All Comments on 'The Little Minx That Killed Me Ch. 05'

Thank you for the nice ending

I was a little upset by the "death" (nice writing to elicit that reaction). I'm glad he made it. This has been a very good story. I like stories with a plot other than "I saw her, she saw me, we got it on ".

"She was remiss to change anything, to remove anything of him that remained ..."

I don't think you meant 'remiss'! Possibly 'Reluctant'??

"However, he has yet to remember what happened to bring him hear, ..." perhaps you meant 'here'??

"Three hours later I was at home, correction we were at home. " - I think that would have been better as "Three hours later I was at home. Correction, We were at home. "

Perhaps you should look for an Editor to help and advise you.

I'm sure there are people who will like this a lot. I'm not one of them. I liked the first three chapters, when it was a sexy story about an older man finding a seemingly impossible love with a beautiful teenager. Then, it went all melodramatic and soap opera-y in the last two chapters. I found them to be a bit too saccharine for my tastes. The story turned trite and predictable, employing a plot line that's been used many times before on TV soaps. Of course, I should have guessed from the title where this was headed from the start.

Fuuuuck. Get on with it. It's chugging along like a car with no gas.

Actually, just quit.

We need at least another Ch. or two as it is just right for the pickin and I think most of the readers agree ~~~ we need more from these lovers.!!

i was just all wtf? we go from her blowing him to him being in a coma after a semi smacks into them?why was she not ground meat along with him?who in the fuck survives a head on with a semi?

Seems to me, there's easily a couple more chapters yet to come. re; Redlion, he did jerk the wheel and from his injuries, all on his left side, the impact was to the driver's side, barely avoiding a head-on, which would surely have gotten her, too.

your proof reading is absolute shit!!

Even to such things as calling 'panties' 'panities'!

"... as I now slid her panities to ..."!

Great story- glad the ending was revised. Think commenters think this is professional writing. It’s the story that we read, not the spelling or grammar so much