butt and left a bruise, and it was her fierce little flares of temper he feared. He made her feel so silly, and as he thought about what a cowering little weasel he was in her presence, and how taut and flawless her young skin was, and how her bikini-clad ass made his mouth water, and how ... and ... and her breasts ... and how her lips were so full and ... and ...

Oh, God. What on earth was wrong with David? Here he was pitching a tent in his pants while his brain was flooded with images of Katie's skin ... and lips ... and hair ... and voice. Yes, even her mean voice, yelling at him. Ugh. I am sick, David thought. She's just a kid. Christ, I could be her father. What kind of man gets aroused by a girl half his age who treats him like an idiot? He tried to snap himself out of it and concentrate on the dishes.

When he finished he went into the living room to join Eric and Katie, figuring he could just sit in his recliner and bide his time until Katie's mother made that phone call that would rescue him from his unwanted guests. As he came to the living room entryway, he stopped cold in his tracks. The two were making out on the couch, and Eric was feeling up Katie's breasts through her bra, which David could see quite clearly since Eric had pulled her shirt up enough to get good access. Meanwhile, Katie had her hand on Eric's crotch and was clearly rubbing his penis through his pants. Both were breathing heavily as they passionately kissed.

David wondered if they should be doing this anywhere, let alone on his living room couch knowing that David could, and probably would, walk in on them. Also they must have heard him just walk up, but if they were aware of his presence, they certainly didn't seem to mind. As he pondered all this, David involuntarily cleared his throat. Eric looked up thinking David wanted his attention.

"Oh ..." David muttered apologetically. "I ... um ... I'm sorry, I didn't mean I ... wanted something. I'm ... sorry." So Eric returned to kissing and feeling up his girlfriend. Now it was quite obvious they knew he was there but didn't intend to modify their behavior at all. David started to sit in his recliner, but realized he would feel rather silly sitting there trying not to watch them in action. So instead he returned to the kitchen, not sure for what purpose, until he remembered that towels, glasses, and other items were outside, so he decided to go tidy up out there.

That task didn't take long, and once he hung the wet towels in the bathroom, he returned to the living room to find that now Eric and Katie were no longer making out, but only watching TV and each having a cigarette. David didn't like how smoky the house was already starting to smell, and he made a mental note to open windows and air it out later on.

David sat down in his recliner, and heard Katie say, "Blech. Ugh. God, these cigarettes suck."

Eric agreed. "I know, right?" and then indicated to David that he should make sure to get him a particular brand next time. Katie also named a brand she wanted, then added, "Also you might as well get us each a carton so you don't have to worry about us running out too soon. You know? 'Cause then you'd just have another trip to the gas station or wherever you got 'em."