All Comments on 'The One'

I enjoyed reading your story. Thankyou for sharing.

two lifes back in harmony, but there will be some legal battles to pursue. TK U MLJ LV NV

Enjoyed this very much , looking forward to more from you .

Years of life wasted on scum.

Nice & Neat.

A bit obvious but a good yarn

5*

I didn't foresee the bit about his wife's lover being her hubby.

while Roger was getting a busted nose? What was she saying to Alan in the midst of the fray? You focus on Leslie for the big reveal, but leave the confrontation dangling. I suppose that it is ok that Leslie destroys the laptop with Alan's evidence on it, (the PI's were monitering?), but it hardly seems like the time to be talking about fishsticks, as there MUST have been more pressing things to attend to. Meanwhile, was Alan there JUST to punch out Roger, or was he there to see Natalie served? So then was she? Did the hotel security get involved?

I really liked the story, and it seemed so terribly "English", in a way us Americans find curious, and entertaining, but still "Foreign". However, cultural innuendo aside, It seemed that this abrupt ending will just not be satisfying regardless, as it leaves way too many questions, with no real resolution.

No way does this need another chapter, but just a rewrite of the confrontation, and perhaps one or two more paragraphs of explanation and/or narration to tie up some loose ends. It is sad how much this ending will hurt an otherwise noteworthy effort from you. Should have been a solid 4, but instead it is really just a 2 star. However, I'll average it out to a 3, and remind you to keep at it, and I'll hope you work through the next one more thoroughly. Thanks!

Saw the the woman as the arseholes wife almost from the time she turned up but that comes from reading too many LW stories. I almost expected to find that he had unknowingly left her pregnant and that her daughter was his. Still it was a nice story well told. Thank you

New keys inserted in new locks. Alan2014 prepares to repair with Lesley-lite. From wallowing in pathos to slapstick, kitschy conclusion. Ubercute. Full marks. Wonder if Lesley can still pop out a kid or two ?

I thought I'd wandered into an episode of the Bold and the Beautiful.

I read the whole story because I so enjoyed your last one. I started to bail midway of page 1 but stuck it out the whole story was standard fare otherwise. Now as to the UK courts unless I misremember your hero is guilty of Greiveous Bodily Harm for the punch so I do not think he will be with Mother that long. 3*

Predictable, yes, but a good story...Very good...

I liked it

The flash backs were handled very well.

But the coincidences! Wow. They...stretch things, a bit.:)

But otherwise, great.

An error here and there but nothing that really distracted from the overall tale of woe. While it didn't surprise me that Leslie's husband was the lover, it did surprise me that Lesley went off with Alan. Their reunion didn't go off very well and I would think the shock of their discovery would have put them off one another even more. Since you don't give any indication that there will be a second chapter, I will say that this is unfinished in my opinion. Maybe they get together, maybe they don't. A lot of hard feelings pretty close to the surface to make that assumption. And what about his divorce? I'm sure his wife will want to punish him as much as possible so he's about to lose his kids once the DNA evidence shows he isn't their biological Father. Many, many questions to be answered. I have a strong dislike for unfinished stories. This one included.

Was this story predictable? Aren't they all?

I thoroughly enjoyed this, but I do have a couple suggestions and one misgiving.

First, I would have loved to have heard a little more about our hero's suffering through his three weeks of discovery about his wife's long-term infidelity; let's remember a marriage that produced three children couldn't have been all bad.

Then there's his discovery and acceptance of the DNA results, and I would have loved to have heard a little more about his take on the 'arsehole'; these would have been stunning, heart wrenching, discoveries.

Third, I desperately wanted to hear the miscreant wife's denials and pleadings as his solicitor dropped the paperwork on her. I would have enjoyed her "how could you's", "it was a mistake", "it was just this one time", while he merely announced "I know everything", Then it would have been priceless to hear her last plea for clemency and forgiveness followed by his signal "drop dead darling".

Then last I wished you'd fleshed out his and Leslie's arm in arm, and her reclamation of her long-standing love.

Alas, I have one legitimate complaint. Our hero and his true love had been separated for twenty years; that would have been way too long. I'd have gone with twelve, and I would have included an occasional crossing of their paths; she saw him once at a gala, he saw her picture in the news. You see twenty years was way too long; the great love they once had would have turned to cold ashes, but just twelve, with an occasional warm breath to keep the embers alive would have been great.

Of course, most LWs are off the cuff so we get done in a hurry, and we forget to stop and reflect on how they could be improved. Still, this was a really good little tale; well worth reading and well worth a five.

I'm glad I read it. Thanks for putting it up.

Well thought out and well written,

5

Alan and Natalie as he tells her not to come home because she wouldn't get in, and would be served with divorce papers before the day was out.

I can tell you are a writer as you go into a world of descriptions and subplots between the dialogue.

The "British-isms" slowed me down trying to figure out what they were. I still don't know what a P45 is. But I like these stories where the cheating wife gets her just desserts in the end. 4 *'s

I gave you a 5 , but we could have used more detail, about the cheating wife and lover being told her shit was moved out and the locks changed . Where were the divorce papers, you left a few thing out at the end.

I like reading your story . Grabs my attention and invests me, emotionally with the protagonist. 3*s and I look forward to the next story.

Two small criticisms; how could they afford a house back in their early twenties as the job situation is described?? and what is a P- 45 ??

We in the states want to know.

AMerryMan

His incredibly hot ex girlfriend shows up and gets angry at him for an event that happened 20 years earlier?

Seriously? THAT was the best you could come up with? And the speed at which he managed to disappear was breathtaking in its entirety. After all, in the space of 24 hours, he manages to quit his job, empty his bank accounts, pack his crap, load his car, say his goodbyes and is never heard from again but 20 years later, she finds him and proceeds to ream him out for dumping her 20! Fucking! Years! After the event! Why not have Bill Gates show up and give him 10 billion dollars for solving the pesky software issue while your at it? Maybe he can solve the Middle East crisis as well? Because that's how believable this bullshit story you just crapped out is.

like the ending. Is the daughter his? Seems like the math is right, but not clear.

This is a finished story, there is no Chapter 2.

What happened to the cheating slut Natalie? Don't care. I left her on her knees attending to her long-time lover. She can crawl away and die somewhere for all I care. I tried to give the impression that she is a driven career woman who wanted children with her already-married lover and took on our Alan to take on the mother role.

In the UK there are no divorce papers to serve by an officer of the Court, like a Writ. It is all rather civilised here. The Petitioner files a Divorce Petition with the Courts and the Court sends a letter out by Royal Mail to the marriage partner who can defend, appear, ignore, or counter claim. The Court grinds on even if one of the parties fails to participate. Usually disputes are only regarding the financial settlements. The Court eventually grants a Decree Nisi which separates the marriage partners, and either party can then apply for a Degree Absolute which completely ends the marriage, enabling either party to consider second bites or remain shy.

The children are 'naturally' Roger and Natalie's, and they may well apply for their children back and Alan would not have a case. A sad fact that applies either side of the pond. However, Alan is the legally registered father, and has automatic rights to the children unless Roger sues for custody using DNA, but being a selfish cheating bastard, would he be bothered?

A P45 is a form the Inland Revenue (to you: the taxman "IRS") sends to a worker who has left his previous job. He is supposed to hand it to his next employer to smooth the transition of his tax payment. Without one it merely means he would pay an emergency level of tax until the IR are satisfied as to his correct tax code. Then he is rebated any excess tax paid.

No, Belinda is not Alan's child. Even for my convoluted plot, that would have been a coincidence too far.

The essence of the story is about true love (sorry to introduce such an ideal into LW, but I am an incurable romantic), so for Alan and Leslie, time notwithstanding, true love simply scoffs at the passage of 20 years. Did I mention I have been married for 38 years? However, if I keep writing these stories....

Carvohi did you read the story?

"First, I would have loved to have heard a little more about our hero's suffering through his three weeks of discovery about his wife's long-term infidelity; let's remember a marriage that produced three children couldn't have been all bad. "

They were not his kids. His marriage didn't produce any children - her affair did

he is a true moron

The twist at the end was very satisfying and smile-inducing. Well written, nice transition from self-pity to determination to action, and I liked that he was determined not to let anyone step all over him any more.

I do have one issue that came up in reading some of the comments: I don't believe that Goldfinger really painted that woman with gold paint and killed her; as a matter of fact, it seems to be that all of the Bond saga was fiction, not real life. What were we talking about? Oh, yeah, the difference between accurate history and story telling, right. Yes, I like story telling and little begrudge the author his plot devices. Thanks for the great little story.

let me see if i have this right.... Alan gets fucking crushed on the day he proposes marriage to lesley. She doesnt say no. ... She says no i dont love you and i want to date (fuck) other men.

So OF COURSE Alan falls apart for YEARS...what else is news? BUT even worse when Alan finally tries to reconnect he is trapped in a marriage of lies deciet and betrayal to a horrible woman.

BUT that only happened because of lesley's actions to begin with. So why the FUCK would alan try and rebuild a relationship with the woman who caused alll this to happen in the first place..?

Thanks for the offering.

Good his wife's lover was his great old flame's husband! Good 5***** twist at the end.

If they reboilded the old love the story could have been a good revenge story.

I had a feeling about the who? But, this was one that gave me a good belly laugh! I just have to get use to the queen's English...i.e., knickers, knackers, sausages,bollocks!

You left out a lot in closure and the dramatic ending . So we want to know what happens next. How was she served and did he tell her she is locked out. He still has to go to court for the kids and does he renew his old flame.

You are a real jerk

With moments of clarifying subtext. Not a story. Well done.

Great story with a terrific ending. Thanks.

it drug for a bit in the beginning and the middle but that was one heck of an ending.

I wondered if "the one" might not be slut wife's lover. And they lived happily ever after. I liked the story.

But still a fun read. It could have been more substantive to learn what motivated the cheaters. You had him start out as a bit of a loser, but Lesley was a stunner. So why would her husband cheat? And the whole illegitimate children thing would really bear explaining. One child, maybe, but all three? Obviously calculated. How could an intelligent caring man end up with such a heartless selfish shallow bitch? Just asking.

A good humorous story which start off with the sad, loser, middle age husband.

The story does need some explaining of the situations with the plot.

If Lesley's husband was so dashing, husband, tall, amd gorgeous. Why was he cheating. As this would have been a 8 or so years into his marriage with Lesley. Who is also a gorgeous, red hair, stunning woman. They had their own children so why did he father another 3 with a lesser woman, unless his lover deliberately got pregnant by him !

Surely Roger must have know he was the father of 3 other children !

Why did the lovers start the affair in the first place ?

Why did Alan's wife want to cheat in the first place ! ?

How did Alan stumble on to his wife affair ?

don't get it

If I was you I would stop reading and go back to watching reality TV as this was plain and simple for all to see.

Good story.

FUNNY IN A WAY WHEN MR CHEATER WAS HER HUSBAND. SO WHAT HAPPENED?? DO YOU HAVE A SEQUEL ABOUT THE TWO LONG LOST LOVERS AS WE CAN SEE NEITHER MARRIED WELL.

RON TEXAS

Pretty different. Keep up the good work!

More writing from you required

What an exquisite coincidence. That the cheating cunt screws the prick asshole husband of an old lover and all are there at the same place at the same time. Totally preposterous tale but an excellent way to reconnect with the one while losing the dud. On both sides.

Five BIG stars

I got an anonymous email from some asshole, oops arsehole, who said I was stupid because the kids weren't biologically his. I didn't get it. The kids never did anything wrong. It was still a good story.

I like it.

pushed out and by the next new #1. TK U MLJ LV NV

They were wronged and then they righted.

:-)

if she had seen what he had been watching on his computer screen. It would have helped her when her soon to be ex husband used that old classic line, "it's not what it looks like".

Interesting that Lesley turns down his proposal so she can get more “experience”, then marries the very next guy?

@carvohi, re:” let's remember a marriage that produced three children couldn't have been all bad. “

Um, since they weren’t REALLY products of the marriage I don’t think we can use them to judge the marriage!

Thanks for the entertainment. That was a good little surprise.Mike from Texas

This is a much better story than the last two I read. The end makes sense and is a reasonable conclusion. You seem to like male characters that are a bit insecure about themselves.

to help you offset assholes like annnony!

and when its time for addition, the more the merrier. TK U MLJ LV NV

5 Stars

a bit unlikely as hell, but possible. the rest of the story speaks for itself. very nice

The connection with boss that pre-dated their marriage, the three children the same "other man" and the refusal of a down on his knee proposal and "some other" things give a powerful hold on the reader. Thanks.

I think my problem is I can hold a grudge... BIG time...

So having her dump him - and what else could anyone consider that as being? - and him spending 20ish years during which he feels that's what happened would seem almost insurmountable... and it didn't seem like anything Lesley was saying should have improved that - I met someone who's great and an awesome lover (seeming to imply much better than he was) and wealthy and handsome etc etc etc - and each of those things should have crushed him more... and yet somehow just her hitting someone with his laptop (without him even knowing why at the time) seems to have turned all of that around...

So I guess I have to just like it without being able to make the connection...

Thanks for sharing.

Well written, but since stupid ass me didn't see that punch end (rabbit ears!) coming, I had to give it a 5 star rating and I don't give those out like candy!

Though the ending was a little abrupt. Good character development, pleasant encounter and plot.

Thank you for the enjoyable read.

Please keep writing.

thank you again

While I do understand it, the ending was rather abrupt.

More concerning was the extraordinary turn about. I think of all the details that cause me to stumble in looking at them as a future couple is how she rubbed how great of a lover her husband is in his face. Embarrassed after or not, that's not something you say to your ex - especially given how she had just admitted that she realized she'd fucked his life up royally - without at least a bit of malice aforethought.

Such malice indicates a pettiness that brought me to a stop, and I never quite got the flow going again.

Excellent writing, thanks for the story.

Some might consider this story too good to be true. Still loved it though!

once she shows the kids aren't his, he's out of the fucking picture. No court will even give him visitation right is she doesn't agree. Also why keep claiming what isn't yours.

Well, the ending is supposed to be abrupt, being a big surprise reveal.... and so the justification for the new relationship had to be a bit light.

About GBH - both the male and female leads are guilty - perhaps they can share their cell?

A bit overwrought in the emoting, but then again since this is supposed to be about True Love, it comes with the territory.

Still, I worry about the long term fate of a relationship where "too good for me" is an element.

Green-something

what a pile of shit. just another wimpy, pathetic, brit cuck author. crawl back into your hole, please.

Nuf.

Not Nuf.

I enjoyed it. The ending caught me by surprise because I got so wrapped up in the excellent dialogue. I suppose the Anon's have a problem reading the Queen's English but I find it to be refreshing and Spencer has an great voice. Please continue.

i m not gonna comment on anything legal because i dont know shit about laws in england. so who knows he could get away with assault. as far as his ex girlfriend being married to the asshole who has been fucking his wife for years this was a little bit much. what didnt he ever meet his wife's boss. speaking of his ex girlfriend. if i got down on my knee and proposed and got the "i need to date others " bullshit i wouldnt ever talk to that bitch ever. fuck 20 years if i lived another 100 she would be dead to me.

Do Brits really drop 10% of the normal words when speaking?

stories like this one always get me thinking

Surely in todays society with all the whistles & bells of technology

it is long past time , that a DNA test of the father was required for the registry of births & for the birth certificate of ALL children.

...

ok this would not be viable in 3rd world / developing countries ..but for wealthy developed countries legislation for paternal DNA / birth registry should be mandatory

..... whom I hate to love.

Five years under the same roof as a couple is as good as being married & yet she had doubts. And I have mine, regarding her. The 'worm in the mind ' almost always dies hard. So even if they had reconciled & married, chances are, she may have slipped , sooner or later.

He escaped one betrayal & fell into a worst. It seems, being a cuckold was written in his stars.

So, even though the writing was good, I could not enjoy the story. Maybe it's my prejudice towards people like Leslie. The emotional imbeciles.

I wish Lesley would have punch scratch and the eye out of Alan's wife..

That would b a but of revenge for both of them.

But it seems very few writer here get it right.

2*

One realizes this is supposed to be a breezy bit of entertainment. But this guy is such a fag it's hard to have any sympathy for him - patience and sympathy are killed off pretty quick.

The snappy, clipped reparté is so bloody cloying! I realize some of that is an English thing, but it really goes overboard - especially with his breathless, ranting inner dialogue. For chrissakes, stfu for once! Switch out the coffee and the Queen's tea for some chamomile.

To begin with, the guy was a first class pussy to put up with a cheating wife do that long. And the first girlfriend being so unsure after being together for 5 years was just pathetic. And let's not forget about the 2 cheating spouses. There wasn't anyone in this entire story worth spit. To top it all off, this story jumped around so much and was very difficult to follow. Didn't like this story very much.

Amusing dialogue and fascinating back story. I have to admit that I felt right there with them during the confrontation. The sad part of this one is that Roger is the clear winner in the genetic struggle 4 x 0.

I hate when the hero becomes an evolutionary dead end. The scumbags drop their DNA all over the place!

I was expecting something like the ending about halfway through. Still, a good read. Thanks for writing and sharing this.

Hey, ranters, it's fiction! Don't get your knickers in a twist.

still have to go around till they reach the ground, TK U MLJ LV NV

But unsatisfying.

Left a bad taste in my mouth.

another faggoty brit cuck.

It's hard to imagine his feelings when he discovered the long term affair.

At the confrontation I kept expecting the Solicitor to serve the papers.

Contrived and predictable, not really a story, more like a single scene from one.

fun little story 5 *

Definitely liked his one..especially the twist at the end!!!!

...was it really necessary for Lesley to gush about what an amazing lover the man she replaced him with is? That seemed needlessly cruel, under the circumstances.

to protect themselves and the ones they truly care about, TK U MLJ LV NV

another creampie-eating brit cuck.

Predictable, contrived, but really a long term affair is bad enough and then to add that ALL 3 kids are not his(bad odds for him). On top of the affair he is a 48 year old with no career and who could never get published. This guy is a sad sack of crap. Kinda sours you on the future.

Why do so many of your writers make your protagonist sound like such wimps???

....And the story isn't finished!

There is no doubt in my mind that Alan has always been "The One" for Lesley. It was unfortunate that Lesley was still narked that Alan hadn't proposed on their anniversary - deciding to play one of those mind games as girls tend to do and it backed fired as Alan abruptly took off. The story ended with Lesley aiming to get her feet back under Mum's table. If that's not re-staking her claim on Alan I don't know what is. Still not convinced? Then read the last paragraph of the story very carefully noting the very last word.

There have been comments about assault and even stating them being guilty for GBH. Police in the UK have discretionary powers and are unlikely to arrest anyone for common assault unless the assaulted person brings charges. They would not be charged with GBH (a very serious charge) unless someone was hospitalised - and they would not be guilty unless found so at trial. In this case the situation was nothing that the hotel couldn't handle and to avoid bad publicity the police are unlikely to have been called. Given Rogers situation it is hardly in his own interests to bring charges and be exposed to detailed publicity of his affair.

As for loss of evidence. Alan was using his laptop in the open so there had to be a wireless link making it reasonable to assume the tryst was being recorded separately by his PI.

As far as the children are concerned - their birth registration gives him as being their father and he had brought them up as his own. He is their primary career and has been for ten years. As such he is in an extremely strong position to retain custody regardless of DNA. If he so wished. Custody is generally awarded according to the child's best interests and it is Alan they run and cling to if they feel threatened in any way.

Yes, I knew pretty quickly that Lesley's husband was the one cuckolding Alan.

I mean, it was so obviously, it almost ruined the story.

Thanks God for that last act, where Alan and Lesley tag-teamed on fuckface, even though the whole confrontation could have been written better (are we seriously expected to believe Nathalie didn't say a word while Roger was getting knocked out, then watching two persons who, as far as she knows, didn't know each - her husband and her lover's wife - walked out hand-in-hand, making plans for the future? Yep, that's pretty ridiculous, yet that's how Spencer saw it going down, for some reason...)

Kinda tired of reading about those clueless cuckolds who realize way too late they married women who have complete contempt towards them - fuck, I know how deceitful chicks can be, but to so blindly believe their undying love of a woman who so obviously didn't really fell this way (hell, even Alan knew Nathalie didn't care for him at all!)...

Well, at least he got his balls AND the girl he should have married back... took him 20 years to wise up, but he eventually got there!

(By the way, what's up with Alan's mom? You would think she would have been smart enough to try to be a peacemaker when he walked out on Lesley. I've seen mothers go WAY ABOVE what was acceptable in LW stories, when it came to reunite a cheating wife with their son... but not this one! Anyway...)

I could gess, but it was a good read.

5

Funny.

Very nice twist. Thank you.