All Comments on 'The Mouse Trap'

Darkly amusing.

Love it! Finally a neat little tale with plot and a twist....more please.

Penultimate next to last.

Very original, nice revenge. Maybe a stretch with the lover unknowingly stepping into a bear trap, but we can overlook that for the sake of a good tale.

absurd cuck shit.

Good plot and twist to BTB scenario. You got 5 stars from me.

I was forced to skim quite a lot to find the meat. The actual bear trap situation was more than far fetched. It was ridiculous. The really bad part was that the husband suspected his wife from the very beginning. He married her with the expectation she would cheat. Why marry her? Why be upset when she did the expected? What chance did the marriage have? This was a weak plot

Spyauth ... look up words that you think are fancy but are not SURE of their meaning! ‘Penultimate’ is a fancy word (in English ... in Spanish it is a word a street urchin might use.) Eva was the NEXT TO LAST spokesperson ... ?

Turns out to be true ... Gina is now the ultimate spokesperson.

Very hard to read, had to skim a lot.

Eva went in one sentence from considering Braxton as a long-term lover, to deciding that her marriage was to important to cheat.

Her security team didn't want to deactivate the cameras because it would show a white screen. Instead they blocked the signal so that they would show - a white screen!

Eva called Braxton in to say she wouldn't see him any more, but it was one strike and she was out?

She didn't want to call 911 because it would expose her affair, but a dead body in her bedroom wouldn't?

The "jaws of life" are huge to pry open car wrecks, they wouldn't, probably couldn't, be used to open a bear trap. Probably just a couple of crowbars would be used.

The Police might have thought he got what he deserved, but I'm sure a smart DA would want to prosecute such a high level case. I don't believe that bear traps are all that common, tracking down a buyer should be pretty easy.

How could the trap be placed that it WOULDN'T be seen when Braxton got in bed, but just happened to be EXACTLY where he stepped out of bed?

Got kind of ridiculous, but its always fun to see the predator become prey. I really didn't understand the point of the wife firing a pistol into the pillow, unless it was supposed to symbolize her killing her husband. Her first idea, of killing herself, was appropriate. How can we enjoy the bitch spending the rest of her life in the looney bin knowing that she's too crazy to understand and regret her consequences?

Not a bad plot idea, but turned into a Grimm Fairy Tale. Guess the wicked witch ended up in the coop instead of under the house. Thanks for the effort.

Liked the way he took out the Asshole & put his wife in a Position . She never expected to be in . She was so full of herself that when the Trap Sprung she was Totally done. and knew it Hope he got rid of her Security team.

2 pages of narration before a line of dialogue. Then when it came it was so bad and stiff I wished for more narration. Got as far as page 3 then threw in the towel.

Super-spy gadgets, bear traps, women driven mad, company takeovers, it was just too much. That, and the writing was dreadful. Try again, but how about making the characters a little less... stark, shall we?

Did anyone note the name? 'The Mouse Trap' - the longest running play on Broadway...heehee.

I also noticed the issue of 'penultimate' - yes, indeed it means 'next to last' — so in Russian a name like Shostakovich isn't pronounced with the emphasis on the 'Shos' but on the penultimate syllable 'ko'... Don't feel bad, I know that I've screwed that up on one occasion and I had known the real meaning and just forgotten over time. But, I had a cute suggestion as an alternative: use the French phrase 'ne plus ultra' — which means what you had intended.

PostScriptor

I loved the point, counter-point. The story was intriguing. Great tension! I'm so glad that there was a sense of justice, a little heavy handed. but necessary. The situation got more dire with time, but who can look away from a train wreck? Five stars

A good story exciting and very satisfying my desire to discern good and evil!!!

How anyone can get off to violence against another human being is just sick.

Cut off legs, shoot people to death...JUSt SICK.Anyone who even enjoys this kind of story needs help from a Doctor...

Your tale was to long with little to no feelings in it. she goes crazy seeing

the bear trap? It could have been her leg. to shoot him would be A crazy

ideal, A body to deal with.. A hard wired camera would be harder to find.

A descent story, no obvious problems other than the absurdity of using a bear trap and no one noticing it attached to the bed and sitting there when they got into it. Redirecting the cameras or jamming them seems a bit over the top as well, but authorial license makes that okay.

It just felt emotionless, like reading the minutes from a board meeting or a stenographer reading back notes on a court case.

He marries a women who can't keep one man.short marriage after fiqureing out she is cheating . Blows up the cheaters car. Puts a bear trap under the bed , not really feasible. Wife goes bonkers. And lover loses leg. And he goes after her assistant to marry . And no cops came calling. Bulshit ,fantasy, stupid.

yawn

penultimate boredom. ultimate boredom would require reading it twice

This is next to last.

I don’t think the writer knows what penultimate means. It isn’t at the top. It’s next to the bottom.

Are the most important tool an author has. Use the right ones and use them judiciously. This is too long, often contradictory and often confusing. The plot has merit but was burdened with verbosity and over narration. Work on incorporating dialogue to shorten back story.

It certainly won't make the Times best seller list but it is distracting. The lady should never have married, neither communication nor fidelity were among her strong suits.

WTF?? This isn't that bad of a story so why all the negative comments?

Wow! This is almost " not quite " but almost the best B.T.B. story! Bloody hell His new nickname should be Beartrap? Anyway I enjoyed the Story

Thanks for sharing this Fantastic story with us! ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ WOOF!

Don't make too much of my criticism because I really do love the outcome of the story. But I am going to point out that a man who broke into a home was attacked by the family dog. The would-be thief sued...AND WON! But, let me make this plain, I truly enjoyed this story. I will come back and re-read it.

if she cheats, he has all the right to slit her throat. but only hard men can do this not pussies.

I am not really sure what to make of this story.

This is just a fun little story with interesting characters and unexpected twists and turns in the plot. Well Done !!! 5 stars.

I first discovered you when I read "Love Will Lead You Back" in the new stories section of Lit. After reading that one, I read all of your stories on this site. Well done! I really enjoyed all of your stories., and look forward to more.

Ending just bullshit, adulteress bitch would still own the company andtheee would be zero prison time. Hubby would get maybe a small percentage of the company or just a payout for time of marriage and split of ther assets. Keep it real shit for brains.

Loved this story. Of course, with Martin's wife mentally non compentus for the rest of her life, her husband would have control of the entirety of her assets, ie a majority in the company and therefore has enormous influence over the appointment of the next CEO. Braxton was a nonentity injured while indulging in kinky sexual practices with a married woman so deserves every inch (or foot) of pain he suffered. Result.

Well, never mess with a person who tells you the terms of a relationship and has the determination to back it up. I personally like people like that. Enjoyed your story, thanks.

Just reading this story made my foot hurt. Very good story, and very well written.

Never admit de feet

Hey, I liked it. No problem with story line, or the ending. I just thought it unlikely that such a strong minded, strong willed woman would have her brain just zone out, once faced with such a situation.

His wife free and unable to change the taking of her company and her husband by a younger woman instead of mentally disabled.

As in aware and helpless

Hmmm, I like it buttttt. Eva was committed to an asylum, Martin was still her husband and in control of all her finances/estate. Martin got Gina ,CEO, and during this year Martin was allowed to divorced Eva due to her mental state - married Gina. Seems just a little too fast with lots of legal/medical maneuvering required - no lawyers/shrinks work that fast - they all want max billable hours/years.

I'm surprised Braxton did not sue Eva/estate for physical damages using a deadly weapon/trap on his foot - and win big - even if he enabled her CHEATING. As Martin surely would not want anyone to know he videoed the whole event - or he could be found complicit!

I do love a good BTB (that is Beeeoch & Bastard).

Good story and revenge and punishment

Not bad but not great.

Braxton was a hanger.

The speed of the end did not match the story flow.

The characters never really emotionally developed.

Still a decent read. Thx :)

Don't say stuff like this then completely ignore it later.

Her jamming the signal would be irrelevant! She had him round the within 24 hours of Martin leaving so it would have all been captured.

"Each camera held its own memory card capable of storing 24 hours of video and audio"

Simple mistakes like this spoil the whole story.

How could anyone not appreciate the writing here. Author seems to have some knowledge of bear traps. Any old.mountain boy has seen these monstrosities. I have a rusty 100 year old trap hanging on my garage wall. Bad news, but great story.

Too gruesome for my taste. He knew what she was when he married her. Leopards never lose the spots. Why would he think she would change? Gina was no better. What a trustworthy administrative assistant? Another version of "Working Girl". Martin has no idea of the business of fragrances, but he advised the board who the new face for the company should be; traitorous mistress Gina. Martin pride was hurt, and not happy he had messed up Braxton's life professionally, he decided to place a trap under the bed. Why the bestiality of the trap? What if the wife were the one stepping on it or the cleaning staff? I wonder how macho he would behave in jail when they rape his ass multiple times. How good pride is then?

Dumb bitch went bonkers

The author did a very good job of laying things out as the might be

I thought it was a decent story until the car blew up. And the the trap was going way too far. One star, I hate stories like this.

Wow! That really went south at the end.

Hey this story lied, that wasn't a mouse trap but a bear trap!! Seriously though, great story. Would have liked a bit more meat towards the end dealing with the fallout on Eva but otherwise a great story. 5 stars.

First: A real Bear Trap is very difficult to set. The springs are very strong and have be compressed and the trigger mechanize engaged to hold the jaws open, and impossible for a man trapped to reopen.

Second: The Car exploding due to a fuel pump Is about a billion to one ever happen and the Fire Department is very good at determining methods of arson.

Third: The author has more back ground knowledge in writing than anything else in life.

Fourth: security camera can be jammed only if wireless transmission cameras. If you want multiple frequency cameras you have to install a different system for each frequency.

Fifth: When you jam cameras, radar, satellites, or telecommunications equipment is is likely done with electronic noise jamming, and this jamming will jam all devices within effective RANGE.

Lastly and most important the story finish didn't match the story.. This is the reason I gave this story a rating of 2 (Dislike) RCD If a major rewrite occurs I may give it a rating of five 5.. RCD

0 star - violence always gets ZERO star.

What I do not understand is under what circumstance would anyone be stupid enough to step on a trap like that. I mean these thing are huge and heavy - really noticeable - unless you are a brainless idiot.

Bear traps are very easy to set or remove, I've done it several times. My uncle was a trapper in northern Ontario - you just need two hands, or you can step on each side.

after reading all the comments about this great story i was left at a cross roads .....

who really gives a fuck if the jammer used in camera transmission and what makes them work or not

who gives a fuck if he used wires to explode the car

who gives a fuck if he used a bear trap a mouse trap or any other trap

oh my god the violence ..... really

would it have been better if he poisened her ... no violence there lol

as long as cheaters don t prosper i am good with it

by the way cheating on your spouse is against the law in some countries and in some states ... get your facts straight morons and remember it s a story ,fiction, and told as the author sees it

good job spyauth

5* a couple of hardons and a satisfying orgasm

NeilRiwhile adultery may be grounds for an at fault divorce in some states, it isn’t against the law. The UCMJ holds it as an actionable offense, but it’s very rarely used like that.

Had to give 5 stars, BUT---my only other reply is "OUCH".

The sad thing about this is he'd have to pay her hospital bills while the divorce went through...

[274.09.22]

Flippin' funny A.F. BTB!

LOOOOVE the foreshadowing:

Braxton cut loose with a grizzly bear scream that brought Eva back to her senses.

11/10 'Mouse Traps'!!!!!

A bear trap???!!! That's way over the top. First, it takes amazing strength to cock a standard trap. No one in this story could have done that. Second, the standard bear trap has 375 pounds of pressure, way more than enough to take Braxton's leg off at mid-calf. Third, it takes about thirty pounds of pressure to trigger the trap. Now, a beaver trap would have done the trick. He'd have bleed just as much. Maybe a rewrite is in order. Keep writing.

XYZ

As big a pile of toss as I've ever read on here.

The total opposite of Laura and Bill. An excellent story.

Scores 5/5

Busted. 5*****

Martin was dumb. Once the cameras were installed, they would record everything, even people sweeping the house for bugs and up to the time they were disabled. All he would have to do is watch them to know his wife was aware of them.

WOW! I REALLY LIKED THIS STORY. TO PASS TIME I READ MANY OF THESE AND I LOVE WHEN THERE ARE NEW AND INTERESTING WAYS TO HANDLE CHEATERS. THIS WAS CERTAINLY ONE!

Better than most but still ridiculous

So where was the confrontation between Martin and Eva!!!!

Seems this cuck writer avoided it and chose an easier way out!!

They deserved what they got..5

Martin's a Psychopath. Whatever his feelings about his soon to be ex, to watch a man in agony, slowly bleeding to death, to say nothing of the car bomb AND to do it without a shred of remorse or humanity makes that diagnosis close enough to fit.

Christ, what a monster.

Excellent and one of the best. Keep writing more!

LOL I enjoyed this story and gave it 5 stars, it made me laugh as Martin was watching so nonchalantly. Martin was not a Psychopath, he was a Sociopath. There is a very big difference between the two. But this was a very humorous story and very well written.

To the Anon of 6 months ago: society has, in it's usual unfair and biased fashion, decided what heinous activities should be considered crimes and which ones shouldn't be. Anyone who has ever truly loved someone with all their heart and been cheated on would probably tell you that they would have, in a New York minute, rather suffered any number of other legally recognized (and often at first glance considered more harmful) crimes than the cheating. In some societies it has been even a complete defense to murder, yes murder, to catch your wife in bed with another man. You on the other hand, seem to have a strong affinity for, and comradery with, the cheaters in this story, giving ALL of us an insight into who and what you really are.

Fuck around and find out. A bear trap could be opened by an adult female, wearing shoes, if she were in her right mind. But Eva was not, so it worked.

OK, I enjoyed that story, immensely.

Funny as hell!

10 Big Blazing stars, whoa what an epic tale of intrigue and betrayal, but with a wonderful happy ending. I love happy endings. The Cheating wife lost everything to the innocent husband. Very Good Plot, Very Good Writing, Very Good Execution, Nothing to complain about at all. Thanks, for the effort. Buster2U

On page one. Incredibly dry. I am going back to the story.

JPB

The bear trap was placed next to the bed. Braxton was much more likely to step on bare floor, or even the chain than into the bear trap. Also, the trap would have been easily seen. The MC had no way of knowing the room would be dark. Also, the cameras would likely have filmed him setting the trap and placing it. Also it is unlikely to have been set by a women, rather a man. The husband, who should have been the chief suspect.

The PA becomes CEO? Give me a break. These are just a few of the improbabilities in this unlikely story. Three stars. Could have been two.

ONCE AGAIN, Buster gives it 10 Big Blazing Stars. I have never seen him give fewer.

JPB

There was a little more to Martin than they thought. He burned them both with the same trap.

I loved the story. The ending was spectacular!

Awesome story! You can feel the attitude of a confident, self righteous bitch going down the rabbit hole.

dumb

Great idea, nicely done.

Nice 5*****