All Comments on 'The Interview'

Storyline / set up was fine for a erotic short story, but you need to proof your work carefully and improve on your creative writing. What was the job?

Its a good story, but there was a few typos.

Ignore the anonymous trolls, there's a lot of potential here and I hope you had fun getting a fantasy on the page! Just a few random things:

1) This really isn't a mind control story, careful about your categories!

2) I actually kinda liked the kinetic, in the moment feel of that first paragraph. The narrator was flustered and unprepared, and that came across. But as a style for the whole story it kept me from really feeling any particular part. Maybe slow it down a little as she acquiesces to her situation?

3) The Interview SEVENTY THREE!?!?! Holy crap that's a popular name...

You can't write crap and it isn't even a Mind Control story!

Read that first paragraph. It basically tells the reader that that author can't write and that he/she is under the age of 16.